Meat. Don't be a hater.

I understand if you don't want to eat meat.  I really do.  The way that much of the meat sold in America is raised is sick and inhumane.  It's disgusting.  It's unethical.  It's abuse.  I don't like it at all.

But I'm still going to eat meat.

Not all farms operate that way.  That's why I make more of an effort to support local farms that have ethical farming practices.  It's not always feasible, but we try.

You might have heard lots of lies about meat and how bad it is for you.  You probably heard this from a plant based diet promoting source.   Most of them are not true.  They tell you that we weren't designed to eat meat.  Explain that to your incisors.  Seriously.   The proof is in your mouth.   Now...the amount of meat....yes.  The amounts of meat people eat is way to much.

Back to the common ground.  You don't want the unethical treatment of animals.  Me neither.  Avoiding meat won't solve that.  Just like banning abortions won't stop abortions.   Lets all push for more safe and ethical meat farming practices.  Lets not eat meat for the sake of eating meat whether we need it or not.

Speaking of the ethical treatment of animals.  Did you know plants have defense mechanisms to keep them alive?  Lectins are natural phytochemical toxins that plants manufacture to defend against UV radiation, insect predators, and disease-producing microorganisms. These agents, critical to a plant's survival, are found in highest concentrations in the seeds of the plants.  This is why we don't eat seeds.  Regardless, plants want to survive.  But we kill them to eat them.

What about soil degradation?  The amount of soybean, corn, and wheat fields are destroying the earth.  Literally.  Chemicals and poor farming practices are killing off millions of microorganisms.  Deforestation happens and the ground loses it's ability to store carbon.  Yes.  Global warming is a thing.

See...you have to replace meat with something.  And many don't care what they replace it with.  Anything but meat.  Sugar, processed foods, corn, wheat, soy.....as long as it's not meat.  And doing this is no better for our earth.   If you are eating corn, wheat, and soy you are contributing just as much to poor environment as the mcfarmers are that are using it to feed their livestock.  Look at your ingredients.

Going vegan or vegetarian is often times not enough.  Motives are everything.  If you think you are somehow saving the planet by not eating meat, you are wrong.  Factory farmed plants can have just as much a negative impact.

My point, I think if we all focus less on what is the "right" way to eat.  We all know the right way is the "real" way.  Grains....only been around for 10,000 years.  And grains are the reason we are in this mass mcfarming predicament.  Grains don't count for real food in my opinion.  Sorry.

Get to know your food before you eat it.  Visit local farms.  Learn where your food comes from and how it is raised.  You don't have to eat meat, but you do need to understand that we are made to eat meat.  And meat is not the enemy.

he said it.  not me.  and I don't agree.  I can do without stinky cheese.  oh...
vegetarians are fine, as long as they are ok with people that eat meat that also care about the earth. 

Age should come alone

We've all said it.

I've been saying it for years.   Up until a little over a year ago.

I don't know if there is an easy way to say this because so many people use this excuse.  I think deep down inside they know it's not the right explanation.  Or maybe they just don't know what to do about it.  Either way, nobody that says this is alone.

When we hurt for no reason.  When we finally admit that we've gained a lot of weight.  When we start forgetting things.

I'm getting old.

That's what we say.  I'm getting old.  Except most of us are only in our 30's when we say that.  That's not old.  And that's not why we hurt, gain weight or forget things.

I see it more often now when someone isn't feeling right.  They ask what they can take to help fix the problem.  Everyone seems to be looking for an external solution.  A drug of sorts to help them feel better.  Perhaps the right question would be to find out what's causing the bad feeling.  Why do you hurt all over?  Why are you all of the sudden gaining weight?  It very well may not be that you "broke" something that needs a quick fix.  It's more than likely that something is not working properly.  Overuse is most likely the culprit.  Being broke and not working properly aren't the same.  When something is broken, it should be discarded or made into something new.   When something isn't working properly,  it can most likely be fixed.

