Not all the time. But I want to take a stab at how inactivity leads to sadness, a lack of self worth and even depression.
Not just inactivity by choice either. But a general, there is nothing to do. In America, survival is easy. I know I'm generalizing. I know there are people in america that have to work really hard to meet the needs of their family. I'm not saying what you do is easy. In fact, I wish more people could experience a little bit more difficulty in what it means to survive on a daily basis.
On my last trip to Haiti we talked with someone in the medical field about mental illness in the country. It's not very documented nor does it seem to be prevalent as much as in the US.
These thoughts occurred to me while listening to a podcast and the hosts were talking about how awesome it would be to be stranded on an island. There would be such a need for survival. All of the sudden you have more of a purpose than to just exist.
I guess that's like living in Haiti.
Every day is survival mode. Knowing that if you take a day off it sets you back a week. You have goals and strive to meet them. Is it possible to still have depression? I don't know. I'm not an expert. I'm just thinking.
There have been times in the past when I've had slow periods at work. Those days sitting at home are awful. The feeling of not contributing at all. And coping mechanisms cost money or require effort. And you don't even feel like it. You don't even need to go work in the garden, because you probably don't have one. Or tend to you livestock, because you don't have any. In my case, by the time I'd go get a job someone would call for work. But if you are trying to find a job, it can take awhile. And the longer it takes the worse it gets. You could exercise, what for though? What gives you the right to have fun if you aren't contributing?
For me anyway, if I don't feel as though I'm contributing to our household or society in any way I don't deserve to enjoy it. I have to earn it.
What if we all had purpose everyday. When we woke up our feet hit the ground running and worked to accomplish something or move towards a goal. What if we had routine and carved out time for leisure and fun? Or even worked fun into our goals. Or we could be spontaneous in our endeavors still having an end goal in mind.
But sometimes even those people that have routine and something to contribute too often find themselves in a rut. Maybe asking why. Why are you doing what you are doing? Renew the passion.
And sometimes you just can't. See a doctor, take medication and go to therapy. Learn coping mechanisms while you are healthy.
OH....Speaking of prison. It would be foolish to send my child to timeout and not offer any type of counseling during timeout and after timeout. It would be foolish to send them there for 3 minutes and not explain why what they did was wrong and how to avoid it in the future. And help provide an environment for growth and change. Constant correction in the little things so big mistakes don't happen. I'm going to continue this tomorrow.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Friday, May 6, 2016
What's up with the wall?
Some days, you just write. I love writing. I love sitting at the computer and allowing my head to spill out onto the keyboard. I know that even if I don't have much to write about, I still have to get up and write. I want to get better at it.
I heard a story from Rob Bell yesterday about a wall in his neighborhood. He noticed this huge wall, 30' tall at least and wide. There was a very detailed mural on it on a nature scene with waterfalls. It was an ad for a bottle water company. It said something along the lines of "whatever you do, keep nature in mind"
First off, I'm disgusted by gigantic ads like this. I wonder how mindful of nature the company is that made the ad. Certainly nature might be on their mind, but how much do they care. It reminds of the community in Enola called "The Preserve", it's at the foot of the mountain and called that because they wanted to preserve nature. Well, you just destroyed several thousand acres to build houses..... I'm not against the community, just don't try to act like you preserved anything. You only preserved what was left.
Anyway, Rob walked by and saw that it had been graffitied. It had a gangs name written several times all over it. His son told him that's a rookie tag. Only small rookie gangs will leave their name all over it. But how did the graffiti get all the way to the top? That's a big wall!
A few days later he noticed two men in masks with a scissor lift scrubbing away at the graffiti. They cleaned it all, it took 11 days.
Couple things, why would someone deface property like that? And why didn't they continue to do it as they saw it was being cleaned?
Rob saw it as an act of resistance. The guys cleaning it. They were basically saying, you can graffiti our wall but we will clean it up. You and your disrespectful attitude will not win.
I'm glad he drew that out of the situation.
