Systems and their failures.

School sucks.  Yes.  Kids say it often.  And parents often push those phrases aside.  But what if we actually listened to them.  Maybe it does suck.  Maybe after a certain grade, school just doesn't work for some kids.   But currently, we blame it on the kid.  It's their fault for not studying enough or paying enough attention.  What if beyond a certain point, some people just don't learn the same as the majority.  Why don't we have systems in place to help those kids?  I was one of those kids.  And school sucked.  And no one listened.  Except for Mrs. Jill Davis.  I remember something she said to me.  She said I had some of the most incredible insight.  It's stuck with me longer than than anything I was supposed to learn in high school.  If it wasn't for that, outside of meeting new people, I'd consider all those years in that building a waste.

But here in America we love systems.  And if you don't fit the system, tough.  Figure it out.  Work harder.  The sad part is, so many people believe our systems are incredibly flawed.  But it's easier then it would be to start a new one.  So lets just stay the course.  Change doesn't happen until being where you are is more difficult than the actual process of changing to what could become.  I feel like as a society were on the brink of that.  But the sad part is....it may take anywhere from 4 years to 400 years.

Don't confuse what I'm saying.  Many people thrive in the standard educational system.  In fact, I'd venture to say that the majority either thrive or are able to complete with good success.  But again, what is there for the others?  The others that are most likely just as smart, if not smarter, respectively. They just don't learn the same way.

What if there is another way?  What if after a certain level of education we offer internships, more mechanical and technical classes, a more "attentive to one's learning style course"?  Would it cost more money?  Maybe.  But I don't think it would at all.  I think there are a few different ways of learning and traditional school mainly focuses on one.  We live in an era where anything is possible.  And maybe there are already places that offer this.  Maybe the breakdown is when kids try to explain their struggles in learning, parents don't listen.  Life is hard enough, now I have to figure out how my kids learn and adjust accordingly.  Well,  what if your kids leg fell off? Would you expect them to still be just as mobile?  No way!  You'd do what it took to get fitted for a prosthesis.  Or you'd teach them how to be just as active on a wheelchair, or with a set of crutches.

And again, this doesn't just apply to schools. There are so many systems out there that work for most.  But what about the others?  What is your attitude towards them? Is it one to help them where they are or are you trying to fit their circle into your triangle hole?

Just some thoughts for the day.

Daily Dump #6

So many things I could write about today.  Let me start with strength.  I have a friend who fights every day.  Not in the way you think.  He fights to be heard, understood, accepted, loved and appreciated.  And not just for himself, but for so many others.  He's very strong mentally, emotionally and even works to by physically in tune with his self as a whole.   But this isn't always good.  Because if he stops, the regression happens exponentially faster than the progression.  And when you are transgender, this can have disastrous consequences.   I wish people would see people as people. Not one of us is perfect.  We are all a version of different to each other.  But that's no reason to outcast, judge, stereotype or classify.   

We.

Are.

All.

People.

Atlas has to be strong.  He's holding up the world.  If he's not strong we all die.  What a horrible place to be in if you are Atlas.  What a tremendous responsibility?  If he let up even for a moment, he'd have to live with the fallout of that decision forever.  That is equally trying on the mind and soul as was his physical strength.  

So next time you find yourself judging, stereotyping or classifying someones life decisions that don't even affect you at all, just try being a friend.  

Seriously, you don't even spend that much time trying to "figure out" the things that do directly affect you.  Like what kinds of food and liquid you put into your body.  How safe is your driving?  What's your BMI?  A lot of this stuff you just do. You don't need to know how it all works, you just do it.  

Daily Dose #5

Almost every day we tell our kids lies.  Not bad ones.  For example, different cartoon characters on the band aid all have a different special power.  Whatever it takes for them to calm down.  Or grabbing a different stuffed animal when they are having bad dreams and tell them this one keeps the bad dreams from happening.  Let me kiss it and make it better.  Where are all my other parents at? Can you relate?

Soon they will learn that these things aren't true.  Will they remember all the myths that were told?  I'm sure.  I just hope it's not a sickening blow.  Especially when Donald Duck doesn't make the best nighttime healing band aid and had I just went down and got a Mickey one we could have avoided that.  Or that the big stuffed snake doesn't eat all the bugs trying to get in their bed.  Or that the magical deer head actually keeps bad dreams away and protects the room from all evil.  Yes....My son does keep the head of my full size deer target in his room. Antlers and all.  Kind of freaks his mom and the babysitters out a bit.

