To Tithe or not to Tithe?

As a reminder, I'm an expert.  I'm an expert of my experience.  I spew thoughts and feelings from my head and heart.  And tithing is todays thought.  I may be wrong.  I may be right.  There may not be a wrong or right. I'm not here to start a fight.  I also want to say that I've had a conversation similar to this with the pastor the church I would attend, if I attended on the reg.  And I was pleased that they were aware of these issues and worked/are working hard to change some of these.  This isn't the end of the conversation, only the beginning.

I researched tithing statistics last night and was shocked but not.  It seems on average hardly anyone tithes.  It's common in church culture that 10% of your income is the acceptable tithe, but not limited at 10.  But it turns out the majority of church goers don't do that.  I think many of the numbers pointed to 2-3% on average.

A big question I have is why?  Why do you tithe?  The answer may be different for everyone.  Some would say to "Expand God's Kingdom"  or "I'm only giving back to God a portion of what is God's".  Or something similar to those.

Ugh.  This is so difficult to write.  I could go several different ways.  

And there are exceptions to every point I'll talk about. 

Remember the rich young ruler?  When he told Jesus he followed all the rules and kept all the commandments?  Jesus then told him to sell everything he had and give to the poor and needy.  And the young ruler could not.  His wealth and belongings owned him.  They were his idol.  Selling everything would be radical.  

But isn't believing in a virgin birth, a man that was god and walked on water,

resurrection,  and several other miracles? That's pretty radical too, eh? 

But many always say we don't actually have to do that.  But what if we did?  This kind of piggy backs my post from yesterday.  1 John 3:16,17  Those that have material possessions and don't have compassion on the poor and needy,  how can the love of God be in them?  How can the love of God be in someone if they don't sell their material possessions to give to the poor?  I can count the number of people I know that have actually done that or are currently doing that on my fingers and toes.  

ANYWAY, back to tithing.  Lets just go with the ballpark average from several sources that 80%  of the tithes churches receive stays inside the walls of the church for salaries, mortgages, bills etc.  So maybe 20% of your 2-3% of your income tithe actually goes out the door.  If you are ok with that, fine. I think most tithes just go to pay for your use of the facility.  Which is also fine.  I have no problem paying for a service.  Currently, I don't go to a church.  Others in my household do.  So after writing this I really feel compelled to tithe for our use of facilities on the sunday morning.  

Getting a little long here, so I'll wrap things up.  Give as you feel led.  Not out of obligation.  Listen to your heart.  If you aren't giving of your time and money to others you feel are in need, try it.  See what happens.  Giving away your money also does things to your brain chemistry.  

Oh man.  This just opened up another topic.  Where should I give my money and how do I know it's helping.....I'll save that one for later.  

Front runner.

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” -Brennan Manning



I used to read this and be mad at other "christians". But last I had thought of this quote a different way. What if the christian that is in question here, is you? What if you are the one denying Jesus with your lifestyle? And that is pushing you into Atheism. This one is hard to wrap your head around. Not for me, I've been on this journey.

It's no secret anymore that I've got some serious doubts and questions about the bible and christianity. The ironic thing to me, it's made me more aware of the harsh reality of life. The here part of life. The way our decisions effect others. For the good and the bad. I wonder why many of us in America who call themselves christians sit in the lap of luxury knowing there are sick starving children around the world (and maybe some within a mile of us).

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?

That came from the Gospel of 1 John 3:16,17.


So when I look at myself and some of the lavish churches in America, how can God's love be there? And the buildings and production keep getting bigger.

And bigger.

And bigger.

Then the justifications start. And many of them are quite compelling. The bigger the churches, the more members, the more tithes and that means more money going out the door. But that also means more staff, more bills, more space, more more more more.

I've often wondering if a small church that rented a space could give as much money to those in need as a large church with huge buildings and budget.

Now, I know first world people have problems too. That's not to minimize that. But if that person needs a church of 2000+ people with huge buildings and production to help...maybe they are getting the wrong idea of what kind of help they are receiving. That God resides in this big facility and not a friend sitting with you for an hour listening. Accepting you as you are and loving them none the less.

Sure, there are some churches doing it right. If that's you, great. Keep on keeping on. But if you think this about your church....that's for you to wrestle with.

Again, I've only presented my one side. I'd be more than welcome to hear some discussions. And know that I have lots of friends that work in churches. I believe you are where you believe you need to be. But do you? You don't need to answer that to me. But just something to chew on.