I went another way with it. I think the cleaning company was pissed at the water company for not paying them their fair share and not working them enough hours. So they took their own equipment and sprayed graffiti all over the wall. Made it look like a gang that doesn't exist. That's how they got it all the way to the top. Then they told the company what had happened and were assigned to clean it. I know it's a stretch, but what a way to stick it to the man.
Anyway. That's may morning writing. I'm sure I'll have more this afternoon.
I heard a story from Rob Bell yesterday about a wall in his neighborhood. He noticed this huge wall, 30' tall at least and wide. There was a very detailed mural on it on a nature scene with waterfalls. It was an ad for a bottle water company. It said something along the lines of "whatever you do, keep nature in mind"
First off, I'm disgusted by gigantic ads like this. I wonder how mindful of nature the company is that made the ad. Certainly nature might be on their mind, but how much do they care. It reminds of the community in Enola called "The Preserve", it's at the foot of the mountain and called that because they wanted to preserve nature. Well, you just destroyed several thousand acres to build houses..... I'm not against the community, just don't try to act like you preserved anything. You only preserved what was left.
Anyway, Rob walked by and saw that it had been graffitied. It had a gangs name written several times all over it. His son told him that's a rookie tag. Only small rookie gangs will leave their name all over it. But how did the graffiti get all the way to the top? That's a big wall!
A few days later he noticed two men in masks with a scissor lift scrubbing away at the graffiti. They cleaned it all, it took 11 days.
Couple things, why would someone deface property like that? And why didn't they continue to do it as they saw it was being cleaned?
Rob saw it as an act of resistance. The guys cleaning it. They were basically saying, you can graffiti our wall but we will clean it up. You and your disrespectful attitude will not win.
I'm glad he drew that out of the situation.
I went another way with it. I think the cleaning company was pissed at the water company for not paying them their fair share and not working them enough hours. So they took their own equipment and sprayed graffiti all over the wall. Made it look like a gang that doesn't exist. That's how they got it all the way to the top. Then they told the company what had happened and were assigned to clean it. I know it's a stretch, but what a way to stick it to the man.
Anyway. That's may morning writing. I'm sure I'll have more this afternoon.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Smoke and Reflection
A few days ago a friend of mine posted a photo on Facebook of an ashtray outside of a church. In American christian church culture smoking is a no no. You are a special kind of sinner if you smoke. My friend was encouraged that this church provided a place for smokers. Some of the comments that followed disgusted me more than an ashtray. The judgement and condemnation. I know a lot of people may not agree with a lot of what I have to say about this stuff. And some of the situations are more complicated then what I make them (though I think they make them more complicated).
I remember when I was 16. Most of my church friends and I snuck in some smokes when we could. Me and a friend went to the getty mart in boiling springs because we knew they sold to minors and we both back a pack of Marlboros. Had we known better, we'd have got something else. I stole a pack of L&M Kings from my grandma, put them in a cassette case and shared them with those same friends. We then graduated to cigars. Someone else, very close to me, that's a girl close to my age and related to me and we share the same parents introduced me to clove cigarettes when we were teenagers. And we always hid it. We didn't want our parents to find out or we'd get in trouble. Or we might end up in hell.
I still enjoy cigars. On occasion I'll still pick up a pack of clove cigs. I know smoking is bad for you. But you know what? So is ice cream. So is fast food. So is red meat. So is soda. So are some of the images you put into your mind. So is some of the harmful talk that comes out of your mouth. So lay off smokers you hypocrite.
According to the bible and most modern christian teaching, everyone sins. EVERYONE. But if you go to most churches, if you sin a certain way you are still not allowed to volunteer or serve. This, IMHO, is total nonsense. Or in other terms, bullshit. Or as the Apostle Paul would say, Skabula!
I know all the chistianese responses to this. It's unrepentant sin if you live openly about it. Well...you live not open about yours and you've been doing it for 15 years....what's the difference?
And the fact that some church leadership doesn't care if an openly gay individual serves as an usher but there may be members that do, they'll side with the members. So you'd rather continue to oppress those already oppressed then stand up for what you believe is right? I know you want to roll it out slow that it's not a bad thing. But what about the long slow roll out process of someone being an openly gay christian finally being able to be themselves and serve. How long will you continue to roll out that process? Another hundred or so years?
