When you read this, please know I am a fan of Police. I am grateful for the service they do. But this is my honest reflection on how I was treated last night doing absolutely NOTHING wrong.
I need to vent a bit about my experience with the two PA State Police officers that encountered us last night. Let me set the scene. For 31 days we've been jumping in the bubble every day at all different times. Many times we had an audience, sometimes we didn't. Sometimes it was midnight, sometimes 8 pm, all random. We are doing nothing wrong or illegal. In fact, because of the awareness, close to 3,000 dollars was raised for IJM and other causes. So VERY GOOD THINGS were being done.
SO, as we walked back to the car there sits the officers with lights on. Their reason for being there as they said was to check on us because the 4 way flashers were on and they wanted to make sure we were ok. REALLY? Then why was the license plate number run? Why were our names and addresses taken? Why were we force to stay there for nearly 20 minutes soaking wet and in the cold? I asked multiple times if we did anything wrong always received a NO. So then I asked if I could leave because I was cold. They said no. We have to finish. FINISH WHAT? I asked again if I could leave, again, no. Until they finished gathering information and questioning. I asked if I was required to give them my name and information. They said yes. So I did. After further research, they had no right to keep me there or take any information. THIS IS WHY I THINK MANY POLICE GET A BAD REPUTATION. I would think that after about a minute, trained officers should be able to tell if 3 adult males appeared to be intoxicated and/or doing anything illegal. Seriously, why would we do that 10 yards from a main road with 4 ways on and flashlights? semi crazy to be swimming in 52 degree water, yes. But not illegal.
You know what would have been nice? A simple Merry Christmas, we just wanted to make sure you were ok. We saw the four ways on and wanted to offer assistance. But since everyone is ok and you aren't doing anything wrong or illegal, you fellas have a great night and Merry Christmas! And we would reply, (we did anyway), You too! Thanks for stopping and checking! Thanks for taking time away from your family to do the difficult job you do.
Now, don't go getting all mad at me. I think the majority of police do a great job. And I appreciate the fact they stopped. But 20 minutes? C'mon. What for? To Protect and Serve or Harass and Intimidate?
I am posting this to help, honestly. Police Officers have a very difficult job. This is my constructive criticism to help. Without positive feedback, nothing changes. Trust me, I want to help change societies perspective on police. But in situations like last night, a little help on their end would be great too.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Sometimes it's Better to Keep
PRE SCRIPT. I'm not happy with this blog. Feel free to stop after this first paragraph that I copied and pasted from the end. :-) So what's the point? Don't try to randomly help people and walk away. I
encourage you, if you feel for someone. Take some time out of your
busy day that's not really that busy and talk to them. If you can't
take 5 minutes to talk to someone, keep on moving. Maybe 10% of the
time you'll win and someone will be forever in your debt for the 20$ you
just gave them. But lets be real, in today's world, 20$ won't go far
at all. People need people before they need money. MONEY is not a
SAVIOR. It's people, it's relationships, it's time. LOVE is the
SAVIOR.
I remember a time I was at a church and a young girl was doing a shoe collection for children in Africa (or somewhere). I was moved by the effort and removed my shoes, my favorite shoes at the time, and let them at the altar. I felt so good walking out of that building without any shoes on. Knowing that there will be some guy in Africa with a newish pair of size 12 Skechers Shape ups.
It wasn't until about two years ago I was traveling to Haiti that I learned that mass shoe donations like that often hurt more than they help. I'm not saying the above story was one of those, but there are many that do. Think about it. When massive amounts of shoes (or anything) are donated and randomly distributed, what does that mean for the local shoe sales person? And there are many shops and stands that only sell shoes. Well, free shoes means less business and a shortage of shoe sales. This hurts that family, it also hurts the others that that family does business with. I'm no expert, at all, but wouldn't it be better to make sure the shoe shop gets the shoes? Sure, they make an extra dose of money having to not pay for inventory, but it allows them to spend more at the shops around them for the things they need.
Another example. I've also seen many stick built homes there. Many were in a state of disrepair or abandoned. Usually this is because missions groups come down, build a few homes and leave. Nobody bothers to teach the local people how to use this new material called wood. Concrete is king. There are some instance where building with wood is fine, as long as attention is given to those that will be left in the care of the building to teach how to repair and upkeep. As well as making sure that there is plenty of wood accessible in the event that repairs are needed.
Another one I experience just yesterday. We were packing for our upcoming trip to Haiti. We work with three different orphanages and take the majority of the responsibility for the children in them. We are also and fostering a great relationship with another orphanage and helping when we can. When we travel, we can only bring one, 50 lb bag per traveler, excluding small children. These bags are designated to supplies and basic needs like toilet paper, medicine, school supplies, clothes and other necessities and if we have room toys and games. These are all things that we supply to the orphanages that they don't regularly buy anywhere else. Well, there were all sorts of things donated, large boxed toys, clothes that were less than wearable, stained, ripped, holy (not that kind), and several large cowboy hats (that would be nice for your church sunday school class for dress up, but the do not pack well). Sometimes it seems as though people give their leftovers to these kids. They deserve better then your leftovers.
