Be a Gator

"Being brave isn't the same as not feeling scared. Being brave is about what you do even when you do feel scared."

— Gator, Tale of the Brave 

Yes.  That is a Thomas the Tank Engine character.  I started praying with my son, Josiah (3), at night.  Often times I will ask him who or what we should pray for.  A few nights ago he said we should pray for Gator.  

Who's Gator?  He's a train from the latest Thomas movie, Tale of the Brave. Gator has overcome some fears in his days as an engine.  Although he still has a slight fear of heights. But Gator is able to teach Percy how to handle fear and to be brave.  In turn it helps many other engines overcome some fears. 

So, back to the prayer.  I felt like I needed to pray for more than just Gator and scrap yard crane.  So I began to pray for the kids at the orphanages we visit.  Many of them struggle with fears and hurts of their own.  It's sometimes hard for us to see them, they are so happy when we are there.  But the reality of the situation strikes.  And I realize they need Gators.  So they can be Gators.  We can be their Gators.  So I began to pray that more and more people become Gators in the lives of children (and adults) that need them.  To help teach that being brave isn't about not being scared, but moving forward in spite of the fears and hurts.  

Be a Gator, and don't afraid to need a Gator. 

Boxed in on the Run

Get out of your box.  Free yourself.       

      Something I enjoy about trail running and running in general are the mental lessons.  Listening to your body instead of your mind.  I'll never forget the summer I started running.  It was 2012.  I started at 2 miles.  That was FAR.  I remember deciding to keep running.  I never liked running.  It sucked.  Most people think running sucks.  Because you're doing it wrong.  Most likely.  It's in your mind.  Free your mind, free your body.  I remember when I went from 2 miles to 4 miles.  Something really clicked when I hit 5.  Then I began to wonder just how far I could go.  Then 6 miles came and went. Onto 8, then 10.  Then came my first half marathon in September.  But the day before I ran my fastest 5k in 24:30.  Then I ran my first half marathon in a little over 2 hours.  But that wasn't the end of it.  Why stop there?  Why not go for a marathon?  Because we could go 5 more miles and say we ran and ULTRA Marathon!  Right Chris?  Sounded fantastic.  So I signed up for my first 50k, just months after I started running.  Didn't train worth a lick, ran a long run of 16 miles about a month prior.  This wasn't the greatest decision.  But I finished my first 50k on the trails in Allison Park in Pittsburgh in just about 8 hours.  It was the best worst day of my life.  And I was hooked.  I signed up for another 50k in April of the following year only to finish the 15k due to a knee injury.  And then my running slowed.  Until this year when I felt I needed to ramp things up and run 77 miles this September for my 33rd birthday.

    ANYWAY, I wasn't expecting to give you the recap of my running history.  But here's what you need to know.  Around a mile, assuming you have no other physical limitation you'll think you are going to die.  You won't (although I can't guarantee that, I don't know your personal health).   But if you push a little further, you'll learn that things don't get much worse.  They don't get that much better either though.  But you can continue, that's the important part.  If you are ready to quit at 2 miles, you can go 4.  At the end of 4, you will be ready to be done.  But the important thing is that you proved that most of the work to continue lies in your mind.  Your body can handle it.
  
     How often to we have a predetermined mindset on the parameters in which God can work?  Pretty often if you ask me.  If you let your mind go, and let God work, He can do infinitely greater things then we ever thought possible.   Paul tells us this in the book of Ephesians.  That even the LOVE of Christ surpasses knowledge.  So even if you think you know how deep the Fathers love is, it's deeper.  So deep we'll never be able to fully comprehend the depths.

    Let go of the framework that you've put God in.  Just let it go.  Any comparison we have that shows the love doesn't compare.  When we begin to think what God would do, or how God would work, or what is sin and what isn't sin, just let it go.  Our minds don't work that way.  But you know what we can do?  LOVE.   Cast aside judgements.  Cast aside preconceived notions.  Cast aside your need to be right.  And just LOVE.  Love Never Fails.

77

For more information and updates on 77, go here.