Back to my original point. Stop calling stuff sin. Unless you are going to call it all out and have everyone openly confess to everyone what their sin is, stop calling it out in others.
I've got a good qualifier. Don't be a dick. If you are a dick, you can't serve. If you are mean and hurtful to people, you can't serve. Wait...wait....wait... I bet the generation that still likes to keep sinners from serving in the church was bullied when they were younger with all kinds of do's and don't's (I know thats the wrong way to spell don'ts or is it dont's, see my predicament). They are finally to the point where it's their turn. So let the bullies serve. Let the gay people serve. Let the alcoholic serve. Let the closet porn addict that half your volunteers already are continue to serve.
When someones behaviors are destructive to themselves or others is a fine time to step in and ask your friend about their decisions. Ask them about why they do what they do or how the feel.
Back to smoking. You may be saying that the smoke smell wafts around and you can still receive harmful effects from second hand smoke. I get that. Smokers know that. But don't go saying it's a sin.
I remember when I was 16. Most of my church friends and I snuck in some smokes when we could. Me and a friend went to the getty mart in boiling springs because we knew they sold to minors and we both back a pack of Marlboros. Had we known better, we'd have got something else. I stole a pack of L&M Kings from my grandma, put them in a cassette case and shared them with those same friends. We then graduated to cigars. Someone else, very close to me, that's a girl close to my age and related to me and we share the same parents introduced me to clove cigarettes when we were teenagers. And we always hid it. We didn't want our parents to find out or we'd get in trouble. Or we might end up in hell.
I still enjoy cigars. On occasion I'll still pick up a pack of clove cigs. I know smoking is bad for you. But you know what? So is ice cream. So is fast food. So is red meat. So is soda. So are some of the images you put into your mind. So is some of the harmful talk that comes out of your mouth. So lay off smokers you hypocrite.
According to the bible and most modern christian teaching, everyone sins. EVERYONE. But if you go to most churches, if you sin a certain way you are still not allowed to volunteer or serve. This, IMHO, is total nonsense. Or in other terms, bullshit. Or as the Apostle Paul would say, Skabula!
I know all the chistianese responses to this. It's unrepentant sin if you live openly about it. Well...you live not open about yours and you've been doing it for 15 years....what's the difference?
And the fact that some church leadership doesn't care if an openly gay individual serves as an usher but there may be members that do, they'll side with the members. So you'd rather continue to oppress those already oppressed then stand up for what you believe is right? I know you want to roll it out slow that it's not a bad thing. But what about the long slow roll out process of someone being an openly gay christian finally being able to be themselves and serve. How long will you continue to roll out that process? Another hundred or so years?
Back to my original point. Stop calling stuff sin. Unless you are going to call it all out and have everyone openly confess to everyone what their sin is, stop calling it out in others.
I've got a good qualifier. Don't be a dick. If you are a dick, you can't serve. If you are mean and hurtful to people, you can't serve. Wait...wait....wait... I bet the generation that still likes to keep sinners from serving in the church was bullied when they were younger with all kinds of do's and don't's (I know thats the wrong way to spell don'ts or is it dont's, see my predicament). They are finally to the point where it's their turn. So let the bullies serve. Let the gay people serve. Let the alcoholic serve. Let the closet porn addict that half your volunteers already are continue to serve.
When someones behaviors are destructive to themselves or others is a fine time to step in and ask your friend about their decisions. Ask them about why they do what they do or how the feel.
Back to smoking. You may be saying that the smoke smell wafts around and you can still receive harmful effects from second hand smoke. I get that. Smokers know that. But don't go saying it's a sin.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Hypocrite Cruz opts for Abortion
Might as well talk about. Donald Freakin Trump. Seriously Republicans? SERIOUSLY? Don't act all confused. Don't say you didn't vote for him. Just like you didn't buy that Nickelback album too, right? SOMEONE had to like them, otherwise they wouldn't have sold so many albums!
