Discovering Dinosaurs

For a while now, I've been working through many of my once held beliefs. God, Jesus, prayer, and how church plays into all that. These among many other things.  

Many times I've doubted completely the existence of God. And quite frankly, I was ok with that. In a way I don't expect many to understand. In a way that allowed me to understand why those that believed still did and that they found comfort in that existence.  Also in a way that I didn't quite fully understand. And I may never will. 

I'm at a healthy place in what I believe now. Of course that could change any time. Relationships can be like mercury, often changing shapes and directions, splitting and reconnecting. 

A few weeks ago I began putting God to the test.  I learned some things.  When I think about Heaven, the feeling of peace comes over me.  And if one is to bring heaven to earth, peace is what needs to be brought.  I also learned that God had died to me.  At least the God that I thought I had known.  Perhaps I finally let go of the branch I had been holding onto and learned to "Trust the River". 

Through this process, I've craved a place to share openly in a safe space. A space where there is no judgement or condemnation.  A place where the things I doubt and questions aren't a critisicm to others beliefs.  My belief or lack of should have no effect on whether yours is legitimate or not.  I have found that there aren't many places to do this.  I've heard from several people that a lot of churches are beginning to have open spaces like this.  There's just one problem...it's still a church.  While I am thankful there is a change, it's not what I'm looking for.  

Regardless of ones beliefs, they should be able to benefit from a place where they are free to open up and release their fears, worries, concerns, doubts, questions and struggles.  Many times just someone else saying...."me too" helps tremendously.  

Knowing you are not alone and that there are people to listen can often bring a tremendous amount of peace.  

I have a vision for a type of community like this.  And this post has nothing to do with dinosaurs.  Or maybe it does.....maybe Discovering Dinosaurs is a metaphor. 

Time to Lean In

I heard this morning that a childhood friend of mine passed away unexpectedly.  While I've never been very close to him, he was part of my circle.  This morning his wife, children, family, and friends are missing him dearly.

Sometimes we let differences get in the way of friendships.  When I was a teenager, we didn't have Facebook.  Life happened, people moved on, and when Facebook came up we had a chance to catch up.  People opened up on Facebook and you get a chance to see them differently.  Maybe you decide that that person's thinking doesn't line up exactly like yours and you find yourself another little circle to hang out it.  And sometimes those friends slowly slip away to someone you just say hi to when you see them.  And that's not really a bad thing.  It's not like you had a blow up argument about it. Or maybe you did.  But more often,  you just moved along.  And I'm saying today that it's not worth it.  At one point in your life those things didn't matter, you were friends.  That's what's important.  Those little things still shape you and maybe if you'd stayed closer those differences could form compromises.  Because people are more important than a label.  We can work together as friends and form a place where all people feel they have a place and a voice.

This morning I was talking to someone close to me about our friend.   In their emotional state they saw their dog licking the dishes in the dishwasher.  When told so, the dog usually vacates the dishwasher but this time dog didn't.  So dog was given a helpful shove only to find a his collar stuck on the rack which resulted in the dishes spilling all over the place.

When we find someone we care about in a place we don't like, why don't we lean in? Why do we push them away.  Perhaps when we lean in and find out why they are there we can empathize.  We can understand why they are stuck there.  We may find that we understand why they are where they are and they'll understand we we share another viewpoint.  Maybe we can help them out of the dishwasher and hand them a dish to help clean, cleaning them is the goal right?  And don't we rinse the dishes first anyway?  See how we can work together if we just lean in.

See what happens when we don't, a mess.  And we're left upset that we didn't lean in AND we have a mess to clean up.  And the dishes are still dirty.

Lean in.  Listen.  Understand. Compromise. Heal. Work begins for the common good of us all.

