And I'm back, Life is an open door.

I'll be honest with you.  The habit was hard to break.  I really missed sitting down and posting a blog for the past week.  And I'm really bummed that I'll have a small window of days missing from the post lineup.

I did write while I was away.  But I did a lot of re-reading of some things I had written a long time ago.  I think today all I'll do is post a song I wrote a little over a year ago about my time spent in Haiti.  It's actually performed with Bone, Thugs and Harmony as a major influence.  And what the heck...I might as well let you listen to the rough cut version.  Most likely because it may be a long time before I actually finish it.  So here.  

(Missionary perspective)
And we'll put our feet down
And we'll put our feet down
And we'll put our feet down
As we lay our lives on the ground
We can make all these walls fall down
Put on your tuxes and gowns
We sing love from our lungs and our hearts to our lips
 out of our mouths let's turn this city around.
All across town
We bring the love to our brothers and sisters and  cousins
To the father, the mother , the family, the home.
 Home. Let's bring em all home
Let em feel the love of home
Let's bring them hope from above
Bring Heaven bring love.

Have you ever looked inside the eyes of child and see a world that's coming to be. All the hopes and dreams hiding behind their hurts and fears


(Haitian father/mother perspective)
And I'll put my feet down
on the floor head out the door
to find some work for pay
So my family could eat today
My arms are tired legs drag me down
working my bones to the core
I want to live my life for the crown
But it's hard not to  feel that I work like a whore

I'm going downtown, tryin hard not to frown
but it's hard when you workin with a million others
Makin concrete to keep
holding up the walls of a house
that I'll never have or raise my family in, without living a life in sin

i walk home to a tent with a dirt floor, no door
one bed in a room, what can we do we don't even have a fan, to keep the baby cool.
and yet we live under gods rule
wondering when will we die, why even try?
Every day this is my cry

Have you ever looked inside the eyes of a child and seen a world that's coming to be. All the hopes and dreams.


(Orphan perspective)
And when I see you there standing there in the gate
Way to my soul I have a hope I have a zeal to do so much more than those before
I can lead the least of these
Just follow me and then you'll see
All you've sown through all those years
 all those miles and all those fears
I know you wonder if you'll make a difference
But Just be patient wait with me.
Let me show you the world you've set before us
Life is an open door

Daily Blog Shut Down

The powers that be have sent a cease and desist for my daily blogs until further notice.  I will most likely still be writing...just not publishing.  So stay tuned.....

In the meantime, enjoy the rest of the NBA's All Star weekend.

Why Not Love?

I want to dive into something here.  It's a sensitive topic for some.  But I want to share some thoughts I have on it.

I reserve the right to be wrong.  But this is where I've landed.  For now.

I have reason to believe that the premise of Christianity is to love God and to love people.  There is also a huge emphasis on going to heaven to be with Jesus.  It is also to spread a message of salvation, repentance, and to profess a belief in Jesus.  All the while bringing hope to the world.  It is not in my knowledge that a Christian is led to shame, guilt, harass, heckle, annoy, or show hate to anyone.

I also have reason to believe that most Christians would agree that aborted babies go to heaven.  Because if you think that God would send an aborted baby to hell, you are some special kind of sick and twisted...and so is the God you believe in and worship.  So in this scenario, one of the primary goals of Christianity is taken care of.  Heaven.

So moving forward with the premise that a Christian's primary focus is to love people and that aborted babies go to heaven....where do we go from there?

I think it's safe to say that most people, Christian or not, don't want abortions to happen.  But they do.  Unwanted pregnancy's happen.   What would make this predicament easier for all those involved?  I find it hard to believe that shame, guilt, harassment and a general lack of empathy and compassion for a woman or couple facing an abortion decision or recovering from a decision to abort would help the situation in the least bit.  EVEN if it goes against everything you believe, what benefit would come from belittling someone instead of showing them love, patience and understanding?   I'm having a hard time finding any benefit from that tactic.

Guess what?  You could swap out abortion for homosexuality, transgenderism or Muslims and anything else of the sort you can think of.

"If all you ever do is attack someone's behavior then you’re never going to be able to set them free to become who they really are. Accountability is not calling somebody out on their behavior, it is calling them up to their identity!" Graham Cooke

Because Revelation Said So...

I read some parts of an article yesterday that someone close to me posted.  The comment above it read "interesting article".  It was interesting alright.  Claimed that Jesus was in favor of walls and strict vetting.  Because in the book of Revelation, the coming kingdom, had walls and a strict vetting process.

I really didn't know what to do with that.  Engage? Not engage?  I'm not in shock the person that posted it...but that someone would actually write something.  Maybe they  are like me and sometimes just like to go down the road of a thought experiment for entertainment only.  I sure hope so.


But seriously...this my real thought.  I can relate to this guy.  You got a close spot to the stage.  You want to see your favorite band play.  But the way I see it, you can watch them living out their dreams.  Or you can have fun and enjoy what they created.  I hate concerts.  I've been to maybe 3 or 4.  I don't want to watch.  I want to participate.   What is that spot near the stage watching people live their dreams going to do for you?   Those on stage...they aren't any better than you.  Not one bit.  They've just done something you haven't done.  They've learned something you haven't yet.  They've worked a little harder and smarter than you have.....so far.  So go have fun in the pit.  And if you really want to be the one on stage, stop looking at it and learn about what it takes to get there.