However, even if some of these things still brought them some comfort after they realize there is no scientific proof to back it up is it really all that bad?  Just as long as on of our kids doesn't become a doctor and while making their nightly rounds gives donald duck band aids to all the patients with flesh wounds. I think the important lesson is that many people may find peace in a variety of different ways.

Millions upon millions of people are going to church this morning.

What if was all a story made up to help us make sense of things?  What if it was all made up to help people find peace, comfort and answers that might be real simply because it reframes our thinking and actually does these things?

What happens when you start to believe that

it's

all

made

up? 

It's not easy working through that.  It's very deeply rooted. Yet there is a hope that it's not made up.  And as long as it still provides the peace that you seek, it's ok.  Really.  No one is faulting you for finding a peace and comfort in something that may or may not be real.  Because no one really knows for sure.  I try to say that with the utmost sincerity.  Finding peace is difficult.  And when you find something that works for you, awesome.  For you, it is real.  And that's whats important.  

But if you find yourself in a place of unrest.  And you aren't getting the same thing from your beliefs as you once did.  I am telling you that you are not broken.  Baby steps.  Do you believe it's good to be kind?  Generous? Loving? Honest?  Be those things in the meantime while you work through your feelings of belief.  

The things you deeply believe are special and important. Sometimes it's something greater trying to hatch in your spirit.  Dig.  Explore.  Ask.  Discover.  I believe there is something, something so big that it can universally bring all of humanity to.......

Sorry to take it so deep this morning.  

Daily Dose #4

Have you ever been hurt by something or someone?  Has someone done something to you that makes it really hard to trust them again?  It's hard.  Forgive them.  Not so easy.  Forgive yourself.  Even harder. 

Some stories I write about are real but I may vague them up a bit.  Because.

I was hurt by someone a long time ago.  Over an extended period of time too.  Their was a lot of lying and emotional abuse.  It ended abruptly.  And I moved on.  So did the other.  Years and years have passed and I knew I carried some pain but I always thought I could push it aside.  This other person seemed to have moved on from their past mistakes and was living a much different life.  They proved they have changed.  But I still hurt.  And it made it hard to be mad at this person anymore because they had changed.  But I am still mad and hurt.  I never fully expressed it.  The real people I'd like to get mad at and tell them how I feel are dead already.  So that can't really happen.  Recently I shared some thoughts with this person.  I hope they received it well.  My intent was not to hurt them back.  I hope I made that clear.  But I had to get some things off my chest.  

Anyhow, real things happening in real life.  People need a safe space to talk about this. 

Now, onto fire.  Fire is essential for survival.  Take Org for example. Org has been burned.  Org does not like fire anymore. Org knows that fire works for people.  He's seen people use it for many different reasons.  But since that dreadful day, he's been doing ok without it.  But over time he begins to see the benefits of something like fire.  Not fire itself, but the pleasantries of life that come from sitting around a fire with friends.  But Org cannot go right back to the fire.  Org needs something a little safer.  And this is when someone introduced Org to an electric cooktop.  Org is now enjoying the comforts and convenience of heat without the flame. 

Why do I tell you about Org?  Even today, people are hurt by the "church".  And even a church that doesn't even act like all the other churches still has one thing in common.  It's church.  If you spend your life stuck in the church you'll never see the multitudes of people that just want a safe space to work through life with.  

That might not make sense at all.  I can understand how hard it is for a church to separate itself from others.  But from an outsiders perspective.  Church is a church is a church.  Just like a franchise.  And the fact that there are different denominations and theologies make it that much more confusing.  

That's all for today.  

Daily Dose 3

I have some struggles with Christianity.  Also with church.  I'm going to write about that alot. 

Remember the prodigal son story from the bible?  The one where a father has two sons, one takes an early inheritance, goes and squanders it all away with booze, hookers and gambling while the other stays at home and works hard for his father to be the best son he can be? Well, after several years the bad son comes home with his head hung in shame hoping in the very least to be hired as a helping hand.  But the father runs and greets him, gives him his finest clothes to wear and offers up a fattened calf to celebrate.  Other son is pissed.  WTF DAD?  This party should be mine!  He wasted ALL the money you gave him.  I've been here working hard to please you.....

Most people think this parable is about the son that left and came back. It is.  Most people think the son that's always been there is a selfish prick who could care less about his brother.  It is.  Most people I would guess picture themselves as the prodigal son.  I think we can learn alot more from the jealous brother.  

