It's 5 o'clock and Cold

Let's talk about fake news. I think I get it. I don't like fake news.

In my opinion, lawyers can be great at fake news. They present the truth that's not exactly the truth. But the way that the story is told isn't not true, but it's not true either.

For example.  The song by 2003 song by Alan Jackson, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere".   It's not actually 5pm where he is, but it's 5pm somewhere in the world.  He's not wrong.  But if someone only heard him say, it's 5pm but not the rest of the story, they'd be misled.

I know, poor example.  Lets talk about one that I was knee deep in thought with yesterday. Presenting an argument about something that isn't wrong, but it's not right either.  The song, "Baby, it's cold outside."  If you read the lyrics of this song in todays world without the proper context, the song appears to be about a man pressuring a women to stay the night against her will.  That's horrible.  In fact, the first time I really listened to the lyrics I was pretty disgusted and couldn't believe that song was being played.

Yesterday I saw someone post that if you don't see that this song is about sexual assualt and rape, than you might be part of the problem.  Well, didn't want to be part of the problem.  So I did a fair amount of research into the history of the song and I came to find out to the best of my knowledge that the song is NOT about sexual assault and rape. But I can understand that if you heard it without the proper context you could make a valid case that it was. But I think that would be unfair to the original artist.

The song was written in the late 30's, early 40's.  The couple involved wanted to spend the night together buy at the time that would have been looked down upon. The lady says she should leave (not because she doesn't want to stay, but fear of what others would say if she stayed). But the man gives her an out. Something to say to people when they ask. It's cold outside.  You'll freeze. The fire is warm here.

The line about "what's in this drink?" isn't one of question. It's a line we've all used to explain actions we knew we wouldn't do otherwise by saying we had to much to drink.

But I also understand that this song, if played out in the literal sense, could have gone another way. The man could have offered to drive her home, or walk her home.  But he didn't, and she didn't want him to. Or maybe she did want to leave and he was trying to convince her to stay using his power and persistency. That would be awful. But I don't believe for one second that's what the original artist intended. Unless his wife, who performed the song with him was also into that and ok with it.

I get it that people might not like this song. It may even trigger a bad experience. And I'm sorry about that. I don't really like the song, either.  But don't make something up about the song to further a point. Use it as a teaching point. But don't make the song the enemy. The very thing the song is pushing up against is the enemy. The unfair societal expectations and others assuming things without all the information. Be mad at those.

I won't hide this song from my kids. But I will explain to them what they are talking about if it comes up. I can even use this song to teach consent. But I will not make the song about the promotion and acceptance of sexual assault and rape. That's fake news.

Figuring out my Christmas

I got the Christmas feels this morning.

Wait.

I got the Christmas music feels this morning. There is a difference. Thanks to August Burns Red's version of "O Holy Night".  

It made me tear up a little bit. Again, not sure if it was the amazing composure of the song done by ABR or the emotions of Christmas. It's hard to tell when it comes to music. It moves you. Think of Braveheart without the soundtrack, it just wouldn't be the same. But that's not what this blog is about.

I grew up with Christianity as our families belief. We went to church every Sunday and were involved in Wednesday night activities. I continued to go to church after I moved out and was on my own. Church and Christianity were always a part of my life. Until about 3 years ago. I can't really pinpoint exactly what made me begin to question this thing called Church and Christianity. It always felt good, until it didn't.

The holiday season is also more difficult when some of the best memories you had of them were from childhood. And when childhood memories no longer are the same as they once were, it doesn't help the situation much. The wounds may heal, but the scars remain. It's kinda like Harry Potter's scar. It doesn't always hurt, but when it hurts, it's crippling.

I know I'm not the only one. And it's not something that is easy to process. There are so many different emotions involved in this. Sadness, anger, hurt, frustration, confusion, doubt, but rarely ever peace. You want to believe, but you can't.

For me I think I started using Sunday mornings for my long runs. These typically took me several hours to complete and was a form of "church" for me. But when the weather turned cold and I wasn't running anymore, I never went back. I stayed home and made music in the studio that I had put together in our garage. This was also like church to me. I wrote about the mental battles I was facing with much of that emotion reflected in the songs I wrote.  