What's the Point? Church stuff, ranking systems and mistakenly excluding children.

Of continuing these blogs?  I don't know.  I'm probably going to stop this weekend.  It won't be a full year...but I think I've proven that I could if I wanted to.

It's been over 11 months straight without missing a day.  I'll most likely write next week but not not be able to post any of the blogs I write.  So maybe instead of 7 extra bonus blogs when I get back, I'll work on one complete project.

This is for church people.  You won't relate if you never went to church as a kid.  And I carry some deep wounds from growing up in the church.  I didn't realize that until much later in life.  Might be my own experience, but I can't help but think others feel the same way.

Anyway.  Memory Verses.  Who remembers those from church?  I don't.  Well, I remember the task to accomplish the memorization but I can't say I memorized them.  If anything, just for that moment.  Can I say that I think having children memorize verses is not important whatsoever.  Why?  Because it's not knowing the verse that's what's important.  It's about knowing what the verse means.  Remembering the lesson of the verse far outweighs the knowledge of every word.   Often times that includes memorizing, but for kids (and adults) like me, memorizing words from a page is very difficult.  And no, that's not what Phillipians 4:13 is for.

Reading your bible and praying.  There's no real gauge to tell if a child is doing this or not.  But again...You can't judge someones relationship with Jesus based solely on how much the read the bible or pray.  Although prayer can really be anything....

How about inviting friends to church?  I get the point.  You want children to have fun and learn about Jesus's love.  You also want to help kids share their belief.  I guess I just have to ask, why not just teach them how to love others?  Isn't that sharing their faith?  Isn't that spreading the gospel?  Inviting people to a church event isn't really a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

I don't want to throw all these things under the bus.  But I often remember and still see competitions or rewards for many of the activities shown above.  Earthly rewards.  Like candy or special parties.  I don't want to pretend I know how to do all the kids stuff.  All I remember is how those things made me feel when I was young.  I wasn't good at memorizing.  I wasn't good at reading my bible.  I wasn't good at inviting guests.  And all those rewards for that stuff I wasn't good at, made me feel like I wasn't good enough.

Not all kids are created equal.  Not all can learn and do the same way.  So to put a system in place that judges their engagement in the basics only one way is a great way to exclude certain kids.  Why not just keep the main thing, the main thing.

Just trust the system Jesus laid out.

Teach the children love all.  And they will reciprocate that.  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control.  Be an example of that.  That's what they need to learn.  Don't create a ranking system.  Don't create competition.  Don't do anything that will leave some children feeling excluded.

I remember a story in the bible that Jesus told.  About 99 people that were doing just fine.  But one wasn't.  One was lost and confused.  They didn't feel like they were good enough.  And Jesus made sure that that one person was found and cared for.  He made sure that one was brought along with everyone else.

It's not to late.

I was driving back from dropping food off for my wife at work yesterday evening.  My two kids were in the car.  My 5 year old son told me I shouldn't say "It's to late" as much as I do.  Instead of brushing it off like I normally would, I thought about it.  I do say it a little bit.  And it's usually at the kids after I gave them a decision to make only to have them reverse it a little while after.

Like earlier that day for example.  I offered my 3 year old daughter a piece of frozen dessert.  She refused it, saying she didn't like it.  But she does.  She's had it plenty of times.  On the car ride home she asked for a popsicle and I told her no and reminded her she said she didn't like them.  She said she did now and what did I say....."it's too late."

In reality...it wasn't to late.  It rarely ever is.  Even if they were gone, we could always make more.  My son once again reminded me that it's never to late to reverse a decision (most decisions).

The things we learn from 5 year olds.....

Not at all Donald.  

Salvaging a Stomach Bug

You know that feeling.  When someone gets a stomach bug.  All you want to do is burn everything they may have come in contact with.  Unless it's your kids, don't burn them.  But you know that bug spreads like crazy.  And it's one of the worst 24-48 hours of your life.  Every rumbling or weird feeling in your tummy puts you on high alert.

Sometimes you escape, other times you don't.  But you know the cycle.  As soon as you think you might get it, you cut back on your food intake to prevent a large upheaveal  of what's in your system. In the event you do catch the bug, it's inevitable that you will lose just about everything in your system and deplete all your glycogen stores.  You will be tired, sluggish and feel awful.  By now you've probably been fasting for about 36 hours.  You don't want to eat anything because you are afraid of it coming right back up.  After about 48 hours your bug has passed and you are trying to find something to eat again.  But what's weird....it's hard to choose what to eat.  So many of us think it's because we are still sick.  But I think it's because we really aren't hungry.  I think our body took care of itself and by the start of that third day with extremely limited calories we started using our stored fat and produced ketones for fuel.  At this point your body is in a state of ketosis and is burning fat.  This is totally natural and healthy.  You've gotten through the hard part of switching from carb burning to fat burning via a stomach bug.