Having said that, I know everyone here means well. I know that those that give truly believe they are helping. I am not writing this out of frustration, but I realize that if no one ever says anything nothing is learned. I do believe many of the above are innocent and that many only think of the look of joy on the recipients faces at the moment of reception. But fail to see past the work that it takes to get the supplies there, what are they actually going to do with it, and can it be sustained once we leave. It is much deeper than just giving and walking away.
Now, I'll give you some examples of how this looks on the homefront. How about all those that you see along the street with signs that say homeless and hungry? Do you just give them money or food and keep going? How do you know you are helping them?
I often think that people truly desire to want to help, but don't want to take the time and actually do what it takes to make sure someone gets help. Helping someone in need could take years. It's hard to know what someone needs or what could help by only seeing someone or reading their sign. In fact, you could even be hurting them.
Example. A personal one. I was on the receiving end. And it sucked. I've been in battle lately with christianity. with the church and many that call themselves christians. This holier than thou attitude that some seem to have. That they know whats best for you and this is what you need. I believe now (and I will try to be kind to who I once was) that this is total bullshit. And before you get mad at me for saying that, Paul used words in the bible very similar. People come up to you and hand you a tract, or leave a note on the receipt saying Jesus loves you with a 3 dollar tip. Or better yet, the fake $100 bill tract. There are many examples about this toxic charity. Jesus called us to be disciples. Not go around shotgunning where we think help is needed. I have no idea why people do this. Whatever happened to getting to know them, caring for them and perhaps rarely talking about Jesus at all. Do you care more about your agenda, or about the person(s) you are trying to help? Anyway, these are some of my struggles.
I was at cafe 101 on thursday morning. Visibly in the middle of a mental battle. I was talking to my wife on the phone about different things. I may have mentioned some things about belief and disbelief of Santa, what Jesus would do in todays world, the role of the church today etc. Visibly frustrated though. A little while later, a gentleman came up as he was leaving and then proceeded with the most awkward exchange ever. He was bumbling with his ipad saying things about it mixed with I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. Then he threw a card on the table, with a bible verse and address of his church on it. I knew at that point exactly what he was doing, but was clueless at the same time and he picked the wrong time to try to do it. I was so confused by this man talking about his ipad and overhearing my conversation, I had no idea what he was actually offering. As he was leaving he said at least you'll get a free lunch, I assumed the card was an invite to a lunch at his church. So I said "there's no such thing as a free lunch". And that's when he said the gift card was for me, and left. HE JUST SPENT $20 ON ME AND HAS NO IDEA WHO I AM OR WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. I didn't ask for that, I certainly don't need it and it actually made my view of how christians try to do "charity" worse!!!!
Granted, I know he meant well. I know he probably sat over there trying to get the courage to even approach me. But dang did it ever piss me off. Not exactly what he did, but that some think this kind of giving is even acceptable and maybe even taught in some churches. It's absolutely pathetic. Jesus did that, and do you know why he could? BECAUSE HE'S GOD. Perhaps if this man really wanted to make a difference, he should have offered an invite to join me for coffee sometime. Or take a few minutes and ask about what he eavesdropped. I'd have gladly told him. But no, here, have a bible verse and gift card, it will be ok. I gave it back to cafe 101 and told them to wish some people merry christmas with it. They know their customers and who might be able to use a free coffee or two. Perhaps this method works for some people.
So what's the point? Don't try to randomly help people and walk away. I encourage you, if you feel for someone. Take some time out of your busy day that's not really that busy and talk to them. If you can't take 5 minutes to talk to someone, keep on moving. Maybe 10% of the time you'll win and someone will be forever in your debt for the 20$ you just gave them. But lets be real, in today's world, 20$ won't go far at all. People need people before they need money. MONEY is not a SAVIOR. It's people, it's relationships, it's time. LOVE is the SAVIOR.
I'm not happy with this blog. But I'm gonna post it anyway.
I remember a time I was at a church and a young girl was doing a shoe collection for children in Africa (or somewhere). I was moved by the effort and removed my shoes, my favorite shoes at the time, and let them at the altar. I felt so good walking out of that building without any shoes on. Knowing that there will be some guy in Africa with a newish pair of size 12 Skechers Shape ups.
It wasn't until about two years ago I was traveling to Haiti that I learned that mass shoe donations like that often hurt more than they help. I'm not saying the above story was one of those, but there are many that do. Think about it. When massive amounts of shoes (or anything) are donated and randomly distributed, what does that mean for the local shoe sales person? And there are many shops and stands that only sell shoes. Well, free shoes means less business and a shortage of shoe sales. This hurts that family, it also hurts the others that that family does business with. I'm no expert, at all, but wouldn't it be better to make sure the shoe shop gets the shoes? Sure, they make an extra dose of money having to not pay for inventory, but it allows them to spend more at the shops around them for the things they need.