Sometimes I write as though I'm conversing with myself. Welcome to my head.

Rest in Peace, Fred.

My neighbor passed away yesterday.  I knew he had been not doing well.   He was old and active, but had a stroke and went downhill pretty fast.   I know it's going to be hard for his family.   I'm surprised how much I feel this effecting me.  I enjoyed our many interactions over the past 3 years.

It kind of sidelined what I was going to write about today.  So maybe I'll continue that in another entry.

Preventative Maintance

I read an article earlier today about a 24 year old man that beat up a child.  A weeks old child.  Bruised ribs, broken collarbone, head injuries, the baby was in critical condition and probably won't make it.  I certainly hope those involved can recover from this trauma.  

These are the things the disturb me. On multiple levels. How does someone do this? Clearly they have some serious mental health issues. The first I think about after how horrific this is and I hope the baby is ok (probably won't be),  are the twisted comments from people about how this guy should be beat to death, hung, ripped apart, rot in hell, gang raped in prison....etc. I get it...you're pissed and this is the default mode when you don't understand. Repay evil for evil.  But does that solve anything? 

These stories happen all the time. I think so often we just accept it. Do you know what I'd like to see happen. This guy get tried. Get locked up. And learn from him. Study him. Therapize him. Find out what was in his past or present that led him to behave this way.  Even if he seemed totally competent the whole time and didn't seem to have any regret. This behavior is NOT normal and we have a responsibility (if we care about doing what we can to prevent it) to find out what caused this. Because if we don't do that, it will happen again. And again. And you know what, even if we did, it might still happen. But not doing anything with the perpetrators other than throw them in jail certainly won't help us learn about the people that commit these horrible atrocities. 

I mean...God used the rapist/adulterer and murderer David right? So if you consider yourself a Christian, Where do you stand on this issue? 

And I'm the one that doesn't exactly believe in the whole christianity story. Yet I still want to extend grace to the very people that don't deserve it. Just like you and me. It's what's in the heart that matters right? What's in the heart of all these people that want to fuck that guy up? Is it the same as lust in our heart? 

Anyone have anything to add?  Did I miss something somewhere? 

And down the rabbit hole I went.....

Come on out! Don't miss it!

This will be a short one today.  I may write later though.  

Have you ever gotten a mass invite?  Do you think they work? I don't.  In fact, I'm annoyed by them. If you want someone to come.  Invite them.  Personally.  Send out a message, call them, email them and personally say "I want your presence!"   

Why? 

When I get a mass invite my first thought is clearly they don't mean me.   Why would they want me there?   When in reality, the one sending it wants everyone there! 

I'm not saying they don't work.  But if you really want someone to be there, ask them specifically. 

That's all for now.  

Bibles R' Us

Ok.  I think I can go down this rabbit hole this morning.  We shall see.  It all depends on how you feel about the bible.  Was it written by man?  Or God?  Or a combination of both?

I grew up believing something like man was writing it but God was moving his wrist for him.  Kinda crazy.  But more along the lines of a gifted writer listening to the supernatural and writing down specifically what God wanted.  That the word of God is living.  You can read the same passage and all of the sudden one day it means something totally different to you.  You learn more and more about it.  This is true.  It does work that way.  You see it in a new light.  I've actually had this happen to me.

So a man, or in this case, quite a few.  Felt God calling them to write about their experience.  To write letters to groups of people helping them understand God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  They felt inspired by God to share what God has placed on their heart and mind.  Seems legit to me.

But then came the translations.  As of November 2014 the bible has been translated into 531 different languages.  To think that all the words all maintain their original meaning is dangerous.

Now, I am not discounting the bible.  I believe the bible as a collection of writings used to explain the history of christianity.  I believe much of it is metaphor and didn't actually happen.  This doesn't take away from the story or the relevance of the message.   In my opinion, to pick up the NIV, NKJV, NLT or any of the modern translations and take every word as it is written literally is foolish.  That's putting a lot of faith in the hundreds upon thousands of people who have translated this book throughout the years.  I have more faith that God will speak to me directly, than through the bible.  God is powerful enough to do that, right?