So next time you get the stomach bug...that 8 pound weight loss is not all from puke and shit.  You've actually started burning fat and it is a great time to continue onto a keto diet!  Don't go back to BRAT, Bananas, rice, applesauce and toast.  There is NO evidence to say this has any benefit.  It is outdated and moot.  If you aren't hungry...it really is ok not to eat.  If it's been 24-36 hours and you feel like you can keep something down, start with water.  Get some electrolytes in you.  But don't add carbs or sugar.  If you want solids...try scrambled eggs or chicken.  Eat something with healthy fats and low carbs in it that will sustain your fat burning.

Just something to think about to bring a light at the end of the tunnel for a stomach bug.

The Emotions aren't leaving.

One of the greatest fears I have as a dad is that I'm not teaching or allowing my kids to express their emotions.  The fear most likely stems from the fact that I don't know how to do this.  I feel as though I'm not alone.  Many people have grown up having been told not to cry and to be tough.  Or you may not have been given the opportunity to express anger either.  What happens when you get older and there is no one around to prevent these emotions from coming out?  We simply do no know how to express them.  So we don't.  I say we because I'm hoping I'm not the only one.

For example.  My son wanted to play on his Kindle yesterday only to discover the battery was dead.  He was upset and I told him that it's his responsibility to make sure it gets plugged in.  He's 5.  To be fair, I don't know that I ever actually told him specifically it was his responsibility.  It's been mentioned, but not directly.  Anyway, he started crying.  Not just a sad cry, but a pretty aggressive end of the world sadness type cry.  I ended up tell him that he shouldn't be crying about a game.

I'm having some second thoughts though.  What harm would come from letting him cry that one out? I really don't know where that cry came from.  Clearly it shouldn't have been from only not being able to play on his kindle.

I have to remember that even if I can't understand what the emotion is that they are showing, they are trying to show an emotion.  And by telling them not to have it or to suppress it....they'll turn out to be just like me.  I want them to know that they will be heard.  And that however they are feeling and whatever brought it up is important.

Your emotions...if not expressed....will kill you.

But it's tough.  I have lots of emotions.  I have lots of hurts and pains from my past.  Many of these involve other people.  But I don't want to bring them up now because of how it would make them feel.  So they stay suppressed.   What's confusing about all this?  Is every damn thing about it.

Meme and TAO.

Felt like I needed to share a bit of happiness this morning.  I looked up "funniest memes ever" on google.  None of them got me to let out on audible laugh.

Ok...who am I kidding.  I'm writing a short blog today because I hurt my pointer finger on my right hand yesterday and it's wrapped up.  So it won't bend and typing is incredibly annoying.  So here are some memes with a little commentary.

I remember when I was in middle school, we went with the youth group to a summer retreat.  I loved those retreats almost as much as the winter ones.  On year there was a speaker there that offered all us young people all under the age of 18 the opportunity to pray to be put in a situation where God was the only option we had.  That sounded like a lot of fun.  So much fun I prayed that prayer fervently.  I don't know if God exists or works in that way or not.  But it sure seemed like it worked over the next few years.  It was quite possibly one of the biggest regrets of my life.  It would have been so nice to have friends and other adults in my life to talk to about my shit.  Instead I took it as a sign to FROG.  You know, fully rely on God.  So please...don't sit on a cliff.  There are people all around you that care about you and want to see you through.  And I'm pretty sure that God may have put people in your life for a reason.

Seriously though.  That's what Facebook is.  It's a place to speak your mind.  Everyone does it.  Some do it more than others.  Don't take everything so personal.  Sometimes when you say something and someone disagrees with you, they are no longer responding to you.  They are responding the the thing they disagree with.  It's like they've separated the person that said it to the thought that was presented.  I know...that's confusing.  For example.  If someone says how much they hate provolone cheese and I flip my lid wondering how anyone could hate provolone cheese and that it's the best cheese in the world.  I'm not calling you stupid.  The fact that people don't like provolone cheese upsets me because I don't think they've every really gotten to know it the way I have.  So I'm not calling you dumb for not liking it.  Even if it feels that way.

And lastly.  If you've got a kid, you know how this works.  Imagine walking into a bathroom only to discover there is piss in the toilet and you have to poop.  No way you are going to sit down and risk splash back.  You are gonna flush that piss and drop that bomb into clean water.  Same deal with kids and diapers.  They want a nice fresh surface to release the cracken.  

Anyway, I guess that did get a little long.  I hope you guys enjoyed my attempt at a little bit of humor today and can relate to some of the experiences set forth.

The Impossible, Empathetic Response.

I have a hard time with empathy.  And it's not because I'm an asshole.  Although many people probably think I am one when all they want is to have their feelings validated and have someone sit with them in their moment of emotion.

It's hard for me to do that.

See, for the majority of my life, one of the ways I cope with a bad situation is to provide an explanation for it.  There has to be a reason for these feelings...and if I can name it I can claim it.  That worked for me...for the most part.  It does not work well for many others.  In fact it makes it worse on some occasions.  Some people just want validated for their feelings.

POST SCRIPT.  I'm coming back and saying....I don't feel good writing this.  I hate it.  I hate natural disaster.  I can't imagine what it would be like in a tsunami.

