Last night I posted an article about ADD/ADHD. For me, it was spot on. All those things are me, plus many others. Our minds don't stop. They never rest. You may think that's not so bad. It's horrible. On top of that I hear so many people write it off as a self control issue and a made up problem. Well, I'd like to make up a problem on your face with my fist. So many times I'll write something or say something and it's like a mind explosion. I feel great while I'm doing it. But as soon as I hit "share" or finish the conversation I immediately feel anxiety wondering what in the world I had just done. Who had I hurt in what I said? I'm telling you, the mind doesn't stop. I can trace signs of this all the way back to when I was younger. Thankfully, I started taking Ritalin a few weeks ago and it has been incredible.
Some of what I write is hard. The topics can be really intense and very difficult to read for some people. No matter how many times I say it's not personal and not directed at any one particular entity, it can still be abrasive. I'm sorry. But I don't write for that. I write to stay sane. Literally. Sitting down writing every morning is like a brain dump (why I called it the daily dump) for a while. It gets so much out of what it floating in my head. And it's only a portion. But it frees up space to help get through the rest of the day. There are days I could write all day. Writing seems to be the best outlet that I've found so far. So when I say these thoughts are in my head, they are. They are killing me. Literally driving me insane. And often times I get so connected to a thought I become passionate about that thought. So when I get pushback on it, it seems to me like you are attacking the entirety of my being. I'm getting better at recognizing that's not the case. But I still struggle a bit. And next time you read something, maybe you'll have a little more perspective on where I'm coming from and why I'm writing. It's NEVER personal. And trust me...if it ever is, it will be VERY clear. But it rarely is. Because knowing all my flaws and issues, I know everyone battles with theirs as well. And we often aren't that way because we want to be. See how this paragraph just keeps going...and going...and going....yeah. Welcome.
Do you know sometimes I have people work for me so I have someone to use as an outlet? Sorry if that was ever you. Sure, I appreciate the help you do provide. But more importantly, I really appreciate the conversations.
And on and on and on I go.
Oh yeah. I was going to write about when helping hurts. I already did. I write to help me. But sometimes it hurts others. Sorry. I'm not going to stop. I can only continually say it's not personal and I'd really like to have a conversation about some of the things I write about...EVEN if it sounds I'm very passionate and solid on a stance.
But seriously. I recently heard a podcast about short term missions. There is a lot of negative about short term missions and how much help they really do. I agree. But I don't want that to take over the massive amounts of groups that help. I have some friends in Haiti, Matt and Julie Reichard, that work with a ministry called Freedom Global Outreach. They blow my mind every single day at the last change I see in the community in which they work. They moved there with their three children September 2015. Over the past ten years they've been planning this. I don't want to share their whole story, because there is no way my brain would stay on point to do it justice. But they found Haitians that had a heart and mind for change and they worked with them to learn how they can help. And since then with the help of many others, vast improvements have been made to the living conditions of almost 100 orphans living in three homes. Access to medical care is now provided to a school of over 1000 children who otherwise would have none. This clinic they run is also open to the public and they are using it. The clinic's popularity is growing. People are coming from miles and miles away. The local hospital sends patients to their clinic. The work won't ever stop. Please consider checking out the ministry and the family.
There is a link there to give them some money. Please consider it. I can assure you, it will be well used. I'll verify it for you at the end of the month when I go visit.
Not a day goes by that I'm not haunted that some of the things I write will hurt people I love. You might be thinking what I write isn't that bad. But remember....ADD/ADHD/ANXIETY. If one person pushes back a little, I assume everyone will. I know...It's not right. But it's how it is for me and many others. I worry a lot. And apparently today I can't stop writing. Hopefully by now you get a little glimpse into what I'm talking about. It's like my butt is glued to my chair, my wrists are locked the desk and someone is shooting at the keyboard making my fingers dance. Soon, I will have to get up to poop. My coffee is finished and it's that time.
Oh yeah...Not a day goes by that I'm not haunted that some of the things I write will hurt people I love. So tomorrow I'm going to talk about where those fears started and examples of how that has happened to others.
Goodbyes are so hard. But I'm going to wrap this up now. Welcome to my crazy mind. I'm not even going to edit this or proofread it at all.
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