Here is where I am going.  Hundreds of thousands of people have written books since than also helping to explain and understand christianity.  We have bible bookstores full of them!  I bet if you'd ask all the writers who their inspiration was, they'd say God.  Just like the writers of the bible.  Are we to regard these books as we regard the bible?  I wonder if in 2000 years someone will take all these writers books and put the highlights into one big book?  Do you think those people in the future would trust it to be a work inspired by God?

Now....That all being said.  I think the Bible, read with care, can be beneficial to people.  I can't disprove God.  I can't prove God.  I can see signs that point to the possibility of a higher power, almost every day.  It's easy.  Almost to easy.  So if you find some peace and comfort in scripture, awesome.  If you use scripture to try to prove other people wrong and condemn people for their actions.....save it.  If you believe God is powerful at all, don't you think God will take care of that?

OH.  Happy Easter.

Rest.

Do we get enough of it?  I'm not talking about physical rest.  I'm talking about mental rest.  Giving your brain a break.  Ask my wife, ask anyone I've ever worked for. Ask anyone I've ever been on a road trip with.  I can't shut up.  I can't stop thinking.  One thought leads to another and another and another.  And there is no end.  I have no finish line.  It exhausts me.  Quite honestly, it may be enough to drive one crazy.  I think that's why I often do small projects just to complete them and feel some sense of finish.  And if I can't finish them, the project will haunt me.

I think that's why I paint.  Painting may have have saved me.  Ritalin sure has helped. Immensely.  I tell people that I feel like the squirrel from Over the Hedge after he drinks the energy drink.  It's like the world slows down.

Maybe others can relate.  I certainly hope not.  For your sake.

Do you know something else thats hard?  Self discovery. I've been seeing a therapist and being counseled over the past half a year or so.  Also reading/listening to several childhood development books.  When you have an addict and a co-dependent for parents, the things you need to learn in your childhood that are crucial for you to learn,  you aren't taught those.  And it effects you big time.

Way to often these words by Mumford and Sons ring true.  Do you think it's a coincidence  this song was on pandora as I'm writing this.  I do.

Weep for yourself, my man,

You'll never be what is in your heart

Weep, little lion man,

You're not as brave as you were at the start

Rate yourself and rake yourself

Take all the courage you have left

And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear?

Didn't I, my...

Do you know how I came across that song? I read a book called "East of Eden".  Or listened to it, while I was painting.  Because I have to have something going on in my head while I paint.  And in that book, the primary premise is the word "timshel".  Here's an exert from the book.  

But ‘Thou mayest’! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win.” 

Read the rest of the section here. 

Thou mayest.  You can.  You will.  You are enough.  

Timshel.  

kids and guns.

Ok Ok Ok, this is one that I'm not definitive on.  Really, nothing is.  But this is me talking things out.  Feel free to chime in.  Share opinions on both.  Why it's ok and not ok.  I think we'll find differing opinions across the board.  Actually. I really don't even like writing about this.  Because I know how I feel and I'm probably in the minority.  Oh well, I'll post it anyway (I could have said Fuck it, I'll post it anyway and it should have been just as accepted).  They mean the same thing.  They are both expressions. Be honest, how many people have judge me or felt defensive or a negative emotion when they read the "f" word.  That's a stigma that must be eliminated.  OK....All of the above I've written after what I wrote below.  I need to go take my Ritalin now.  

One of these topics I've disussed before and my view is still the same.  The other is new.  I don't think I've written much about it because I don't want some parents to think I'm criticizing how they parent.  I'm not.  I'm doing two things.  I'm curious and I'm trying to engage one's mind in how they think.  

I've talked about "foul" langauge before.  I qoute foul, because the only thing that makes it foul is how we interpret the word, or the intent of it.  Therefore, calling someone a "fool" should be considered fould langauge.  I believe the intent of the word is far more important than the word.  If my child said out of frustration at me "You're a cotton headed ninny muggins", I'd have rather just have him call me an asshole.  Maybe we have an easier time because it's cute or not real.  But inside, those emotions are the same.  The child is trying to release a feeling through their words.  It shouldn't matter what words they use, as long as they are properly taught how to deal with their emotions in a healthy manner.   So whether you allow certain words or any words, I think it's important not to shame our kids if they say words that aren't "accepted".  (Even though everyone could accept them or at least not be bothered by them).  

I'm going to come back here.  