We watched "The Impossible" last night.  It's the movie telling a story about a family who survived the Tsunami that hit Thailand in 2004.  *May contain spoilers.  But it's a true story so it would be like watching Titanic, knowing the boat still sunk.  The family the movie followed is a family of 5 with three boys.  The majority of the movie is about the mom and the oldest son. The mom got trashed.  Literally thrown around like she was a nothing.  The movie did a good job or quelling many misconceptions about tsunamis.  Some people always wonder....why can't people just swim as the water rises.....those ignorant pricks.  The mom suffer sever lacerations to her leg and chest.  Despite this, she was able to find her oldest son.

All this time my wife is sobbing and incredibly emotional.  She's totally connecting with the mom.  Knowing that she'd do the same thing to fight for her kids.  I can say that confidently.  She's admiring the strength of this mom.

Through the remaining parts of the move, the dad finds the two other younger boys and shows the decisions he has to make.  Eventually they all unite and survive.  There were moments when I briefly connected as a father.  I just wanted to hug our children and never leave our house ever again.  I refused to let myself cry as I was watching this movie.

Why?  I haven't a fucking clue.  Over 200,000 people died in this Tsunami.  200,000.  Let that sink in for a bit.  And we're watching a movie about one family that survived.  See, if I made this movie it would have been over in the first 30 minutes.  The tsunami comes and everybody dies.  The movie does give airtime to a few other people that have lost loved ones and tells it tells a few stories.  It does show the mass hysteria.  But it only covers a day and a half.  And most people that watch this movie will forget about it after a few days.  Few people will actually be so moved to actually do something in the humanitarian aid field.  And all I can think about was is it worth it?  How much good did they do vs. the cost of the movie and the money it made?  Did they donate all the profits to humanitarian aid?

Don't get me wrong.  I thought they did a great job in this movie of communicating real emotion.  The love of a mother for her son to stay alive until he's safe.  The journey of the oldest boy going from the punk kid to a hero.  The father choosing to leave his two youngest in search of his wife and oldest.  I don't know if I would have done that.  Miraculously them all uniting at the hospital where the wife and oldest was, the mom finally said she could die in peace knowing the kids were with their dad.  But husband won't let her.  Lots of emotions communicated.  But....that's what movies are supposed to do.  Get you to connect with the characters.

Anyway...this is my processing.   I'm not satisfied with connecting with characters in movies.  There is an inner stirring in my the pit of my soul that I should be there.  That I should have been the first on a plane to Thailand to help.  When i was 16 and just got my drivers license, the Columbine school shooting happened.  April 20, 1999.  I was moved.  I wept.  I sat on the side of my bed at our home on pine road and pleaded to my parents that they should let me drive there.  This was the first time I had ever felt the effects of a tragedy like that in my soul.  They told me there was nothing I could do, but I didn't care.  I just wanted to be there with them.  I wanted to just be with the victims and their families in their brokenness and pain.  And they wouldn't let me go.  I guess I never let that go.

I guess if I was in their shoes I wouldn't have wanted my son to go either.  But what are we so afraid of?  Why wouldn't we go?  Why wouldn't we leave our comfortable lives to go be with people in pain and suffering...if only just to empathize.

Usually I'm in a better place after I write......fuck.

Legislating Morality and Diet Pills

Blog number 401 today, 389th published.  Nice.

Jesus was more interested in a change of heart rather than merely behavior change, true or false?

I'm going to assume the answer is true.  And honestly, its a good prescription.  I would venture to assume that if you change your heart, your behavior most naturally follows suit.

That's why diet pills and powders don't work and you can't legislate morality claiming it's because of your "christian faith".  Because if you want to ban certain things and you are a christian I think you have a greater responsibility to why they happen in the first place.   Just my opinion.

Let me explain.  I used to think it was good intentions for politicians to draft laws based on christian principles.  And maybe it still is.  But the law doesn't equate to behavior change.  There are laws saying you can't drink and drive, but people drink and drive.  There is a push to ban guns or something along those lines, but guns and murder will still exist.  And some people want to ban abortion.  But abortions will still happen.

God even learned that putting laws, rules, and guidelines in place so people would have a right relationship with him simply will not work.  Very few people succeeded.  Enter Jesus.  He came to fulfill the law.  He focused more on the heart change.

I'm not saying we shouldn't have laws.  I'm not even saying the laws won't change behavior.  But laws won't change the condition of the heart (most of the time).  You might be in favor of drunk driving being illegal.  But it's not until someone close to you dies by a drunk driver that you really feel emotionally involved into why you oppose drunk driving.  It's now more than just a rule you have follow.  

That's why diet pills, powders, and supplements don't work.   Using them is like legislating morality.  What if they are gone?  Would you still maintain the change you hoped would happen?  No.  They may help you achieve desired results, but if you never have a "why" planted deeply in your being as to why you want to get healthy and/or lose weight you'll always rely on the "product".  When in reality, you don't need the fancy product.  All the results can be done naturally.  The "why" is the heart change.  And if it's big enough it will lead to a complete overhaul of your diet/nutrition.  Most of those diet pills always say....use as a supplement to a healthy diet and regular exercise.  That's code for, it won't really work unless you change your behavior.

Ok...so my analogy was a little bit of a stretch.  But I hope you get the point of what I was getting at.  I'll leave you with this word from Sufjan Stevens.

 

Whatever you Want, Whenever you Want It.

