These are just my thoughts.

TL, DR.  I'm asking for money for a friends ministry in Haiti. You can donate here.  They are on the ground now in Haiti and are already filling hygiene kits.  And hygiene kits are just the beginning.  There is going to be a huge impact on the life of haitians following this storm.  So many ways to donate and help.  But I can assure you, the money you give here goes directly to relief efforts.  Learn about Freedom Global Outreach here.  And in case you missed it, donate here.  Hurricane Matthew relief in the drop down.  Now...onto the originally scheduled blog, and in all reality I should have just stopped here.

I'm like Trump.  I just say what's on my mind.  I'm allowed to do that.  I realize that putting in a blog and discreetly posting it to my Facebook is incredibly passive...but I really don't want to debate or argue about things.  I just want to share my thoughts, and even here what another is thinking.  Not go into battle mode.  

I have a unique writing style.  Please don't think anything I say reflects the views of the ministries I mention.  By no means does it do.  The people involved in these ministries are much more loving and gentle then I am.  They would never say anything abrasive.  But I do.  Sometimes.  This isn't really abrasive though.  

Which reminds me.  When we keep things in for so long that when they come out it feels like battle mode.  I've done this and sometimes still do it.

You can donate here.  This is the ministry that close friends
of mine started.  They are on the ground in haiti right now.
They took in 20 or so orphans during the storm.  Orphans
they weren't even responsible for.  They just needed safety. 

Ironically, after my post on prayer yesterday I got an email calling for a prayer meeting.  It was for the hurricane aftermath in haiti.  I asked if there was going to be a special donation for those we know are going to be in need of funds.  Like the ministries this church already sends support too.  That wasn't in the plan for the evening activities.  I was a little disappointed.  Sure, they'll give information on where you can give.  And I really hope someone says they did do a special donation to help immediate needs, since this meeting was intended to help Haiti.  I'd love to type a retraction.  What things were prayed for?  I don't know I wasn't there.  I can pray anywhere.  Peace for the people of haiti?  Strength to rebuild?  Good weather for the coming weeks while they clean?  Disease to be held at bay?  All these things we'll never really know if that prayer worked or not.  Maybe, we'll hear good stories of success and rebuilding and get all warm and tingly that we prayed for that!  That's kinda like rooting for the winning sports team.  And when they win....you have this feeling like you had something to do with it.  No...you were at home on your couch.   But in this case...the case of haiti...put your money where your mouth is.  Sending money for much needed supplies and hygiene kits will help.  There are so many tangible immediate needs you can help with.

Again...this is just my reaction. I might be wrong in this thinking.  But I've been on the praying side of things.  I've been a christian ever since the age of accountability.  Whatever that is.

And reporters....what are you reporting on?  Specifically you Tyler M.  And many other like you.  You tell a story about a local family riding out the storm in haiti.  You talk about the struggles they have but post NO link on where people can find them online or help them financially?  What's the purpose of that article other then just to write an article?  I know your purpose is to inform.  But you are informing people about those that have have real needs the moment and if you don't provide a way for people to help, you have failed.  Good job, you wrote a great article.  What for?

Don't get mad at me people.  Well, if you are the praying type...now you understand how I feel.  You may get mad at me saying that what I'm doing isn't much different than prayer.  I'm just getting my feelings out and doing what I feel will at least have a glimmer of hope of help.  Knowing that I'm going to have to get off my butt soon and actually do something real and tangible to help fill immediate needs of those that can't fill them on their own.   Glad you agree that your prayer really won't help as much as actually going and doing the things you are praying for.   The rest is just a mental help for you.  Which is also ok.  

Julie 

Over here we have Julie Reichard working to prepare meals for people in their community after Hurricane Matthew just ripped through.  They aren't back at their home cleaning up the mess at their own house.  No doubt there is one.  They immediately went out to serve.  Well...you could say they never stop serving.

