I don't trust him.

So Trump orders an airstrike.  Here's my problem.  I don't trust him.  Hardly anyone trusts him.  He's guessing.  He's business man, not fit for making decisions on sending missiles.

And if he does know more about it.  Perhaps he better stop acting like total tool and start acting like the president of the states.

Stop antagonizing the very people that you in charge of leading and start doing things to gain their trust and respect.

So while the airstrike may be needed, it very well also may have been the stupidest thing to do.  And I don't think Trump really knows or has any idea who to listen to and how to even think about it.

It sucks what happened.  But this type of thing has been happening in syria for years now in different ways.  These people that he's using as a prop, the ones victimized by the chemicals, the ones he "cares so much about", are the same ones that he won't let take refuge here.  But all of the sudden now he's going to use this to fire bombs.

C'mon. Someone fill me in.  Please tell me our presidents not a lying hypocrite.

Keyboard Warrior/Tell People How You Feel

This morning I made a post in a private group I'm in as part of a paying contributor to the Bad Christian Paaawwwwdcast about starting a subgroup within that called the BC Fight Club.  

Check out the Bad Christian Podcast and all the other ones under their umbrella here. 

Sometimes I feel like I just want to fight.  Like I have so much energy built up it needs a powerful release.  Like having a punching bag.  But it never really helps.  I joked that if a punching bag, sprinting, or throwing a vacuum cleaner up against a tree didn't really take the edge off then neither would a bunch of keyboard warriors.

And I thought...dang....that's kind of what I've been doing for over a year now.  Being like a keyboard warrior.  Just releasing my thoughts, most of them.  Even the BC Club gets some more thought action from me than this blog does.

But I think over the past year, the thing that's really helped my head clear up has been writing.  And not giving a shit about what anyone thinks about it.  Well, I do value your opinion.  But I don't let your opinion wreck me anymore.  Not your opinion specifically, but the opinions of others.   Do I hear them, sure!  But it's not the life or death of me if someone disagrees.  

So maybe the keyboard does help.  Maybe more people need an outlet to just share whatever they want to share without fear.  They might not even fully be behind what they say, they just need to say it.  It's like bungee jumping.  You may do it and realize that's not you.  Just like you might have a thought floating around and you need to release it just to see if it comes back or sticks anywhere.

It's not good to keep things bottled up.

It happens in relationships all the time.  A little thing bothers you.  But it's a little thing so you don't sweat it.  Then another little thing.  Then another.  And before you know it you develop a strong sense of resentment and bitterness to someone or something simply because you didn't communicate how you were feeling.  And then when you finally do it's like a volcano of emotion.  And it all comes out uncontrollably.

Tell people how you feel before that happens.

Wasn't Me.

I run.  I cycle.  Often times it's on the road.  I don't mind running on the road since I can see the traffic coming my way.  But cycling.... it's scary.   The amount of people driving around with their head in their phones is ridiculous.

Cycling I don't know what I'm going to do.  I already wear bright clothes.  I enjoy road cycling.  Some say that riding in the road is actually safer because the drivers see you easier.  I don't know.  Then you are betting that 100% of them all see you.  I'll take my chances just to the right of the white line.  But you'd think wide shoulder roads would be safer.  Nope.  That's when assholes who phone and drive think they have a bigger buffer zone should they weave a bit.  And they almost always favor the right side of the road.

The rest of my biking time is in the mountain.  Yes...it's probably a greater risk of getting injured.  But at least it would be by my own doing.  The trees and rocks don't move.

Running isn't as scary.  You can see the cars coming.  And honestly, I've considered carrying a handful of small stones.  If you are on your phone...I throw a rock at your car.  Honestly....I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.  They wouldn't know it was me.  And they probably wouldn't argue, they know they are guilty and they have no proof it was me since they weren't looking.  I will let you know, I've already punched the back end of a car because the driver wasn't paying attention and would have hit me had I not moved.  Yes...I was on a crosswalk.  No, they didn't stop.  Nor did they want to get out and see if I was ok.

But mostly, I stick with sidewalks and trail running.  The Appalachian trail is an absolutely beautiful trail to get miles on.

I just head a friends brother in law got hit head on by someone texting and driving.

Put your God damn phone down.  And that's in context too.  Because I'm pretty sure God would do that to a cell phone if he knew how people used them.

And you can include, GPS, iPod's, fast food......whatever.  Pay attention when you are driving your killing machine.

78,000. Sounds like alot

I knew it.  I knew Trump would pull through.  I knew from the very beginning that he was a great man and qualified to serve.  I knew he had our best interests in mind.  He just donated 78,000 dollars of his first quarter paycheck to the National Park Service.  What stand up dude.

I kinda wish he'd have put that towards his Mar A Lago vacations instead.  Most people would  get a kick ass year long vacation for that money.  But no.  Not Trump.  He spends 3 million dollars every time he goes down there.  Who pays for that?  Oh...not Trump.  Taxpayers.  Right?  Correct me if I'm wrong.    He's racked up over 15 million dollars in Mar A Lago trips since he started as president.  Not even 3 months ago.