A few days ago I wrote about screens and how they've infiltrated our life.  You can read about it here.  Did you just see what happened there.  You clicked on something and it took you somewhere else in this online world for you to read about something.  If you were reading anything 20 years ago, chances are they'd point you to another resource and you'd have to physically get up and go find it.  We didn't have instant access to everything.

But really, if you are 15 years age or younger, consider yourself a Cavia porcellus.  I know, what's that?  You can read about those here.    That's not an insult, but you are an experiment.  We have no idea what this instant connection to any and all information is doing to your brains.  But not just you, although this way of life is all you will ever know.  For those older than 20.  We remember a time when you couldn't just watch or find anything we wanted.

I remember when Cable TV first started becoming popular.  My Grandma had it and we were always so excited to go to her house and have what we believed to be unlimited viewing options.  But at our house, it was 4-5 channels if we were lucky.  You could only watch what they had on.  Going back before that, there were even fewer.  And some people reading this even remember a time when there was NO tv at all.  And probably only one newspaper or radio station.

but we still don't know if they
have it "good" or not. 

We were only told a small amount of what the world was like.  We were really tied to our local community and our households.  That sounds nice.  That sounds simple.

But that's nearly impossible now.  We are instantly connected to anything and everything.  And we even get to choose what we want to read or watch.  Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, OnDemand.....we have so many different streaming options.  News outlets....we find the one that feeds our confirmation bias.  Even social groups online we interact with those we get along with.

While I feel like all of this increase in connectivity and options is a good thing, I also feel like it can be a huge problem for a lot of people.  Some get caught up in it.  And most of it you can't do much about and it can lead to increased levels of stress and other emotions that effect you negatively.  But on the flip, it could spur you into action.

It's a new world.  Or maybe it's not.  Maybe we just now know what's going on.  Time will tell.  In a time when everyone seems to be saying "less is more" it seems more and more is being put in front of us.

Don't Forget the River

Yesterday I was reminded of the tattoo on the outside of my right forearm that says, Trust the River.  I don't see it that much...which is too bad, because it's one of my favorites.  Even the T-Rex standing in the river.

The meaning of Trust the River?  I heard a story from Michael Gungor,  he was at a really difficult place in his journey of faith.  He felt like he was clinging to a branch on the side of a huge, scary, dangerous, unpredictable river.  My words not his.  The branch is what he believed to be God.  Safety.  As long as he held tight he'd be fine.  But his grip failed.  And it wasn't until he was in the river that he realized that the river was God and the branch was his preconceived notions of what/who God was.  In reality God was the river....and it wasn't until he was in the river that he began to understand just how big God really is.

Trust the River.  It's ok to not know.  It's totally ok to have no understanding of how God works or who God even is.  It even says in the bible that we'd never be able to grasp the vastness.

Sometimes I'll come up an idea of how I think God is.  I could be right just as much as I could be wrong.  And nobody will ever know for sure.  There is one thing you do know for sure... Jesus said it himself.  “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” 

Loving God could be anything.  It could look totally different from one person to the next.  But notice the next part.  Jesus says it is EQUAL.  He does not say to master the first part and then do the second.  Love others as well as you love yourself.  That's pretty simple.  The love you show for yourself, you must also show for others.

What if we practiced that as Christians?  

Do you know it says not to fear around 365 times in the bible?  Yes...I did just go there.

What are we so afraid of?

I sincerely want to know from Christians who are in favor of an immigration ban, refugee from ANY country (that's what it was), or building a wall on our southern border.  What are you afraid of?  What are your concerns?  And in the grandiose River that is God, where does that fear land?  

Are you selling a product or a feeling?

The more I look at advertisements, not many companies actually sell their product or service anymore.  They promote themselves by trying to make you feel a certain way.

Anheuser-Busch did a great job of this.  Showed how one of the partners Adolphus Busch endured immigration travels, fitting into a new land,  and many other hardships to finally meet with Eberhard Anheuser.  Both of them, from Germany.   The commercial wasn't selling a product as much as it was creating  feeling inside of you to associate with their brand.  Watch it here.

84 Lumber...produced a commercial so controversial that had nothing to do with lumber that Fox refused to air it.  You can watch it, and I highly suggest you do, here.   Am I more inclined to shop at 84 Lumber now?  Yes.  But how do I know they aren't doing other shady or unethical stuff that I'm not a fan of?  I don't.

I remember a few years ago that Chic-Fil-A had some controversy.  Mike Huckabee claimed a Chic Fil-A day.  It was supposedly promoting free speech after word got out that the founders of the restaurant chain supported "traditional marriage" that many people deemed as anti-gay.  I don't want to get into the Chic Fil-A side of things.  But lets be honest...the majority of the people that were there did not show up for freedom of speech.  I showed up, I was anti-gay at the time as well.  But when I saw the hoards of people (when I say hoards I mean hundreds if not thousands),  I was disgusted.  See, they've had freedom of speech rallies before.  And not many people show up.  It wasn't until it was about "traditional marriage/anti-gay" stuff that all the people showed up.

Why do I share that one about Chic Fil-A?  That's when I decided that if the sandwich is good, eat there.  If it's not, don't.  Don't pick and choose where you'll shop based on one small aspect of a business.