Finding Peace in your Sadness

Are you sad? Lonely? Depressed?  Do the holidays get you down?  They do me.  And often times I want to disappear and come back on December 26^th.   But you know what I learned that I hope you can learn too? There is hope in sadness.  This morning while on my run I was hoping to have happiness fall upon me.  Instead I saw a young boy, maybe ten, with an empty leash in his hand.  He was calling out for his dog.  My heart broke for this young man.  I know what it’s like to have lost something.  I know what it’s like to have lost something only to have it never return again.  And it haunts me daily.  At times it’s unshakable.  But there comes a time when you realize that happiness may not arrive.  And you have to surrender to your sadness.  Embrace it. Study it. Feel it.  Know it’s grips.  Know it’s lies.  Know it’s truths.  For it is in your sadness that you learn what happiness is.  Be patient to yourself.  Be kind.  In the midst of your sadness it’s ok to rest. It’s ok to take a break. It’s even ok to find a peace in your sadness.  I will leave you with some words from Marcus Mumford.  Let it be a song sung to your happiness.  Peace to you today my friend.  

"I Will Wait"

Well, I came home

Like a stone

And I fell heavy into your arms

These days of dust

Which we've known

Will blow away with this new sun

But I'll kneel down,

Wait for now

And I'll kneel down,

Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step

And relent

Well, you forgave and I won't forget

Know what we've seen

And him with less

Now in some way shake the excess

'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

Now I'll be bold

As well as strong

And use my head alongside my heart

So tame my flesh

And fix my eyes

A tethered mind freed from the lies

And I'll kneel down,

Wait for now

I'll kneel down,

Know my ground

Raise my hands

Paint my spirit gold

And bow my head

Keep my heart slow

'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

it's about the refugees.

Prologue : sorting some thoughts here.  As always, I like to share them.  Maybe someone could bring some clarity.  Maybe not.      

    For the past week my mind has been reeling with thoughts on the current situations in Paris, Beirut and all the places that have been terrorized by ISIS.  This is my attempt to start to sort them out and find some sort of clarity.  Odds are likely that I'll just confuse you or you'll look at me like I'm some kind of freak.  Which is fine.  Cause I probably am. 

    I'll start by saying I don't watch the news.  I don't read a lot of news articles.  I read some commentary on Facebook.  So I'm no expert. 

     Here's what's on my mind.  There are people seeking asylum from Syria.  Refugees.  People that as far as I know are tired, hungry, beaten, weak and vulnerable.  People that are sick and tired of living in a state of fear and are willing to risk their lives to get to place of safety.  It's a last ditch attempt instead of giving up and dying, even though they may die in the process.  But to them, it's worth the risk.  Because the alternative is certain death. 

    A week ago Paris was rocked with a terrorist attack.  It goes without saying that many families lives have changed forever.  Loved ones lost.  The feeling of safety and security has gone.  On top of that many are saying it's because they allowed in 10,000 refugees and members of isis came in with them.  But just a few days later France says...bring on 30,000 more!  Wow.  What a tremendous display of courage!  And I here people condemning france and calling them idiots.  What timidity those naysayers have. 

    I am happy that Pennsylvania has left it's doors open to those seeking asylum.  Lots of other states, shame on you.  Do you even remember how you got here?  You were isis.  I'll stop there. 

    You're afraid?  I get that.  It's scary.  So is driving.  You put yourselves at a greater risk every single day just by eating some of the junk that we serve as food here.  We are an obese nation that's killing ourselves.  We already have a terrorist problem with our own Americans.  We have homeless all over the place.  While you are saying these are all reasons to not welcome refugees, I say they are all reasons why would should!  We could easily tend to those other problems.  It's not that we can't, it's that we won't.  So why not open our doors to these refugees, we're already dying!  What do we have to lose?  And do you really think that if 10% of the 10,000 refugees that come over are isis and they do try to start shit that our military (who outpaces all other nations in military expenditures. World military spending totaled more than $1.7 trillion in 2013. The U.S. accounted for 37 percent of the total) won't have enough resources to put an end to it real quick?   C'mon man!  Where is your faith in our guns and our second amendment?  If you plan on taking down our government with your firearms should they become tyrannical, you should have no problem taking care of ISIS. Right?  And the reality, I won't deny it, say they do strike.  Innocent people may die.  Say we don't allow in refugees, innocent people WILL still die.  