Now...for comparison....according to THE BLAZE, the Obama's spent about 85 million in taxpayer dollars for vacations.  That works out to what?  10.1 million dollars a year.  And Trump was hugely critical of that money spent.  But at the rate trump is going he'll rack up nearly 60 million dollars in expenses to go to Mar a Lago this year alone.

Oh but wait.  He does work there.  It's not a vacation.   Wait....he can't work in the White House?  That's even worse.  

Give me a freakin break.

And that 78k.  That's a slap in the face and an attempt to save his own face.  They just took a 1.5 billion dollar cut from the agency that overseas the National Parks.  And there is already a 12 billion dollar backlog in park maintenance that needs done.  But for shits and giggles let's just say they exaggerated that number.  Let's just say it's a 250 million dollar backlog.  Because even I think 12 billion dollars is a bit ridiculous to spend on "maintenance".

78k.  Don't be stupid America.  Don't be duped again.  The first time was bad enough.

Some old thoughts on how anxiety makes me feel.

Yes...this is a repost of one of the 400+ other blogs I've written.  I don't mind reposting if some of the feelings are the same.  And in this case....some are.  Some aren't.  I started anxiety medication and it's helped.  I stopped taking ritilan, mainly because of greedy drug company execs and insurance companies pushing the price up insanely.  I'm thinking I could use it again.

This one gets long.  Take some time, read to the end.  Please.    

   
 Last night I posted an article about ADD/ADHD.  For me, it was spot on.  All those things are me, plus many others.  Our minds don't stop.  They never rest.  You may think that's not so bad.  It's horrible.  On top of that I hear so many people write it off as a self control issue and a made up problem.  Well, I'd like to make up a problem on your face with my fist.  So many times I'll write something or say something and it's like a mind explosion.  I feel great while I'm doing it.  But as soon as I hit "share" or finish the conversation I immediately feel anxiety wondering what in the world I had just done.  Who had I hurt in what I said?  I'm telling you, the mind doesn't stop.  I can trace signs of this all the way back to when I was younger.  Thankfully, I started taking Ritalin a few weeks ago and it has been incredible.


     Some of what I write is hard.  The topics can be really intense and very difficult to read for some people.  No matter how many times I say it's not personal and not directed at any one particular entity, it can still be abrasive.  I'm sorry.  But I don't write for that.  I write to stay sane.  Literally.  Sitting down writing every morning is like a brain dump (why I called it the daily dump) for a while. It gets so much out of what it floating in my head.  And it's only a portion.  But it frees up space to help get through the rest of the day.  There are days I could write all day.  Writing seems to be the best outlet that I've found so far.  So when I say these thoughts are in my head, they are.  They are killing me.  Literally driving me insane.  And often times I get so connected to a thought I become passionate about that thought.  So when I get pushback on it, it seems to me like you are attacking the entirety of my being.  I'm getting better at recognizing that's not the case.  But I still struggle a bit.  And next time you read something, maybe you'll have a little more perspective on where I'm coming from and why I'm writing. It's NEVER personal.  And trust me...if it ever is, it will be VERY clear.  But it rarely is.  Because knowing all my flaws and issues, I know everyone battles with theirs as well.  And we often aren't that way because we want to be.  See how this paragraph just keeps going...and going...and going....yeah.  Welcome.

Do you know sometimes I have people work for me so I have someone to use as an outlet?   Sorry if that was ever you.  Sure, I appreciate the help you do provide.  But more importantly, I really appreciate the conversations.

And on and on and on I go.

Oh yeah.  I was going to write about when helping hurts.  I already did.  I write to help me.  But sometimes it hurts others.  Sorry.  I'm not going to stop.  I can only continually say it's not personal and I'd really like to have a conversation about some of the things I write about...EVEN if it sounds I'm very passionate and solid on a stance.

Not a day goes by that I'm not haunted that some of the things I write will hurt people I love.  You might be thinking what I write isn't that bad.  But remember....ADD/ADHD/ANXIETY.  If one person pushes back a little, I assume everyone will.  I know...It's not right.  But it's how it is for me and many others.  I worry a lot.  And apparently today I can't stop writing.  Hopefully by now you get a little glimpse into what I'm talking about.  It's like my butt is glued to my chair, my wrists are locked the desk and someone is shooting at the keyboard making my fingers dance.  

You Know You're Primal When....

You are telling your daughter a story at bedtime and this is how it goes..... Once upon a time there was a chicken.  This chicken was really hungry so it began the hunt for food.  Off in the distance it saw a grasshopper and immediately began pursuit.  Every time it got close the hopper kept hopping away.

This is the point in the story where my mind shifted but I had to reframe the story for my daughter, though it would still be a good lesson.  The following is where my mind went.