       Where to begin.....?  I guess I'll just go.  That's where great things usually spring forth.  Just taking the first step.   Those were some of the thoughts I had when my friend Matt Reichard asked me about two and half years ago to come to Haiti and do some photography for the ministry.  Playing with small children wasn't really my thing and I'm pretty sure Matt knew that.  But at the time he knew I enjoyed photography.  I didn't know it on that trip, but those children in Haiti would soon save my life.  And I would soon come to enjoy playing with little Haitian children. :-)   After my first trip I continued to go back several times, with my eighth trip scheduled for this December.  Every time I go, it's tough to leave.  But it gets a bit easier to say see you later because they know I'll be back.  But in the meantime there is plenty of work to be done stateside to help.  From getting sponsors for the children, raising funds for medical needs and making sure their housing, education and basic care is taken care of.  As well as connecting all of you to them.   One of the ways we do that is fundraisers and events to help spread awareness of the tangible ways you can help.  But remember, our job isn't to "save"  all of Haiti.  It's to be responsible for "77" little (and some that aren't so young anymore) children and invest in their lives in hopes that they make Haiti a better place in the future.

       Well, a month before my first trip to Haiti I ran my first ultra marathon.  32 miles according to my gps.  31 according to the race flyer.   It was one of the best worst things I've ever done.  And it planted an ultra running bug.  Part of a select few crazy enough to go beyond the 26.2 mile marathon and venture into the limitless beyond of what you are capable of.  I was going to try to use that race for a fundraiser, but my heart wasn't involved yet.  Guess what?  It is now.  Ultra's have been calling to me in my sleep (they know I'd pay more attention if I'm not 100% together) and I answered.  But by no mistake.  Let me explain.  Sorry if it seems sappy to you, it most certainly isn't  to me.   I lose myself on the trails.  I missed that.  I haven't been able to do that since my last ultra.  The thought entered my mind this past week in Haiti about running another 50k.  But I must have mistook the k for an m.  I decided that a 50 miler was in my future.  As I was driving home one afternoon last week, a thought popped in my head to run a 50 for my birthday on September 19.  But not just any 50, one that passes through my home town and on the Appalachian Trail.  One that starts down south and finishes at the bubble in boiling springs.  I could include anyone that wanted to join me for the whole thing, or anyone that wanted to run sections.  Then we could have a big party at my house for my 33rd birthday.   But that thought was fleeting.  I thought for sure it couldn't happen, lots of time devoted to training, school, kids, work etc.  And what are the odds that my birthday is on a saturday? Apparently pretty good.  It is.   And I thought why your 33rd birthday?  Well, that's the age Jesus died when he handed over his ministry to us.  So there.  It was pretty much undeniable at that point what I need to do.

     Up until a few hours ago, the 50 miler seemed easy peasy to me.  I was ready to go tomorrow.  In my mind at least.I've always set somewhat attainable goals for myself, just so I could complete them.  I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that with enough time training, I could handle a 50.   But then I got word from Haiti that one of the children I visited last week had died.  It was then I knew that I needed to venture beyond the feasible.  We have 77 kids to care for.  What better way to celebrate their lives then run a mile for each one of them?   I know, Right?  (*updated August 1st, due to an injury holding up training it will actually remain 50 miles or 77K) But I can't do it myself.  And that's why I need you all.  At this point the details are vague.  Other than that it will finish on my birthday September 19 2015.  I will need so much help, something I rarely ask for.  Mainly the days of the run.  I need a crew.  I'll need runners.  As far as raising money,  I'd like to raise enough money so all the kids have some sort of emergency fund.  I'd like to raise in the very least $5000 dollars.  I'll need more encouragement that I ever have.  But really, this isn't about me.  But those kids stretch themselves every single day to survive.  I want to stretch myself too.

      There you have it.  I've said it outloud.  No going back now.  If you already have some way in mind in which you'd like to help, please don't hesitate to let me know.  If you know of anyone that's run an ultra marathon before, at least 75 miles, please send them my way.

      A little about what the money is going to, it's a for a Medical Emergency Fund.  A fund that the staff of FGO can draw on in the event one of the kids breaks an arm, needs stitches, gets malaria or even needs glasses.  Needed glasses is an emergency in Haiti.  If you can't see, you can't learn.  If you can't learn, you can't get a job.  If you can't get a job, the outlook is bleak.  I'll spare you the ugly details.   Even when a child gets diarrhea,  it can lead to death.   You can make a contribution at  this go fund me account. Thank you so much for your support! 