Another example. I've also seen many stick built homes there. Many were in a state of disrepair or abandoned. Usually this is because missions groups come down, build a few homes and leave. Nobody bothers to teach the local people how to use this new material called wood. Concrete is king. There are some instance where building with wood is fine, as long as attention is given to those that will be left in the care of the building to teach how to repair and upkeep. As well as making sure that there is plenty of wood accessible in the event that repairs are needed.
Another one I experience just yesterday. We were packing for our upcoming trip to Haiti. We work with three different orphanages and take the majority of the responsibility for the children in them. We are also and fostering a great relationship with another orphanage and helping when we can. When we travel, we can only bring one, 50 lb bag per traveler, excluding small children. These bags are designated to supplies and basic needs like toilet paper, medicine, school supplies, clothes and other necessities and if we have room toys and games. These are all things that we supply to the orphanages that they don't regularly buy anywhere else. Well, there were all sorts of things donated, large boxed toys, clothes that were less than wearable, stained, ripped, holy (not that kind), and several large cowboy hats (that would be nice for your church sunday school class for dress up, but the do not pack well). Sometimes it seems as though people give their leftovers to these kids. They deserve better then your leftovers.
Having said that, I know everyone here means well. I know that those that give truly believe they are helping. I am not writing this out of frustration, but I realize that if no one ever says anything nothing is learned. I do believe many of the above are innocent and that many only think of the look of joy on the recipients faces at the moment of reception. But fail to see past the work that it takes to get the supplies there, what are they actually going to do with it, and can it be sustained once we leave. It is much deeper than just giving and walking away.
Now, I'll give you some examples of how this looks on the homefront. How about all those that you see along the street with signs that say homeless and hungry? Do you just give them money or food and keep going? How do you know you are helping them?
I often think that people truly desire to want to help, but don't want to take the time and actually do what it takes to make sure someone gets help. Helping someone in need could take years. It's hard to know what someone needs or what could help by only seeing someone or reading their sign. In fact, you could even be hurting them.
Example. A personal one. I was on the receiving end. And it sucked. I've been in battle lately with christianity. with the church and many that call themselves christians. This holier than thou attitude that some seem to have. That they know whats best for you and this is what you need. I believe now (and I will try to be kind to who I once was) that this is total bullshit. And before you get mad at me for saying that, Paul used words in the bible very similar. People come up to you and hand you a tract, or leave a note on the receipt saying Jesus loves you with a 3 dollar tip. Or better yet, the fake $100 bill tract. There are many examples about this toxic charity. Jesus called us to be disciples. Not go around shotgunning where we think help is needed. I have no idea why people do this. Whatever happened to getting to know them, caring for them and perhaps rarely talking about Jesus at all. Do you care more about your agenda, or about the person(s) you are trying to help? Anyway, these are some of my struggles.
I was at cafe 101 on thursday morning. Visibly in the middle of a mental battle. I was talking to my wife on the phone about different things. I may have mentioned some things about belief and disbelief of Santa, what Jesus would do in todays world, the role of the church today etc. Visibly frustrated though. A little while later, a gentleman came up as he was leaving and then proceeded with the most awkward exchange ever. He was bumbling with his ipad saying things about it mixed with I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. Then he threw a card on the table, with a bible verse and address of his church on it. I knew at that point exactly what he was doing, but was clueless at the same time and he picked the wrong time to try to do it. I was so confused by this man talking about his ipad and overhearing my conversation, I had no idea what he was actually offering. As he was leaving he said at least you'll get a free lunch, I assumed the card was an invite to a lunch at his church. So I said "there's no such thing as a free lunch". And that's when he said the gift card was for me, and left. HE JUST SPENT $20 ON ME AND HAS NO IDEA WHO I AM OR WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. I didn't ask for that, I certainly don't need it and it actually made my view of how christians try to do "charity" worse!!!!
Granted, I know he meant well. I know he probably sat over there trying to get the courage to even approach me. But dang did it ever piss me off. Not exactly what he did, but that some think this kind of giving is even acceptable and maybe even taught in some churches. It's absolutely pathetic. Jesus did that, and do you know why he could? BECAUSE HE'S GOD. Perhaps if this man really wanted to make a difference, he should have offered an invite to join me for coffee sometime. Or take a few minutes and ask about what he eavesdropped. I'd have gladly told him. But no, here, have a bible verse and gift card, it will be ok. I gave it back to cafe 101 and told them to wish some people merry christmas with it. They know their customers and who might be able to use a free coffee or two. Perhaps this method works for some people.
So what's the point? Don't try to randomly help people and walk away. I encourage you, if you feel for someone. Take some time out of your busy day that's not really that busy and talk to them. If you can't take 5 minutes to talk to someone, keep on moving. Maybe 10% of the time you'll win and someone will be forever in your debt for the 20$ you just gave them. But lets be real, in today's world, 20$ won't go far at all. People need people before they need money. MONEY is not a SAVIOR. It's people, it's relationships, it's time. LOVE is the SAVIOR.
