it's all in the forethought.

     I don't even know if forethought is a word.  But for now it is.  As always, I'm gonna just come right out of the gates.  I appreciate that my writing style has become more like me sharing a thought.  Only it is written and you are reading it.  And remember, that's what these are, thoughts.  

     Recently a friend has shared about the struggles he's been having in his marraige.  His wife has cheated on him a few times and he's unsure if he should continue to forgive her or get divorced and move on and raise his child a happy parent whether single or in another healthy relationship.  He is a christian and wants to remain biblically sound in his decision.  That's a shitty situation.  Because of all this he has started to drink, enough to escape the realities.  Some of us would say that's the beginning stages of a problem if nothing changes.  So I asked him if he's trying to remain biblically sound with his decision to start drinking.  Or if he was biblically sound in getting married in the first place.

      And his story is like many, young couples fall in love.  Reset.  Most young couples fall in lust and get married.  And when things don't work out, all of the sudden you are concerned about what the bible says about divorce.  Well, perhaps if you'd have consulted more with the bible in the first place.....I'm not saying that that's the end all be all.  I just don't understand how someone can live 95% of your life one way thinking you know whats right and then when something goes wrong you care what the bible says.  How did you ever know what you were doing was right to begin with? That all being said.  See a therapist.  See a counselor.  Find an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and young couple and have them be open and honest with you about relationships.  Find an elderly single person that may have never been married, a middle aged person and a young person as well in that category and do that same thing.  And if by all means, if you'd be happier without someone, especially if they treat you like shit.  Move along.  And move along fast.  I'm sure God would much rather have you do that the be stuck in a horrible relationship that you probably should have never been in in the first place.  

     Second.  I looked up the definition of love in the dictionary.  It didn't say to be in a relationship with someone long enough so they know you care and then speak truth into them and tell them they are wrong and you are right.  And they need to change.  And to tie the above in, How's that working out with your marraige?  

     Third, pets go to heaven.  Pets just die.  It doesn't matter what you believe.  It doesn't change anything.  Because I'm guessing when you get to heaven you won't care.  

     And lastly, probably the most important if you've made it this far.  I had a short conversation with another friend.  They said it's hard to think about friends who are great people, loving to others, fantastic humanitarians and really care about you going to hell because they don't know Jesus.  Do you know why that's hard to think about?  Because God put that emotion inside of you.  And lets just say you are the one that has to look your friend in the eye and be the one that damns them to hell.  Like, you said the word and off they went.  You couldn't do it.  You know why you can't?  God gave you that emotion too.  The shittiest person in the world that gossips, is a poor steward, mean to others and hates animals but believes in Jesus goes to heaven and the other person who is an outstanding person goes to hell?  I don't buy it.  If you can't imagine that, my guess is that neither can God.  It says in scripture that Love covers a multitude of sins.  So why do we so many christians have to be so focused on what the bible says and it being absolute truth?  Is God not bigger then the bible?  Is He not bigger then our mistakes effecting others?  I may be wrong about this stuff and it may even steer people the wrong way.  But I believe God is bigger than me and that he'll make sure those others are taken care of for my mistakes.  And I also believe that he'll know I erred on the side of Love.  And Love covers a multitude of sins.  

  

Second Chances?

     It's a shame really.  So many of us don't believe in second chances.  You might be saying "WAIT! I absolutely do believe in second chances!" And you'd be wrong.  You don't.  You believe in third, fourth, fifth and more chances.  Because we don't screw up just once, it's multiple times.  And for most of us, we are granted another opportunity.  

   

      Sometimes, the action committed is serious.  Perhaps you've been in trouble with the law.  Now that you have a record, those chances become fewer and fewer.  You need more people in your corner to provide references for you. I was involved in a program that helped young men with second chances.  And we saw many of them take them and do something with their life.  I'm so thankful for people that took a chance with them.  I'm I'm even happier for those young men that didn't blow that chance and proved to others AND themselves that they are worth it.  

     But what if you do something so heinous that you go to jail?  I think because of the freedom we have in America it's easy to start wandering down the wrong road and end up in some serious trouble. It may take some significant recovery to bounce back, but I believe it's possible.  

     We all have done things or even do things that we are ashamed of.  We even most likely do things that if our employers or friends knew about, they'd think different of us.  So they remain secrets.  And those of you that claim Christianity, is anything bigger than God to forgive?  If one shows repentance and a desire to change, would God deny him?  NO.   So why do we? What do we have to worry about? 

      This post was influenced by the beginning of this years NFL season.  We have a player that is convicted of child abuse taking the field, many that were accused of rape, one that has been in jail for dog fighting, one that deflates his balls so he can hold them better (couldn't resist) and who knows what else the rest are hiding.  But we cheer them all on because that's our team.   Many Steeler fans are pissed that Mike Vick is playing for them.  But you aren't pissed at Big Ben?  Has Vick been anything but an upstanding citizen since prison?  Has he made any headlines showing former behavior still present?  Has he paid back all the money that was owed?  Did he do something incredibly wrong?  Yes.  Did he go to jail?  Yes.  Do you even know ANYTHING about him?  What a shame to only know people by their bad behavior.   I understand you may not like what he did, I certainly don't.  It's disgusting.  However, I've been given no evidence that he hasn't changed from his old ways.  That doesn't mean we have to be best friends, but I don't have to rip him a new one again and again and again.  As far as him still playing, for the professional quarterback standards of today, he's not that good.  He's not making a lot of money.  If he was still engaged in risky behavior he's not good enough to earn a spot on a team.  I'm not saying this in a condescending tone if you still don't like him.  I'm just asking that you'd consider actually learning about what he's been doing since and not judging his motives for doing so if you are going to talk about him.   I'm asking you to try to root for people to recover and change and give them space to do so.  Wouldn't that be awesome to see people change? 

     I would rather see someone trying to change and being given a second chance then hold a black cloud over their head forever.   If we all treated ourselves the same way we treat other people, the whole world would be black.   So lets give others a shot, since that's what we do for ourselves when we screw up.