Newsflash.  We all die.  

    Which brings me to my next conundrum.  If we all die, what does this life even matter for?  What is our purpose here in this life?  Many base their actions in this life with the hope of an afterlife.  So, Christians, you have got zero reasons why to not let in refugees.  You go to heaven right?  So why would you care if you died in the process of helping these people?  Although I think that's pretty extreme.  Perhaps if you'd turn off the news channels the fear factor would come down a bit.   If you are a christian and you want to deny people seeking asylum from a violent country you best stop calling yourself a christian.  You can be scared, I get that. But how many times does it say FEAR NOT in the bible?  365 or so?  Perhaps you should reread Genesis and Exodus.  The very beginning of the book you cling to so sacredly,  God led the Hebrews out of Egypt from the hands of oppressive leaders.  GOD DID THAT!  Should we as Christians not be leading the way in this plea for the people of Syria.  And those around that world that are oppressed and in slavery?  

     But we all die anyway.  Does this life even matter?   So you decide.  I'm stuck.  I say let them in.  Even if it means risk to American people (who most are here because their ancestors are refugees fyi).  If we don't, we still die.  Why not try to make life better for someone else for the short time we are here in this life?  

     We all die in the end.  These are the words of Jesus reading about himself from the book of Isaiah, 

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

    because he has anointed me

    to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

    and recovery of sight for the blind,

to set the oppressed free,

 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

    Shall we not also not the same? 

    What have we got to lose? Our lives?  They are already gone.  Our legacy? This problem will not go away.  Future generations will be trying to figure this out.  Know how I know?  Because we've been here for 2000 years.  Maybe try something new for a change?

Guns, God and You're Reading the Bible Wrong

I'm not going to waste any time getting started, because there will be a lot to unload here.  Pun intended.  But you must know.  We have a problem with guns in america.  I don't think for a second that taking them away will solve it.  The only think that will solve it is killing everyone.  But I do believe there are things we can do to help chip away at it and start to find what the issues are.  I don't think it's entirely guns, I don't think it's entirely media, video games, lack of parenting or any one thing.  It's a combination of it all.  And if we really are a PRO-LIFE people then it's time to put your money where your mouth is.  So this is me trying to make sense of it all.

     First.  I'm sick and tired of people saying that we should ban automobiles to because they kill more people than guns.  One, they don't.  Two, no one is saying ban guns that I've heard. Nearly 220 million people drive at least an hour a day.  Compare than to the population in the US which is about 300 million.  So roughly 2/3 of the population. Lets even look back to 2005, deaths were at 43,000.  So 43,000 automobile related deaths for a conservative estimate of 80,300,000,000 hours behind the wheel.  Did you catch that?  Can you fathom driving for 80 billion hours and only 43,000 people died? Granted these are quick estimates, the actual time behind the wheel is probably more than that.
     Now lets look at recreational gun use.  About 1 in 3 americans own at least one firearm.  So about 1 million gun owners in America.  Lets be honest.  How many hours a day can we guess each one is out shooting?  Honestly.  See you can't record those numbers.  But you get my point.  Also in 2005, 12,000 gun deaths via homicide.  ONLY homicide, not accidental deaths or suicide.  Factor that in if you want.  Imagine if 750,000 gun owners were out shooting their firearms EVERY DAY FOR AN HOUR.  There is nowhere near enough range space to accommodate those numbers.  I'd be willing to bet though that the average gun owner doesn't even spend an hour a year shooting his gun.
    Here's my point.  Stop comparing apples to oranges.  Cars serve a purpose other than killing.  Guns only purpose is to kill.  Like it or not, that is what is was designed and created for.  Killing.  Sure, some make great wall hangers over the fireplace.  Knives weren't invented to kill.  Hammers weren't invented to kill. Baseball bats weren't invented to kill.  Ok, enough about that.