You can't tell me a whole bunch of democrats voted for him, or switched parties on their voter registration just to vote for him and put him up as a candidate. I don't buy it. Maybe some did, but Trump one in a landslide.
Oh, and Cruz should most definitely have carried his campaign to full term.
I actually think down on the inside Trump is a reasonable dude. He's just putting on a show to get the R ticket. Now that he has it, he'll say whatever he needs to say to get the democratic vote.
Honestly, I couldn't give two flying sacks of pig skabula about who the president is. I mean, I care. I voted in the primary. I have my preferred candidate. But Mr. Rogers is dead and I don't think anyone else wrote him in.
Enough political talk for me. I really have no idea. I'm more excited about following the tracking details on my new chainring. It should be here thursday by midnight via UPS Ground. Two weeks ago I ordered a pair of shoes off of Amazon, paid 4.99 for the expedited 2 day shipping. I ordered them at 3:45pm. I had them by noon the next day. IN. CREDIBLE.
After a few days back on my antidepressants, I think I take a welbutrin generic, my mind seems to be balancing back out. I don't like to believe that it actually works. But I do notice a difference when I forget to take it for a few days. The way this medicine works is that is has to maintain a certain level in your body. You can't just take a pill and be fine. So if you miss a few doses...or even just a few evenings, it can mess with the levels.
And that's all for today. Enjoy the beginning of the end of America. Maybe next year Oprah will run for President. Or Kanye. Or anyone else with a shit ton of money.
Do you really want DONALD TRUMP sitting in the OVAL OFFICE???? Seriously?!?!?! I guess if you do you do. But I haven't heard one shred of good reason for him being in office. If you think someone like Donald Trump would make a good president, I don't think you have any idea what a president represents. Do you want to go to war with the world? Vote for Trump. Do a quick google search for what world leaders have to say about Trump.
You can't tell me a whole bunch of democrats voted for him, or switched parties on their voter registration just to vote for him and put him up as a candidate. I don't buy it. Maybe some did, but Trump one in a landslide.
Oh, and Cruz should most definitely have carried his campaign to full term.
I actually think down on the inside Trump is a reasonable dude. He's just putting on a show to get the R ticket. Now that he has it, he'll say whatever he needs to say to get the democratic vote.
Honestly, I couldn't give two flying sacks of pig skabula about who the president is. I mean, I care. I voted in the primary. I have my preferred candidate. But Mr. Rogers is dead and I don't think anyone else wrote him in.
Enough political talk for me. I really have no idea. I'm more excited about following the tracking details on my new chainring. It should be here thursday by midnight via UPS Ground. Two weeks ago I ordered a pair of shoes off of Amazon, paid 4.99 for the expedited 2 day shipping. I ordered them at 3:45pm. I had them by noon the next day. IN. CREDIBLE.
After a few days back on my antidepressants, I think I take a welbutrin generic, my mind seems to be balancing back out. I don't like to believe that it actually works. But I do notice a difference when I forget to take it for a few days. The way this medicine works is that is has to maintain a certain level in your body. You can't just take a pill and be fine. So if you miss a few doses...or even just a few evenings, it can mess with the levels.
And that's all for today. Enjoy the beginning of the end of America. Maybe next year Oprah will run for President. Or Kanye. Or anyone else with a shit ton of money.
Do you really want DONALD TRUMP sitting in the OVAL OFFICE???? Seriously?!?!?! I guess if you do you do. But I haven't heard one shred of good reason for him being in office. If you think someone like Donald Trump would make a good president, I don't think you have any idea what a president represents. Do you want to go to war with the world? Vote for Trump. Do a quick google search for what world leaders have to say about Trump.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Factory Farm God
I said I'd talk about chickens and christmas trees today.
First off, they are pine trees. Not christmas trees or holiday trees. Get it right.
People complain about the inhumane ways chickens are mass produced for our eating consumption. Those chickens existence exists for the sole purpose of feeding people that can afford to buy meat. They wouldn't even be alive if we didn't eat chicken. Most people that have the biggest mouths about this actually don't eat meat. Good for you. But I think you'll have better results in convincing people that a plant based diet is good for you than you will at convincing them how the chickens they eat are raised. People that eat chickens could care less.
