SORRY. (but I do talk about death here)

Not sorry.  I told everyone I am expert in my experience.  Well....I'm an expert in what my experiences are, just not how they effected me or those around me.  I've been writing about church a lot.  That shouldn't surprise anyone, most of my life was involved in a church of some sort.  It was an integral part of me.  Was.  So that's why I write about it.  Church has been a major player in destroying a person close to me and several families very close to me.  So yeah...I've got a bit of a beef.  And they aren't the only ones either.

That being said.  Like I mentioned yesterday, church can be a pleasant and uplifting experience for a lot of people as well.  I know that the church I grew up in, is nothing at all like the church it is now.  It is so much better.  There have been leadership changes, a change in name, changes in theology, a willingness to listen to much of the pushback I and many others have, and actually do something about it.  I think that's why it's hard to write some of the things I do.  Are they perfect?  Far from it.  Do they meet all of everyones needs?  Nope.  Do I expect them to?  Nope.  Do they try?  I believe they do.  I've had many conversations with those in leadership of that church and believe in them.

(pre-following script, I was going to try to be less heavy today...but that didn't happen)

To change gears a bit for this morning....

Nothing in nature is stagnant.  It is all in a process of living, dying or changing. I added changing because of things like rocks and water.  Rocks erode but never fully die.  Water evaporates and then it rains.   We are no different. We are either living or dying.  And in the process we change.   I don't think we think about death enough.  It's something every one of us is going to face, whether it's ourselves or someone close to us and no one knows when.  Death is real.  And it doesn't always happen when we are old.  Sometimes it happens when we are young.  Sometimes it happens before we've had a chance to even take a breath for ourselves.  I hurt when I hear of miscarriages.  Families are looking forward to inviting this little human into their lives only to have it pass away way to soon.  It's not fair.  It hurts.  It's not easy. In moments like that, feel free to cope just about any damn way you please.  And don't let anyone tell you how you should feel.  You feel how you feel.  For a time. I wish I could give you some wisdom on how to move forward from the loss of a loved one, but I really can't.  When people close to me die, I don't feel much of anything.  My wife and my kids are the only ones I get shaken up by at the thought of losing them.  Sorry for those of you that didn't make the cut.  I'm working on how to feel emotions again.  It doesn't mean I don't care about you.  If anything, I care more about the people left behind.

I'm probably the worst guy to talk to about death.  Seriously.  Or maybe the best.  I have no idea.

Life.  I also am probably with worst guy to talk to about life.  Or maybe the best.  I have no idea.

As you go about your day, be aware.  Don't worry about death.  Worry about life.  Just kidding.  Don't worry about life.  LIVE your life.  Except death as a reality.  And treat everyone you love as though they could die any time.  That doesn't mean you have to be all huggy all the time.  But maintain a relationships that if at any time someone passed, you'd know that you'd loved and lived well.  It's always said that funerals are a celebration of life!  Why wait?

I am aware that I kind of contradicted myself.  It happens.  Feel free to share your experiences though.  I think they'd be helpful for all.  I know I'd like to hear them.  In life or death, you are not alone.

Sunday Moody Sunday

I talk about church a lot.  I don't go to a "church".  I don't claim to be a part of any one particular "church".  Not anymore.  So when I talk about church, I'm not specifically talking about one or another.  I'm talking about all the churches I hear about on a daily basis and how many people are upset, disappointed or hurt by the Church. 

Continuing to talk about money this morning.  Yesterday there was some good discussion about people not tithing to the church anymore.  Some had chimed in and said that once they give their money to the church it's the church's responsibility to do the right thing with it.  I just can't get behind that thinking entirely.  And here's why.

Recently I had heard about a church sending out mailings to a community in which 85% of the people already go to church.  Why not just have the people that go invite people personally?  Why the spending of 3-5k on one mailing to get people to come to "your" church?  One person chimed in and said if you want to talk about misuse of funds, talk about the buildings projects, chandeliers, flat screen tv's, state of the art A/V, and all of that other "stuff".  Sure that makes for an inviting facility if you like that materialistic sort of feel.  What was wrong with the old flat screen tv's?  

I'm seriously asking these questions.  