I'm not happy with this blog. But I'm gonna post it anyway.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Fighting Hell to the Death.
You may find my thoughts/beliefs on this topic difficult to hear. Or you might love them. Or you might not have thought I felt this way. I realize I may not be right. But I have to live with those consequences.
At this moment. I don't believe in Hell. Not even for Hitler. Or Bin Laden. Or Jerry Sandusky. Not even Caillou.
This is difficult to write. Such complexity to try to encapsulate in a few easy to understand words.
I'll do my best.
Many people today do not believe in the Bible. Many don't even have a bible. So I try not to use that as a tool in which to prove a point. Even in my own understandings. I try to come to conclusions based on who I believe Jesus us. Granted, much of that has come from the Bible or church. And a lot has come from the relationship that I have with Jesus.
This post was inspired by a long conversation about the existence of Hell. Which also brought up the existence of Heaven. I believe in Heaven. BUT I don't make that and eternal life the primary reason for my actions on Earth.
At this moment. I don't believe in Hell. Not even for Hitler. Or Bin Laden. Or Jerry Sandusky. Not even Caillou.
This is difficult to write. Such complexity to try to encapsulate in a few easy to understand words.
I'll do my best.
Many people today do not believe in the Bible. Many don't even have a bible. So I try not to use that as a tool in which to prove a point. Even in my own understandings. I try to come to conclusions based on who I believe Jesus us. Granted, much of that has come from the Bible or church. And a lot has come from the relationship that I have with Jesus.
This post was inspired by a long conversation about the existence of Hell. Which also brought up the existence of Heaven. I believe in Heaven. BUT I don't make that and eternal life the primary reason for my actions on Earth.
I mentioned yesterday that I don't use the bible. I tend to ignore it when sharing my thoughts and beliefs to others. And many bible believers thought that was absurd. When in fact my reasoning for that, ironically, comes from the bible. Be hot or be cold. Many in disagreement with me openly admit that they do not know enough about the bible. So I guess that would make them lukewarm. And what happens to those that are lukewarm? According to the bible. So in the meantime, I'll be cold when it comes to the bible.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
depression medicine
***UPDATE****1-11-15 This is a battle. But I've realized that I was never depressed. It was Anxiety. Maybe. Among many other things. But Jesus. Yeah. Jesus. He helps. He heals. And several other factors as well. I'm not longer medicated. At this point. I don't want to be, but if you do, that's ok. But for me. Jesus is helping me. But seriously, I know this shit like the back of my hand and it ain't fun. Depression and Anxiety can be paralyzing. I know. Take the next few words as part of my never ending story.
Dead. I feel like I am emotionally dead. I don’t care. Well, I do care. But not about most of the things I once did. I lack drive. I have a deeper understanding of people who have slumped so low that they can’t pull themselves back up. It happens fast. Faster than you realized it and before you know it it’s too late. It takes something strong to pull you back up. It takes something other than yourself to continue and fight back from the pits of loneliness and depression. Other humans you see daily can rarely help. They try and their efforts aren’t unnoticed but it’s deeper. Someone can’t help you if you don’t even know what will help. Sometimes you don’t even want help and your mind convinces you to stay mad, hurt and lonely.
Dead. I feel like I am emotionally dead. I don’t care. Well, I do care. But not about most of the things I once did. I lack drive. I have a deeper understanding of people who have slumped so low that they can’t pull themselves back up. It happens fast. Faster than you realized it and before you know it it’s too late. It takes something strong to pull you back up. It takes something other than yourself to continue and fight back from the pits of loneliness and depression. Other humans you see daily can rarely help. They try and their efforts aren’t unnoticed but it’s deeper. Someone can’t help you if you don’t even know what will help. Sometimes you don’t even want help and your mind convinces you to stay mad, hurt and lonely.
Alive. Writing these words makes me feel like there is a spark. A glimmer of hope to a life that just hours ago tried to think of a respectful way to off himself. Something worth holding onto. Something of worth. Perhaps I am going through this storm to come out on the other side. So I can be a life preserver for another. So I can understand their thoughts and feelings when they can’t themselves.
I wrote those words a few weeks ago. Sunday, January 12 2013. It was a dark day for me. A day I need to share. These weren't all the words I wrote that day, nor all the thoughts. I haven't read them since, until I started to write this. I am glad I went back, for that last part. To share what I went through and continue to go through in hopes that I can help another.
I suffer from depression. I never knew what it was. I always mocked it in a way. When someone said they were taking anti-depressants I would write them off as having a lack of will, or even a lack of faith. Someone that gave up and resorted to drugs to make them feel happy. I thought happiness should come from within. I thought....wrong.