If you read any other blog here, read this one to.

It's been awhile since I've re read all the blog posts on here.  I don't plan too.  I'll just trust that you read this one as well as any others.  Many of those I may not agree with my own words, but they were always in my mind to help wrestle with whatever topic I was writing about. 

Here's the one constant.  I will always love my Father.  My God.  My Jesus. He has been the only constant throughout my entire life.  though sometimes i could not feel His presence.

I've also learned that no matter what anyone told me, I always had to find the Truth on my own.  In fact, sometimes, those that tried to bring me back to Christ only pushed me further.  They were only trying to be right.   There are those that let me run, wander and eventually be lost that chose to be rich.  And rich they were.  Because here we are now.  In this moment.  I am at the end of myself. A new creation sprouts forth. 

So I'm asking, would you rather be rich?  Or right?  Me,  I'd rather be rich.  I don't want anyone to miss out on the richness of the Love of God.  That won't ever happen if I have to be right. 

there i was wandering in the desert
stuck in a cataclysm of pain, fear, regret
chasing a mirage of water and light
finding broken hearts and bloody knuckles
seeking, searching, hoping i was right
praying from the depths i was wrong
despite the image of a lie, i must press on
i will prevail
though my destination is foreign, my journey is set
there remains a truth in my heart that i can't deny
15 years in the wilderness, climbing clouds to the unknown
then my hand hit a rock, the healer, the throne 

My thoughts on Cops and Bubbles

 When you read this, please know I am a fan of Police.  I am grateful for the service they do.  But this is my honest reflection on how I was treated last night doing absolutely NOTHING wrong. 


I need to vent a bit about my experience with the two PA State Police officers that encountered us last night.  Let me set the scene.  For 31 days we've been jumping in the bubble every day at all different times.  Many times we had an audience, sometimes we didn't.  Sometimes it was midnight, sometimes 8 pm, all random.  We are doing nothing wrong or illegal.  In fact, because of the awareness, close to 3,000 dollars was raised for IJM and other causes.  So VERY GOOD THINGS were being done. 

SO, as we walked back to the car there sits the officers with lights on.  Their reason for being there as they said was to check on us because the 4 way flashers were on and they wanted to make sure we were ok.  REALLY?  Then why was the license plate number run?  Why were our names and addresses taken?  Why were we force to stay there for nearly 20 minutes soaking wet and in the cold?  I asked multiple times if we did anything wrong always received a NO.  So then I asked if I could leave because I was cold.  They said no.  We have to finish.  FINISH WHAT?   I asked again if I could leave, again, no.  Until they finished gathering information and questioning.  I asked if I was required to give them my name and information.  They said yes.  So I did.  After further research, they had no right to keep me there or take any information.  THIS IS WHY I THINK MANY POLICE GET A BAD REPUTATION. I would think that after about a minute, trained officers should be able to tell if 3 adult males appeared to be intoxicated and/or doing anything illegal.  Seriously, why would we do that 10 yards from a main road with 4 ways on and flashlights?  semi crazy to be swimming in 52 degree water, yes.  But not illegal.

You know what would have been nice?  A simple Merry Christmas, we just wanted to make sure you were ok.  We saw the four ways on and wanted to offer assistance.  But since everyone is ok and you aren't doing anything wrong or illegal, you fellas have a great night and Merry Christmas!   And we would reply, (we did anyway), You too!  Thanks for stopping and checking!  Thanks for taking time away from your family to do the difficult job you do. 

Now, don't go getting all mad at me.  I think the majority of police do a great job.  And I appreciate the fact they stopped.  But 20 minutes?  C'mon.  What for?  To Protect and Serve or Harass and Intimidate? 

I am posting this to help, honestly.  Police Officers have a very difficult job.  This is my constructive criticism to help.  Without positive feedback, nothing changes.   Trust me, I want to help change societies perspective on police. But in situations like last night, a little help on their end would be great too. 