"I wish I had a hope, a wish or a dream that could manifest.

To escape this sorry life and run away, chase the setting sun so that the darkness stays away.  

But it’s like a trap, the lights go out but I can’t say goodbye from the darkness of my life.  

Metal chains have me locked up, bound and broken, crucified to this lie and I can’t.  Breathe."  

After several months to a year of this I realized that nothing really changed significantly as a result of not attending church. I did notice that nobody from the church I grew up in really noticed my absence either. There was a few, though. I can count them using fingers on one hand. 

This was not an easy thing. There was a lot of turmoil both interior and exterior. My views of the world and humanity began to change. Celebrating things like Thanksgiving became harder knowing that it's not as "happy" as the picture is painted. Christmas and Easter are more difficult and you have to begin to look at them from a more secular view. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, many do it. But how you've celebrated these holidays for your entire existence is changing. It's hard to adjust from normal. 

I still don't attend church. I've become a "Chreaster". I don't pray. I don't read the Bible. I don't really buy into christianity or the American Church anymore. Even though the many in the church I would attend if I attended say that even if Jesus and Christianity wasn't real they'd still be the same people and love people the same. I believe them. But to attend you have to believe the same "thing" they believe or you won't really fit in. It's tough. Because many of them would say I could. But I can't. 

Yet. 

This morning I also heard a the song, "What Child is This?" by Future of Forestry.  Also a spectacular song.  August Burns Red has a pretty amazing version too. 

But, Jesus. 

I still cling to hope that Jesus was a real person. Besides, other religions point to Jesus. He must be real. And from what I read, Jesus was a rebel. He came to flip religion on its head. He came to love. He came to live. He came to die. And I believe Jesus loved people so much that he couldn't bear the amount of people that were being killed via crucifixion, so many that they ran out of trees, that he said....

"Me Too" 

This is the time of year his birth is celebrated. Can I get behind that? Who is Jesus? I'd ask him, but even Jesus himself asked the question. He asked his disciples what others said who he was. He asked his disciples who they thought he was. Did Jesus even know the depths that he would impact the world? 

This Christmas I want to gain an understanding of who Jesus was. Not on an emotional or spiritual level, but a biographical study of the person of Jesus. What if Jesus didn't want a religion behind him? What if he didn't want billions of dollars tied up in religious buildings and other offerings? How will we ever know? More has been written about Jesus in the past 20 years than in the previous 2000. 

I guess maybe the best thing I can do is to be the best me I know how to be. I think that's what Jesus would be. 

I was hoping writing this out would bring some clarity. I was hoping it would bring me to some new level of peace with my beliefs.  But as I'm wrapping up, I realized that I was already there.  

And I am always reminded that when writing blogs like this, why people end up writing books instead. 

Just. No.

Cool God story time.

This morning I was up at 1:30am to take my missionary friends to the airport. I enjoy the extra time I get to spend with them and the trust they place in me to always pick them up and drop them off on time when they return home. Well, at 1:45am this morning I accidentally locked my keys in our van.  This was a very peculiar thing to happen seeing as how there is usually at least one unlocked door at all times due to faulty lock actuators. So the fact that all the doors got locked was incredibly rare. With no time to spare, I knew the only thing to do was to take my truck, and leave the van idling by it's lonesome in our driveway.

Upon arrival at their location to pick them up, it was evident that the amount of luggage would NOT have fit in the van without the passengers being VERY uncomfortable and unsafe for the 2 hour drive to BWI. It was actually a blessing in disguise that I had the truck. For a moment I thought what mysterious ways God works. That He knew the amount of luggage and space requirements to keep all passengers safe. He allowed the doors to be locked on purpose so I would have no other option to take the truck. What a cool and thoughtful dude God is to do something like that.  Right?  He knew we had roadside assistance from State Farm and they'd be able to come get the doors unlocked as soon as I got home even though I didn't even know we had roadside assistance until I got home.  So amazing that God is to take care of those little things.

