Still at it.

I don't know how many of you noticed I didn't post a blog yesterday.  Fear not.  I did write.  I just didn't post it.  I had a ridiculously horrible downer of a mood cycle yesterday. It was not pleasant.  For anyone.

And this morning. I finally have a decent spot to sit and write.  But i'm not going to stay here long.

If you do something, anything, that involves bettering who you are for someone else I will question your motives.  Not that they aren't worth doing it for.  And not that I don't think it's thoughtful of you to do that.  But I want you to be happy and healthy for you.  So you are proud of yourself and proud of who you are.

And if you are that other person that wants someone to change, that's not always a bad thing.  Especially if they have some negative behavior.  But be careful how you go about trying to incite that change.



Oh.  And I still don't understand christians voting for Trump.  I just cannot fathom that.  Voting for that candidate seems to fly in the face of everything about who Jesus is.  I'm not saying vote for Hillary.  But I would most definitely not put her in the same category as trump.  And to think you didn't vote for Romney because he was a mormon.  But Trump is ok.  Give me a break.  Just.  Don't.  Vote.  That is also a right.  And it's also pretty awesome that you can make your voice heard by finally voting your conscience.  Instead of bending the worlds ways.....

I remember

I remember when I used to wake up happy.

It's not happy today.

I don't want to talk political stuff today.  It's to easy and I don't believe it'll do much at this point.

There are some people that can be president and you don't want them to be,  for whatever reason you give them.

There are some people that are successful people.  Being a successful person outside politics doesn't mean you would be a great president.

If someone like me says, I am with her, I'm not professing my love for Hillary Clinton.  I might vote Clinton because I feel like that's the best option.  Just like I hope people voting for Trump at least find him to be the most obnoxious asshole, but vote thinking that those remaining in the republic party will keep their R title going.  

Lets talk about voting.   They let us all vote on a candidate who we think will be the best president.  How do any of us think we have any idea who would make a great president?  It's a popularity contest!!!  Who's got the best marketing, who's the biggest salesman, who's got the best lawyers.  Campaigning has little to do with what actually goes into a great presidency.

America is great now.  It's not perfect and needs some work.  But the changes that need to be made aren't going to come from the presidency.  If we care about America, start with how you treat your neighbor.  Be kind and caring.  Do nice things.  Don't let them be mean to others.

Depression sucks ass too.  Just in case you didn't know.

I articulate many wonderful interesting things having had excellent reviews.  (That last line is a secret code for smart people.)

A love letter for my wife on our anniversary.

I'm not going to lie, I wrote this several months ago.  Perhaps a year.  But I did adjust some things this morning.

It is much neater if I type this.  My handwriting stinks.  This doesn't get me off the hook for actually saying these things out loud.  But you love me anyway.

I semi ignore you when you talk about work stuff like vaginas, pregnancy woes, meconium and other shit like that, and stubborn pregnant women.  But you love me anyway.

I'm not perfect.  I have struggles.  I have flaws. Lets face it, I'm not the most handsome guy on the planet.  I saved that quality for Josiah to have.  Even then, I'm sure you had more to do with that than I.  But you love me anyway.

I agitate, annoy, bore, bother, displease, disturb, exasperate, fire up, gall, irk, peeve, perturb, rile, trouble, turn off and worry you.  But you love me anyway.

But, enough about me.  Because we both know, I love to talk about me.

You're kind, thoughtful and caring.  Always looking for the best in people.

You're smart, intelligent and purposeful.

You're patient, understanding and willing to take extra time to fix what's broken, or put together what needs assembled. And you use the directions, making sure to assemble the thing according to how the manufacturer designed it.  NOT how you think it should be.  This is beautiful.

You combine all the above attributes at your work and at home and become a super hero.

You are the glue that holds us together. Always inspiring me to better myself and confront the problems I face. And we walk through them together.

Thank you for standing by me and loving me.  I believe that's why we are together, I don't know of any other woman that would be strong enough to carry me when I cannot carry myself.

I will love you forever and always. 

Fun D. Raising

I was going to right about fundraising.  But my title I just made up makes me really want to write about how to raise a fundamentalist christian and how much it will fuck with their heads when they grow up.  Get it?  Fundie Raising.

But I think for today we'll stick with fundraising.   Or better Fund Erasing.

So many people criticize the church for not doing enough.  There are some solid statistics that show that the suggested 10% tithe isn't even close to ten percent. And that even with the less than ten that they get, hardly any of it actually goes out the doors to help the least of these.  The homeless and helpless.  The ones Jesus told us to look after.