Guns and swords.  These things kill.  Yet I see kids playing war all the time.  They say it's in their nature.  That's what boys do.  They aren't hurting anyone.  They want to be a hero!  This allows them to play this out in reality.  Do you know why they want to be a hero?  Because you keep letting them watch super hero movies where there are good guys and bad guys.   Now, I'm not going to make a claim that saying playing with guns leads to wars and violence.  I mean, all generations before us had their kids play with guns and swords and there isn't hardly any war or violence today.  You may even allow your children to play with fake weapons because you plan on teaching them how to use real ones in the future.  If this is the case, I don't see much teaching going on.   

Ok.  So.  What's my point?  I'm not sure yet.  I was hoping to have figured that out by now.  I guess that if you think it's fine for your kids to play violence, then it's ok my my kids to say fuck, damn and shit.  And if they are using those words out of context or name calling, I would hope you correct without shame.  And if your children are pretending to execute people, I will teach them about executions and show them what guns and swords actually do to people.  Fair enough? 

That's all I got for today.

Seriously.  That's all I got for today.  I responded to comment on my David and Bathsheba blog and I feel pretty good after that.  If you are interested...check it out at the bottom here.  It is a start and a follow up to another blog that I wrote about comparison.  You can read that one here.

Then I commented on a friends post.  That was really heavy.

Let me tell you this thought.  So many people are hurting.  And as cliche as it sounds, hurting people hurt people.  They really do.  They are trying to destroy the inner hurt, but all that happens as a result is them hurting others.   So many of us have some inner hurts to tend to.  Find a way.  See a therapist. And I know many will not agree with this...but if you a christian, don't go talk to a pastor.  Go see a therapist. One that can help you discover yourself and offer a solution.  Instead of a reason why you feel that way and just "give it to God."  If that works for you, great.  It doesn't work many others.  If anything, it gets worse.  

Take a few breaths.  through your nose, into your belly, and let it out.  Do it a couple times.

Peace to you my friends.

David and Bathsheba

This is probably one of the more important writings I'll do.  And I'm going to try to do it in ten minutes or less.

David wasn't an adulterer.  Ok.  He was.  He was also a rapist.

There.  That was easy.

Ok, an explanation.  I would consider adultery to be consensual.  Wait, you say.  What David and Bathsheba did was consensual.  Was it?

In the time of David, women were property.  Treated horribly.  Men had all kinds of wives.   When David summoned for Bathsheba, she lost her right to make a choice.  Come with us or die.  It's that simple.  And that barbaric.  So even if she enjoyed David, what he did is nothing short of rape.  Even if it was culturally acceptable.  That's what it was.

6 minutes to go.

Upon learning Bathsheba was pregnant, he sent for her husband who was fighting a war.  He had hoped to have her husband, Uriah, sleep with her while he was home.  But Uriah would not.  He could not in good conscious enjoy his wife and  bed while his men were fighting.  So he stayed with the kings servants.  Then David put Uriah on the front lines to have him killed.  He then took Bathsheba to be his wife.

We don't really hear what was going on in Bathsheba's mind. But when you look at what was "normal" it's an easy guess that she had no options.  And I'm not singling out David.  It was all men.

Lets just start calling it what it was.  Rape.

When I was in 8th grade we learned about this story in sunday school.  I'll never forget when the teacher asked if we thought David felt sorry for what he had done.  And without missing a beat (for the sake of identity let's call him) Sane Landifer, replied "Not while he was doing it."

Think about it.  Let it sink in.  Whether Bathsheba liked it or not, did she have a choice?  And remember, it wasn't Bathsheba on the roof bathing.  It was David on the roof looking around.  It doesn't say where Bathsheba was.  At least the version I read.

Ten minutes.  Not too shabby.  Feel free to disagree.  But in my book.  David raped her.

Unless.

Unless.

Someone like you.

Cares an awful lot.

Nothing will get better.

Yes.  The kids and I watched the Lorax this morning.  Such a meaningful movie.  It has everything to do with the trees, but nothing to do with the trees at the same time. 

Yesterday I wrote about our educational system and some of its failures, but also that it works pretty good.  I made some suggestions but really I am not in a place right now to implement that change.  Or maybe I'm not supposed to be the one.  Maybe I'm just one to start the conversation.  

Today I watched a video about a group of Isreali kids that need to be escorted to school by the Isreali army.  How easy would it be to just not go for them.  But for them to not go to school may be worse than the dangerous journey to school.  We have it pretty good here.  

But what can we do about those kids? What can we do about education for all the kids across the world.  Like Malala. And so many others that education means life or death.  