Underneath here is Julie's husband, Matt.  Also working hard providing at least one meal to those who have been trapped in their house for the past day or two afraid to leave for fear of the storm.  Oh...when I say home.  Think giant cinder block.   with a tarp or sheet of tin for a room.  

Matt

Their children were also here helping.  They were filling bags and helping load.  Even the children from the orphanages they oversee where helping.

hygiene kits

For those of you that pray or don't pray.  There is a need.  The best and easiest way to help right now.  Donate money.  And no...this isn't one of those huge organizations that spends a shit ton of money on marketing.  This is a small ministry helping people in BIG ways and operating on a shoestring budget.  Often times not knowing if they'll be able to continue or pay their HAITIAN staff  next month.  But that doesn't stop them.  And good people like you provide.  Or they just draw from their savings of their own money to continue the ministry work.  Imagine the stress of that.  These are some of the most serving and humble people I know.  That will never ask you for money.  Unless it's really, really bad.  But that doesn't mean they don't need any.  But I'll ask.  Please....give some money.  Give a lot of money.  I prayed that people would give money and here you are staring at this link to give money.  Click the drop down, hurricane matthew relief.

Here it is again in case you missed it.  You pray because you want to help right?  Here is a way to help.  PRAYERS ANSWERED!  PTL!!!!!  Thank you for being the hands and feet of God!

Just Stop. Praying.

Hard to write about this one.  But I've been thinking about prayer lately.  But I think it's worth talking about.  Prayer can be unintentionally hurtful.  Glory and thanks to God can be hurtful.  I may be totally wrong, but I'm going to try to wade these waters this morning.

This one is pretty common.  I hear nurses tell stories about

how they saved the life of a person or a baby and the family

praises God for his faithfulness and ignores the medical staff

that was responsible for the saving of said life.  

I was reading an update from a friend on facebook yesterday singing praises to God that her prayers were answered and was thankful for the lack of damage sustained to their property from Hurricane Matthew.  Meanwhile, someone had posted in response that while they are happy for her that further west in haiti things weren't shaping up so well.  There is tremendous damage and flooding and the hurricane is far from over.

Reminded me of when sports teams pray for a victory.  There always has to be a winner.  What if both teams prayed to win?

Doesn't the bible say to pray for anything and everything?

I know I certainly don't know how to pray.  But even in the midst of turmoil and struggles when I know things are out of my control, a simple "Give me peace" seems to suffice.  This prayer is commonly recognized as from Alcoholics Anonymous as the serenity prayer.  Written by Reinhold Niebuhr around 1934.  Seems pretty fitting.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Just be careful how you pray.  More importantly, be careful of what you give God credit for.  This meme over here isn't a meme to prove the lack of existence of a God.  Don't get me wrong.  But maybe we have it wrong how God works.  Maybe the responsibility is on us.  As an individual or a collective whole of humanity.  If a brother is in need and you have plenty and don't give of your plenty to help the brother...the love of God is not in you.

Period.  Oh...that is summed up in 1 John 3:17,18 "But if someone who is supposed to be a Christian has money enough to live well, and sees a brother in need, and won’t help him—how can God’s love be within him?  Little children, let us stop just saying we love people; let us really love them, and show it by our actions."

Ouch. The Word of God.

I can't escape

I'm frustrated.  I'm digging.  Searching for some kind of an answer.  Some sort of direction.....These are my thoughts.  You can disagree...but don't get mad at me.  I'm just calling it like I see it and so far I've not been given answers or an explanation for any of this.  Only excuses.

One of the things that's always plagued me is the massive amounts of money we spend in America on shit.  The stuff we don't need.  Huge houses, entertainment, expensive dining, gadgets, toys, cars.... And not only individual america...but corporate america too.  The amount of money is borderline absurd.  Yet we are still in debt?  And churches...don't get me started.  Oh wait...that's why I started this blog.

The first thing I thought of this morning when I woke up is that I should go to Haiti as soon as I can.  Maybe I can get my $250 deposit back for my february trip and go asap.  But what will one more person do to help?   I should just send my $1500 down to help with the costs of cleanup.  Skip this potential trip and the one in february.  They have the manpower in haiti, they don't have the funds.  So my money will help.