Lets start with weight gain, it doesn't happen overnight.  But something happened over the past ten years.  And it's not because you aren't as active anymore.  You didn't exercise enough back then to keep weight off either.  It's not because you are getting older.  It's about hormones and your body.  They wear out.  But not with age, but with the amount of work you request of it.   If you want to lose weight you've put on over the past ten years or so, you need to control insulin.  Our bodies were NEVER designed to process the type and amount of foods we eat as part of a "Standard American Diet".  SAD for short.  The amount of sugar and grains is insanely high causing your blood sugar to spike, triggering a release of insulin from the pancreas to take that glucose from your blood stream and transport it to your liver and muscles for energy storage.  Except your muscles have a no vacancy sign on them.  Why?  Because you aren't depleting those cells any more because you can't move due to the inflammation caused by the foods that made you gain weight.  So the glucose in your blood stream is then stored in your fat cells.  Chronic carbohydrate consumption leads to excessive weight gain and causes you to become insulin resistant.  This leads to Type 2 diabetes and other autoimmune disease.

Oh...the the hurting.  It's also caused by a SAD diet at well.  It's inflammatory.

There is NO requirement for carbohydrates.  NONE.  No such thing as an essential carbohydrate.  Now, you may function well with carbohydrates from natural sources like vegetables, nuts, seeds and a little bit of in season fruit.   But grains, bread, wheat, added sugar, sugar.....stop eating it.  For your own good.

And the memory thing.  Alzheimers is now called type 3 diabetes.

This is a very dumbed down version of what's happened.  But basically what I'm saying is that most likely your diet sucks.  Even if you have good intentions.  Even if you exercise.  Athletes are not immune to type 2 diabetes.  In fact, the more you exercise as a sugar burner the more careful you need to be that you aren't asking to much of your body to process all the added carbohydrates for "carb loading" and "refeeding".  Most people don't even track how many carbohydrates they are ingesting.  You really should.  Your body can only store between 300-500g.

Bottom line.  If you want to lose weight.  You need to control your insulin.  You can't exercise and maintain your same eating habits.  It will not work.  In fact, if you do it right, you won't even need to exercise to lose weight.  If you want to control your insulin, you've got to ditch the sugar, grains and excessive carbs.

It's science.

The things kids say....

Leaving the store this morning with my kids and I'm telling them about my favorite movie.  This move is so fantastic that it's actually called Captain Fantastic.  My kids asked what it was about.  I said it was about a family that has the greatest dad ever who is raising some pretty amazing kids.  My son smiled big, unaware that they had made a movie about us.

Yes.  That's what he told me.  That the movie was about us.

I debated if I should let the kids watch this movie.  It's got some language and its pretty deep.  It's a real movie.  Imagine that.  A real movie with real emotions.

Some would argue that it wouldn't be good to expose kids to that at ages 3 and 5.  I would argue that most people today have no idea what's good or not good for their kids.

So we started watching it.  The beginning is pretty heavy.  The mom of the family dies.  The kids in the movie were sad and crying.  I said it was very sad.  I even teared up a bit.  My kids said they'd be really sad if their mom died.  I said I would be sad too.

It was then my son told me I would be sad if my mom died too.  I agreed.  And then he said that it would probably be soon because my mom is his grandma and grandmas are old.  And when you get old you die.

Yep.  This is life.

Surviving or Existing

So last year at this time I was neither primal/paleo/keto.  I was an overweight, very active, poor diet consumer and depressed person riddled with anxiety.

I've been taking a certification course to be a primal health expert and it feels like a refresher of how I've been feeling for a long time.  That when we don't have shit to do so we get bored, depressed and make poor decisions.

Before agriculture, people spent their days hunting and gathering.  They had to survive.  They also played a lot too.  Sometimes as much as 6 hours a day!    Today, we just exist.  We don't have to do much for survival.  If we get sick, we don't die.  We go to the doctor.  If we break a leg, we get it set.  These are good things.  This is advancement.  We live longer.  But are we really living?  I think some people do just fine existing and advancing.  Others don't.  They do better at surviving.  There are pro's and cons to both surviving and existing.   We have so much access to "stuff" in our lives that we forget to keep it simple.   We put to much pressure on ourselves to succeed at something that may very well be unattainable.

Anyway, I wrote this last year.

I want to take a stab at how inactivity leads to sadness, a lack of self worth and even depression. 

Not just inactivity by choice either.  But a general, there is nothing to do.  In America, survival is easy.  I know I'm generalizing.  I know there are people in america that have to work really hard to meet the needs of their family.  I'm not saying what you do is easy. In fact, I wish more people could experience a little bit more difficulty in what it means to survive on a daily basis. 

