I'd like the beef please.

Yesterday was one of those days I could have taken the day to unload more of what's on my mind.  

Today...I've got several different things I'd like to write about to start that process.  I think I'll just continue talking about church.  Go figure.  

Everyone always says there won't be a perfect church.  I get that.  They say that I should stop looking for the flaws and look for the ways it helps people.  I've done that, perhaps you must have missed it my writings.  Maybe you were to busy looking for the flaws in my writing.  Maybe you were also trying to figure out how I was wrong, when maybe I'm actually right.  Well, I run that same risk too.  

Something never sit right with me about modern day churches in America.  Do you think that's what God had in mind?  Buildings, debt, bills, and salaries.  And when the debt is gone, the church will have upkeep and repairs.  And there is always going to be another project.  I'm not saying this is all wrong.  I'm just asking, do you really think that's what God had in mind?  I often wondered if a gathering of 100 people with no paid staff and a rented out room on a sunday morning could send more money and time out the door than a church of 1000 people with building debt and salaries.  

I know the bible speaks of paying the one in charge of leading your flock. I get that.  But did that include all the other jobs in the church?  I'm walking on thin ice here...I think all of that plays an important role.  But is paying for a service provided to you considered tithe?  Buildings, staff, programs, music, sound...the whole production costs money.  That money comes from the money brought in on a sunday morning. So essentially you are paying for that service to yourself.  Is that considered a tithe?  Have you ever stopped and looked at how much of the money you give goes out the door?   What is the purpose of your giving?  Because if you give expecting the money to go somewhere and it doesn't, you should know.   If you paid me to paint your living room but I used the money to it to buy a new stereo for my car, you'd be pissed. But I did paint your living room.  Here on this piece of paper, spitting image.  

I'm not really looking for an answer for my benefit.  I just think most people don't think about stuff the way I do.  Or maybe they do they just feel guilt and shame for questioning the church. No need to feel guilty about that.  A solid church shouldn't shy away from this stuff.  As I said before, the church I would consider my home church, The Meeting House (USA)  is well aware (at least I think so) of all the stuff I'm talking about.  And not because I'm saying it.  And that makes me glad.  

And then the volunteers.  They are the oil in the machine.  Without the volunteers,  sunday mornings couldn't happen.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard that.  And it's true.  Did you ever stop and think how that may make the volunteers feel?  Trapped or Loved? So if I don't volunteer, sunday mornings won't operate.  And sunday mornings need to go on.  See how you could feel both appreciated and stuck at the same time?  From ushers to greeters to childcare to a/v techs to coffee bar attendants to sunday school teachers to.....the list goes on.  And many of them enjoy it.  But it is my hope that they all know they are free to not volunteer any time they want.  

Oh man, I just got an idea.  Volunteers could trade hours for dollars.  Not actually paying them, but reducing the amount of their tithe!  More people would volunteer.  There would be an excess of volunteers!  And eventually you would have so many people to volunteer that you could almost start a new gathering because of all the people that want to make church happen.  Maybe that's what the original church design was supposed to be like.  People that wanted to make church happen.  People that stepped up without the need of a building or paid staff.  Or maybe just one person paid to work in continuing to study the bible and learn ways to bring justice to the oppressed.  Instead of one gathering of 3000 people, their could be 10 gatherings of 300 people  or 100 gatherings of 30 people! Or even 300 gatherings of 10 people meeting in homes without the need for a 4 million dollar a year budget.  Just thinking out loud here.  

Or is it necessary, to see hundreds of millions of dollars pumped into buildings for people to show up on a sunday morning?  That speaks a lot about the urgency of spreading the gospel message.  It says Come here.  Come to us.  Come to this building.  Jesus said "Come to me."  Was Jesus a building? Did Jesus need tens of thousands of special buildings.  Many within a block or two of each other.  

Or maybe both are needed.  I just see a lot more of the come to our building and experience Jesus happening.  