We do this with pine trees too. Mass produce them and kill them early just to set them up for a month or two.
And fish. Even for people that catch their own fish, trout for example, they aren't native. They've been fed fish food and raised in captivity until released in your fishing hole.
So many things are created for our pleasure and comfort.
Like God. The way I see it, people have been creating God in their own image forever. God is factory farmed. Whatever we need God to be to help us feel better, God is that. Not anymore. Not for me. And then if something happens to us, good or bad, we figure out a way to fit that into what we think God is trying to teach us.
I got sick of playing mind games with God. I got sick of all the shame and guilt it produced. I got tired of trying to figure out the "real" God.
Monday, May 2, 2016
stealing from the poor
This isn't really about stealing from the poor. But I am going to open up the door on a variety of different topics today.
I was carousing through Facebook this morning and I saw a picture take by Brant Hansen. Look him up, he's a cool dude. But he was kayaking and saw a seal attacking a fisherman in a boat. So he took a picture. He already had his phone out and wasn't in a position to help the man. It made me wonder why the seal was jumping into this mans boat. Well, the fisherman appeared to be cutting up a fish. Seal was hungry. Fisherman had a fish. Seal was going to go get that fish. Fisherman probably will defend his fish. In this situation, you can't really blame either of them. The man went out to catch food from the ocean. This is fine. The seal is going after food. This is fine. Neither one, in my opinion is right or wrong. However, the fisherman could easily get food elsewhere. But what if the fisherman took a vow to only catch food and harvest food himself? I think Seal would have understood. Perhaps they would have shared. Yeah. I'm sure they would have shared because they both knew the struggles in catching your food everyday.
Something that always bugged me about missions trips. Massive swarms of people go into impoverished countries and do work. Like physical labor, building and stuff. They are like the fisherman. I'd be pissed if a foreigner came in a took work that I could have done. Now, I realize the group probably funded the materials for the project. That should be where their work stops. Otherwise the seal may attack out of frustration that their meal is being taken. If only the missions people knew the struggle of finding work and earning money to feed your family. They'd probably share in their abundance and hire the local community to do the work and pay them a fair wage for the days help. This theory may or may not help. But I'm sure it may serve a better purpose than a group going home just to say "Hey everyone, look what I did!" Maybe I'm wrong...but that's how I see it in my head.
Let's talk about chickens now.
Never mind. I'll save that for tomorrow. Along with Christmas trees.
When we were in Haiti last weekend we took our sponsor child to dinner on the beach. It was awesome. He had a blast. While we were there, there was a local boy trying to sell seashells. They were nice seashells. I didn't have any money on me to buy any, but he ended up giving me some. It was very hard to take them. I refused. It went against everything I always told people. I always said it's an honor for them if you accept a gift. But I was playing these stupid mind games with myself. Thinking he'd come back with his older brother and blame me for taking seashells without paying. How much of an asshole am I? Hungry seals attack you know. I would to if I was hungry. But that's not what this boy was doing at all. He understands that if he is kind, it draws people in. So I accepted the seashells. We gave them to our sponsor child and his friend. We ended up buying some souvenirs from the vendors as well. And also helped keep the restaurant in business. And I will say, it was some of the best food I've ever had. EVER.
I was carousing through Facebook this morning and I saw a picture take by Brant Hansen. Look him up, he's a cool dude. But he was kayaking and saw a seal attacking a fisherman in a boat. So he took a picture. He already had his phone out and wasn't in a position to help the man. It made me wonder why the seal was jumping into this mans boat. Well, the fisherman appeared to be cutting up a fish. Seal was hungry. Fisherman had a fish. Seal was going to go get that fish. Fisherman probably will defend his fish. In this situation, you can't really blame either of them. The man went out to catch food from the ocean. This is fine. The seal is going after food. This is fine. Neither one, in my opinion is right or wrong. However, the fisherman could easily get food elsewhere. But what if the fisherman took a vow to only catch food and harvest food himself? I think Seal would have understood. Perhaps they would have shared. Yeah. I'm sure they would have shared because they both knew the struggles in catching your food everyday.