No. No. No. No. No. Just, No.  Don't even try to spin it that way. I was careless. I locked the keys in the van. God had nothing to do with it. Why and how can I say that so confidently? Because of all the atrocities and vile things that happen in this world that God doesn't intervene. Everything worked out perfect for us this morning despite the circumstances. Things don't always work out perfectly for anyone else that faces trials and hardships in life that are much worse that locking their keys in the van. People get abused, assaulted, murdered, left for dead when one small intervention from God could have saved them. But that doesn't happen. How selfish would it have to be for me to think that God had any type of intervention on that event that I experienced this morning?

What's my point? I just wish people would stop giving credit to God when there is no evidence God had anything to do with something. Give yourself some credit, give yourself some blame.

Anyway. Just some thoughts this morning.

a long blog about the NFL, Trump, the National Anthem, Church and Bitches.

Couple things this morning that I'd like to get off my chest.  I wasn't going to weigh in on the NFL, Donald, the NBA, or the National Anthem.  But I will.

First, I used to write about all the things I didn't like about church, christianity, and a belief in a higher power.  But you know what?  I still like church.  I don't go often.  But I still remain friends with several people that do and even help out when there is a need.   I can not like something, disagree with something, perhaps not even believe in something, but still love the people involved, believe in their hearts, and what they are doing.

So I get it, you like Trump.  You think he's the greatest.  Fine.   But you have to remember something.  It's a really important detail.  He's the President of the United States of America.   His primary goal is to make America great for all citizens.   Right now, he's trying to make America great for himself and only those that support him.  His words create division.  He is not careful with what he says and the consequences that may follow.   He is disrespectful to our fellow man, regardless of you feel about said man, or woman.  This past Friday, September 22, he called many amazing mothers, "bitches".  Mothers that sacrificed so much so their sons could play a sport they loved.  With his wreckless words, he called them all bitches.  This man is so foolish with the things he says he doesn't realize that when you call a man, a son of a bitch, you are not criticizing the man.  You are criticizing his mother.  This is appalling, unacceptable behavior for a president.  And many that support him are willing to overlook this absurdity.  Guess what, you don't have to.  You deserve better.  You can expect more from the person you elected.  More class.  More professionalism.  And still be a supporter.  You don't have to take everything he says and worship it.  Just like the relationship I have with the church.  I can still recognize the good, while being unsettled about much of it and do it in a way that means no disrespect to those that still attend church.

But why protest during the National Anthem?  Well, why not?  It's peaceful.  It's not disrupting.  Think about the same scenario in a different environment.  Lets go back to church.  Imagine the whole congregation all walking up front to take communion and you saw a few remaining seated.  Wouldn't the first inclination be to sit down next to them and ask them what's wrong?   Rather, what our president is suggesting is to yell at that person, call him a son of a bitch, and demand he be removed from the premises for not participating.

The National Anthem is an important song to many.  It holds a lot of value and honor.  Even if the full song is controversial and has racist roots.  We've been able to ignore that and use the good parts of it as a sign and symbol of this great nation.  And America is pretty great.  For many people.  But sadly, still not all people.  And I'm not willing to settle for the fact that it's still better than other countries.

But many people are confusing the National Anthem with a celebratory act or moment to honor our military and veterans.  That's not what the National Anthem is about.  The anthem is about celebrating our country.  And if you can't fully celebrate our country, why fake it?  Why stand up even though you have some unsettling feelings about it?  Just like the person sitting for communion.  Something is keeping you from fully engaging in the celebration and remembrance.  So, rather than tell them to GTFO, perhaps listening to their concerns would be a better option.  Seek to understand the plights of our fellow Americans.

Because that's what we all are, fellow Americans.   And this is America.  We have certain unalienable rights.  Like the pursuit of liberty.  Freedom.  America is great.  But being great doesn't mean perfect. And I commend the people that see things that need to change, that bring awareness to it, and that do something to push the process of change forward.  And one of the first ways to bring change is to bring awareness to a problem.

I'm going to let alone the fact that Donald withdrew his invitation to the GS Warriors because there was some hesitation from one of the players to go.  But....

