Strider and Be.

Yesterday I embarked on a journey south on the Appalachian Trail.  I had no idea how far I would go, but I knew it was going to be less than 13 miles.  I was meeting a friend on the trail.  He was thru hiking and in the area.  So I thought it would be nice to bring him some gatorade and spend some miles on the trail with him.

I set of to meet Strider (trail names are given to thru hikers of the AT) around 11:30 AM on friday morning after knocking out a quick 3.5 hours of work.  I was shocked at the amount of thru hikers were on the trail.  In the 5 miles I walked to meet Strider, I had passed about 15-20 hikers.   Within 2 miles of the trail I was hot.  But this is fine for me.  I don't mind the heat.  But then I got to the woods and the bugs came, so I picked up my pace.  And then the back of my right foot was developing a blister on my achilles.  I wore my trail running shoes that I put miles upon miles in last year.  Apparently hiking rubs in different places than running.  Here I was finding annoyances within the first 2 miles.  I quickly brushed them aside knowing I'd be meeting up with one that has just walked from Georgia to get here.  Over 1000 miles.  With a 25-30 pound pack on their back.  So I pressed on the bugs were of no concern.  I remembered the band aids in my pack and at 4 miles in, I put some on and felt relief.  

Strider was happy to see me.  Even more happy to see the gatorade.  We began our hike into Boiling Springs.  He kept a swift pace.  Despite the elevation gains.  I was happy for the workout.  He asked if it was too fast.  No way would I say yes.  Even if it was.  But it wasn't.  I wanted to catch up with him, it had been years since we talked.  And I didn't expect him to bend to my schedule as he passed through town.  Hiking together gave us a good 2-3 hours to do that.  We stopped at the Tavern for a drink and parted ways around 4:45.  

I exercise a lot.  I'm on my feet a lot.  But the way I felt at the end of the day yesterday I don't know if I could do it again today.  And then again for another 5 months.  This causes many thru hikers to stop prematurely.  But if they'd push past those first 100 miles....your body adapts.  Most of the time.  It's like anything we settle into.  The first three days are the most brutal.  But after that you overcome and adapt.  A new normal starts to set it.  I'm sure I'll be out mountain biking sometime today.  

I am happy for Strider.  He's always wanted to thru hike.  And he's doing it.  It's a big commitment and a big investment.  You could spend anywhere from $5000 or more to do it.  Not including any bills you'd have to cover when you are gone and not working.  And you might not have a job when you get back.  

Don't be afraid of adventure.  Don't be afraid of getting uncomfortable.  Don't be afraid to be free.  

Why spend 4-6 months hiking a trail by yourself?  Why not?  What purpose is it?  Does it matter?  What's the purpose of grinding out 8 hours a day for a paycheck to pay for things you decided you'd pay for?   You can choose your own life path.  While I had some freedom in mine, and I'm ecstatic about my wife and kids, no one encouraged me to branch out when I was in my late teens and early twenties.  I felt like I was always on a leash.  Sometimes I long one, but still tied.  What's holding you back?  If it's yourself...get free.  You never know what lies await around the next bend.  Enjoy the adventure.  I decided that day on the trail I needed a trail name.  I spend enough time on the AT on on journeys of my own that it would be fitting.  I wouldn't try to make one...it would come to me.  And in a few short minutes one word popped into my head.  Be.  And that became my trail name.  

Strider, stride on my friend.  In the words of Dr. Suess, Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting.  So...get on your way! (Actually two mountains today)  

Good Morning, Here's more Bad News

Not many people have responded to it.  But I thought I'd say a few words.  There was another major attack a few days ago where multiple people died.  On July 13 a Kenyan police officer opened fire and killed 7 of their colleagues.  2 people were killed and 7 injured from a car bomb in Iraq.  7 people were killed and 11 in a suicide bombing in Baghdad.  As well as the bomber.   Lot's of atrocities happening around the world.  These are not new.  Go to Wikipedia and look up recent terror attacks.  there are several every day.  But by me talking about the big one in France yesterday, does not mean these other ones are not important. They are all horrific.  With today's social media and camera's, we have instant knowledge of these.  Especially the bigger ones.

You know, in France yesterday 84 people have died and over 100 injured when ONE man drove a BFT into a crowd.  That stands for Big Fucking Truck.  He was a local delivery driver and a known criminal.

I can't even imagine what it's like to be first handedly experience something like this.   I'm not for a second going to say that our world is still a much safer place than it ever has been.  While it is for some, it's not for many.

