Hurling Insults and Virtue Signals

I see it all the time, everywhere I go.  Even in my dreams I can scheme of ways to....Oh wait.  That's a Skee-Lo song.

It doesn't take long on social media to see people hurling insults over the metaphorical "wall" to the other side.  This blog may very well indeed to signal my virtuous "I'm better than you because I'm not doing what you're doing".  But I'm willing to take that chance.

I'm in the process of awakening this new way of viewing the divide that's facing the people of America, and even the world.

If at any point you are reading this and get defensive.  STOP.  Think for a minute.  Why are you getting defensive?  This is just a conversation.  This is the moment to take a good honest look at ones self.  Maybe there is something I can learn from the other person.  Learning can be difficult.  I know.  I've learned the hard way most of my life.

I recently tried to have a conversation with a friend about how their love for country could cloud their love of humans that Jesus called them too.  They rendered my point invalid since I don't believe in the Christian story anymore. Even after my 33 years (coincidence maybe) of being a believer.  I know God didn't create countries or races when He created the world.  We humans did that.  And I think if you call yourself a Christian, you can't see color or country of origin.

I hear people say that they want to hear opinions and view points from an opposing sides. But then I see them calling the other side "evil of the world" or some insult like that when the opposing viewpoint isn't presented in a respectful enough way for them.

This all comes from both sides.  If you've never been a victim of racism or oppression, it's hard to believe that someone else has ever had it that bad.  If you've been a victim of racism or oppression, sometimes it's hard to see that others have never experienced it or that they really don't realize that these things still exist in America today.

I recently saw someone post an image of a black man with his three black kids reading books on the subway.  The comment was..."this image will never go viral".  It was posted by someone on the "right".   My first thought was, why did this black family have to fit your image of what good black people should be doing.  Especially when young black kids are gunned down for playing with toy guns.  See Rice, Tamir.   Rice was a likely a product of his environment and died because of it by the actions of a police officer that lied on his job application.  A lie that would have likely prevented him from a  job.

And to be fair, there was a huge fit of rage from the left after what appeared to be a young male wearing a MAGA hat taunting a native american.  There were threats to doxx this young man that would have likely ruined his life forever.

Everyone was born a baby.  We were all the same humans. That changed the second we came out of a vagina.  Yes, EVERYONE came out of a vagina.  Even in some cases, our health in the womb was determined by the decisions of our host. We don't get to decide what environment we are brought home to.  We didn't really get to decide for ourselves who we would be surrounding ourselves with for the most important first years of our lives.  That all makes us who we become.  Our viewpoints are constantly evolving.

I'm a middle aged white male.  I'm as privileged as they come.  But I know many have experienced years of oppression, including women.  Many women living right in front of our faces have felt this oppression for years.

I don't have any answers.  But we've got to change something.  Fake news needs to stop. Vicious reactions need to stop.  We need to start listening to peoples stories.  Don't fall for the Rorschach Tests that you'll find on social media.

I'm afraid it may be too late. Maybe people just have a grudge.  Maybe they are bored.  Maybe they just want to fight.

I don't know.

The Bullet and the Band-Aid

Body image is an issue that many people struggle with today.  The earliest memory I have of body shape was when I was in my early teens.  I noticed a friend of mine was a little on the chubby side and they seemed really happy and also involved in sports.  I'm not sure what made me think it, but I decided at that point that one's size didn't matter.

If I were to make a guess what made me think it, is at that age, six pack abs were all the rage.  And if you didn't have a washboard for a lower torso....well...I don't actually know what happened if you didn't.  Probably what happened was left up to you in your own mind.  There wasn't an official consequence of not having washboard abs.  But when I thought of my friend who didn't have a washboard for a stomach, who was athletic, involved in sports and popular, one's size and body shape must not matter as much as I thought it did.

That lesson never stuck.  I remember another time all my young teen friends and I were talking about our abs and in an effort to fit in, I sucked in my gut and flexed.  But, I knew I didn't really have six pack abs.  But it fooled them.  As far as they were concerned I had abs, but I knew the truth.  Looking back on this now, all those friends have seen me without my shirt on in the pool all the time.  They knew before that moment I had visible abs.  I didn't fool them, they were there, I just didn't see them. 

I was never overweight.  I was never made fun of for being fat.  I can't imagine the pain and hurt caused by so many of your "friends".

I've always teetered around that weight of "almost trim and fit".  I've never been a star athlete, but always athletic.  But for whatever reason, I've never been satisfied with my mid-section.  I ALWAYS see a gut.   Even after losing another round of 35 pounds, weighing in at 195lbs at 6'1",  I still see a gut.  Even sliding into a pair of 33's and needing a belt.  What gives?  I don't understand. 

I'm slowly starting to realize that how you feel about yourself is NOT tied to your size.  That even if you lose weight and fit that "image" you've always dreamed of, you still may not feel better about yourself.  And even so, you still won't see the fit and trim image when you look in the mirror.  Why?  I don't know exactly.  But I think that we have this idea that if we just lost weight, had disciplined eating habits and maintained a fit and trim body we'd finally feel good about ourselves.  While we may be proud of our accomplishments, weight loss alone won't cure self esteem and self worth issues.

Why do I say all that?  Because I want everyone to know that nobody is immune to body image issues.  It might be a wanting a flat stomach for some people.  It might be your nose that's bothering you.  Maybe you want bigger breasts.   Maybe you want smaller breasts.   Maybe you want shirt ripping biceps.  Maybe you even want to gain weight! There is a host of things we see when we look in the mirror that scream, "fix this and you'll finally be confident!'

And I'm here to say that even if you fix all the things that you aren't happy with, it's not a guarantee you'll actually be happy with yourself afterwards.  And if you are, is that really a good thing?  That since you fixed your self imposed "problem areas" you can finally feel confident?   Maybe, maybe not.  That puts the onus of how you feel based around how you look.  And I don't believe that's where our confidence should come from.    That being said.  I've done a ridiculous amount of things to chase after the body that I "think" I desire.

So if how we feel about ourselves is not how we look or based on our appearance, where does our confidence and self image come from?  I wish I had a short answer for that.  But there are entire college courses and life works based around this.  But if I were to give the most easy answer that needs explanation and clarification, it's the people that surround us. 

I bet you thought I was going to say from within.  Maybe that has something to do with it. But I think it's largely determined by our life experiences and what others have said to us at one time or another. 

So on my quest for body acceptance I've come across a conundrum.  There comes a time when you must accept, but there is also a time when you should not accept.  Most of what I've listed above are scenarios in which you should accept yourself for who you are and how you look.  It's only after learning that your self esteem and confidence isn't tied to appearance is when you should decide to make some changes based on preference, not feelings.