Do you have a good product?  Sell your product.  Sell your service.  And on the back end, make ethical business decisions.  Maybe that's why I was always a shitty salesman.  I tried to sell the product to much.  Because ultimately, that's what you are buying.  And when you really get down to it, there's really not that much you actually "need".   Zig's not really wrong in his line of thinking....but dang it sounds manipulative.  Sounds greedy.  Sounds like it's all about the sale and getting people to like you.  Intentions are everything.  Do you care more about the people you are selling to or do you care more about getting the sale?

I see all sorts of commercials and advertisements.  Many use veterans or military families uniting to promote their product.  All those things are great...but why are you doing those good deeds?  Is it all to promote your product and make sales?  Or what if we all went around with our good deeds pinned to our chest.  So everyone knew how great we were based on what we'd done or do for others.

I see it in "christian" bookstores and retail chains.  Poor quality merchandise being sold at high prices because it has a bible verse inscribed on it.  The one that sticks out to me the most was a tool kit.  A TOOL KIT!  It was extremely poor quality but it was being sold and most likely purchased because of the bible verse.  Like somehow it makes it the "christian" choice.

Create a quality product or service that meets the needs of the people.  Do that.

I happen to believe that the more we have that we don't need, the more problems we create for ourselves.  More to come later on that thought....

Good Job Patriots.

I was pulling for the Falcons to win Super Bowl 51 and had about as much confidence as rooting for the Eagles to win.  Granted, the Eagles did beat the Falcons this year.

Early in the game I said the falcons need to be up at least 35-7 before they can even begin to think about getting comfortable.

But congratulations Patriots.  You deserve that win.  I don't care how you feel about Tom Brady, you better get over any feelings you have of negativity and accept him as the greatest quarterback to ever play the game of football.  There is no question.  None.  I hate saying that.  But the dude is legit great.  To overcome a 28-3 deficit in the third quarter.....That's unprecedented.

But Falcons....c'mon.  I know you are a young team.  And you are a good team.  But you will forever be known as the only team ever in the history of football to blow that big of a lead in the Super Bowl.  Even if you would have snuck that one out in overtime, people would be more impressed by the comeback than you pulling that win out.

Experience and excellent knowledge and execution of the sport is what won this game.

I was really pulling for a Falcons win.  Oh well.

What's the point of it all?

I look around and see all our "stuff".   Not just me personally, but across America and many developed countries.

I used to dwell on this a lot but yesterday it seemed to come back all to clear.  There was no guilt involved.  There was no sense of urgency to sell everything and give to the poor.  It was just thinking about how awful it is.  And more of a "why?" is this the way it is then a what are you going to do about it thinking.

Somebody posed a question about killing another to maintain your lifestyle and how it flies in the face of Jesus and his teaching.  

Let's look here in 1 John 3 16-18,  "By this we know the love of God: that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.  Whoever has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, but closes his heart of compassion from him, how can the love of God remain in him?  My little children, let us love not in word and speech, but in action and truth."  

Whoever has "stuff" and sees someone in need  and doesn't help,  John the Evangelist questions the love of God in them.  Think about that.  Those of us that claim to Love God with all our hearts and believe in the gospel of Jesus but live lives of excess.

I can't help but think this means exactly what Jesus says
it means.  We've distorted this verse to keep us comfortable.
It very much is about selling everything.  

I'm not bringing this up so we all judge what others give or don't give.  Most of us reading this were born into privilege.  We were born into comfort.  This is all we know.  So it's not a guilt trip.  It's a wake up call.  But you know something?  I don't know what to do or how to go about doing it.  There is enough wealth in American Christianity to wipe out world hunger.  I promise you that.  So what are we waiting for?  Permission?  Who's going to give us permission?  Who told us that life was about going to school, getting an education, get a job, buy a house, get married, have kids, save money, work for 40 years and retire.  Who made that the standard?  Honestly...that sounds really nice.  I can see how if we were born into that we'd think that it was our calling in life.  To be the best at that.

To switch gears...how many of us were brought up right into the church.  I wonder if Jesus were to visit the church today and all of it's wealth...I wonder if this is what he would say?

Take a look here, from Luke.  "When crowds of people came out for baptism because it was the popular thing to do, John exploded: “Brood of snakes! What do you think you’re doing slithering down here to the river? Do you think a little water on your snakeskins is going to deflect God’s judgment? It’s your life that must change, not your skin. And don’t think you can pull rank by claiming Abraham as ‘father.’ Being a child of Abraham is neither here nor there—children of Abraham are a dime a dozen. God can make children from stones if he wants. What counts is your life. Is it green and blossoming? Because if it’s deadwood, it goes on the fire.”

 The crowd asked him, “Then what are we supposed to do?”

 “If you have two coats, give one away,” he said. “Do the same with your food.”

 Tax men also came to be baptized and said, “Teacher, what should we do?”

 He told them, “No more extortion—collect only what is required by law.”

  Soldiers asked him, “And what should we do?”

He told them, “No shakedowns, no blackmail—and be content with your rations.” "

It's pretty clear in the bible that Jesus is "anti-excess".  That the basic needs of all people are more important than anyones excessive lifestyle.  For most of us in America and developed countries we have our basic needs met.  We have basic needs stashed away for when we run out of basic needs.  We have money stashed away if we deplete all our basic needs.  We have so much excess it's ridiculous. What are we holding onto it for?  What are we afraid of?