How many people in their Christian faith work really hard to do all the right things, say all the right things, and make sure they do EVERYTHING God asks them to do? Working really hard to please God.  It's hard to do.  Takes a lot of energy.  Then someone comes along and wants to be a part of the faith and we tell them, "GREAT!  Here's what you have to do......"   I think this story is telling us that method is wrong. 

The father silences him. He says "Son, You have been with me the whole time.  Everything I have is yours and always has been.  But he has come home, lets's celebrate.  

Confused?  The son who stayed was working so hard to please his father he didn't see the glorious gift right in front of his face the whole time.  He thought he had to work, to do all these things for acceptence.  But grace is free.  It's hard when you learn something so abruptly and you realize you've been doing it wrong for so long.  You don't have to "do" anything.  It's already been done.   See, it's just as much about the son who stayed as it is the son who came home.  

I could write all day.  Sometimes I wish I could.  Be at peace friends.  

Daily Dose 2

Today I learned pretty quickly that day two of any habit is difficult.  The bed was so warm and inviting.  But after you are awake for a few minutes, you are glad you did.  Action always precedes motivation.  Yet I still was struggling thinking about what I was going to write about.   I learned quickly that I don't need to know.  I just need to come down here and unleash the 9 fluttering fingers I  have.  I rarely used my left thumb when typing.

Three things on my mind today.  First, we went to a gracious parenting class last night.  The first session is learning how to deal with our anger and next week will be learning how to deal with our childs anger.  It was helpful.  I won't go to far down this road today.  But I will say it was nice to sit in a room with a lot of other people that also feel like they are a shitty parent at times too.  There are more of us out there, don't think you are alone.  There is no perfect parent.

Second.  A few weeks ago a pastor who I do not know personally posted a video online.     I'll sum up what he said for you...."blah blah blah, I'm making christianity look hateful and I'm a giant asshole".  Well, a friend of mine shared it but didn't post any thoughts on it.  I was taken aback by this.  This was atypical of them.  I thought maybe their account got hacked.  But no.  I almost said something but didn't.  I waited.  Because even in my recent deconstruction of christianity this is one of those friends, along with their family, who demonstrated the kind of care and compassion that I saw Jesus represent.  Sure enough though, after a week or two, their was an apology for sharing that video. I was glad to see this.

You know what I 

just thought of though?  

Some of the things 

I say sound like 

I'm a big asshole too.    

Thirdly.  If I'm going to writing every day, I don't need to make this very long.  One of the things I want to do every day is share something about myself that most people don't know about me.  I am very good at protecting myself.  So good that I don't realize that when I protect myself I hurt others way to much.  Not physically.  Emotionally.  This is something I picked up a long time ago out of necessity.  This happens when you had an alcoholic father.  (see what I did there?)  Immediately without thinking about it I gave an excuse for my behavior.  But I have no need to continue this defense mechanism.  I need to own how I act and how I respond to adversity.  

Daily Dose 1

I love writing.  I love letting my fingers dance on the keyboard not really knowing what's going to come out.  Really.  Sometimes I just set them free and I am often amazed at what comes out.  I want to make a habit of writing every day and sharing what I come up with.

Last night I had a dream that we went to disneyland.  We went on all the rides, we didn't have to wait in line. I drove you to your house where we stared up the stars.  I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms.  Oh wait....that's an Atari's song.  I'm writing this before I've take my Ritalin.  Yes.  I take Ritalin.  It helps me focus.  I started this a month ago and it has improved my daily routine greatly.  By improved, I mean, I actually have a slight resemblence of one now.  

But seriously, last night I had a dream.  My family was living in a house we had just moved into recently.  It was attached to another house, with the same people living as neighbors as we have now.  It was a small house with all kinds of character.  We were having a hard time finding space in this house and I remember some other rooms that we hadn't utilized yet.  As I ventured over to them I realized they were open to the neighbors.  And they had all the neighbors stuff in them.  I had thought those rooms were in our house.  It was so odd.  I had never seen all of their stuff in these rooms and that they had 2 or 3 dogs and various cats.  I had only seen the empty rooms.  Until I walked over into them.  

I'd like to see us all be more like those rooms.   I'm inviting you into mine so you no longer see it as empty.  Sometimes it will be clean, sometimes dirty, sometimes inviting, sometimes not so inviting.  But I want to share what the room has to offer.  I want to share not because I think I'm anything special, but because you are.  And if we'd all just be a little more honest about ourselves, we'll find a lot of other people with similar feelings.  Sometimes someone just saying "me too" makes life a little easier. 

Some of the things I might share will sound like I'm trying to garner some sympathy.  I'm not.  I'm just being honest about how I feel.  

I'll leave it at that for the day.