     Christians, we are you clinging so tightly to your guns?  Where in the bible, specifically the new testaments does it say that you should have one?  Other than when Jesus told his disciples to sell their cloak and buy a sword? Because seriously, 11 men and two swords against an entire army?  There are many reasons why Jesus said that and you can believe any of them.  But we are talking about God here.  If God wanted to protect them, he could just do it.  No swords needed.  End of discussion.  Jesus said to love your enemies, how do you justify killing them as love?  Or do you decide you want to decide what he means by that.
    (this part isn't just for christians anymore)  Oh, and you need it for home security?  Really, see I don't think so.   Because if you were really into home security, you would go to just as many home security shows as you do gun shows.  You'd have just as many cool locks and alarms on your entry points  of your home as you do trinkets for your guns.  So just be honest...you want to shoot someone.  But wait, I know. You're a responsible gun owner.  I get that.  And you want to protect your family.  I get that. So you keep your gun a drawer next to your bed ready for an intruder who wants to harm your family.  I get that.  I get that it's incredibly irresponsible because more innocent people (mostly kids) die from that scenario than someone breaking into your house.  Wait though, you keep it your gun safe locked up.  So, explain to me how you are going to convince the intruder to wait while you go get your gun out of the safe and then your ammo out of the other locked safe so you can shoot him.  You aren't into home security,  You are into providing a false sense of security for yourself.  Should you be able to protect yourself, yes.  I'm not saying you aren't.  You just have to think of other, safer ways to do that.  You can't have your cake and eat it to.  I know I sound harsh, maybe that's because you know I'm right.  See, everyone is a responsible gun owner until they aren't.
      I recently posted a video to my Facebook that was by a gun owner that offered some responses on how to help slow down the amount of gun related deaths and violence.  Yes, I know they will never stop in our lifetime.  It's to late for that to happen.  Guns are all over the world and if people want to get them they will.  But we can make steps to help.  If you aren't willing to at least help or try, without anyone taking your guns away, then I would suggest that you are the problem.   What's wrong with a test.  Written and hands on.  If you want to buy a gun you are required to take an 8 hour class on everything guns.  I would even suggest that you need to be evaluated by a mental health professional as well.  If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to hide.  A few extra steps is NOT taking your guns away.  If anything it will prove that their are gun owners that care about people's lives and are willing to try to make a change.


     And the all lives matter campaign.  It seems that there are a lot of people very pro-gun.  So I guess all lives don't really matter then right?  #somelivesmatter


     Yes, you are reading the bible wrong.  Do you know that nowhere in the bible does it say you can't live with someone before you are married.  No.  Where.  At.  All.  Seriously, go look.  You can make some ties to some other verses, but it's not specific at all.  And you're so sure that gay is a sin, yet you uncertain if Jesus was really non-violent.  Really?  He lived in a world where people were being oppressed unjustly and he did nothing to stop it.  He could have stepped in at any time and killed all the perpetrators.  But he didn't.  So why do we think that's our job if we claim to be christians and follow christ.  He wasn't our protector in that way.
     And you want to know whats really whack, there are a tremendous amount of people that know they won't be able to follow the whole bible but still try so hard to.  That's great.  I think that it's a good thing.  But I have also found that those are some of the same people willing to budge or try anything about the whole gun control idea.  Because you'll never be able to fix all of it.  I just don't get it.


     I think that about covers it for this morning.  And I'm pretty sure a lot of people will not like me after this.  But you know what.... 3/4 of the time I don't like me either.  So HA!

flipping tables.

Few things for starters.  I'm writing this from a Christian stand point. I'm incredibly scared to write about this.  Because I'm incredibly scared that I'm right.  And to make things worse, if I am right what do I plan to do about it?  If anything...