Sometimes it's Better to Keep

   PRE SCRIPT.  I'm not happy with this blog.  Feel free to stop after this first paragraph that I copied and pasted from the end.  :-)    So what's the point?  Don't try to randomly help people and walk away.  I encourage you, if you feel for someone.  Take some time out of your busy day that's not really that busy and talk to them.  If you can't take 5 minutes to talk to someone, keep on moving.  Maybe  10% of the time you'll win and someone will be forever in your debt for the 20$ you just gave them.  But lets be real, in today's world, 20$ won't go far at all.   People need people before they need money.  MONEY is not a SAVIOR.  It's people, it's relationships, it's time.  LOVE is the SAVIOR. 



   I remember a time I was at a church and a young girl was doing a shoe collection for children in Africa (or somewhere).  I was moved by the effort and removed my shoes, my favorite shoes at the time, and let them at the altar.  I felt so good walking out of that building without any shoes on.  Knowing that there will be some guy in Africa with a newish pair of size 12 Skechers Shape ups.

   It wasn't until about two years ago I was traveling to Haiti that I learned that mass shoe donations like that often hurt more than they help.  I'm not saying the above story was one of those, but there are many that do.  Think about it.  When massive amounts of shoes (or anything) are donated and randomly distributed, what does that mean for the local shoe sales person?  And there are many shops and stands that only sell shoes.  Well, free shoes means less business and a shortage of shoe sales.  This hurts that family, it also hurts the others that that family does business with.  I'm no expert, at all, but wouldn't it be better to make sure the shoe shop gets the shoes?  Sure, they make an extra dose of money having to not pay for inventory, but it allows them to spend more at the shops around them for the things they need.

   Another example.  I've also seen many stick built homes there.  Many were in a state of disrepair or abandoned.  Usually this is because missions groups come down, build a few homes and leave. Nobody bothers to teach the local people how to use this new material called wood.  Concrete is king.  There are some instance where building with wood is fine, as long as attention is given to those that will be left in the care of the building to teach how to repair and upkeep.  As well as making sure that there is plenty of wood accessible in the event that repairs are needed.

  Another one I experience just yesterday.  We were packing for our upcoming trip to Haiti.  We work with three different  orphanages and take the majority of the responsibility for the children in them.  We are also and fostering a great relationship with another orphanage and helping when we can.  When we travel, we can only bring one, 50 lb bag per traveler, excluding small children.  These bags are designated to supplies and basic needs like toilet paper, medicine, school supplies, clothes and other necessities and if we have room toys and games.  These are all things that we supply to the orphanages that they don't regularly buy anywhere else.  Well, there were all sorts of things donated, large boxed toys, clothes that were less than wearable, stained, ripped, holy (not that kind), and several large cowboy hats (that would be nice for your church sunday school class for dress up, but the do not pack well).    Sometimes it seems as though people give their leftovers to these kids.  They deserve better then your leftovers. 

   Having said that, I know everyone here means well. I know that those that give truly believe they are helping.  I am not writing this out of frustration, but I realize that if no one ever says anything nothing is learned.  I do believe many of the above are innocent and that many only think of the look of joy on the recipients faces at the moment of reception.  But fail to see past the work that it takes to get the supplies there, what are they actually going to do with it, and can it be sustained once we leave.  It is much deeper than just giving and walking away. 

   Now, I'll give you some examples of how this looks on the homefront.  How about all those that you see along the street with signs that say homeless and hungry?  Do you just give them money or food and keep going?  How do you know you are helping them? 

   I often think that people truly desire to want to help, but don't want to take the time and actually do what it takes to make sure someone gets help.  Helping someone in need could take years.  It's hard to know what someone needs or what could help by only seeing someone or reading their sign.  In fact, you could even be hurting them. 