Be the bigger person, Mr. President.  Say something like, "I'm sorry you are hesitant to come to the White House Mr. Curry.  It's an honor to visit a place with such history and importance.  Your hesitation is concerning and I'd like to hear what's on your mind."   "Mr. Kaepernick, I've seen you kneeling for the National Anthem.  This song is a very important symbol to this great nation.  What can I do as President of this Nation to help you be able to stand and be proud of the country in which you live?"  But no,  this man in the White House....people say he's got a backbone.  No.  He has no backbone at all.  When he doesn't get his way or thinks someone doesn't like him, he turns into a whiny little crybaby and throws a big hissy fit.  Being successful in business doesn't mean you'd make a good president, and he's proven that for sure.   Sorry, I may have had you up until this point.  But sometimes truth comes up and slaps you in the face.

It Might Work, But it Doesn't Mean it's Right

Couple weeks ago I was talking to another about health care costs.  It's no mistake that they are rising.  I remember when I had to acquire health insurance as a self employed individual and paying around $70 a month for mainly emergency medical care.  Honestly, it was so confusing to me what was covered and what wasn't.  Fast forward fifteen years and it's gotten a lot more expensive and a lot more confusing.  Why can't health care just be simple?   That answer is a much longer piece of writing.  Like me, the other person wasn't happy with the rising costs.  

And then a thought donned on me.  What if health insurance was never supposed to as cheap as it was 15-20 years ago?  What if that price wasn't sustainable?  What if the costs now reflect more of what the actual cost of insurance is?   If that's true, then instead of being upset about what the costs are now, be upset at the costs that never should have been.   Obviously, that may not be the case.  The increase could be because of the poor health of country.  We are the most overfed and undernourished country in the world.

But that's not what I'm writing about today.  I'm challenging the way we look at they way things are.  Because the way things are may not be the right way.

From the moment we were born, several things were set in place.  Starting with where we were born. Then what color we are.  Then what kind of home we lived in to how attentive our parents were.   Pretty much up until we were 18, most decisions were made for us.  Depending on what country or culture you live in of course.  But even then.  Many are confined by society on what you can and can't do.  

I remember the first time I travelled to a third world country.  I couldn't believe that a place like that existed on this planet.  It literally was a different world.  Everything about it was different, except for the fact we were all humans.  And none of us got to choose where we were born.  And for many people, the choice to move isn't a reality.

Even traveling within my own country, the United States of America, there are drastic differences in what society and culture look like depending on your region.  Different municipalities, counties, cities and states have different laws.   These could vary greatly from place to place.

This perspective shift also shows up in religious beliefs too.  Many families have a belief system already in place for generations and you are brought right into it.  Many never deviate from the path that's been laid out by one's family.  Some though, myself included, start to question and challenge the "what is".   We've been told there are certain "have to's" but we learn pretty quickly that we don't actually "have to".  

What's the point?  Just because you've always done something doesn't mean that's the right way or the only way to do something.  Just because you've been taught something doesn't mean there aren't other ways.

Never close your mind.  Always be open to other possibilities.  Especially the possibility that you might be wrong or there might be another way.

My Friend Dan.

I've always loved the term, perfectly imperfect.  I'm not exactly sure where it came from, but it's been my life motto for many years now.  It infiltrates everything in my life.  Some say it's a sign of perfectionism.  You leave projects unfinished purposely because you know they'll never be perfect.  So then you can say it's perfectly imperfect.

Perfectly imperfect things are unique.  There are no other things just like it.

I learned today that my friend Dan also loved this term.  Wabi-sabi.  Wabi-sabi cares for all things authentic and recognizes that nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.

Dan and I worked together in the Spring and Early summer of 2014.  It wasn't long until we began having deep conversations about life, spirituality, emotions, mental illness, depression, and anxiety.  Basically all things deep that normal people don't really get into because they aren't always comfortable conversations.   We worked on an old cabin together at Fuller lake in Pine Grove State Park and an old farmhouse outside of Mt. Holly Springs.  That's where Dan discovered this and captured history with this digital image.  It was a small piece of authenticity from this house that was being renovated into something new.  And then we painted over it.  Ok, I painted over it.  I don't know that Dan could have.