Secondly, this is me being me.  A lot of generalizing and reflections of my own habits. Some if it may apply to you, other things it won't.  I'm making observations from things I've heard people say.  So if it feels like I'm picking on you, I probably am.  But I'm also picking on myself.  Because I'm in the same boat. 

Thirdly, I don't have all the answers.  This isn't and end all be all.  And you don't have all the answers either.  You, just like me, only have whatever helps us sleep better at night.  And that may be wrong thinking.  You have to be prepared to understand that.  Sometimes we know deep down something is wrong and we choose to turn a blind eye.  Or we choose to do a little to appease the guilt. 

Onto my thought.  This comes on the heels of my wife's first trip to Haiti.  While she's been to Africa in the past, this will be the first time in a while for a trip like this.  I've had the chance to go 7 times over the past three years with number 8 in december.  And. I. Can't. Wait.  So I will be deliberate in how I roll this post out.  I don't know where her head is at and I want to respect that.  Because I also know what it's like to have your world rocked in that way.   So, she may or may not have been home for weeks before you are actually reading this.  It's Oct. 3 2015 right now. 

I was listening to a podcast this morning called Giving is Believing.  You should check it out if you are interested in "missions".  I hate that term, and so do they.  When I tell people about our work in Haiti they often ask if I go down on a missions trip.  This is a normal response. To which I often reply, if by missions trip you mean every day that you wake up and go about your day, then yes. If you call yourself a Christian, you are a missionary. Every day you live your life should be one continuous mission trip.  But anyway, a (I'll call her) friend that I've met a time or two in the town of Gressier at her cafe was on the podcast. Megan Boudreaux (www.respirehaiti.org) started this ministry that is growing tremendously and she is doing phenomenal work. She was talking about the miracles she's seen in Haiti and how we don't see them nearly at all in America.  You can find more about this in the book she wrote available here.  Why? I know, but you wouldn't understand until you've been there. But I began to think about my life here in the states.  So I'll begin there.  

We have a modest house, two cars, two tv's, lots of toys (for us and the kids), 3 coffee makers, a big yard with a riding mower, freedom, time to relax and so many other privileges.  Why? Mostly because we were born here.  Yes we work hard and understand that this country did not come from nothing.  I understand that people came here, stole this land from other people and created this here nation that we live in today.  I didn't ask for any of that.  I'm not saying I don't appreciate it, I just wasn't involved in how that all happened.  I'm just involved in where it is today and what I can do.  However,  I'm now infected with having seen parts of the world that don't have these privileges.  Parts of the world were people die every day and injustices happen because of ignorance.  People not knowing any better.  And here I sit, surrounded by 5 guitars, a drum set and I'm typing on a 27" Apple iMac eating from a bag of rold gold pretzels after I just ate lunch and I'm not even hungry.  You're probably even reading it on a new computer or your mobile device that you pay upwards of $150 a month for.  These are observations, not accusations.  And people are dying.

now. 

now.

now.

now.

Because they don't have food.  Or because their government is corrupt.  Or because they are being bombed by american drones.  Or they are being killed by terrorists.  We live in a bubble that I so desperately want to pop.

.

But wait!  I give money to my church!  Yes, you may.  But lets be realistic.  It's not ten percent.  It may be ten percent that week.  But only 1 out of 4 weeks.  Or maybe it's 3 percent.  And it's still something, I'm not knocking you.  I've read that on average churches only give out (I'll be generous) 8% of their income to charities outside the walls.  Compare that to the red cross who only spends about 8% on it's administrative costs.  So basically your tithe goes to your sunday morning entertainment and services.

But wait!  I buy a turkey every year! I give to the little red bucket bell ringers! I do this blah blah I do that blah blah blah.  Fantastic.  That's great.  That's the minimum.  That's barely the minimum.

I feel like if Jesus came to America and saw how apathetic, snobbish and lazy we've become here he'd be flipping our tables.  I'd venture to say that he maybe even would flip the bird!  Seriously.... Jesus did that!  He'd be pissed!  He'd look in your windows and see the three people in your house each watching a different tv or device.  We call them devices now.