On my last trip to Haiti we talked with someone in the medical field about mental illness in the country.  It's not very documented nor does it seem to be prevalent as much as in the US. 

These thoughts occurred to me while listening to a podcast and the hosts were talking about how awesome it would be to be stranded on an island.  There would be such a need for survival.  All of the sudden you have more of a purpose than to just exist. 

I guess that's like living in Haiti. 

Every day is survival mode.  Knowing that if you take a day off it sets you back a week.  You have goals and strive to meet them.  Is it possible to still have depression?  I don't know.  I'm not an expert.  I'm just thinking. 

There have been times in the past when I've had slow periods at work.  Those days sitting at home are awful.  The feeling of not contributing at all.  And coping mechanisms cost money or require effort.  And you don't even feel like it.  You don't even need to go work in the garden, because you probably don't have one.  Or tend to you livestock, because you don't have any.  In my case, by the time I'd go get a job someone would call for work.  But if you are trying to find a job, it can take awhile.  And the longer it takes the worse it gets.  You could exercise, what for though?  What gives you the right to have fun if you aren't contributing?

For me anyway, if I don't feel as though I'm contributing to our household or society in any way I don't deserve to enjoy it.  I have to earn it. 

What if we all had purpose everyday?  When we woke up our feet hit the ground running and worked to accomplish something or move towards a goal.  What if we had routine and carved out time for leisure and fun?  Or even worked fun into our goals.  Or we could be spontaneous in our endeavors still having an end goal in mind.   

It's still a drug.

I felt compelled to write about something this morning.  I've been back and forth about this for a few weeks but want to share some things.  Let me start by saying I'm not an expert.  I'm not a doctor.  I may be wrong about things.  But what I am, is sincere.  And I mean no ill intent with whatever I say.  I know this is a sensitive topic for many people.   And I just realized this blog may get a little lengthly, but I believe it's worth the read.   I know that every single case is different.  I hope that some of this resonates.  And when I say I mean all this sincerely and come from a place of wanting to help, I truly mean that.  I'm not looking to argue, I'm not saying anything definitively.  I'm just trying to talk things out.

We all take drugs everyday.  The definition of drug I am using is that a drug is something that changes your brain chemistry.  Dumping a cold bucket of water on yourself is a drug by those standards.  I know it's not technically a drug, but you get my drift.

I believe we all want happiness.  We all want to feel good about ourselves and have a healthy self image.

Last night I heard a story from a friend about his younger brother wanting to start believing in God and Jesus because he wants to happier.

I heard another friend share how glad he was that smoking pot worked much better for his depression/anxiety than Zoloft did.

Over the past year I've consistently taken an anti-depressant, started taking an anti-anxiety medication, changed my diet, exercised regularly, started a certification course, had counseling, got off medication and did several other things to try to promote happiness.

Some other people decide to have surgeries to look or feel better about themselves.

All of these things are serious situations, none of them to be taken lightly.   Emotions are strong.  False emotions are even stronger.  When I say false emotions, I mean those that are skewed by our brains not firing properly.   For example, I finally have 6 pack abs.  I still think I need to lose some more weight and get stronger.  Why?  Somewhere at some time in my life it was impressed into my brain that unless you have 6 pack abs you ain't got shit.  But I have them.  And I still feel like I'm not good enough.  But good enough for who?

There seems to be this invisible comparison monster out there stealing my joy.  That keeps saying I'm not good enough until you look like me.  But I'll never know what this monster looks like because it doesn't exist.  Perhaps this monster is societal pressure.

We all often equate happiness with either a thing or a goal.  If I have this, I'll be happy.  If I look this way, I'll be happy.  If I engage with this activity, I'll be happy.  This isn't exactly a bad thing.  I think some of this is called coping mechanisms.  We learn how to live and act in a way that keeps us happy.   Using coping mechanisms can work well, until they don't.  They don't actually cure you, they just maintain you.

Last november I was in a really rough place.  We had a lot of changes in our family happen over the past two years.  Even just changes in mind about things I believed or how I thought.  They weren't bad changes, but changes.  It took some getting used to.  And in November for whatever reason, I had officially lost it.  My mood was all over the place.  I was unstable.  I made poor decisions.  I believe some were honest decisions to try to get through.  But I had gotten to the point I didn't even want to call and schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist.  I thought all hope was lost for me.  I frequently thought it would be great if I died.  I didn't want to kill myself but if I died, that would be fine.   My old ways of coping weren't enough.  My wife called me a psychiatrist.  He put me on some anti-anxiety meds and they seemed to start working.  I didn't care about as much anymore, and that was a good thing.  Worry was behind me.  At least for a time....