I saw a post by someone..."Will the POTUS call for a ban of large trucks due to the recent attack inFrance? Be prepared to turn over your CDL and Keys people"..... I have a few questions for you.  How hard is your heart?  Do you not have a thread of empathy?   I'm sorry you had to grow up being raised to think and act like this and that you are still stuck in a vicious cycle of hate and bullheadedness.  But you can get out of it.  I know you are probably frustrated with people immediately rushing to find a cause of all these atrocities.  But when 84 people were just ran over by a truck, and 100 people were injured.... You must be some kind of an asshole.  Because I know you weren't sincerely looking for ways to prevent this.  Maybe it's how you cope...I don't know.  But why don't you just keep you hurtful opinions to yourself?  84 people died.  Have some empathy for them and their families.  

In you are reading this in peace, never giving a thought to this happening, take a deep breath right now.  In through your nose, into your chest and hold it for about two seconds.  slowly exhale from your mouth.   Enjoy your peace.   Don't forget to breath and take in every moment.   Go forward in love and patience.   Don't be a douchebag.

This post is not sexual by any means.

I read an article this morning about a motorcycle crash in Kentucky.  There was a man who had taken a photograph of the accident and it appears to have a ghostly like figure rising from the body of the victim.  Photoshopped or not, I don't know.  Maybe.  Maybe it was a camera thing.  I've had light orbs show up in photo's I've taken that aren't visible to the naked eye.  Hell, cartoon characters even show up on peoples cameras that aren't visible to the naked eye.  However, give it time, I'm sure people will start believing that they've always been there.

Back to the spirit like thing.  I see a lot of comments that it's beautiful.  What's beautiful about it?  That someone died?  Or the opportunity to see something that is most likely total coincidence or a photoshopped image?  Some saying it looks just like a spirit.  I have a question...what exactly does a spirit look like?  A human shape?  Have you seen many?  What about a the make up of a spirit would make it visible?

I feel incredibly sorry for the family who just lost someone.  If they want to believe they saw a spirit leave the body, great.  I don't want to take that from them.  But that's for them.  Not everyone who's lost a loved one has an experience like that.

I've had experiences where things have been almost too coincidental.  That it was pretty obvious something supernatural really could have occurred.  But every single time, they were still natural.  Just rare.  I was 18 and was driving my 1993 Nissan Extended cab pickup listening to P.O.D. and the song "Thinking about Forever" came on.   I wasn't in the best of spirits and the song mentioned about if you can hear me, give me a sign, send her a butterfly or two.  And at that moment, one of those little white butterflies flew through the cab of the truck?  Supernatural?  The song said "her" not "him".  So...  BUT....It was still a neat experience.

I've had several other like that as well.  Guess what though...they usually happen when I'm looking for them.  When I'm trying to make sense of things.

Why am I writing this?  I hate when people are so convinced their spiritual encounter is real.  It may have been....but maybe that encounter was just for you and you alone.  Don't cast your pearls before swine.  Not everyone is going to meet your excitement about it.  Keep it to yourself and continue to move forward based on your experience.

I had someone ask if I wanted to hear a God moment.  I rolled my eyes and said sure.  Now, they live in the smallest house in their neighborhood.  It's only about 4000 square feet with a finished basement and they are constantly making upgrades to everything.  So, very modest people.  they were looking to find a certain type of plant for their landscaping and where having a hard time doing it.  Well, on their way home they were held up for an odd reason.  And when they finally pulled back into her development they saw a landscaper putting this type of plant into his truck.  So they stopped and asked what he was doing with them.  He was going to toss them, so they asked if they could have them and he obliged.  They were so excited.  They were convinced God held them up so they'd see this guy throwing away the plants.  Good for them.  I'm glad they had a marvelous experience.

Here's my problem....So many people are waiting on God because that's all they have.  They are wondering where there next meal is, where they might sleep tonight.  And here's someone who is clearly taken care of excited that God gave them this plant to put in her 4000+ sq. ft. house with a finished basement who boasts that they have over $600k in the bank and could pay the house off but like the tax benefits of having a mortgage.

That all being said.  I know this person has to deal with their own issues.  And I'm certainly not implying that God will not take care of the desires of their heart.  But sometimes, it's helpful to keep that God moment to yourself when others right in front of you can hardly even put food on their table.

How about sorry?