Wait a minute.  Church.  And there multimillion buildings that get used once a week and 10% of it the rest of the week.  Church members with their excess.  I see them with their brand new cars and houses.  So much wealth inside many american churches.  The very beacon of hope for Jesus and money is squandered on all things that will wash away in the end.

Am I out of line?  I don't know.  I see churches spending money on flat screen tv's to replace to old flat screen tv's in all the rooms.  State of the art facilities for only the finest audio/video productions.  And how much does all the coffee cost every week?  That adds up too.

I know the country clubs are good for people.  Oh wait...I mean I know churches are good for people in America.  But could we get the same community without the massive amounts of money spent?  Small churches, rented facilities, house churches?  I don't know.

America's economy is complex.

Anyway...I think about the little bit I could do in a country thats about the get rocked again by natural disaster. And then I think about the amount of money spent in/on american churches. The very church that is supposed to be the beacon of hope for the hopeless.  The money that they could use to help those less fortunate could be great.  But we've let America influence how we do church.  And it's become a huge business and industry with money being thrown at material things with a focus on seeing how big and far the reach can be.  Ignoring needs along the way in hopes to fill those needs when you've made it.  I know churches give some money...but not nearly enough.  I don't give nearly enough.  I'm an example.  So many things I own I don't need and that money could have been given to countries like haiti to help rebuild.  I am the church.  YUCK.  I don't want to look like the american church.

I stopped going to church to escape feeling this way.  I stopped believing in Christianity to escape these thoughts.....it didn't work.

I stood outside last night.  On my back porch in the crisp cool fall air.  Stars shining.  Calm.  Peaceful.  And about 1000 miles to my south, a small country is being bruised and battered like a victim in an abusive relationship.  Time and time again.  This time is a category 4 hurricane.

And this is only haiti.  What about all the people around the world?   I'm talking to CHRISTIANS in america.  Am I missing something?  Somebody help me out here?  Are we not responsible for those that have it worse than us?  ANSWER ME?  Are the multimillion dollar facilities (that even I use on occasion) worth it?  ARE THEY?  Is anything worth it that we spend money on?

How do I escape this feeling?  Is there escaping it?

Is the only escape to sell everything and follow Jesus?  Why does that sound familiar?   And if that's what Christians are supposed to do, why aren't they?  Why do the majority of them satisfied with sunday mornings and trying to smile all week and be nice to people.

Enough excuses for this comfortable life.  But damn, it's so plush.  It's hard to leave.  Why should I sacrifice my comfort when I know that if all americans who claimed christ actually did what they are supposed to do, together as a unified front to help the LEAST of these, we could make so much change in the world?   How do you expect anyone to believe if you don't?   I'm not talking about one or two people in your church community that have come from a bad place and turned their life around.  That's awesome.  I'm glad.  But what about the LEAST, the poorest of the poor.  I almost feel that if the church comes together, all over america it would be like a tidal wave of compassion.  And all those that aren't the least will be made stronger in the process of helping the LEAST.

Brainstorming here people.  Don't get mad.

Chuchfusion

No....this isn't about the fusion of churches.  This is about the diffusion of churches.  And not just in location but in theology, ideology and biology.  There are urban church's, suburban churches, rural churches.  Churches that are incredibly patriotic, prosperity minded, anti gay/gay affirming, and incredibly open churches in all things.  You have primarily white middle class churches, old people churches, black churches, and I've heard it said that Sunday is the most segragated day in America because of churches.   If I was to go to church because I love who Jesus is/was and wanted to see more good news, where would I go?

It's like making a decision of where to go out to eat.  There are several different restaurants to choose from and they all serve the one thing you are looking for, food.  But you have to decide what kind of food you want.  Italian food, American food, fast food, formal setting, relaxed atmosphere, breakfast food...decision fatigue like crazy!  But remember...you only want food.  Any food should do.  Right? Apparently not.  You want what you want.  And you'll choose accordingly.