I have questioned in the past about the expenditures of churches on buildings and "stuff".  Like sound equipment, tv's, production stuff, salaries....etc.   I know that churches do great things for the people that attend.  And even for the community.  But there is no way to measure the output of all the attenders of church.  But output, I mean how they care for others and the stewardship of their money.    Lets just talk money for the sake of this post.  I've been told that the church "building" needs to have the facilities and structure for it's members.  And that because of that, it brings in additional funds to go "out".  While it's good that the church building takes care of it's own, it begs the question if all the "fluff" is needed.  Could you all meet as small groups and still raise the money that eventually goes out?  Does that make sense?

Could a church body raise the amount of money that would otherwise go to a cause outside the doors of a church if the didn't have the church building to maintain?

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not really complaining.  Just asking.  Think of it like fundraising.  I can throw a huge event.  I'll spend a thousand dollars putting it together.  Party supplies, invitations, marketing, bands, speakers...the works.  I'll try to get volunteers to run the show.  Or I'll organize a 5k.  I'll book the timing company, ask for volunteers, marketing.....etc.    At the end of these events, what amount do I walk away with?  Is it worth it?  To do the event?  Or would it be easier to just ask people for money?  Say I spent $1000 and brought in $1500.  I netted $500 for the cause.  Awesome. Would it have been easier just to try to round up $500?  Or what price could you put on getting others involved too?  Awareness I guess. And a thing called economy.  You are creating jobs along the way.

Again, no right or wrong answer really.  Just thinking.  There's no way to assess a monetary "value" of a church.  And it's not like they force people to go.  Churches are sort of like the government actually.  They make decisions and hopefully allow people to vote on them.  Their budget should be public.

Speaking of fundraising.  Why do people feel like they need something because they gave?  Like a donate $10 and get this?  What happened to just giving because it was the right thing to do?  Because you felt a desire to help?

One of my favorites is the restaurants that invite you to participate in fundraiser nights where  portion of your bill goes to "x" charity.  Usually these are invite only, not all patrons that night.  So in order to get the percentage, you need to bring the people.   Here's an idea...if someone invites you to one of these, don't go.  Just hand them $50 and eat at home.  They'll appreciate it much more than the $5 they'd get from the restaurant.

KETO O/S

Hey there.  This is a bonus time blog post.  Don't try to argue with me on this one.  Well, you can.  But I won't lose my argument.

I've had so many people ask me about this product called KETO O/S.  I'm not an expert on this product.  But I will tell you that you don't need it.  Unless you have cancer or alzheimers, taking exogenous ketones won't provide much benefit to you.  I don't care how much "proof" they give you. Taking exogenous ketones WILL put you into a state of ketosis.  Temporarily.  Then you have to take them again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  Once you stop....no more ketosis.  Unless of course you change your diet and restrict carbs to 20-30g a day.  Then you'll maintain ketosis.

But wait....that would mean you don't need the product to maintain ketosis.

Exactly.   But those selling the product won't tell you that.  Why?  Why do you think?  MONEY.

I'm not saying they are bad people at all.  I was one of them.  More on NETWORK MARKETING later.

Your body produces ketones all on it's own.  We are cool creatures like that.  I won't get to scientific on you.  But when there is an absence of carbs in our system, our bodies will use fat for fuel.  This is by design.  It's normal.  Our bodies burn fat we ingest and our stored fat.  Our liver produces amazing things called ketones.  Ketones are awesome.   When you give your body exogenous ketones, it will recognize that there are ketones in the system and will inhibit you from producing them naturally.  And they are expensive...and I heard taste like poo.  Think of it like a giving money to beggars (I use the term beggar in a non judgmental way).  If everyone gave money to them, what motivation would they have to go work?  None.  Why would they?  I wouldn't either.  What you are doing works, right? Eventually, the act of begging becomes the work.  But what if the money stops....then what?   Right.  Broke.  Square one.  In this case...unless you keep consuming exoketones and spending all that money, you'll go back to square one.  Except in this case...all the weight you lost will all come back.  Why?  You never changed your eating habits.  

So no...keto o/s is not REAL ketosis, in my opinion.  I'm not saying the product won't work to get you results.  But please don't say you live a keto lifestyle or are in ketosis.  You bought a product so you don't have to do the work.  

You know on all those exercise videos on tv in the mornings it says results not typical?  You know why?  At the bottom it says "combined with a proper diet".  And nobody wants to do that.  GUYS.....DIET IS EVERYTHING.  There is no get skinny quick option unless you change what foods you put into your system.