That sunday I didn't fight it. I didn't try to fight my feelings. I just sunk deep into a pit of worthlessness. I stayed in the basement listening to my pregnant wife and son laugh and play and it only made me feel worse. Why? I went to bed early, and hoped my 2 year old son wouldn't come in and say goodnight and give me a hug. Why? Little things make me violently angry. Why? None of my friends or family had any idea how I was truly feeling. Why? I don't have all the answers. I don't need the answers. I just knew at that point, that wasn't normal. Something wasn't right. And I wanted it fixed. Nothing I've tried offered a permanent fix. Exercise helps, sure. Working and accomplishing works, sure. But try motivating yourself to do that when depression already has wrapped it's ugly grasp around you. I went to the doctors, shared my story, got diagnosed and am now taking anti-depressants. Unfortunately not everyone goes the legal route and self medicates with other not so legal drugs in other ways. Those ways don't often turn out so well.
It is now August 12 2014, One day after we found out of the suicide of Robin Williams. It seems that it's ok to talk about mental illness now. Sad that it takes death for that to happen.
My anger still plagued me for quite some time after starting medication. Other aspects of my depression were eased, but I still found myself becoming angry. I often times would punch something or break something. Punching bags didn't work. Something had to break. Several times throughout my life this has been the norm. I remember tearing all of my sisters articles and timeline of news story off of her door in a fit of rage, threatening/running away often, punching walls (which at one time ended in a broken hand), punched my truck once and left a dent, threw a remote and shattered it, threw one of Josiahs toys and broke it, punched a door clean off it's hinges and various other things. Never punched a person, but used words pretty viciously. I wanted that to stop. So I met with a pastor at the church I attend and he offered some advice. Routine and control. My outbursts came when I realized I was losing control of a situation or person. I used my anger to control them. This rarely works and even if it did, it's not healthy. I began to write more things down to free up some brain space. Once I realized that a lack of control was the trigger to my anger, it has provided me with a little edge on being in control of myself when I can't control my surroundings.
Between those tips, medications, exercise, staying active and a healthy diet I have taken an upper hand on this battle. I share not for attention, but to hope that another will find comfort that they are not alone in their battle and others can empathize and get help from someone that understands. I'm still in the middle of it, and glad that I'm not alone.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Hike for Haiti Recap
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The hike didn't start on Saturday August 9 2014. For many it started much earlier, raising money, training (just kidding), mental preparation and even just deciding on whether to go or not. For the students, the agreement was that in order to qualify for the trip, you must attend the Flight Hike Weekend. One of our students was presented a last minute opportunity to go to Six Flags Amusement park. He had a decision to make. A trip to Haiti was on the line as well as loyalty to his Flight brothers. But Six Flags? That would be a fun day! Through much deliberation, he chose the hike. And to his surprise, the trip to Six Flags ended up being rescheduled so he could go. Call it what you will, but I see it as a reward for making a good decision. With every decision we make, their are consequences. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.
As usual, the Friday or our hike we had to negotiate everyone's arrival time and travel arrangements. These can sometimes be last minute, but we do everything we can to get any of the guys that want to come there. When a flight student comes to flight weekends, we have an opportunity to influence them to making better choices for their life. Attendance is critical to success in the program. After a great dinner of sandwiches, hot dogs and sausages we settled in for a pre hike fire circle (this is our bi-weekly accountability time). Afterwards, beds were made up and most of us had a great night sleep.
Saturday morning began a little chilly. Breakfast was light, watermelon, cantaloupe, pop tarts and cherries. And off we went, starting at Pine Grove Furnace to finish in Boiling Springs Pa. The first 2 miles of our hike was uphill followed by a long 6 mile downhill and 2 mile up and down to our lunch meeting point. There were 9 of us. The first ten miles were smooth, for most of us. Flight Program director Matt is showing some signs of age and had to exit the hike halfway due to a knee injury. Very proud of him for finishing the first ten with no verbal complaints at all. However, his son Logan finished the hike for him completing all 18.5 miles. That's how families work. That's how Flight works. Unfortunately, things in the program don't always go as well as you hope. One of our students is currently battling with some drug issues. He keeps coming to flight, but we can only do so much when dealing with an addiction. He was caught in another lie and had to leave the hike at mid point. This was not our decision, it was his. The only time one is asked to leave Flight is if they refuse to make any attempt at forward progress or the choose to leave. We can't always force people to stay.
Saturday afternoon, off we went. From Sheet Iron Roof road to finish in Bubbletown. We were fresh. Had a water refill, gatorade and subs for lunch. With slightly mixed emotions that two of our flight brothers were not with us. The second half of the hike was ten fold more challenging. More climbs, more descents, more mental battle's with ones self to continue forward. One of members was dealing with strong mental battles about the physical abuse his body was taking, as well as the mental battles that come with that. And I watched him power through fatigue, dehydration and a mile of leg cramps to finish strong. The last mile brought so much joy to me watching him finish and know how hard he was pushing himself in all areas of his life this day. I hope he remembers that feeling of finishing strong after well fought battle along the way.