Something that always bugged me about missions trips. Massive swarms of people go into impoverished countries and do work. Like physical labor, building and stuff. They are like the fisherman. I'd be pissed if a foreigner came in a took work that I could have done. Now, I realize the group probably funded the materials for the project. That should be where their work stops. Otherwise the seal may attack out of frustration that their meal is being taken. If only the missions people knew the struggle of finding work and earning money to feed your family. They'd probably share in their abundance and hire the local community to do the work and pay them a fair wage for the days help. This theory may or may not help. But I'm sure it may serve a better purpose than a group going home just to say "Hey everyone, look what I did!" Maybe I'm wrong...but that's how I see it in my head.
Let's talk about chickens now.
Never mind. I'll save that for tomorrow. Along with Christmas trees.
When we were in Haiti last weekend we took our sponsor child to dinner on the beach. It was awesome. He had a blast. While we were there, there was a local boy trying to sell seashells. They were nice seashells. I didn't have any money on me to buy any, but he ended up giving me some. It was very hard to take them. I refused. It went against everything I always told people. I always said it's an honor for them if you accept a gift. But I was playing these stupid mind games with myself. Thinking he'd come back with his older brother and blame me for taking seashells without paying. How much of an asshole am I? Hungry seals attack you know. I would to if I was hungry. But that's not what this boy was doing at all. He understands that if he is kind, it draws people in. So I accepted the seashells. We gave them to our sponsor child and his friend. We ended up buying some souvenirs from the vendors as well. And also helped keep the restaurant in business. And I will say, it was some of the best food I've ever had. EVER.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
My titles are weak
My titles are weak because I create the title before I know what i'm going to write about. Yesterday, someone was hurt because they assumed I called them a moron for wanting to boycott target. Actually I said you need to get a life. So I may have been a little harsh. But why are you boycotting target? Because all the reasons I've heard have been debunked as false. If you are boycotting Target, it probably doesn't speak to the entirety of your being. But it does speak. Are you sure you know what choosing to boycott any business you shop at actually says?
I don't want to talk about that today. Unless someone wants to actually respond with a legitimate reason why they are boycotting target instead of complaining how insulted they are. I haven't hear one yet....
We started watching some movie last night with the kids. It was a cheesy cartoon called All Creatures Big and Small. It was about Noah's Ark, although I saw no humans whatsoever. All the animals in the land were called to the ark. Only two of each animal were allowed in, as long you were on the list. Well, some unique animals weren't on the list. They got left behind.
What the movie doesn't show is the millions of other animals that perished. The ark could only take two of each kind. Male and female. It also doesn't show all the actual humans that were murdered as well.
I really hope noah's ark was a story and didn't actually happen.
We never actually finished the movie. Our kids weren't even interested in it. 2 and 4 years old and not interested in a cartoon with animals in it. But my guess is that at the end of the movie the animals that weren't allowed to be on the ark are actually the ones that end up saving the rest of the animals that were on the ark. I'll probably never finish it, but that's how I would end it.
I don't want to talk about that today. Unless someone wants to actually respond with a legitimate reason why they are boycotting target instead of complaining how insulted they are. I haven't hear one yet....
We started watching some movie last night with the kids. It was a cheesy cartoon called All Creatures Big and Small. It was about Noah's Ark, although I saw no humans whatsoever. All the animals in the land were called to the ark. Only two of each animal were allowed in, as long you were on the list. Well, some unique animals weren't on the list. They got left behind.
What the movie doesn't show is the millions of other animals that perished. The ark could only take two of each kind. Male and female. It also doesn't show all the actual humans that were murdered as well.
I really hope noah's ark was a story and didn't actually happen.
We never actually finished the movie. Our kids weren't even interested in it. 2 and 4 years old and not interested in a cartoon with animals in it. But my guess is that at the end of the movie the animals that weren't allowed to be on the ark are actually the ones that end up saving the rest of the animals that were on the ark. I'll probably never finish it, but that's how I would end it.
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