Church. Music. And my struggles.

I really do have nothing today.  I might just share some about my youth.  One thing though, I'm pretty damn proud of myself for writing every day for almost a year now.  It's not always a home run or even a base hit.  But does it matter?  Not many people are in the club of doing something specific and planned everyday for a year.

I'm really considering church again.  But there is one problem.  It's church.  I grew up in a Brethren in Christ church and over the years I've been to a Presbyterian church and an assemblies of god church.  We landed back at the church I grew up at.  But it's changed.  It's now called The Meeting House, and while it's still under the Brethren in Christ umbrella it's not the same church at all I grew up in.  Not just the facilities either.  I haven't attended regularly at all for well over a year as I've been at odds with what I really believe.  I still am.

I still listen to the messages from The Meeting House via podcast and dang are they good.  They aren't like any other message I've heard from a church.  Yes...there's some bible talk.  But it's unlike the way I've heard the bible before.  I can get behind that message.

But I'm still struggling with the one thing that I used to love the most.....the music.   I love music.  Music moves me.  So many times I find myself so emotional when the right chords are hit.  I used to think God was speaking to me through music.   I felt like I'd be having awesome spiritual experiences.  But then I started having these same type of emotional moments with non-christian music too.  And it made me wonder, was God moving me or was it the music.  Was I in a place were we were supposed to be spiritual and I used the music to stir my emotions into something spiritual   when the whole time it was just the music?  There is science every where about what music does to your brain.  

So, crazy enough.  I was even one of the people that used to play the music on stage.  But it's something about the music that's holding me back now.

Maybe God uses music to speak to me.  That's what people have told me.  At one point in my life that would have been the easy answer.

I'm not saying it's wrong that music can be used to create a certain type of atmosphere.  If people are expected a certain emotion, a certain song can be played to help put you there.  It's done all the time in movies.  Imagine a movie without a soundtrack....it wouldn't be the same at all.   Just look at all these movies scenes with different music.  Not quite the same eh?