This is my major beef with keto o/s.  I've seen it marketed that you don't have to change your diet or exercise patterns.  THIS IS SHITTY MARKETING.  While it may be true, it plays with peoples emotions.  What they don't tell you is that to maintain those results you'll have to take keto o/s for the rest of your life.    Because remember, if you actually did change your diet to get into ketosis naturally, you wouldn't need keto o/s or other exogenous ketones.   It was created for NAVY Seals.  But someone figured out how to make money off of it to the general public.  And thus began the Multi Level Network Marketing business side of it.

I've been in Ketosis naturally since May 13 2016.  I wish I could say it was hard to get into.  But really, it wasn't.  The hard part was deciding to do it or not.  I quit all sugar and artificial sweeteners for a month.  The reason...I wanted to lose the taste for all things sweet.  And it worked.  I dropped my carbs to less than 20g net carbs a day (this isn't as hard as it sounds).  In 4 months I had lost as many as 40 pounds.  I have no settled at about a 35 pound loss and have maintained that weight at 190 (i'm 6'1") for about 2 months now.  I was worried about how this would work on a maintaining state.  I'm not worried anymore.  It's second nature now.

 In natural ketosis you can go days without eating and have more energy on the third day than the first.  It's incredible!  You can exercise for hours on end with a built in fuel supply!  ICE CREAM STORED IN YOUR HIPS FROM TEN YEARS AGO!!!!  But is it hard to change?  Sure.  But you know what else is hard?  Staying the same when you want a change.  

If you want to learn how to KETO....I'll teach you.  It'll take all of about 5 minutes.  Less than that even.  And if you wonder what there is to eat that doesn't have carbs....there is an incredible land of lusciousness that you will experience.

That's all for now.  I could talk KETO for days.

Hollow? Ween.

Last night was halloween.  It was a big deal for our family.  In a nutshell, I'll tell you why.

I'm detached.  I'm detached from relationships.  Or so it seems.  Somewhere over the past several years I've lost the connection to my memories.  I see photos and remember, but I don't feel like it's me.  Almost like I can remember the time, but I can't remember how I felt.  This has caused me to lose touch with so many things in the present.

It sucks.  It's hurting relationships that I have now.  It's hard to get excited about anything because it's hard for me to feel anything.  It's hard for me to understand how other people feel.  I think this is getting better now that I'm aware.  It's complicated.  It keeps me from enjoying things.  I put myself in the dog cage.  I self sabotage sometimes.  I deny myself the opportunity to enjoy life.  Like holidays and birthdays.  It's hard for me to help make these events special for those that are experiencing them.  FYI though.  I'm in therapy for these things and seeking help from a physiatrist.  It's not normal.

Yesterday my wife "liked" a blog from Storyline about Halloween.  this one. I was at work when I read it.  And I teared up.  Yes...I have mood issues.  I can get really angry.  Really, really angry in moments.  And I can also get really sad in moments time as well.  This also sucks.

But I thought about my son and how much he wanted to "spook" people for halloween.  He's been asking about costumes and dressing up....not to me though, to his mom.   This was a hard blow.  He's learned dads an asshole at times and to go to mom for the fun stuff.

This is when I learned I'm just like my father and it scared the shit out of me.  

My dad has his positive attributes, now.  Just like him, I'm overcoming.

Well, I surprised my kids with a trip to the Temporary Halloween Spooktacular  store where they sell shitty overpriced costumes and decorations that fall apart easily.  They were elated.  Beyond excited.  My son picked out his own outfit.  He wanted something spooky, but I did steer him towards this one.  He had no problems, because this one came with the scythe.  His costume kept my happiness up all night.  Not just because my kids were happy.  This costume was hilarious.  No matter what conversation I was having with my son, this was his expression.  A smiling pumpkin.  And he wore it from 5:30-7:30 straight.  He LOVED every minute of it.  

My daughter Anne already had a Belle costume from Beauty and the Beast so we bought her a tiara to wear.  And in family fashion I had them pick out costumes for Emily and I to wear.   Anne did that.  Since Josiah got to pick out his own costume. I'm just glad she didn't pick the pile of poop emoji for me.  Josiah did want me to get the "skele-boner" costume.  It took me a minute to say no to that one.  $140 dollars later we made it out of the store and had an awesome night visiting family and friends.  I don't care about the money.  I don't care about the candy.  I care that my family had an awesome time.  I even had a bit of fun myself dressed up as a penguin.