Dan was always encouraging me to check out the Metropolis Collective in Mechanicsburg.   He said I'd love it.  Dan was an artist.  A really skilled artist at that.  That's why I thought he'd be good help for me that summer.  For some reason I thought that being skilled at using a brush would be a good attribute for a residential house painter.  Not the same brush.  Not the same at all.  Dan was an artist through and through.  And I enjoyed every minute we spent working together.  And despite the difference in brush work, he was a fine house painter.

Dan introduced me to one of my now favorite genres of music.  Indie folk.  I guess it's indie folk, whatever Bon Iver is.   It has brought me peace in some of my most emotional moments.  In a way I think only Dan could understand.

At the end of that year, Dan asked me if he could buy a few of my dropcloths.  He said they would look nice for a display they were working on at the gallery.  He then offered me more money than what it would be if he bought new ones and splashed paint on them.   I didn't understand.  His explanation....

"I can't recreate this.  These dropcloths are authentic.  And that's what I'm looking for." 

That's an important lesson for us all.

The creative person doesn't create things for money.  They crave authenticity.  They crave the possibility of what can be.  They create things because that's who they are.  Actually, I don't know why people create things.  Probably a lot of reasons.  You can't put a price on the inspiration we get from a creative mind.   That's probably why you've heard someone say they are a "struggling artist".   

A struggling artist.  

That was Dan.  We both shared our struggles with depression and anxiety.  At times it's debilitating.  You don't want to leave your house.  You feel trapped.  These are the words of a creative mind whose been to those depths.  

I wish I had a hope, a wish or a dream that could manifest.

To escape this sorry life and run away, chase the rising sun until the darkness fades away.  

But it’s like a trap.  The lights go on but I can’t say goodbye from the darkness in my life.  Unseen chains have me locked up, bound and broken, crucified to this lie and I can’t.  Breathe.  

That was me.  I wrote those words.  I placed them in a perfectly imperfect song, one of my creative outlets.  

On August 21 2017 Daniel Kalbach was released from the captivity of those chains unseen by many.  He was in a car accident early that monday morning.  Dan loved many and had a heart for others despite his own struggles.  He was loved by many and will be missed by all.  

These are a few of the drop cloth recreations.  May we never fail to see the value in something old, used and abused.  May we never fail to see the inspiration that can be brought to us through art.  There is something special about a drop cloth.  It doesn't mind getting dirty so something else has a better chance of staying clean.  The sacrifice of ones self for another.

Thank you Dan.  I'll never forget the impact that both your life,  and your death has had on me.  Rest in Peace, my friend.  Wabi-sabi.

keto success

They say if you love something you should let it go and if it comes back it loves you too.  I love food, all types of food.  And because of that love, excess weight came with it.  So I said goodbye to certain foods and hello to a lot of exercise.  I was beginning to think that my extra weight and foods really loved me.  Because every time I let them go,  they always seemed to come back to me.

Relationships with food can be incredibly complicated.  Food plays with our emotions.  Not only does it impact our physical selves, it impacts our psychological selves too.  The wrong food makes us feel good at night and leaves us after a one night stand with a note on the pillow saying thanks for the good time and sorry for any negative consequences I left you with.  For many...this happens night after night.  

Over the course of my life I've gained and lost over 100 pounds.  I'll never forget my first affair with weight loss.  I was 25.  Just married that year to my amazing wife.  We were planning a trip with friends to the beach at the end of the summer.  Myself and some friends decided on a weight loss challenge for the 2 and a half months prior to the trip.  Game on.  I weighed in at 211.  I'm 6 feet tall so I wasn't that overweight.  Although I'm pretty sure I had visible six pack abs 2 years prior.  Commence severe calorie restriction, massive will power and two hours or more a day at the gym or exercising.  Easy to do when you have a flexible work schedule, don't have kids,  and there is money and bragging rights on the table.  It worked, I lost 36 pounds.  Weighed in at 175.   Though, I didn't win the competition.