I'm learning.  I'm learning how much of a jerk I used to be.  Usually I didn't even realize it.  However, the more I grow and the more healing that happens the more I see the way I used to act in other people.  There are even times that people think they are helping, but they aren't.  I often did this.  I still do.  I'm trying desperately to get better at it.  I don't often know how.  But then I see news stories like the one out of Homestead, Pennsylvania this morning.  It was about a  couple that didn't want to sit next to a group of police officers at an eat and park.  So they paid their bill and left a 10 dollar tip. Good on them, right?    

"Sir, your check was paid for by the police officers you didn't want to sit next to. Thank you for your support."  

Yesterday I noticed an image on Facebook.  I wasn't friends with this person, but because of my friends liking and commenting I was able to see the pictures.  I knew they people in the photos.  They were great photos.  But there was one that concerned me.  And quite honestly, made me a little queasy to think about it.  I'm not going to go into detail though.  It was bothering me throughout the day and I had to ask.  So last night I sat up for a half hour to write a paragraph of an unasked for response.  I couldn't let it go.  But I also know this person that posted it meant no harm or ill intent.  So I wrote, re wrote, and wrote again this message.  I did not want to hurt them in any way.  Or feel like I was criticizing them.  I just wanted to explain the unintended consequences that may occur for her and others when posting such a photo.  I wanted to be soft and caring.  I tried really hard.  And it worked.  They thanked me and were totally unaware of might occur as a result.  It was a pleasant exchange and I'm glad I took the time to realize the impact of what my words may hold.   

Some call his being politically correct.  I call it being empathetic to how one might feel.  I call it being a mature, responsible, caring adult.  

Writing in this blog is different.  I'm not singling anyone out.  Usually.  And if I do, I try hard to be empathetic to what they'd feel if they'd read it.  This is new for me.  And it's a work in progress.  

So if those officers ever read this, I hope they know I'm sincerely trying to help when I told them their gesture was nice but their motive seems unclear to me.  It seems from the note that they are bitter.  That they are telling the couple that their feelings are unwarranted.    Perhaps a note as this would have been better.....

"We're sorry you didn't feel as though you could sit next to us.  We realize there is a tension in America that isn't necessarily friendly towards us cops.  We understand.  In an effort to show you that we aren't like some of the others that abuse their power, please accept this gift of us paying your bill.  And don't worry about the tip, we got that as well.  I hope next time we'll be able to have a nice meal together.  Sincerely, your neighborhood boys in blue."

Because as it stands and seeing some of the stories,  the note they left and the way it's being reported are making the person that didn't want to sit there seem like an asshole.  We don't know why they didn't want to sit there, maybe the seat was under an AC vent.  Or maybe they wanted a private table to talk about personal stuff.  Or maybe they just aren't feeling friendly towards police right now. We don't know.  And this note only creates further division over people that may be hurt by the actions of police.   Turns out, the couple smiled and thanked the officers.  And maybe I'm being overly concerned about how what one says impacts others.  But I don't think that's possible today.  Considering the current tensions.  

That all being said.  I'm sure there is a large majority of police officers that are in a difficult place.  That have only done good things for their community and treated all people with respect.  They've been given a bad name based on the actions of a few.  And they have to prove to everyone that they are good cops!  That would certainly be frustrating.  I can understand that.  I'd be frustrated too if someone stereotyped me based on my uniform, how I looked, the clothes I wear or if I was walking or riding a skateboard.   Just because I looked like someone else.  Incredibly frustrating.  

I hope you see the point I'm trying to make.  It's sad, but in todays culture if you look the part people will treat you like the part.   It's not right.  And I hate it.  The only way to change this is to extend some grace to the people that treat us and stereotype us like how we look.  This goes both ways.  Don't just expect people to know you are sweetheart if you don't look like a sweetheart.  Prove it.  With your actions too.  This goes to EVERYONE.  Myself included. 

When we were in Atlantic City last weekend, I went down to the car to pick up a few things. I mentioned the elevator problems.  So when you are waiting for the elevator with someone that may make you uncomfortable, it can be weird.  A mother with her three mixed race kids came up and pushed their floor button and waited.  Within seconds one of the children came up to me, a long haired, barefoot, tatted up guy and asks to see my muscles.   I could see the mom tense up.  So I knelt down and gave him one of my best "that way to the beach" muscles I could make.  He was so excited.  He wanted to watch it move. And he was touching the rock hard firmness of my bicep and was quite impressed.  The mom still seemed tense.  I turned to the children and asked to see their muscles.  The friendly boy lifted his shirt sleeve back and made a muscle.  I responded letting him know I'm glad he moved his shirt!  I would't have wanted to see it rip with the size of his bicep!  The young kids didn't get it.  But the mom said she's sorry, her son is autistic.  

