Sometimes it's Better to Keep

   PRE SCRIPT.  I'm not happy with this blog.  Feel free to stop after this first paragraph that I copied and pasted from the end.  :-)    So what's the point?  Don't try to randomly help people and walk away.  I encourage you, if you feel for someone.  Take some time out of your busy day that's not really that busy and talk to them.  If you can't take 5 minutes to talk to someone, keep on moving.  Maybe  10% of the time you'll win and someone will be forever in your debt for the 20$ you just gave them.  But lets be real, in today's world, 20$ won't go far at all.   People need people before they need money.  MONEY is not a SAVIOR.  It's people, it's relationships, it's time.  LOVE is the SAVIOR. 



   I remember a time I was at a church and a young girl was doing a shoe collection for children in Africa (or somewhere).  I was moved by the effort and removed my shoes, my favorite shoes at the time, and let them at the altar.  I felt so good walking out of that building without any shoes on.  Knowing that there will be some guy in Africa with a newish pair of size 12 Skechers Shape ups.

   It wasn't until about two years ago I was traveling to Haiti that I learned that mass shoe donations like that often hurt more than they help.  I'm not saying the above story was one of those, but there are many that do.  Think about it.  When massive amounts of shoes (or anything) are donated and randomly distributed, what does that mean for the local shoe sales person?  And there are many shops and stands that only sell shoes.  Well, free shoes means less business and a shortage of shoe sales.  This hurts that family, it also hurts the others that that family does business with.  I'm no expert, at all, but wouldn't it be better to make sure the shoe shop gets the shoes?  Sure, they make an extra dose of money having to not pay for inventory, but it allows them to spend more at the shops around them for the things they need.

   Another example.  I've also seen many stick built homes there.  Many were in a state of disrepair or abandoned.  Usually this is because missions groups come down, build a few homes and leave. Nobody bothers to teach the local people how to use this new material called wood.  Concrete is king.  There are some instance where building with wood is fine, as long as attention is given to those that will be left in the care of the building to teach how to repair and upkeep.  As well as making sure that there is plenty of wood accessible in the event that repairs are needed.

  Another one I experience just yesterday.  We were packing for our upcoming trip to Haiti.  We work with three different  orphanages and take the majority of the responsibility for the children in them.  We are also and fostering a great relationship with another orphanage and helping when we can.  When we travel, we can only bring one, 50 lb bag per traveler, excluding small children.  These bags are designated to supplies and basic needs like toilet paper, medicine, school supplies, clothes and other necessities and if we have room toys and games.  These are all things that we supply to the orphanages that they don't regularly buy anywhere else.  Well, there were all sorts of things donated, large boxed toys, clothes that were less than wearable, stained, ripped, holy (not that kind), and several large cowboy hats (that would be nice for your church sunday school class for dress up, but the do not pack well).    Sometimes it seems as though people give their leftovers to these kids.  They deserve better then your leftovers. 

   Having said that, I know everyone here means well. I know that those that give truly believe they are helping.  I am not writing this out of frustration, but I realize that if no one ever says anything nothing is learned.  I do believe many of the above are innocent and that many only think of the look of joy on the recipients faces at the moment of reception.  But fail to see past the work that it takes to get the supplies there, what are they actually going to do with it, and can it be sustained once we leave.  It is much deeper than just giving and walking away. 

   Now, I'll give you some examples of how this looks on the homefront.  How about all those that you see along the street with signs that say homeless and hungry?  Do you just give them money or food and keep going?  How do you know you are helping them? 

   I often think that people truly desire to want to help, but don't want to take the time and actually do what it takes to make sure someone gets help.  Helping someone in need could take years.  It's hard to know what someone needs or what could help by only seeing someone or reading their sign.  In fact, you could even be hurting them. 

   Example.  A personal one.  I was on the receiving end.  And it sucked.  I've been in battle lately with christianity.  with the church and many that call themselves christians. This holier than thou attitude that some seem to have.  That they know whats best for you and this is what you need.   I believe now (and I will try to be kind to who I once was) that this is total bullshit.  And before you get mad at me for saying that, Paul used words in the bible very similar.    People come up to you and hand you a tract, or leave a note on the receipt saying Jesus loves you with a 3 dollar tip.  Or better yet, the fake $100 bill tract.    There are many examples about this toxic charity.  Jesus called us to be disciples.  Not go around shotgunning where we think help is needed.  I have no idea why people do this.  Whatever happened to getting to know them, caring for them and perhaps rarely talking about Jesus at all.  Do you care more about your agenda, or about the person(s) you are trying to help?  Anyway, these are some of my struggles.  
   I was at cafe 101 on thursday morning.  Visibly in the middle of a mental battle.  I was talking to my wife on the phone about different things.  I may have mentioned some things about belief and disbelief of Santa,  what Jesus would do in todays world, the role of the church today etc.  Visibly frustrated though.  A little while later, a gentleman came up as he was leaving and then proceeded with the most awkward exchange ever.  He was bumbling with his ipad saying things about it mixed with I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.  Then he threw a card on the table, with a bible verse and address of his church on it.  I knew at that point exactly what he was doing, but was clueless at the same time and he picked the wrong time to try to do it.  I was so confused by this man talking about his ipad and overhearing my conversation, I had no idea what he was actually offering.  As he was leaving he said at least you'll get a free lunch, I assumed the card was an invite to a lunch at his church.  So I said "there's no such thing as a free lunch".  And that's when he said the gift card was for me, and left.  HE JUST SPENT $20 ON ME AND HAS NO IDEA WHO I AM OR WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH.  I didn't ask for that, I certainly don't need it and it actually made my view of how christians try to do "charity" worse!!!!

    Granted, I know he meant well.  I know he probably sat over there trying to get the courage to even approach me.  But dang did it ever piss  me off.  Not exactly what he did, but that some think this kind of giving is even acceptable and maybe even taught in some churches.  It's absolutely pathetic.  Jesus did that, and do you know why he could?  BECAUSE HE'S GOD.  Perhaps if this man really wanted to make a difference, he should have offered an invite to join me for coffee sometime.  Or take a few minutes and ask about what he eavesdropped.  I'd have gladly told him.  But no, here, have a bible verse and gift card, it will be ok.  I gave it back to cafe 101 and told them to wish some people merry christmas with it.  They know their customers and who might be able to use a free coffee or two.   Perhaps this method works for some people.    

     So what's the point?  Don't try to randomly help people and walk away.  I encourage you, if you feel for someone.  Take some time out of your busy day that's not really that busy and talk to them.  If you can't take 5 minutes to talk to someone, keep on moving.  Maybe  10% of the time you'll win and someone will be forever in your debt for the 20$ you just gave them.  But lets be real, in today's world, 20$ won't go far at all.   People need people before they need money.  MONEY is not a SAVIOR.  It's people, it's relationships, it's time.  LOVE is the SAVIOR.

    I'm not happy with this blog.  But I'm gonna post it anyway.