I'm sure someone could speak to some of this.  I'll still probably disagree with you.  But there are others that are on the fence and may not.  As always, I welcome a discussion.  Sometimes I do feel like a total jerk for even questioning or thinking this way.  Today is one of those days.  

part two

Of the one I started earlier today.  But that one was a dead horse.  Maybe.  I'm sure you could find it if you wanted to.  It's posted right below this one.

This will be a short one.  Maybe.  I only did a little digging before I got pretty pissed.  Yesterday I talked a little about how a pastor may be limited in what he/she cannot say for fear of losing income for his family.  And it got me thinking.  What does the bible say about pastors?  And I realized there was no way possible to dig up everything.  I will NOT read one or two verses and assume it's truth.  But I'll do my best to remember.

It says pastors must be faithful to one wife.  And devoted to their family first.  So, their caution in what they can or can't say is ok (but not). They are thinking about feeding their family.

 I was doing some reading how most churches wouldn't hire a single pastor.  Says they won't have the church at the front of their priority list.  That they'll succumb to sexual advances more easily or they're gay.   That's bullshit.  Look at Paul!!!!   HE WAS SINGLE.  And half the time I think people drool over the words of Paul more than they do the words of Jesus!   Yet, a single pastor.  No way.  Can't have that.  No way could they ever relate or understand family life.  Or maybe they do, that's why they are single.  Maybe they don't want to put any other potential distraction above work for the Lord and they're not inflamed with passion and can't control their body.

But it also says that leading a family is an important part of being a pastor.  So which one is it? If it's both, why do we not see more single pastors?    If the divorce rate in the church was zero......but it's not.  It's just as high as it is outside the church.  Maybe it's the emphasis they place on marriage.  Everyone is doing it.  We might as well too.  I have heard from so many people that they feel like an outcast if they are a young adult and not married.  There are some exceptions in churches.  The ones that actually listen to the needs of the congregation.

Ok...this one felt so disorganized.  Kind of rushed and forced.  So did the stuff I wrote earlier.

I don't write all these things for me.  All these things I write about, the church, that's not why I choose not to go.  But they are a lot of people that left church because of these things.  Don't believe me?  Look around.  Ask around.  Not many people talk about it, but many people think about it.  Good thing for me I don't have a problem bringing it up.

Insert attention grabbing title here

So,  yesterday I talked a little bit about conditional giving.  That pastors, missionaries and other people reliant on donor funding are fearful of the things they can and can't say.  It's my 5th most read blog out of 75.  After a day.  The others have been up for almost a year.  Thanks.

But seriously though, I'm gonna try to stay on the lighter side today.  I did my taxes yesterday.  TurboTax is incredible.  If you aren't using TurboTax, get the on it.  Seriously.  It's so easy.

This light writing crap is boring.

I'm gonna talk about swearing again.  I listen to a podcast called "The Bad Christian Podcast", It's really good.  Two guys from the band "Emery" host it with their friend who is a pastor from Seacoast church in South Carolina.  On a cold day two novembers ago I was on the brink of a mental breakdown.  I may have even crossed over into an actual mental breakdown.  It was very confusing.  More on that later.  But I wanted to find a podcast that wasn't your mainstream name it and claim it feel good about yourself jesus podcast.  But I looked up christian podcasts, and there it was, the Bad Christian Podcast.  After a few episodes, I knew this would be my go to podcast.  The first thing I noticed was the swore.  A christian band, a pastor and a worship pastor.  Swearing.  I was so happy.   They were actually being honest!!!  Imagine that!!!!  Now, I'm not all saying all pastors swear, they just hide it.  But c'mon.   Almost everyone does.  Mostly in private cause they feel shame about it.  Stop feeling shame.  Just use language.  Seriously.  I know I'm in the minority of christians that feel this way, or it seems.  Ok...I'm rambling now. Onto my point....

They brought up one of the questions I had about listening to the podcast around their kids, as they have around the same age kids as I do.  None of them would.  And neither do I.  But why?  If I don't have a problem with it?  But some still do.  And as children they don't know the meaning of words or when to use them.  Some adults don't either.  And I know the response they'd get if they said shit in the wrong place.  Odds are they would be told that wasn't a good word to say.  And they'd be confused because they've heard daddy say it.  And then they start correcting daddy and shame sets in about using a word that everyone uses in their own way.  Why not just teach kids what the word means and why some people use it.  That's what we do with all the other words, right?  Lets stop the shame and guilt tied to words that mean the same thing as poop and dang.