I told her she need not apologize.  I would have never guessed nor cared.  She was probably so burnt out trying to keep her 2 kids, plus the third who is autistic in line at the beach.  All while trying to enjoy and relax.  And you could tell it was draining.  It was a solid 7 minutes that I spent with those kids waiting for and riding the muscle elevator.   I hope that if at least for those 7 minutes I made life a little bit better.  Despite how out of my own comfort zone that put me.  

You Know What Else is a Sin?

I've got no good way of starting this...so here goes.

You know how many times over the past year I've heard someone tell me they are worried about me? Or that they are concerned for the direction my life is headed?  

Zero.  

A few have sat down and asked how I was doing.  

Very few have even reached out over a message to say whats up.  

It's also usually from some of those people who tell me that others have been asking about me.  Which I find quite interesting because none of those people they speak of asked me themselves.  It leaves me wondering.  Why not?  I have my theories, and I'll share one.  But you know what else it does?  It makes me wonder how much of a monster I really appear to be.  How much of a loose cannon I might be to have people afraid to approach me about things.  And this only makes me further retreat into my cave of solitude.  

Most of the people that don't ask me directly are often bothered by some of the things I write.  They are convinced I'm wrong or in a dark place.  By consulting another about me, they have their chance to try to sway that other person on why they are right about me.  And isn't that like gossip?  Talking about someone behind their back?  That's a sin right?  And not only is the one inquiring about said person sinning, they are trying to bring another person into it with them.  Some of these same people who are so quick to call out other people and their "sins" are so blatantly ignoring their own sins.  And these are the "holy" people that think they know what's best for everyone.  Or so they think.   

End of the day...if you really care about someone, talk to them.  And if you think you can't talk to them, ask yourself why you even want to in the first place.  If it's important enough to you, you'll figure out a way to cultivate some sort of relationship so you can get to know them and can discuss whatever problem or concern you have with them.  

There are tar pits in Los Angeles where over 3 million fossils have been found.  From prey to predators they are all there.  Wooly Mammoths would be fascinated by the reflective surface and assume water was available only to find themselves stuck in the tar pit.  They wouldn't be able escape it's clutches leaving them to a long, slow, and painful death.  Often times a predator would see the struggling prey and get stuck themselves.  Both suffering in agony.  As equals.  I bet they became friends as they lay struggling in the pits.  Neither can help the other, Neither can destroy the other.  The Mammoth and Sabre finally get a chance to learn about each other.  

Maybe we should approach life like the two mammals left for dead in the tar pit.  As equals.  Otherwise...we die.  A long.  Slow.  Painful. Death.  Standing right next to our opposition, ignoring their plight the whole time.  

In the tar pits....we are all equal.  

Taking a Stand

I'll be honest.  I haven't follow much of the recent shootings that have occurred.  I know two black men were gunned down for what looks like no real threat.  I know many police in Dallas have lost their lives or were injured in protest.  I know there have been many peaceful protests all around the county.  I know there are many people that still don't understand the #BlackLivesMatter movement.  I'm not here to explain that to you.  Because if you don't understand by now, I don't think you are really trying to understand.  It's not that complicated.  There is still a huge race problem in America.

We all stereotype. We all judge.  We see a person that "looks" a certain way and assume things about them.  I know this because I've seen it firsthand.  I've done it.  We make judgements based on the first look.  We've been taught this since we were kids.  "Make a good first impression" they say.  Most often this is based upon looks.  Like when  guy on a motorcycle pulls up in leather, long hair and tattoos.  What do you think?  You see a group of skateboarders, what are you going to assume they are up to?  How about a group of teens hiding around a discreet part of your small town?  How about when you realize your 2 and 4 year old go upstairs and have been quiet for 5 minutes?   Or a group of young black men sitting on a park bench laughing and having a good time?  What are they laughing at?

We make assumptions when we come across these circumstances.   Do we base our assumptions on past experience?  Are we only using caution?  Maybe.  But since when are all bikers the same?  When are all young black men the same?  When are all skateboarders the same?  When are all barefoot, long-haired, tatted up guys the same?  They aren't.  And we have to stop treating people by what they look like.  Until we do, nothing changes.  And if people keep looking at you and treating someone a certain way, guess what?  They'll start acting like it.  Don't believe me...look at any book on human development.  If a skateboarder is going to be treated like a criminal when they aren't ever doing anything wrong, they are going to start acting like one.  Why not?  People think you are anyway right?  It gets exhausting trying to reverse stereotypes.