Why am I questioning and critiquing  the church so much?  Because when you have a bible that points to a Man/God, Jesus, who was born to a virgin, performed miracles, loved people like no other, was crucified as a criminal hated by many, rose from the dead three days later, and an entire movement of faith was started as a result and is still continuing to this day 2000 yeas later.  You'd better take it seriously.  And I highly doubt Jesus needed flat screen tv's,  crystal chandeliers, and instead of fliers he'd walk around talking to people.  

Does church serve a good purpose, sure.  It refreshes people and recharges them for the upcoming week at work.  Or looking for work.  It provides community with friends.  It allows people to gather  all with a common interest. The church is there for many people that come to it who need some encouragement and good feels.  And I'm sure a bunch of other things too.  Do you know where else people can get that?  A golf course.  A picnic with friends and family.  A run.  An hour of meditation. The gym.  

Or.  

Meeting up with 10 or so other people on a weekly basis at someones house.  No special sunday service required in addition to that.  

Next up.  The industry of christian.  Giving to get. And why pastors are bridled.  

Sometimes I feel like a total prick writing about my thoughts.  

I grew up going to church.  I know lots of good people very committed to the church. 

And they are good people.  So I want to be very clear, my writings are not personal

to any individual.  

To Tithe or not to Tithe?

As a reminder, I'm an expert.  I'm an expert of my experience.  I spew thoughts and feelings from my head and heart.  And tithing is todays thought.  I may be wrong.  I may be right.  There may not be a wrong or right. I'm not here to start a fight.  I also want to say that I've had a conversation similar to this with the pastor the church I would attend, if I attended on the reg.  And I was pleased that they were aware of these issues and worked/are working hard to change some of these.  This isn't the end of the conversation, only the beginning.

I researched tithing statistics last night and was shocked but not.  It seems on average hardly anyone tithes.  It's common in church culture that 10% of your income is the acceptable tithe, but not limited at 10.  But it turns out the majority of church goers don't do that.  I think many of the numbers pointed to 2-3% on average.

A big question I have is why?  Why do you tithe?  The answer may be different for everyone.  Some would say to "Expand God's Kingdom"  or "I'm only giving back to God a portion of what is God's".  Or something similar to those.

Ugh.  This is so difficult to write.  I could go several different ways.  

And there are exceptions to every point I'll talk about. 

Remember the rich young ruler?  When he told Jesus he followed all the rules and kept all the commandments?  Jesus then told him to sell everything he had and give to the poor and needy.  And the young ruler could not.  His wealth and belongings owned him.  They were his idol.  Selling everything would be radical.  

But isn't believing in a virgin birth, a man that was god and walked on water,

resurrection,  and several other miracles? That's pretty radical too, eh? 

But many always say we don't actually have to do that.  But what if we did?  This kind of piggy backs my post from yesterday.  1 John 3:16,17  Those that have material possessions and don't have compassion on the poor and needy,  how can the love of God be in them?  How can the love of God be in someone if they don't sell their material possessions to give to the poor?  I can count the number of people I know that have actually done that or are currently doing that on my fingers and toes.  

ANYWAY, back to tithing.  Lets just go with the ballpark average from several sources that 80%  of the tithes churches receive stays inside the walls of the church for salaries, mortgages, bills etc.  So maybe 20% of your 2-3% of your income tithe actually goes out the door.  If you are ok with that, fine. I think most tithes just go to pay for your use of the facility.  Which is also fine.  I have no problem paying for a service.  Currently, I don't go to a church.  Others in my household do.  So after writing this I really feel compelled to tithe for our use of facilities on the sunday morning.  

Getting a little long here, so I'll wrap things up.  Give as you feel led.  Not out of obligation.  Listen to your heart.  If you aren't giving of your time and money to others you feel are in need, try it.  See what happens.  Giving away your money also does things to your brain chemistry.  

Oh man.  This just opened up another topic.  Where should I give my money and how do I know it's helping.....I'll save that one for later.  

Front runner.

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” -Brennan Manning



I used to read this and be mad at other "christians". But last I had thought of this quote a different way. What if the christian that is in question here, is you? What if you are the one denying Jesus with your lifestyle? And that is pushing you into Atheism. This one is hard to wrap your head around. Not for me, I've been on this journey.