But what about churches?  Obviously a bit more important than picking out a restaurant.  What are the greatest commandments given to us from the bible?  Love God with all your heart, should and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.  Am I right?   So why all the division?  There seems to be a lot of differing ways to do that.  And lately...there seems to be an awful lot of people that apparently don't love themselves to much based on how they are loving their neighbor.

All churches are wrong.  Every single one of them.  If they weren't, why are there so many different denominations and divisions of churches?  Should churches be that one place you know that regardless of what you are hungry for, you know you'll get fed and be fulfilled?

This is why I can't be satisfied with church, even if I ever found a church that I can get behind.  It's still a church.  How can any one trust Christianity if churches can't even all get on the same page?

I'm not saying that churches can't be beneficial to people.  I'm just saying that there are a lot of people that would love to be a part of a community based around the type of person Jesus was that will never be included in a "church".  Simply because of the division inside the church itself.  Right....I know.  Churches have so many different types of people.  So what's you point?  The church isn't supposed to be a reflection of the types of people that attend and their views,  it's supposed to be a reflection of Jesus.

Some church going Christians might disagree with everything I say and take it as criticism.  I hope you don't.  I'm not saying I'm right or have all the answers.  But I used to be incredibly devoted to the church.  And now I'm not.  Maybe it would be beneficial to listen.

Churches should be like McDonald's.  Their food is Jesus.  Their food is the message.  It doesn't matter where in the world you go, the food at McDonald's tastes the same.

I know I'm not the only one.

Maybe.  Haven't decided if I want to keep writing every morning.  But I will conclude today with this.

I don't deserve this life

Couple things on my mind this morning.

There is a hurricane in the Caribbean, category 4 could upgrade to a category 5.  125+mph winds, 15-25 inches of rain.  It's headed straight for Haiti.  This is a typical house you'd see in haiti.  There are also houses made from concrete that have metal roofs.  And if you've been to haiti, you know the atrocities flooding would cause.  Mudslides taking out entire villages...It's not going to be pleasant.  There will be places that will be unable to be habitable for months.  In a country were so many people fight for their lives and their families day in and day out...this hurricane will most likely kill them.  I can't imagine what it's like to get knocked down every time you finally stand up.  Just when you feel like you can get some traction....a hurricane?  A fucking hurricane?  Who brought this?  God?  Isn't God in charge of the weather?  Why oh why would God send a hurricane here?  I can't even imagine the line of questioning that happens.

I've seen Haitians bounce back from adversity.  It's remarkable.  It makes me feel like a weakling.  Their strength is impeccable.

Gerritt is in the back, 3rd from the right.  His wife Julie
2nd from the left.  

There is another couple that I met in Haiti.  An american couple that ran a guest house.  One of the nicest, homey guest houses I've stayed at.  Gerritt and Julie were fantastic hosts.  When their position at the guest house ended they stayed in Haiti.  They filled another position at a great ministry ran by friend, Awaken Haiti.  Just recently they found cancer in Gerritt.  They are in the states and things aren't looking good.  Gerritt didn't deserve this.   Every time we went to Haiti, we always made an attempt to visit.  They were always so hospitable.  I've never met a couple that displayed more of a servants attitude.  They don't deserve this.

And here in the states I see story after story of blatant racism.  I see people so blind to the fact it happens.  I see unjust treatment of HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS by administrators who refuse to acknowledge their experience.  I have no idea what it's like to be a black person in america today.  So many say it's so good here in 2016 compared to what it is like it's some kind of justification.  Because it's not as bad, makes the unjust treatment now ok.  It literally makes me furious.  If I was treated in some of the ways that black people are treated, I'd either be dead or in jail.  But odds are I'll never be in that situation.  We have people that care more about standing for a flag then we do the treatment of fellow americans.  We have pastors suggesting we shoot people for not standing.  We have fellow athletes throwing racial slurs at a black high school students who kneel in frustration with they way things are.  They are assaulted and harassed by their coaches.  For following their heart.  They don't deserve that life.  I don't care if you think kneeling for the anthem is wrong.  That's your opinion.  It does NOT give you the right to treat others poorly with verbal harassment or physical harm.  