The chicken began to evaluate the energy expenditure required to capture the grasshopper compared to the energy provided from the grasshopper.  It was going to take him more energy to capture the grasshopper then she would get from the grasshopper.  So like a smart chicken, she backed off and looked for an easier source of food.

The actual story I told my daughter ended up with a frog eating the grasshopper after a long pursuit by the chicken and a little girl trying to catch the grasshopper to bring in for creepy crawly week at pre school.  Instead the frog volunteered his services for creepy crawly week and the chicken went to the store for some food.  The store was across the road....and was the reason the chicken had to cross the road.

It's a good lesson to learn though and a really simple way to think about food.  That's how it was done.  We evaluated how much energy it would take to collect food and if the energy expended outweighed the energy from the food....it was let go.   But now....it doesn't take much energy to go to the store and buy food for the week.  It also doesn't take much energy to get off the couch and go to the kitchen and eat that food.  And since 80% of the food bought from the store has added sugar, that balance has been shifted from an extreme lack of energy required to get food that has a ridiculous amount of energy aka calories and in most cases lots of added sugar.   It's not hard to figure out why one in 3 adults in America are obese.  Not overweight, OBESE.  This is the first generation where our kids aren't expected to outlive their parents due to a rise in obesity, type 2 diabetes and other ill effects of a poor diet and lack of nutritional education.

Have a great day!   Here's to your health!  It's because I care about you!

Write It Right

Facebook can be very polarizing.  In case you weren't aware.  In some cases, this transcends into actual reality outside of the internet.  But in many cases, we can have disagreeing conversations with people all the time if we were face to face and be totally calm and civil.

So why are these rare on Facebook?  Maybe because we don't know the person we are talking to in most cases.  Even in private groups when you get to know someone, you begin to give them a character based on all your interactions with them.  But even though this might be a little accurate, it isn't the whole person.  And over time, you begin to always interact with people as you've created them to be, not who they are.  But if you'd ever meet them in person,  I bet it would be like meeting an entirely different person.

That would be a pretty great interaction.  Have two people meet who constantly disagree and argue on Facebook.  Don't tell them who the other person is and put them in a situation where they have to work together.  Like a game show were you start with a group to solve a problem and players get randomly eliminated, leaving the two that are internet enemies but don't know it.   Set it up easy enough that they'd be able to work really well together.

What would that prove?  I don't know.  That even though you have many differences, you can still work together for the good of both of you if you don't let those personal ideologies get in the way.

I used to scour Facebook for things I could either disagree with or engage in and even debate on.  I don't really know why.  I'm not a mean guy.  I don't look to go proving other people wrong.  But I think I look for places to be right.  I was criticized a lot growing up.  I'm just now realizing this at 34 years old.  So I'm constantly trying to be right, to fill some sort of void.  It's not about other people being wrong and it took me so long to see that's how people take it.  Does that make sense?

I try so hard to be what I felt was right and fair that I forget or failed to see how that would make someone else feel about their idea.  I was never saying they were wrong in my mind.  Because I was always starting from a point where I was the wrong one and I was trying to prove myself right.

Anyway...that makes sense to me.  But I've slowly become aware of this.  And writing has helped.  I can use this forum here to try to prove myself right, or present a way of thinking that may be different.  And no one is on the other end of the wire engaging with me as I type.

I think many people would benefit from this.  It gives you an opportunity to share how you feel and what you think about without personally attacking anyone.   Even though sometimes, that happens too.  But I try to keep it anonymous.

Like the conversation I read on Facebook last night.  Someone posted a song that moves them.  It talked about how "it was I that made God cry".  Something about it being us that put Jesus on the cross.   Theology aside, i believe it was a song meant to keep you humble that it was our sin nature that contributed to the tears of Christ.   Something like that.  And then someone else chimed in and said, wrong.  Jesus wept for lazarus.  Not you.  And got all theological police on the song.  They would rather be right about whether or not Jesus actually wept for each person that would ever exist.  A petty, trivial point that God could work out later.  I'm pretty sure God cares more about how we feel about the drone strikes that kill and murder civilian families.

But whatever.  People were having  an emotional moment with God and this person came in and tried to take that away because it wasn't theologically accurate.  This, my friends, is what gives Christians a bad rep.  However, I can see where the person that chimed and said "wrong" is coming from.  He wants them to have an authentic relationship with God based on truth that is theologically accurate.  But some people just don't give a shit.  

So what would you rather be, rich or right?  In this case, theological police would rather have been right.  But what did that cost him?  A lot.   The people connecting with the song, they chose to be rich with emotion and connection to others experience the same feelings.

So what would you rather be?  Rich with emotions and connection to yourself and others?  Or informationally right?  Maybe both depending on the circumstances.

I done and taught myself something this morning.  I might actually go back to church now.  Ha.  April Fools.  Not yet anyway.