I'll be very honest.  I look around the very room I'm sitting in.  I don't want to sell my guitars.  I like my guitars.  I know I can't play all 5 at once.  But if you put a starving kid next to my guitars and gave me a choice, I'd choose to feed the starving kid every time.  But the truth is...there is a starving kid next to my guitars.  They just live in another country.  And I can't see them.

I see my bikes.  I like riding my bike.  But I could feed a lot of kids if I sold them.  Why do I assume someone else will?  Why do I value my enjoyment of bike riding more than I enjoy feeding and housing hungry humans?  Why am I more important?  Who am I?  I've done nothing to deserve any of this.  Even if I did work hard for it...who am I to think that my comfort is more important than anothers.

So many people say this unwillingness to help the hungry and poor is a result of the "fall".  But it seems to be one of the only "sins" that they don't want to fix.  Because it potentially involves losing your comfort.  When did Jesus say he wants you to be safe and comfortable?

I would imagine that giving everything you have up for the sake of meeting the basic needs of others is difficult.  But I would bet any money it's worth it.

I'm beginning to think that heaven isn't a place you go when you die.  But it's here on earth.  When we begin to start doing the things Jesus said to do.  I would imagine something changes in us that lets us see the world a little bit differently.  That heaven is in your heart and it is a feeling of deep happiness and love.

Big or small...it matters not.

Picking up from where I left off yesterday.  That whole going to food when you are depressed and want a dopamine hit.

Even if you follow a healthy diet and your go to food isn't really at odds with your body, it's still not helpful when it comes to mental disorders.  What do I mean?  Having six pack abs or a keg for your belly is irrelevant.   Depression doesn't see a figure.

I battle the same way as anyone else.  When I eat because I'm depressed I know I don't really need the food.  Even if the food isn't really hurting me in the same way, it's still fucking with my mind.

I look back on a time when my body and mind felt like it was on the same page.  It was during a 5 day fast.  No calories the first three days and 300 or less liquid fat calories the next 2.  I've never felt better.   Fasting done with supervision can be healthy.  However, I still could't escape the release of dopamine.  The accomplishment of fasting and denying food released dopamine.  So even when I fast, in a healthy way, I get dopamine.  I know that many times dopamine isn't a bad thing.

Maybe it's that addictive personality thing that people say I should worry about....

Can't a guy catch a break.

I'm just trying to find some balance.  I love fasting.  I love food.   I won't quit.  And I'll never stop trying to be the best I can be.  Even if some days I just don't have the mental energy.

I will add....that when things happen in my life.  Whether it's emotional or situational, I try to find a reason for it.  Some sort of an explanation for what happened or how I feel.  It gives me some sort of closure or understanding.  Sometimes, whatever the reason I come up with may not even be real.  But it makes sense in my head.  

So when I share stuff.....they are only ideas.  I don't know if that's the actual explanation or not.

Food and Drug Administering

Food is a drug.  Plain and simple.  Most people choose what and when to eat based on what our brain wants instead of what our body needs.   I say most people because some people just don't have the choice of what they eat because of their economic situation.  But that's not the topic at hand today.

Have you even walked up to the fridge and opened it only to not find anything in there you want to eat?  And then did you do it again about 3 minutes later.  If you've done this, you aren't hungry.  You are looking for something to eat not because your body needs it but because your brain is saying it wants some dopamine.  So it's scanning, trying to find the thing that will get it it's hit.  Exercise also releases dopamine.   Creating something releases dopamine, listening to music you like also does and even checking of items from a to-do list.  But eating is easier.  Your brain is smart.  It wants the easiest option. It's the same reason you get on Facebook every so often.  Looking for the little notifications.  Those trigger a dopamine hit as well.  

Granted, these are all little hits of dopamine.  Nothing compared to drugs like cocaine or heroin.  But it is a drug used to help many of us get by.   We use food as the easiest option to manipulate how we feel.

I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing.  But it can become a bad habit.  The foods that many people go to for their mental health wreak havoc on your physical health.  And quite often it then becomes our physical health that wreaks havoc on our mental health and you go right back to the habit of food to help the mental health.  

It's a tough cycle to break.  I've been there about 4-5 times in my life.

Please don't think that I'm being critical of anyone trapped in this cycle.  I know how powerful our brains are.  But when we put chemicals into our bodies from the food we eat, it plays with our emotions and the signals we get from our brains.  

And even now, I know that my body doesn't need food.  But I like food.  So I eat food.  And then with the wondrousness of the food taste, comes the depression of eating when I didn't actually need to eat.

Over the past 8 or so months I've been following a ketogenic diet.  It's been fantastic.  I don't ever feel as though I'm depriving myself.  I've lost over 35 pounds and I actually have a visible 6 pack, which is cool. I just feel good overall.

However, like I said.  I still like food.  At least now the good news is that all the food I like is totally compatible with my diet.  So the physical side of eating when I'm not really hungry isn't a big deal.  But the mental side is.  

So what?  Why does Jon say that?  Why did he have to drop in that he's got a 6 pack?   Because I've never had one before!!!  And I'm pretty excited about it!

I'm going to continue this tomorrow and tell that even though the food I crave to isn't at odds with my body, I'm still not out of the woods on the food addiction part.