What if a friend told me they got pregnant after years of trying.  I know that struggle well.  And out of celebration I exclaim "FUCK YEAH MAN.  That's awesome!"  What's wrong with that?  I'm celebrating with my friends.  You know a lot of you say freakin.   Ok.  I'm rambling now, onto my point.

Some people utter phrases, leaving out letters of the word in question.  Stub your toe?  FFFFFFUUUUUOOUUUCCHHH.  MOTHER FFFFFThat really hurts.  SON OF A BIIIIISCUIT.

Does that relieve you of your guilt?  Are you off the hook?  Does that make it ok?  What if someone hear you, you may have just caused them to say the actual word in their head.

I don't know how I can write so much about this.  But I can.  Because I swear.  Quite often.

SHUT UP

I was going to save this one.  But I won't  Here it goes.  People can be real assholes.  Let's talk about conditional giving across christian culture.  Because it's a real thing and it creates false hope.  It's a really shitty thing to do.  In case you haven't figured it out.  I've got a lot of beef with this.  Again, no church in particular....just all of them.

A few days ago I had someone tell me that they tithe (here comes the church stuff again) and after the money leaves their hands it's on the church to do the right thing with it.  Well, what if the pastor started doing some preaching and presented some opposing views?  Sadly, I've seen this happen and people leave.  Taking their money with them.   And in doing that, the church loses money from their budget.  If enough people do this salaries may get cut, people could lose their jobs, bills may not get paid, etc.

I see a couple things disturbing to me about this.  Why did the church set itself up that if people stopped giving they would hurt financially and cause stress?  And why just up and leave without a conversation?  Did everyone in the church change or just the pastor?  And is it not ok to change views the further you study scripture?  Isn't this what you pay your pastor for?  To bring the truth?  Oh, until you don't like the truth and it's not what your itchy ears want to hear.  I get it.  I thought you trusted your pastor, I guess not.

A lot of pastors rely on the income from church to feed their family.  This is also awkward for me to wrap my head around.  Because if you have the above, there is a fear in your head that if you say the wrong thing, people might stop giving and my family will suffer.  This isn't a good place to be. This is why I've never committed any money to a church.  It's always been whatever we gave.  But I do understand why they need pledges or some type of guess to what's going to come in.  Because the church finances need run like a business.  And me personally, I don't feel good about it.  But I know, as with all of my complaints/struggles there is an explanation and reason why things are done.

Some of you reading this might not think this happens.  Ask around.  And ask around for the truth.  Ask some former pastors.  I'm tell you, church attenders, don't EVER think pastors have it easy peasy.  Don't EVER think there is not a concern about money.  Even if there isn't.  There may be.

Just take a look at so many bands and singers in christian music culture.  Ask Michael Gungor what happens when you start digging into your faith and ask hard questions.  Their was tremendous backlash from the "christian" community.  And all he did was wonder if the creation story actually happened.  It was a hard time for his family.  

And about missionaries. The money given to them is even tighter.  And they are serving most likely in another country, away from their friends and family.  They have to do EVERYTHING right in fear that if they do or say the wrong thing people would stop giving.  This fear can sometimes be so crippling that it keeps you from saying anything.  It's not right.  AT ALL.  But they do it.  Because to them, starving, hurting, sick kids mean more to them.  And they'll do anything to continue to help them.  Even if it comes at a cost to their own emotional health.   I heard a podcast about a family serving in Africa that posted an article to their Facebook page about something that contained a political leaning.  The political part wasn't even the theme of the article.   It wasn't much, something they would have avoided had the known the fallout.  Several donors withdrew their funds and caused cutbacks in the ministry.  Do you know who suffers the most.  The VERY ONES JESUS SAID TO CARE FOR.  THE LEAST OF THESE.  Makes me so sick.