And here I sit.  In my climate controlled home.  Typing on my 27" iMac paid for by my dead great grandmother.  I'll have my choice of which one of the three tv's to watch football in HD on today and I can check my fantasy scores from any number of devices in my possession. It's been raining for 3 days here and we have no water in our house.  We still have roads to drive any one of our two cars for two drivers in our house.  Why do I deserve any of this?  I don't.  And quite honestly, it makes me sick.  Why me?  When everyone else is begging for this life....I'm disgusted by how good it is.    Why did I get this life?  It's not fair.  I did nothing to deserve this life.

I didn't even get to war torn Syria.  Families being torn apart.  Children instantly being pulled from their parents.  Parents instantly losing a child from an airstrike.  Seeking refuge but hearing news that countries don't want you because they are scared a terrorist might come with you. They don't deserve this life.

Leaves me feeling helpless.  What can I do?  I can donate money.  I can vote.  I can write about my frustrations in hope it will open some peoples eyes to the atrocities around the world that I feel like so many people pretend don't exist.

Is that why it's easy for some people.  They refuse to believe these things are real?  They are.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news.  I don't deserve this life.  I don't deserve any of it.  I know what you are saying.  But Jon, you have a great life.  Enjoy it.  Don't take it for granted.  Enjoy your life for all the people that don't have one like yours.  Except I can't.  How can I fully be happy with this life when so many others around the world are dying just because of where they were born.

And where does God fit into all of this?  Can you find glimpses, you bet.  But that doesn't mean it's God.  Does God fit into all of this?  Do we fit God into something where he's not just to try to get a grip on the situation?   Any way I spin it....God turns into a big asshole.  If God is in charge...why would any of this happen?  I don't think Gods in charge of any of it.  The good or the bad.  The only thing I can come too, we all go the heaven when we die.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.  Even the shitty ones.  They would be a new creation.  The sick will be healed.  The hurting will be loved like they've never been loved before.  So many people are in a living hell as it is though no fault of their own, to think that they could end up in eternal torment is the most sick and twisted thing I've ever heard of.   Why do I think we should all end up in heaven?

Because we get what we don't deserve.

I'm digging now.  This is what happens when you are woke to the realities of the world and struggle with depression.  I guess the only thing you can do is love others the best that you can.

I'll figure it out.  I'll figure out my place in this world.  Maybe.

Don't read this one....for real.

For the past week or two I haven't wanted to write anything.  I just wanted to put down a sentence or two.  Even this one, all I wanted to do is write "Why didn't you listen?" and let it alone.

But I realized I could totally expand on that.  Because if you are here, you are obviously reading this. Even after in the title I told you not to read this one.  I posted it on Facebook and told you not to read this one either. But here you are.  You nosy little pervert.  There is no privacy on the internet.  Or even more...I won't even know if you read this.  I will only know how many people read this.  And you'd never have to own it.

Everyone dies.  Every single one of us.  No one says it's when we are old.  Sure, the average age of death is what? 78?  I have no idea.  85?  I don't know.  But young people die all the time.  It happens. It should not shock anybody.  We get sick.  We get a disease.  Death is just as much a part of life as life is.

That being said....it's sad for many people.  Especially if it's something that comes fast.  That commercial about life coming at you fast....they are full of shit.  Death comes at you faster.  You can handle life....you can't always handle death.

What if someone close to you dies?   I can only imagine.

What if you lose a child?  I can only imagine.

No one really teaches how to handle the death of one that's close to you until after that person is gone.  Maybe it's because we don't want to believe that it will ever happen to us.  Is it possible to love someone dearly but not have their death be the death of you?