Couple things on my mind today that I'm going to hash out in a blog.
I feel like a tremendous amount of people carry around way to much baggage. They carry around things they wish they would have said but didn't because it's not that big of a deal. True, it may not have been that big of deal. But when you let lots of nbd's add up, they turn into one really big deal. Especially if those nbd's all involve the same person.
This happens a lot in marriages. It can be something as simple as not picking up last nights dirty laundry and putting in the hamper. This is a simple request you ask of your partner and it's really not a big deal so you don't say anything if they don't do it. But then something else happens, they leave toothpaste residue in the sink. They don't put the dishes away. There's pee on the seat. All those nbd's add up. And then when a big deal happens, all the nbd's come out too. And things get ugly. You'd wish you'd have said something earlier, because the big deal would have been much easier without all the baggage of the nbd's weighing on you.
In fact...if those nbd's bother you, I'd make the claim that you owe it to the other person to tell them every single time. It doesn't have to be mean. Just something simple like, "I really wish you'd put your dirty laundry before you go to bed." Whether they do it or not is irrelevant. You let it off your chest, after that it's on them. Even if you have to tell them every morning.
This goes beyond inside the house. What if things other people do bother you?
I get this with my job on occasion. I paint houses. I try to be thorough and make sure things look good. I would much rather have someone inquire about a spot on the wall that's bothering them before I'm finished. That is...if they are aware of it. But even if they wait till the end, I'd still rather have them tell me about it, instead of not saying anything. If they don't say anything, every time they see it they'll think negatively and wish they would have said something. I could write a book about that one thing alone.
Just be honest with people. Let feelings out as you have them. Otherwise they will cloud your future emotions and feelings about people. People deserve an opportunity to change. And if people don't even know they are in the wrong or if they are hurtful, how will they know to change if you don't share how you are feeling?
If you don't like church because of something a church did to you. You owe it to yourself and to them to let them know. It gives you a chance to let the hurt off your chest and it gives them an opportunity to know so they don't unintentionally hurt others the same way. This one hits really close to home for me. I hate church. But I love so many of the people in church.
If you don't like avoid a restaurant because of the cleanliness or a servers bad attitude but you love the food, you owe it to yourself and to the restaurant tell the manager or owner. Why? So you can enjoy their food and the restaurant has a chance to bring attention to the needs. And it gets it off your chest.
What about a family member? What if they do things that bother you? Shit, that's a tough one. Let me know when you have that one figured out. Too many times I default back to, "there's something I should have done differently and I wouldn't feel this way." This isn't helpful for your own well being. We could have all done things differently.
Going back to the above scenario of picking up dirty laundry. What if you had to ask your partner every day to put their clothes in the hamper? Wouldn't that be nagging? NO!!! They should just pick up their clothes. Since when was the one that asked a simple task to be done the one in the wrong? Pick your clothes up, simple as that. Anyway. Just some thoughts.
Sharing how you feel isn't nagging. Not in the least.
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