That's when it's time for people like me, a middle class white dude to do something.  There are a lot of people groups that are sick and tired of fighting for a change.  Of fighting for equality.  And it's time people like me take over.  And by fight...it doesn't have to be one.  But I can see how it may have escalated to one.   We are all humans.  We are all people.  We all have our own uniqueness.  We all have our own flaws.   That doesn't make any of us any less human.  Stop judging motive.  Stop assuming.  Stop stereotyping.  If you really want to judge someone, go to school.  Get your degree and be a judge.  Sign up for jury duty.

A friend of mine told me once I needed to pick a side to stand on.  I wanted to stand in the middle, because if I stand in the middle of the road it stops traffic on both sides.  Which is true, but sometimes you need to pick a side and stand with the people on the one side of the road who are stuck.  That try to get out of this hole they were thrown into.  All the people passing by look on, "not my problem, I didn't put them there."  But they aren't doing anything to help them out.   They are maintaining status quo.   But what if everyone just stopped and helped.  That friend that told me that, always stopped for people that broke down.  Picked up hitchhikers too.  He's a real stand up dude.  And often got berated for his good deeds.  He was right.  You need to pick a side.  Until that side is so full of people it overflows and forces everyone to mingle with each other.  When there is no longer one line in the middle of division.

If I were to be honest

Like I said yesterday.  We took an impromptu road trip to Atlantic City yesterday.  It was a weird day for me.  I usually like road trips, thought we haven't taken many with our kids yet.  Sometimes I like getting there more than actually being there.  And then I get bored and want to go back home.  There is one place where that doesn't happen....when I go to haiti.  I don't currently have plans for another trip there.  But it is beckoning.

Back to AC.  The kids had fun yesterday and were fairly well behaved.  We didn't do much.  Went to an aquarium.  Josiah touched some sharks (and so did his mommy, well, one shark one time).  Had lunch but I wasn't hungry.  We then went and tried to find a coffee shop so I could get some coffee with heavy cream, cause that's my jam.  Found a nice coffee shop four miles away.  THEY HAD NO HEAVY CREAM.  What kind of coffee shop doesn't have heavy cream?  Ventnor Coffee.  That's what kind.  The ice cream and smoothie shop next door didn't even have any.  Ventnor No 7311 does though!   We made our way back to the Flagship all Suites hotel where we got a room for fairly inexpensive by AC waterfront standards.  That's about the only good think this place has going for it. The view.  I realized something though.  Views don't do much for me if we are only going to be here for a night.   I'd much rather have proximity to places I can walk to with relative ease.  Like a coffee shop with heavy cream.  And even if I could here, the elevators are incredibly slow.  So if you want to leave your floor, add 15-20 minutes.  I wish I was joking.  We swan in their stinky pool, played in the arcade and had dinner at the hotel restaurant.          


                

       

This morning I woke up ready to come home and make note of the things we'd do differently next time of impromptu weekend trips.  There is no coffee shop to walk to.  But even if there was, I don't want to fight with the elevators.  So I came out to write.  The view is nice, but not satiating.  There is a sail boat making it's way out to the Atlantic from Reeds bay.  And then I remember the phone call I got from Georgia yesterday that I ignored while I was checking in.  One I was expecting but forgot about.  It was a hiker I met on friday at Pine Grove Furnace.  I told the two of them if they needed a lift for food or errand, call me and see if I'm around.   I just picked up my phone to listen to the voicemail.  It was the hiker, asking if I knew where to find bud in boiling springs, pa.   I don't feel so bad about not being home.  Maybe when "bud" is legal in pa, we could have had a pleasent evening chatting about his trail journeys.  

This cheered me up a bit.  I enjoyed the sail boat a bit longer and continued to write.  But I'm still longing to keep moving.  There is nothing here in Atlantic City for me.  Except my family who wants to explore and have a good time.  I wish I knew how to do that here.  Thought this place holds fond memories...it was the first time my wife and I held hands.  That was a long time ago and we don't even remember where we stayed that weekend.  

Looking around, I can't deny that the problem is not with the ocean views, hotel, or major beach town.  It lies inside my mind and my depression.  That I thought was getting better.  Perhaps it is....