I'm right there with you.  This is my life.  This is what plagues me.  I used to make excuses and justify the way I live.  Saying things like, but I go to haiti a few times a year.  We sponsor a child.  We give to local places that help.  But I'm a good person.  I DESERVE nice things.  Since when did we ever get what we deserved?  Think about it.

This is weighing on me big time lately.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe I am doing enough.  Maybe I'm doing more than what's called for.  But the problem is there is so many people not even doing the minimum, looking out for numero uno, and I may even be that person too.

I'm not even gonna get started on our lust for blood in this country.  And I'm not going to go back and edit any of this.  It's getting posted.  With me being the most guilty one here.  

it's all in the forethought.

     I don't even know if forethought is a word.  But for now it is.  As always, I'm gonna just come right out of the gates.  I appreciate that my writing style has become more like me sharing a thought.  Only it is written and you are reading it.  And remember, that's what these are, thoughts.  

     Recently a friend has shared about the struggles he's been having in his marraige.  His wife has cheated on him a few times and he's unsure if he should continue to forgive her or get divorced and move on and raise his child a happy parent whether single or in another healthy relationship.  He is a christian and wants to remain biblically sound in his decision.  That's a shitty situation.  Because of all this he has started to drink, enough to escape the realities.  Some of us would say that's the beginning stages of a problem if nothing changes.  So I asked him if he's trying to remain biblically sound with his decision to start drinking.  Or if he was biblically sound in getting married in the first place.

      And his story is like many, young couples fall in love.  Reset.  Most young couples fall in lust and get married.  And when things don't work out, all of the sudden you are concerned about what the bible says about divorce.  Well, perhaps if you'd have consulted more with the bible in the first place.....I'm not saying that that's the end all be all.  I just don't understand how someone can live 95% of your life one way thinking you know whats right and then when something goes wrong you care what the bible says.  How did you ever know what you were doing was right to begin with? That all being said.  See a therapist.  See a counselor.  Find an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and young couple and have them be open and honest with you about relationships.  Find an elderly single person that may have never been married, a middle aged person and a young person as well in that category and do that same thing.  And if by all means, if you'd be happier without someone, especially if they treat you like shit.  Move along.  And move along fast.  I'm sure God would much rather have you do that the be stuck in a horrible relationship that you probably should have never been in in the first place.  

     Second.  I looked up the definition of love in the dictionary.  It didn't say to be in a relationship with someone long enough so they know you care and then speak truth into them and tell them they are wrong and you are right.  And they need to change.  And to tie the above in, How's that working out with your marraige?  

     Third, pets go to heaven.  Pets just die.  It doesn't matter what you believe.  It doesn't change anything.  Because I'm guessing when you get to heaven you won't care.  

     And lastly, probably the most important if you've made it this far.  I had a short conversation with another friend.  They said it's hard to think about friends who are great people, loving to others, fantastic humanitarians and really care about you going to hell because they don't know Jesus.  Do you know why that's hard to think about?  Because God put that emotion inside of you.  And lets just say you are the one that has to look your friend in the eye and be the one that damns them to hell.  Like, you said the word and off they went.  You couldn't do it.  You know why you can't?  God gave you that emotion too.  The shittiest person in the world that gossips, is a poor steward, mean to others and hates animals but believes in Jesus goes to heaven and the other person who is an outstanding person goes to hell?  I don't buy it.  If you can't imagine that, my guess is that neither can God.  It says in scripture that Love covers a multitude of sins.  So why do we so many christians have to be so focused on what the bible says and it being absolute truth?  Is God not bigger then the bible?  Is He not bigger then our mistakes effecting others?  I may be wrong about this stuff and it may even steer people the wrong way.  But I believe God is bigger than me and that he'll make sure those others are taken care of for my mistakes.  And I also believe that he'll know I erred on the side of Love.  And Love covers a multitude of sins.