One of the things we tried to do along the hike is stay together as a group. Now, we had all types represented on this hike. Some in better shape than others, some young, some older and all of us with at least one figurative thorn in our side. So, one can understand the difficulty of either trying to keep up or trying to slow down. That gets worse when you have 20 miles ahead of you. You want to go at your pace. But we are group. I watched as some of the students would walk ahead a ways, stop and wait. And then we'd walk together for while and repeat that process. You give and take. Thought you'd like to see those walking ahead realize that it's a group effort and sometimes sacrifices need to be made, you can be happy that those guys are at least in fellowship with one another. So we made a few exceptions, but at some point, usually about 18 miles in, emotions and mental clarity aren't always as sharp as they should be. More to come on that though. I watched one flight student join the faster group, but stop and wait more often than the others. I could see his internal struggle of wanting to move faster, but also wanting to stay with the group. At the end of the hike, he made a great decision by waiting for the slower group to finish together. Very proud of this young man who has so much to offer and is working very hard to get himself out of the hole he dug himself in earlier in life. And I noticed another flight member, who stayed with the slower group the whole time because he understands the value of moving at the groups pace. I am very proud of this young man for challenging himself physically and mentally in many different ways. I am also very thankful that he had the med kit! If an injury happened, which they did, everyone could stay and help. If there is a turn in the trail, we could turn as a group. When part of the group is left behind, what if something should happen to them? How long would those ahead realize that they lost some?
We pushed through The Devils Staircase, The Rock Maze, across Whiskey Springs Road and past Diakon's Wilderness Center up to Center Point Knob. We (actually not "we" but one of us) encountered a HUGE rattlesnake as well as a hive of bees. Unfortunately both these were found by the same person, both times when trying to find a convenient spot to poop. Apparently doing a number two in the woods is often times inconvenient. The descent from Center Point Knob, a 3 mile trek into Boiling Springs, proved to be one of the most difficult sections for some of us. Those struggles included cramping on one individual, patience with another, various aches and pains as well as mental battles as well. With about 1.5 miles left to go at our last water fill up, Some of the group decided to move forward without the rest of the group. This was disheartening to me that they did this. But this is Flight, and we used every experience as a teaching moment. There is seldom room for punishment inside of Flight. It just doesn't jive well with the culture, nor does it really work.
Two- thirds of us began our final stretch just behind the other two, our 7th hitched a ride back to the house. When LeBron James pulls out in a championship game due to cramps, this seemed like a good option at the time for one of us as well. And that is perfectly ok. I decided that something had to be done about the two that went ahead, so with permission from the group I ran ahead to stop them so we could finish together. As well as let them know that wasn't the best decision to leave without us. I was able to catch a glimpse of them about a quarter mile ahead so I knew they weren't far. When I got the bridge in Boiling Springs and hadn't found them yet, I began to worry. They should be here. I asked another hiking group where they were and they said they had seen them walking through the fields in the wrong direction. Well, at this point in the hike that is the last thing that one wants to hear. ESPECIALLY, when one of these students was in a situation just like this not long ago. Fortunately, they had realized they were going to wrong way and met me as I was on my way back to find them and a confrontation happened. It was strong, I admit. And several emotions were at play. But the recipient handled it well and didn't retaliate. If I was talked to the way I had talked to him, I may have leveled myself at that point in the day! But he didn't, and I am proud of him the way he responded. The other flight member, who is newer understand that sometimes when you love and care about someone, you have to be strong with them sometimes. When he saw the other student become stressed he reached out and put him arm around him. I was also impressed at this show of compassion. I learned a lot from this encounter about three people. Myself being one of them. Many things that could have been said and done differently, but ultimately, we talked through that experience and have grown deeper in our relationships with each other. So even when things don't always go the way as planned, you can still learn and grow together.
We finished our hike to the bubble and those that wanted to soak for a minute in the 53 degree water did, and we moved on to my home where some wonderful Flight supporters and Matt had dinner waiting for us! It was an excellent hike, challenging, rewarding and at some point it couldn't suck any worse. But at the end of the day, we hiked for those children in Haiti who don't have it nearly as good as the worst of us.
Here is the GPS of our hike. Hike For Haiti
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Against the Grain
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Discarded pallets. Old, splintered, left for dead. Most people see a pile of scrap. I see awesome. I see potential. I am sitting on a chair made from an old pallet and my computer is on a table made from an old pallet. It's amazing that in just a few hours one can turn junk into something that many people would call beautiful. And it's functional too. New life from old. I won't connect the dots. I'm certain you all can do that yourselves.
There are many different types of wood on pallets. Different grain as well. But it's all wood. Funny thing. As different as all the types and grain of wood there is, when it's all put together it's beautiful. It was beautiful before, but sometimes it takes a little refinement for others to see it. Shame on us for not seeing the beauty before the refinement.
What if the sapwood said to the wild grain, "We can't be on the same table, we aren't alike". Or if the curly said to the knot "You don't belong here, you have an imperfection". That's just silly, wood can't talk. But seriously, some of the most beautiful furniture is made of all different types of wood. Some wood even has worm holes in it. And people pay extra for that.
We are all human. That is our common denominator. What if we all stopped looking past the surface. Looked for our similarities, how we can work together and get along. Not just get along, but thrive. Perhaps than the surface will look that much more beautiful. We may even start seeing smiling faces again.