I can't say I remember for certain what my diet looked like.  I know I didn't give up drinking Miller Lite.  Pretty sure I stuck with mostly vegetables and chicken.  Lots of salads, yogurt and granola.  No fast food but an emphasis on low fat and low calorie.  One thing I'll never forget is that first stop on our trip the Outer Banks.  We all went to IHOP.  I felt lost.  I felt like I was betraying all that I had worked for.  I don't know what I ate, but I remember the feelings.  And after that meal....It was game over.  No more dieting.  I let loose that week on all things food and drink.  In a way, it was good to not stress about food.  But over the next year, my weight crept back up.  I couldn't sustain the work I had done to lose all that weight.   Nor did I want to continue restricting the amount and kinds of food to be had.   This only confirmed what I thought about losing weight was correct,  that I needed to eat food that I didn't really like, be hungry,  and work out a lot to lose weight.

The next affair with weight loss came when a friend told me about this "paleo" thing.  Basically a caveman diet.  So I tried that.  I set a goal that if I got down to 180 I could buy a pair of Vibram Five Finger shoes.  My rules were simple.  If a caveman could eat so could I.  Well, apparently I thought cavemen could eat popcorn, salad dressing, cheese and beer.  Regardless, I got to my goal weight over the course of a few months with lots of exercising mixed in.  After I got my shoes, all progress was halted and all weight crept back.

I'm sensing a pattern.  Eat whatever I want, gain weight, get frustrated at weight gain, put a reward out there for me to get, cut calories, exercise a lot, lose weight, get reward.   I had several of these weight loss affairs usually lasting a few weeks and 10-15 pounds at a time.  I never found anything that stuck.  Why could I not maintain?   Why could I not continue?  I assumed it was because I lacked will power.

But I was wrong.  That way doesn't work.  But I didn't know that.  Diet and exercise...it made me believe that was the only way because it worked for me.  But only for a time.  I didn't want to do that the rest of my life.  I thought fat was bad and it made you fat.  I didn't even know what carbs really were and protein was what you ate for muscles.

My next fling I decided to run a 77 mile ultra marathon.  If I just ran a lot I could eat whatever I wanted, right?  I was about 30 pounds overweight at the start of 2015 I started running.  And run did I ever.  Up through August  of that year I had completed about 6 marathon distance trail runs with nearly 15 half marathon distances tossed into the mix.  Let alone all the single digit mileage runs.   And I ran myself right into an injury.   Though having run all those miles...I still had quite a gut on me.  You could call me fit fat.

I had gotten to a point in my life where I had given up.  My wife and I had children now.  We both had careers we were busy with.  We both had life stress.  Food and exercise were the last of my worries.   I wrote off every being fit again and tried to settle into this new life.   At this point food was my drug.  I loved craft beer and whiskey.  I kept Jelly Belly jelly beans with me all the time.  I was really overweight and my mental health was in decline.  I didn't want to give up what I was currently eating.

But in the beginning of 2016 I got wind of this thing called the ketogenic diet.  Give up carbs?  I don't know if I can.  But I knew something had to change.  I was going downhill fast.  So May 9 2016 at lunch time I ate a salad and had a beer and decided the keto diet was what I was doing.   I was committed from day one knowing and believing it would work.  And it did, I lost about 35 pounds in 3 months with most of that coming off in the first month.  I listened to audiobooks and podcasts about the ketogenic way of eating and joined several Facebook groups about the ketogenic diet.  I also co-created a keto Facebook group of my own with over 400 members and we've lost a combined total of over 3000 pounds to date.    For almost a year now I've been maintaining easily.  I eat foods that I enjoy and plenty of them.  Now that I finally learned how the different macronutrients work in your body, maintenance is easy.  I followed a strict 20g of net carbs per less a day for almost a year and have since dialed back a little to around 40-50g of net carbs per day.   Though I'd venture to guess I'm still around 25g.

Throughout this journey I've done very minimal exercising for the purpose of losing weight.  I exercise for fun now, as it should always be.

Ketosis and the Ketogenic way of eating has been a life saver for me.  My energy levels have stabilized.  I can enjoy long runs and bike rides without having to worry much about fueling.  Inflammation is a thing of the past.  Mental clarity is astounding.  Plus a plethora of other benefits that came along with it.   Whether you are trying to clean up chronic conditions, autoimmune disease, or just looking to lose weight, I highly recommend learning the ways of KETO!