It's no secret anymore that I've got some serious doubts and questions about the bible and christianity. The ironic thing to me, it's made me more aware of the harsh reality of life. The here part of life. The way our decisions effect others. For the good and the bad. I wonder why many of us in America who call themselves christians sit in the lap of luxury knowing there are sick starving children around the world (and maybe some within a mile of us).

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?

That came from the Gospel of 1 John 3:16,17.


So when I look at myself and some of the lavish churches in America, how can God's love be there? And the buildings and production keep getting bigger.

And bigger.

And bigger.

Then the justifications start. And many of them are quite compelling. The bigger the churches, the more members, the more tithes and that means more money going out the door. But that also means more staff, more bills, more space, more more more more.

I've often wondering if a small church that rented a space could give as much money to those in need as a large church with huge buildings and budget.

Now, I know first world people have problems too. That's not to minimize that. But if that person needs a church of 2000+ people with huge buildings and production to help...maybe they are getting the wrong idea of what kind of help they are receiving. That God resides in this big facility and not a friend sitting with you for an hour listening. Accepting you as you are and loving them none the less.

Sure, there are some churches doing it right. If that's you, great. Keep on keeping on. But if you think this about your church....that's for you to wrestle with.

Again, I've only presented my one side. I'd be more than welcome to hear some discussions. And know that I have lots of friends that work in churches. I believe you are where you believe you need to be. But do you? You don't need to answer that to me. But just something to chew on.

Sometimes I write as though I'm conversing with myself. Welcome to my head.

Rest in Peace, Fred.

My neighbor passed away yesterday.  I knew he had been not doing well.   He was old and active, but had a stroke and went downhill pretty fast.   I know it's going to be hard for his family.   I'm surprised how much I feel this effecting me.  I enjoyed our many interactions over the past 3 years.

It kind of sidelined what I was going to write about today.  So maybe I'll continue that in another entry.

Preventative Maintance

I read an article earlier today about a 24 year old man that beat up a child.  A weeks old child.  Bruised ribs, broken collarbone, head injuries, the baby was in critical condition and probably won't make it.  I certainly hope those involved can recover from this trauma.  

These are the things the disturb me. On multiple levels. How does someone do this? Clearly they have some serious mental health issues. The first I think about after how horrific this is and I hope the baby is ok (probably won't be),  are the twisted comments from people about how this guy should be beat to death, hung, ripped apart, rot in hell, gang raped in prison....etc. I get it...you're pissed and this is the default mode when you don't understand. Repay evil for evil.  But does that solve anything? 

These stories happen all the time. I think so often we just accept it. Do you know what I'd like to see happen. This guy get tried. Get locked up. And learn from him. Study him. Therapize him. Find out what was in his past or present that led him to behave this way.  Even if he seemed totally competent the whole time and didn't seem to have any regret. This behavior is NOT normal and we have a responsibility (if we care about doing what we can to prevent it) to find out what caused this. Because if we don't do that, it will happen again. And again. And you know what, even if we did, it might still happen. But not doing anything with the perpetrators other than throw them in jail certainly won't help us learn about the people that commit these horrible atrocities. 

I mean...God used the rapist/adulterer and murderer David right? So if you consider yourself a Christian, Where do you stand on this issue? 

And I'm the one that doesn't exactly believe in the whole christianity story. Yet I still want to extend grace to the very people that don't deserve it. Just like you and me. It's what's in the heart that matters right? What's in the heart of all these people that want to fuck that guy up? Is it the same as lust in our heart? 

Anyone have anything to add?  Did I miss something somewhere? 

And down the rabbit hole I went.....

Come on out! Don't miss it!

This will be a short one today.  I may write later though.  

Have you ever gotten a mass invite?  Do you think they work? I don't.  In fact, I'm annoyed by them. If you want someone to come.  Invite them.  Personally.  Send out a message, call them, email them and personally say "I want your presence!"   

Why? 

When I get a mass invite my first thought is clearly they don't mean me.   Why would they want me there?   When in reality, the one sending it wants everyone there! 

I'm not saying they don't work.  But if you really want someone to be there, ask them specifically. 

That's all for now.