For those that were interested in buying this table....It's going to take a lot of convincing. I'm falling in love with it.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Why do things happen the way they do? Being in control in an uncontrolled world.
I often wonder how a simple decision could have huge consequences. Do I poop in the bucket or go home and poop? I've done both. I have no problems finding a quiet corner somewhere and dropping a bomb in a 5 gallon bucket. But today I decided to go home.
I battle depression. Along with many other things in my mind. Medication certainly helps. I've pinpointed the source of my anger outbursts. They happen when I lose control. Not control of myself, but control of a situation. In the past, I used my anger to get my way. And eventually those closest to me became afraid of me. I never knew that control issues were the cause of my angry outbursts until recently. I am not okay being that person and I searched for answers. Understanding helps me gain back control. Knowing that sometimes it's okay to not be in control helps control the anger. I have also learned that when I did get to my "striking point" of anger, breaking something broke my anger. Instantly. Whether it was punching a wall, door or just breaking something it always snapped me out of it. I'm not proud of that, but hey, it works. And there is far worse things. But now I have slowly started gaining back control of those striking points. Anyway....
I saw Emily's car at the park on the way home. I proceeded home and finished my business. Stopped back at the park on my way back to work. Josiah was throwing sand in the sandbox. I told him not to. He threw some on me. I told him not to again. He continued to throw sand despite many warnings not to. So I decided he needed to leave. He didn't like it and cried the whole way to the car. I wasn't angry. Yet. I put him in the carseat while Emily got Anne ready to go. He wouldn't stop crying after many attempts to calm him down and while putting him in his seat, I smacked his leg. It wasn't hard, but I didn't even realize I was upset. And hitting him didn't calm me down, it made it worse. I went right to my truck and proceeded to take out my anger on my center console. And let me tell you, that thing can take a beating. I was so mad at myself. I felt like a failure of a father. A failure of a human. I wanted to disappear. So I went back to work. Painting sometimes calms me down. It did today. Josiah didn't deserve to be smacked, even if he was acting up. Violence is never the answer. Argue with me till your blue in the face, you're still wrong. I don't want my children or my wife to fear me. Unfortunately, I have many errors to right. And I will make them right
So why did I choose to go home and poop? Why didn't I just poop in a bucket? I've done it before, as recently as Saturday. And it was quite pleasant. Or did I need to have this happen? Was it an opportunity to learn in a semi controlled environment where I could learn a big lesson with little outside consequence? I don't know, I don't need to know. But it happened. And I'm somewhat happy this lesson happened in this manner. I'm just still upset that it needed to happen in the first place. But it did. And I've learned how to gain control by losing control.
So, you've now learned that this blog was not just about poop.
I battle depression. Along with many other things in my mind. Medication certainly helps. I've pinpointed the source of my anger outbursts. They happen when I lose control. Not control of myself, but control of a situation. In the past, I used my anger to get my way. And eventually those closest to me became afraid of me. I never knew that control issues were the cause of my angry outbursts until recently. I am not okay being that person and I searched for answers. Understanding helps me gain back control. Knowing that sometimes it's okay to not be in control helps control the anger. I have also learned that when I did get to my "striking point" of anger, breaking something broke my anger. Instantly. Whether it was punching a wall, door or just breaking something it always snapped me out of it. I'm not proud of that, but hey, it works. And there is far worse things. But now I have slowly started gaining back control of those striking points. Anyway....
I saw Emily's car at the park on the way home. I proceeded home and finished my business. Stopped back at the park on my way back to work. Josiah was throwing sand in the sandbox. I told him not to. He threw some on me. I told him not to again. He continued to throw sand despite many warnings not to. So I decided he needed to leave. He didn't like it and cried the whole way to the car. I wasn't angry. Yet. I put him in the carseat while Emily got Anne ready to go. He wouldn't stop crying after many attempts to calm him down and while putting him in his seat, I smacked his leg. It wasn't hard, but I didn't even realize I was upset. And hitting him didn't calm me down, it made it worse. I went right to my truck and proceeded to take out my anger on my center console. And let me tell you, that thing can take a beating. I was so mad at myself. I felt like a failure of a father. A failure of a human. I wanted to disappear. So I went back to work. Painting sometimes calms me down. It did today. Josiah didn't deserve to be smacked, even if he was acting up. Violence is never the answer. Argue with me till your blue in the face, you're still wrong. I don't want my children or my wife to fear me. Unfortunately, I have many errors to right. And I will make them right
So why did I choose to go home and poop? Why didn't I just poop in a bucket? I've done it before, as recently as Saturday. And it was quite pleasant. Or did I need to have this happen? Was it an opportunity to learn in a semi controlled environment where I could learn a big lesson with little outside consequence? I don't know, I don't need to know. But it happened. And I'm somewhat happy this lesson happened in this manner. I'm just still upset that it needed to happen in the first place. But it did. And I've learned how to gain control by losing control.