But I still had angry outbursts.  I still yelled and got mad.  It wasn't as often, but when it did happen, it was worse than it ever was.  I tried to shield it as much from the kids as possible.  I had even willingly put my fist into a glass paned picture knowing full well what damage it would do.  And it did some.  I threw my iPad and broke it.  Though, I thought I had slammed it onto the floor in a way that wouldn't cause it to break.  But it did.  Vacuum cleaners are fun to smash too.  Hollow core doors are fun to destroy.  But in the past when I did break something, it helped my mood.  Breaking things was a coping mechanism.  But not anymore.  It didn't help anymore the way it used to.  If anything, it helped better.  Because after I did I realized that this was not the way.  This was only a temporary fix.  These new thoughts were realizing old ways weren't working anymore.  Because you no longer need to do this.  Because I am stronger, I can handle stress,  I'm changing my thinking.   But my thoughts of dying remained.  Perhaps the medication helped me realize this.  No one really explained to me how it would work or what I should feel.

I still felt worthless.  I was in the best shape of my life, my business was steady, and I still had moments of extreme depression.

On Saturday April 22nd I was in a low place.  But instead of going and buying something expensive (another coping mechanism) I had my wife drop me off ten miles away.  The only way to get home was to run home on the AT (or call an uber).  I could have take the road, but seriously, who wants to run on the road?  But I had her drop me off so I could run.  Because I knew that would help.  She admitted that she didn't think I was coming home.  And I can say that the thought had crossed my mind.  But within half a mile I was starting to feel good.  It almost feels silly that that's all it takes sometimes.  Knowing you were on the brink of ceasing to exist to feeling better in a matter of minutes.  That's the power that running/exercising has on your brain.  But then immediately feeling like shit again because your goal of feeling better was accomplished and you are still 9.5 miles from home.  But that 9.5 miles is pure bliss.  For me anyway.

Monday morning rolled around and I realized I forgot my medication.  Instead of going home...I said screw it.  I don't need it.  I got this.  I know what to do.  And off I went to work.  I had one pill that night and that was the last time I took them.  It's been almost two weeks and I feel like a new person. I know I'm not cured.  I know I should schedule some therapy.  Or maybe I don't.   I just want to keep doing what I'm doing and continue to seek balance and strive for wholeness.

I don't want anyone to get the impression that I'm saying to not or stop taking prescribed medication.  It may be necessary.  But I do think a lot of what we struggle with can be kept in check with the proper thinking.  And that we really need to strive for that.  And if medication is needed to help get there, great.  Whatever it takes.  Perhaps taking an anti-anxiety drug made me realize that it doesn't matter if I worry or not, nothing changes.  It allowed me to see a situation play out without me worrying about it and finally realizing that the only thing worry controls is how I am feeling.  And that worry rarely led to action to help whatever was causing the worry to go away.   Expressing proper caution on the other hand, that's not the same as worry.

But back to the above.  I think we all much be careful about what we use to create happiness.  I think seeking Jesus because we want to be happy isn't the best reason to seek Jesus.  Even though following Jesus may create happiness for you, I don't think it's the best reason to seek Jesus.  I think that's still a coping mechanism.  And that may not even be a bad thing.  It's just something to be aware of.  It won't be a real authentic encounter with Jesus, it will simply be a change in thinking.

Smoking pot may help you.  But it won't cure you.

Exercise and diet may help you.  But it won't cure you.

Having a Bariatric surgery may help you lose weight.  But it won't cure you.

This things are all still drugs.  Temporary changes to produce a temporary feeling.

If you don't address how your brain works and why it's giving you all of those negative or false emotions, you'll still struggle.

Taking an anti-depressant doesn't mean you'll be happy.  I just means you might not be depressed.  You still have to find happiness.  I'm still trying to find where true happiness comes from and I think I'm on the right track.  But not because I'm special.  But because I haven't given up yet.  So please, don't give up.  Keep fighting.  As exhausting as it is.