Now is when I'm going to start getting really mad and may fire off expletives and call people out.  Just be warned.  I'm not getting paid to write this blog, and you chose to read it.  So I can say whatever I want.

World Vision.  Opened up employment to all people. Seems natural right?  Well, several "CHRISTIANS"  didn't like the idea of married gay people working for a christian company.  So they pulled their sponsorships.  I'm sorry...that's just downright pathetic.  You should be ashamed if you did that.  Pro-life my ass you are.  World Vision lost 15,000 sponsorships with as many as 19,000 by the end.  Casting Crowns...decided that their stance of gay marriage was more important than feeding and caring for widows and orphans.    Let that sink in.  19,000 children and families that had been receiving letters, cards, gifts, food, and LIFE.  Imagine that all stopping.  A relationship broken.  Makes me wonder why people even started giving in the first place, obligation maybe?  Guilt?  Certainly it wasn't because they actually loved and cared for the least of these, otherwise an issue like this wouldn't have mattered to you.  Just makes me absolutely sick.  Do you think a child clinging to life and hope given to them by world vision cares that much about the sexual orientation for the person cashing checks so he can eat?

This type of thing is systematic.  It happens without even realizing it.  And when it does it's a shock.  Where are the hearts of people?  There is even a slight ping of fear in me for saying stuff like this.   I'm not even being sponsored  by anyone nor am I affiliated with any one particular ministry.

I heard someone say once, give because you are impressed by the need, not because of the need to impress.

We live in America.  Freedom of speech.  Except for when there isn't.  There are consequences to that.  And I understand that.  But as christian people, is God not bigger than that?  Is God not bigger than petty differences?  Does God not care more about people?

And hey...if you find yourself sitting here agreeing with me and you think it's ridiculous some of these stories I'm telling about.   Are you helping?  Isn't this a good opportunity to say, I care more about people.  And even if you aren't a christian, do you need to be to donate to World Vision or other Christ centered ministry?  No.  You don't.

Thanks for reading.  I love you all.  You know, at the end of almost every post I write like this I feel like a total asshole. I know I sounded really passionate and angry.  I am.  But that doesn't mean I'm not open to hear an explanation or reason why this stuff happens.

When Helping Hurts

This one gets long.  Take some time, read to the end.  Please.       

     Last night I posted an article about ADD/ADHD.  For me, it was spot on.  All those things are me, plus many others.  Our minds don't stop.  They never rest.  You may think that's not so bad.  It's horrible.  On top of that I hear so many people write it off as a self control issue and a made up problem.  Well, I'd like to make up a problem on your face with my fist.  So many times I'll write something or say something and it's like a mind explosion.  I feel great while I'm doing it.  But as soon as I hit "share" or finish the conversation I immediately feel anxiety wondering what in the world I had just done.  Who had I hurt in what I said?  I'm telling you, the mind doesn't stop.  I can trace signs of this all the way back to when I was younger.  Thankfully, I started taking Ritalin a few weeks ago and it has been incredible.  

     Some of what I write is hard.  The topics can be really intense and very difficult to read for some people.  No matter how many times I say it's not personal and not directed at any one particular entity, it can still be abrasive.  I'm sorry.  But I don't write for that.  I write to stay sane.  Literally.  Sitting down writing every morning is like a brain dump (why I called it the daily dump) for a while. It gets so much out of what it floating in my head.  And it's only a portion.  But it frees up space to help get through the rest of the day.  There are days I could write all day.  Writing seems to be the best outlet that I've found so far.  So when I say these thoughts are in my head, they are.  They are killing me.  Literally driving me insane.  And often times I get so connected to a thought I become passionate about that thought.  So when I get pushback on it, it seems to me like you are attacking the entirety of my being.  I'm getting better at recognizing that's not the case.  But I still struggle a bit.  And next time you read something, maybe you'll have a little more perspective on where I'm coming from and why I'm writing. It's NEVER personal.  And trust me...if it ever is, it will be VERY clear.  But it rarely is.  Because knowing all my flaws and issues, I know everyone battles with theirs as well.  And we often aren't that way because we want to be.  See how this paragraph just keeps going...and going...and going....yeah.  Welcome. 