I don't have the answers.  Sometimes I don't know what to do. Or I feel like what I am doing already isn't enough.  Maybe there are so many needs we don't even know which one to give our time or money to.  

What if I told you within a few clicks you could probably find an organization or a cause that you could get behind.  

I'm going to get cliché here, with an alternate ending.  There was a young man on a beach surrounded by starfish.  They would die there.  And this young man was picking them up, one by one, and throwing them back in the water.  An older fellow walked by and questioned the boy.  "What are you doing? You know you can't save them all, don't you? Even if you get them back in the water, they may end up back on shore!"

The boy, while throwing another starfish back into the water replied, " This is how I know how to help them.  They may come back into shore, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.  That one there, he just got a chance.  It's all I can do until someone else show's me a better way. "

The old man left quietly, perplexed.  About half an hour later he came back with several empty 5 gallon buckets.  He filled them up with some water and began putting in starfish.  The boy walked over quietly, perplexed.  The old man said to the boy, "No use throwing them back one by one.  Lets put as many of these starfish into these buckets."

"And then what?" the boy asked. 

"I got a boat over in the harbor, lets take them out to sea.  As long as it's ok with your parents."

In the meantime, many other people began throwing the starfish back into the ocean.  All because of one person cared enough.  

You see what happened here.  Not only were they able to save some starfish, a young man was able to help that old man a develop a sense of accomplishment and purpose again.  You'd be surprised what young children can teach you.  

I have no links to give you.  I remember a quote.  I'm going to modify it because nothing is original anyway.  Don't just look for what the world needs.  There are needs even inside the walls of your house.  Look for what makes you come alive.  Do that.  That thing that you can lose yourself in.  The world needs people who come alive.  And when you find that, you'll discover the needs in others that you can help with.   Don't be afraid if others might look funny at you for what makes you alive.  Remember the story...you may ignite a fire in them without even knowing it.  

Go live.  

The next....?

Have you ever heard someone respond to seeing a young child show potential in an activity and say something like "Wow, he'll be the next Tom Brady!"  Or "She'll be the next "Mia Hamm!"   You know what I mean.  It happens without us even knowing we do it.  I know all of these are innocent.  They are expressions we have heard for years.  I'm not claiming that these phrases are hurtful.  And I'm certainly not upset at anyone who uses phrases like this.  The purpose of me writing this is simply to ask to think about it from another perspective.  

I think it's ok to push the next generation to excel.  I think it's ok to set goals.  It think it's ok for kids to pretend to be their favorite athlete.  As long as you don't do that along with them.  They need to know that you love and value them at any level of talent they are at.  If I had the chance to go play basketball with Steph Curry or Logan and Austin, I'd pick Logan and Austin every time.  Unless there is an opportunity to bring them along.  

When you see talent, engage the one that's talented.  Ask about how long they've been performing.  Ask what their favorite part of the activity is.  Ask them who their role model is.  Ask them where they get their motivation from.  And maybe you already do those things.  But be careful of comparing them to someone who is at a level way beyond where they are.  Meet them at the level that they are at and encourage them forward from that point.  As themselves.  About being the next Anne Caroline or the next Josiah Daniel.  And that whatever level of achievement they get to, they've made a name for themselves and aren't still comparing their level of success to the person that you compared them too. 

And at this point....I've pretty much wrapped up.  But I'll play out a real life scenario here. 

You and your son play football and he's a really good quarterback. So good that when you play you name call him Peyton, Tom, Russell, Aaron or Cam.  They know how good these players are.  And then your son doesn't make the 9th grade football team.  Or his pee-wee team for that matter.  He begins to notice the other players have more talent.  And that he's not actually as good as his favorite athletes.  And then they feel like they disappointed you.  And you have to assure them that you are not.  IF you even get the chance to.  Perhaps if you'd have just celebrated the small victories, the good passes, his willingness to improve even when he doesn't feel like it.  That when he doesn't make the team, he tries again.  Or he tries out for another position.  

 If you think that this stuff doesn't happen in your brain, I'd encourage you to watch the movie "Inside Out".  It will help you understand how emotions work and that they are VERY complex.  Even the littlest things can stick with you forever.  