All Ban, No Plan

I struggled to find the words yesterday as I noticed a Facebook friend and somewhat real life friend (though I don't know them that well, but always looked to them as one of the Christians that seemed to live their beliefs) post a video about Clinton, Obama and Trump.

I'm going to pause and say I know Clinton wasn't a shining star of morality, neither was Obama.  Obama was behind 25,000 drone strikes responsible for the killing of innocent women and children.  He's no saint.  I'm not happy about that.  I still happen to think he was a little more strategic and sourced opinions and instructions from others that were more knowledgeable than himself.

But the video was clips of Clinton and Obama saying they need to tighten up immigration and borders.  Which they did.  Especially Obama.  He deported millions of illegal and undocumented immigrants.  He put plans and rolled out a vetting process that took longer and made it harder for people coming to America to get in.  All because we wanted to catch terrorists trying to sneak in.  And he did a pretty damn good job! But he never banned any countries.   As far as I know he never said to someone fleeing a war torn country who faced a real threat of death to stay home, you aren't welcome here.

And all through this video....flashes of Trump smiling smugly are shown.  I'm sorry, this isn't the same thing.  Obama did fight for more secure borders.  Obama did reduce the number of illegal and undocumented immigrants.  All without an all out ban.  Trump....puts a ban in place without a plan in place.  If Trump has a plan to up the cap to 50,000 allowed in, why not roll it out real time?  Teach people how it's going to work for a few months and start implementing it.  Isn't that how it works already?  As far as I can tell, there was no security need for an all out ban.

Sort of like what they are doing with the ACA.  ALL BAN, NO PLAN.

It kinda reminds me of a small scale example.  A battered and bloody man showed up on at the door of a place I was staying once.  It was late.  I was young, 19 or 20 maybe.  There was women of all ages in the house and the dad was gone.   He said he was in a four wheeler accident.  But from the location he gave, there was about 20 other houses he could have stopped at.  It didn't add up.  I didn't leave him alone.  I didn't lock him out.  I sat with him on the porch and kept him calm until the police arrived.   They took care of him and got him the help he needed.  It was all I could do.

Or how about a friend who noticed all the homeless people outside of local churches in the middle of winter?  Why aren't the inside the churches?  Why aren't the doors of a place that represents the one that said "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest", open?   Fear?  Is that it?  Or don't you want to give up your comfort for the sake of others?  I struggle with that.  I'll be honest.  I'm pretty damn comfortable.  Don't take my comfort away.   I feel like most christians feel the same way.

I know people judge me based on what I write.  I know many times what I'm trying to say comes across as judgmental.  I guess it kind of is.  But I'll never look down on someone I disagree with.  I can never put myself on a higher pedestal.  We are all equals with opinions.

I've just been really confused lately with what I've seen come from Christians.  I grew up a Christian. I spent the first 32 years of my life going to churches.  The Christianity that's on display from America right now....is nothing like the christianity I've come to know.  It's tough to find the churches that represent Jesus.  And even when you do, they aren't perfect.  And even they still don't want to give up all their comfort.  Nor do they have too.  Because if ALL Christians lived as Jesus.....Imagine that.

But in all reality.  I still kinda feel like Trump isn't doing anything much worse than any other president has done.  He's just not shy about it.

Church. Music. And my struggles.

I really do have nothing today.  I might just share some about my youth.  One thing though, I'm pretty damn proud of myself for writing every day for almost a year now.  It's not always a home run or even a base hit.  But does it matter?  Not many people are in the club of doing something specific and planned everyday for a year.

I'm really considering church again.  But there is one problem.  It's church.  I grew up in a Brethren in Christ church and over the years I've been to a Presbyterian church and an assemblies of god church.  We landed back at the church I grew up at.  But it's changed.  It's now called The Meeting House, and while it's still under the Brethren in Christ umbrella it's not the same church at all I grew up in.  Not just the facilities either.  I haven't attended regularly at all for well over a year as I've been at odds with what I really believe.  I still am.

I still listen to the messages from The Meeting House via podcast and dang are they good.  They aren't like any other message I've heard from a church.  Yes...there's some bible talk.  But it's unlike the way I've heard the bible before.  I can get behind that message.

But I'm still struggling with the one thing that I used to love the most.....the music.   I love music.  Music moves me.  So many times I find myself so emotional when the right chords are hit.  I used to think God was speaking to me through music.   I felt like I'd be having awesome spiritual experiences.  But then I started having these same type of emotional moments with non-christian music too.  And it made me wonder, was God moving me or was it the music.  Was I in a place were we were supposed to be spiritual and I used the music to stir my emotions into something spiritual   when the whole time it was just the music?  There is science every where about what music does to your brain.  

So, crazy enough.  I was even one of the people that used to play the music on stage.  But it's something about the music that's holding me back now.

Maybe God uses music to speak to me.  That's what people have told me.  At one point in my life that would have been the easy answer.

I'm not saying it's wrong that music can be used to create a certain type of atmosphere.  If people are expected a certain emotion, a certain song can be played to help put you there.  It's done all the time in movies.  Imagine a movie without a soundtrack....it wouldn't be the same at all.   Just look at all these movies scenes with different music.  Not quite the same eh?