Do you know sometimes I have people work for me so I have someone to use as an outlet?   Sorry if that was ever you.  Sure, I appreciate the help you do provide.  But more importantly, I really appreciate the conversations.  

And on and on and on I go. 

Oh yeah.  I was going to write about when helping hurts.  I already did.  I write to help me.  But sometimes it hurts others.  Sorry.  I'm not going to stop.  I can only continually say it's not personal and I'd really like to have a conversation about some of the things I write about...EVEN if it sounds I'm very passionate and solid on a stance. 

But seriously.  I recently heard a podcast about short term missions.  There is a lot of negative about short term missions and how much help they really do.  I agree.  But I don't want that to take over the massive amounts of groups that help.  I have some friends in Haiti, Matt and Julie Reichard, that work with a ministry called Freedom Global Outreach.  They blow my mind every single day at the last change I see in the community in which they work.   They moved there with their three children September 2015.  Over the past ten years they've been planning this.  I don't want to share their whole story, because there is no way my brain would stay on point to do it justice.   But they found Haitians that had a heart and mind for change and they worked with them to learn how they can help.  And since then with the help of many others, vast improvements have been made to the living conditions of almost 100 orphans living in three homes.  Access to medical care is now provided to a school of over 1000 children who otherwise would have none.  This clinic they run is also open to the public and they are using it.  The clinic's popularity is growing.  People are coming from miles and miles away.  The local hospital sends patients to their clinic.  The work won't ever stop.  Please consider checking out the ministry and the family. 

Freedom Global Outreach

Heavens Angels Pediatric Clinic

There is a link there to give them some money.  Please consider it.  I can assure you, it will be well used.  I'll verify it for you at the end of the month when I go visit.   

Not a day goes by that I'm not haunted that some of the things I write will hurt people I love.  You might be thinking what I write isn't that bad.  But remember....ADD/ADHD/ANXIETY.  If one person pushes back a little, I assume everyone will.  I know...It's not right.  But it's how it is for me and many others.  I worry a lot.  And apparently today I can't stop writing.  Hopefully by now you get a little glimpse into what I'm talking about.  It's like my butt is glued to my chair, my wrists are locked the desk and someone is shooting at the keyboard making my fingers dance.  Soon, I will have to get up to poop.  My coffee is finished and it's that time.  

Oh yeah...Not a day goes by that I'm not haunted that some of the things I write will hurt people I love.  So tomorrow I'm going to talk about where those fears started and examples of how that has happened to others.  

Goodbyes are so hard.  But I'm going to wrap this up now.  Welcome to my crazy mind.  I'm not even going to edit this or proofread it at all.  

SORRY. (but I do talk about death here)

Not sorry.  I told everyone I am expert in my experience.  Well....I'm an expert in what my experiences are, just not how they effected me or those around me.  I've been writing about church a lot.  That shouldn't surprise anyone, most of my life was involved in a church of some sort.  It was an integral part of me.  Was.  So that's why I write about it.  Church has been a major player in destroying a person close to me and several families very close to me.  So yeah...I've got a bit of a beef.  And they aren't the only ones either.

That being said.  Like I mentioned yesterday, church can be a pleasant and uplifting experience for a lot of people as well.  I know that the church I grew up in, is nothing at all like the church it is now.  It is so much better.  There have been leadership changes, a change in name, changes in theology, a willingness to listen to much of the pushback I and many others have, and actually do something about it.  I think that's why it's hard to write some of the things I do.  Are they perfect?  Far from it.  Do they meet all of everyones needs?  Nope.  Do I expect them to?  Nope.  Do they try?  I believe they do.  I've had many conversations with those in leadership of that church and believe in them.

(pre-following script, I was going to try to be less heavy today...but that didn't happen)

To change gears a bit for this morning....