   Example.  A personal one.  I was on the receiving end.  And it sucked.  I've been in battle lately with christianity.  with the church and many that call themselves christians. This holier than thou attitude that some seem to have.  That they know whats best for you and this is what you need.   I believe now (and I will try to be kind to who I once was) that this is total bullshit.  And before you get mad at me for saying that, Paul used words in the bible very similar.    People come up to you and hand you a tract, or leave a note on the receipt saying Jesus loves you with a 3 dollar tip.  Or better yet, the fake $100 bill tract.    There are many examples about this toxic charity.  Jesus called us to be disciples.  Not go around shotgunning where we think help is needed.  I have no idea why people do this.  Whatever happened to getting to know them, caring for them and perhaps rarely talking about Jesus at all.  Do you care more about your agenda, or about the person(s) you are trying to help?  Anyway, these are some of my struggles.  
   I was at cafe 101 on thursday morning.  Visibly in the middle of a mental battle.  I was talking to my wife on the phone about different things.  I may have mentioned some things about belief and disbelief of Santa,  what Jesus would do in todays world, the role of the church today etc.  Visibly frustrated though.  A little while later, a gentleman came up as he was leaving and then proceeded with the most awkward exchange ever.  He was bumbling with his ipad saying things about it mixed with I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.  Then he threw a card on the table, with a bible verse and address of his church on it.  I knew at that point exactly what he was doing, but was clueless at the same time and he picked the wrong time to try to do it.  I was so confused by this man talking about his ipad and overhearing my conversation, I had no idea what he was actually offering.  As he was leaving he said at least you'll get a free lunch, I assumed the card was an invite to a lunch at his church.  So I said "there's no such thing as a free lunch".  And that's when he said the gift card was for me, and left.  HE JUST SPENT $20 ON ME AND HAS NO IDEA WHO I AM OR WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH.  I didn't ask for that, I certainly don't need it and it actually made my view of how christians try to do "charity" worse!!!!

    Granted, I know he meant well.  I know he probably sat over there trying to get the courage to even approach me.  But dang did it ever piss  me off.  Not exactly what he did, but that some think this kind of giving is even acceptable and maybe even taught in some churches.  It's absolutely pathetic.  Jesus did that, and do you know why he could?  BECAUSE HE'S GOD.  Perhaps if this man really wanted to make a difference, he should have offered an invite to join me for coffee sometime.  Or take a few minutes and ask about what he eavesdropped.  I'd have gladly told him.  But no, here, have a bible verse and gift card, it will be ok.  I gave it back to cafe 101 and told them to wish some people merry christmas with it.  They know their customers and who might be able to use a free coffee or two.   Perhaps this method works for some people.    

     So what's the point?  Don't try to randomly help people and walk away.  I encourage you, if you feel for someone.  Take some time out of your busy day that's not really that busy and talk to them.  If you can't take 5 minutes to talk to someone, keep on moving.  Maybe  10% of the time you'll win and someone will be forever in your debt for the 20$ you just gave them.  But lets be real, in today's world, 20$ won't go far at all.   People need people before they need money.  MONEY is not a SAVIOR.  It's people, it's relationships, it's time.  LOVE is the SAVIOR.

    I'm not happy with this blog.  But I'm gonna post it anyway.   

Fighting Hell to the Death.

You may find my thoughts/beliefs on this topic difficult to hear.  Or you might love them.  Or you might not have thought I felt this way.  I realize I may not be right.  But I have to live with those consequences.  

At this moment.  I don't believe in Hell.  Not even for Hitler.  Or Bin Laden.  Or Jerry Sandusky.  Not even Caillou. 


This is difficult to write.  Such complexity to try to encapsulate in a few easy to understand words.

I'll do my best. 

Many people today do not believe in the Bible.  Many don't even have a bible. So I try not to use that as a tool in which to prove a point.  Even in my own understandings.  I try to come to conclusions based on who I believe Jesus us.  Granted, much of that has come from the Bible or church.  And a lot has come from the relationship that I have with Jesus.  

This post was inspired by a long conversation about the existence of Hell.  Which also brought up the existence of Heaven.  I believe in Heaven.  BUT I don't make that and eternal life the primary reason for my actions on Earth.

I mentioned yesterday that I don't use the bible. I tend to ignore it when sharing my thoughts and beliefs to others. And many bible believers thought that was absurd. When in fact my reasoning for that, ironically, comes from the bible. Be hot or be cold. Many in disagreement with me openly admit that they do not know enough about the bible. So I guess that would make them lukewarm. And what happens to those that are lukewarm? According to the bible. So in the meantime, I'll be cold when it comes to the bible.