So, you've now learned that this blog was not just about poop.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
It's a Sam Sunday
And here we are, Sunday morning coffee in hand, kids still in bed, birds are chirping, windows are open, rain barrel is full and it's mothers day. But this post isn't about mothers. I will write until Josiah or Anne wakes up. OR when I am finished. Whichever comes first.
Why is it a Sam Sunday? Because Michael Sam was drafted to the St. Louis Rams yesterday. The first openly gay NFL athlete to be drafted. Awesome. So glad that anyone can play in the NFL. As it should be. As long as you can play football, and Sam can. But that's just the beginning. Many positive and negative posts and responses have been released about this. I wish no one would say anything, just let him be another player on the field. But I know he had a reason for coming out and moving forward. He could have said nothing and continued his journey to the NFL. So many conservatives, and many conservative christians will be complaining and have complained about why he is getting all this attention. Because it deserves attention. He's on the front lines of a battle. He chose to be there. It is a battle because of people like you, if it is you that doesn't understand. Please open your hearts. Let's have a conversation about this.
Kudos to Michael Sam for standing up for what he believes in and putting so much at risk for his convictions.
I can't wait for the day when a Michael Sam can choose to play football and nobody bats an eye. But I know why people do. It's a good thing, but it's also not a good thing. Lets make sure it remains a good thing.
Now, I'm sure some are saying... "But gay is a sin!" Is it? Really? I won't go there today. But when you are free from sin in your life, feel free to cross that line. Until then, stop trying to take rights away from others that sin differently than you. Because sitting alone in your basement after the family goes to bed and viewing porno's on your computer and deleting the history is far more damaging than an openly gay professional athlete is.
That's all for now, Josiah just woke up. Obviously this is short and lots of discussion points could be made. And it's totally unedited. So lets chat about it. Happy Mothers Day!
Why is it a Sam Sunday? Because Michael Sam was drafted to the St. Louis Rams yesterday. The first openly gay NFL athlete to be drafted. Awesome. So glad that anyone can play in the NFL. As it should be. As long as you can play football, and Sam can. But that's just the beginning. Many positive and negative posts and responses have been released about this. I wish no one would say anything, just let him be another player on the field. But I know he had a reason for coming out and moving forward. He could have said nothing and continued his journey to the NFL. So many conservatives, and many conservative christians will be complaining and have complained about why he is getting all this attention. Because it deserves attention. He's on the front lines of a battle. He chose to be there. It is a battle because of people like you, if it is you that doesn't understand. Please open your hearts. Let's have a conversation about this.
Kudos to Michael Sam for standing up for what he believes in and putting so much at risk for his convictions.
I can't wait for the day when a Michael Sam can choose to play football and nobody bats an eye. But I know why people do. It's a good thing, but it's also not a good thing. Lets make sure it remains a good thing.
Now, I'm sure some are saying... "But gay is a sin!" Is it? Really? I won't go there today. But when you are free from sin in your life, feel free to cross that line. Until then, stop trying to take rights away from others that sin differently than you. Because sitting alone in your basement after the family goes to bed and viewing porno's on your computer and deleting the history is far more damaging than an openly gay professional athlete is.
That's all for now, Josiah just woke up. Obviously this is short and lots of discussion points could be made. And it's totally unedited. So lets chat about it. Happy Mothers Day!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
schmeaster
Be forewarned. this is a brutally honest post. You may not like it. Or you might love it.
yeah, i said it. easter schmeaster. sometimes that's how i feel about these religious holiday observances. I get it, spring time, new life etc. Emily and I got engaged on easter. But here's how I feel. Upon waking, I was inundated with He is Risen and Happy Easter and sunrise service posts. (all lowercase because i'm one finger typing while holding baby anne (not annie). her name is ANNE. or even baby anne.
Anyway, Anne is eating now. I have both my hands. I have ten minutes to get ready for church. I don't really want to go. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the resurrection of Christ. So much that I think about it and celebrate it every day of the year. This one day a year celebration drives me batty. So please, if you are reading this before church, don't wish me happy easter. Today is just another day for me. If it's special for you, fantastic. Just don't forget you should celebrate it all year long. Many do.
That is all for now. Stay tuned for the Christmas Shmistmas blog.
yeah, i said it. easter schmeaster. sometimes that's how i feel about these religious holiday observances. I get it, spring time, new life etc. Emily and I got engaged on easter. But here's how I feel. Upon waking, I was inundated with He is Risen and Happy Easter and sunrise service posts. (all lowercase because i'm one finger typing while holding baby anne (not annie). her name is ANNE. or even baby anne.
Anyway, Anne is eating now. I have both my hands. I have ten minutes to get ready for church. I don't really want to go. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the resurrection of Christ. So much that I think about it and celebrate it every day of the year. This one day a year celebration drives me batty. So please, if you are reading this before church, don't wish me happy easter. Today is just another day for me. If it's special for you, fantastic. Just don't forget you should celebrate it all year long. Many do.
That is all for now. Stay tuned for the Christmas Shmistmas blog.
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