Nothing in nature is stagnant.  It is all in a process of living, dying or changing. I added changing because of things like rocks and water.  Rocks erode but never fully die.  Water evaporates and then it rains.   We are no different. We are either living or dying.  And in the process we change.   I don't think we think about death enough.  It's something every one of us is going to face, whether it's ourselves or someone close to us and no one knows when.  Death is real.  And it doesn't always happen when we are old.  Sometimes it happens when we are young.  Sometimes it happens before we've had a chance to even take a breath for ourselves.  I hurt when I hear of miscarriages.  Families are looking forward to inviting this little human into their lives only to have it pass away way to soon.  It's not fair.  It hurts.  It's not easy. In moments like that, feel free to cope just about any damn way you please.  And don't let anyone tell you how you should feel.  You feel how you feel.  For a time. I wish I could give you some wisdom on how to move forward from the loss of a loved one, but I really can't.  When people close to me die, I don't feel much of anything.  My wife and my kids are the only ones I get shaken up by at the thought of losing them.  Sorry for those of you that didn't make the cut.  I'm working on how to feel emotions again.  It doesn't mean I don't care about you.  If anything, I care more about the people left behind.

I'm probably the worst guy to talk to about death.  Seriously.  Or maybe the best.  I have no idea.

Life.  I also am probably with worst guy to talk to about life.  Or maybe the best.  I have no idea.

As you go about your day, be aware.  Don't worry about death.  Worry about life.  Just kidding.  Don't worry about life.  LIVE your life.  Except death as a reality.  And treat everyone you love as though they could die any time.  That doesn't mean you have to be all huggy all the time.  But maintain a relationships that if at any time someone passed, you'd know that you'd loved and lived well.  It's always said that funerals are a celebration of life!  Why wait?

I am aware that I kind of contradicted myself.  It happens.  Feel free to share your experiences though.  I think they'd be helpful for all.  I know I'd like to hear them.  In life or death, you are not alone.

Sunday Moody Sunday

I talk about church a lot.  I don't go to a "church".  I don't claim to be a part of any one particular "church".  Not anymore.  So when I talk about church, I'm not specifically talking about one or another.  I'm talking about all the churches I hear about on a daily basis and how many people are upset, disappointed or hurt by the Church. 

Continuing to talk about money this morning.  Yesterday there was some good discussion about people not tithing to the church anymore.  Some had chimed in and said that once they give their money to the church it's the church's responsibility to do the right thing with it.  I just can't get behind that thinking entirely.  And here's why.

Recently I had heard about a church sending out mailings to a community in which 85% of the people already go to church.  Why not just have the people that go invite people personally?  Why the spending of 3-5k on one mailing to get people to come to "your" church?  One person chimed in and said if you want to talk about misuse of funds, talk about the buildings projects, chandeliers, flat screen tv's, state of the art A/V, and all of that other "stuff".  Sure that makes for an inviting facility if you like that materialistic sort of feel.  What was wrong with the old flat screen tv's?  

I'm seriously asking these questions.  

Why am I questioning and critiquing  the church so much?  Because when you have a bible that points to a Man/God, Jesus, who was born to a virgin, performed miracles, loved people like no other, was crucified as a criminal hated by many, rose from the dead three days later, and an entire movement of faith was started as a result and is still continuing to this day 2000 yeas later.  You'd better take it seriously.  And I highly doubt Jesus needed flat screen tv's,  crystal chandeliers, and instead of fliers he'd walk around talking to people.  

Does church serve a good purpose, sure.  It refreshes people and recharges them for the upcoming week at work.  Or looking for work.  It provides community with friends.  It allows people to gather  all with a common interest. The church is there for many people that come to it who need some encouragement and good feels.  And I'm sure a bunch of other things too.  Do you know where else people can get that?  A golf course.  A picnic with friends and family.  A run.  An hour of meditation. The gym.  

Or.  

Meeting up with 10 or so other people on a weekly basis at someones house.  No special sunday service required in addition to that.  

Next up.  The industry of christian.  Giving to get. And why pastors are bridled.  

Sometimes I feel like a total prick writing about my thoughts.  

I grew up going to church.  I know lots of good people very committed to the church. 

And they are good people.  So I want to be very clear, my writings are not personal

to any individual.