I'll never forget my neighbors Uncle Dale telling me I was tall and would make a great receiver for the high school football team.  But at that point....it was too late.  But I still think I'm the best damn wide receiver that ever played the game of football thanks to him telling me, ME, that I would make a great receiver.  He didn't tell me I'd be the next Jerry Rice, so glad he didn't.  

I hope this makes sense.  I feel like that's why it got so long.  I wanted to make sure I nailed it.  Someone once said I'm going to be the next Steinbeck.  Kidding.  

Systems and their failures.

School sucks.  Yes.  Kids say it often.  And parents often push those phrases aside.  But what if we actually listened to them.  Maybe it does suck.  Maybe after a certain grade, school just doesn't work for some kids.   But currently, we blame it on the kid.  It's their fault for not studying enough or paying enough attention.  What if beyond a certain point, some people just don't learn the same as the majority.  Why don't we have systems in place to help those kids?  I was one of those kids.  And school sucked.  And no one listened.  Except for Mrs. Jill Davis.  I remember something she said to me.  She said I had some of the most incredible insight.  It's stuck with me longer than than anything I was supposed to learn in high school.  If it wasn't for that, outside of meeting new people, I'd consider all those years in that building a waste.

But here in America we love systems.  And if you don't fit the system, tough.  Figure it out.  Work harder.  The sad part is, so many people believe our systems are incredibly flawed.  But it's easier then it would be to start a new one.  So lets just stay the course.  Change doesn't happen until being where you are is more difficult than the actual process of changing to what could become.  I feel like as a society were on the brink of that.  But the sad part is....it may take anywhere from 4 years to 400 years.

Don't confuse what I'm saying.  Many people thrive in the standard educational system.  In fact, I'd venture to say that the majority either thrive or are able to complete with good success.  But again, what is there for the others?  The others that are most likely just as smart, if not smarter, respectively. They just don't learn the same way.

What if there is another way?  What if after a certain level of education we offer internships, more mechanical and technical classes, a more "attentive to one's learning style course"?  Would it cost more money?  Maybe.  But I don't think it would at all.  I think there are a few different ways of learning and traditional school mainly focuses on one.  We live in an era where anything is possible.  And maybe there are already places that offer this.  Maybe the breakdown is when kids try to explain their struggles in learning, parents don't listen.  Life is hard enough, now I have to figure out how my kids learn and adjust accordingly.  Well,  what if your kids leg fell off? Would you expect them to still be just as mobile?  No way!  You'd do what it took to get fitted for a prosthesis.  Or you'd teach them how to be just as active on a wheelchair, or with a set of crutches.

And again, this doesn't just apply to schools. There are so many systems out there that work for most.  But what about the others?  What is your attitude towards them? Is it one to help them where they are or are you trying to fit their circle into your triangle hole?

Just some thoughts for the day.

Daily Dump #6

So many things I could write about today.  Let me start with strength.  I have a friend who fights every day.  Not in the way you think.  He fights to be heard, understood, accepted, loved and appreciated.  And not just for himself, but for so many others.  He's very strong mentally, emotionally and even works to by physically in tune with his self as a whole.   But this isn't always good.  Because if he stops, the regression happens exponentially faster than the progression.  And when you are transgender, this can have disastrous consequences.   I wish people would see people as people. Not one of us is perfect.  We are all a version of different to each other.  But that's no reason to outcast, judge, stereotype or classify.   

We.

Are.

All.

People.

Atlas has to be strong.  He's holding up the world.  If he's not strong we all die.  What a horrible place to be in if you are Atlas.  What a tremendous responsibility?  If he let up even for a moment, he'd have to live with the fallout of that decision forever.  That is equally trying on the mind and soul as was his physical strength.  

So next time you find yourself judging, stereotyping or classifying someones life decisions that don't even affect you at all, just try being a friend.  

Seriously, you don't even spend that much time trying to "figure out" the things that do directly affect you.  Like what kinds of food and liquid you put into your body.  How safe is your driving?  What's your BMI?  A lot of this stuff you just do. You don't need to know how it all works, you just do it.  

Daily Dose #5

Almost every day we tell our kids lies.  Not bad ones.  For example, different cartoon characters on the band aid all have a different special power.  Whatever it takes for them to calm down.  Or grabbing a different stuffed animal when they are having bad dreams and tell them this one keeps the bad dreams from happening.  Let me kiss it and make it better.  Where are all my other parents at? Can you relate?

Soon they will learn that these things aren't true.  Will they remember all the myths that were told?  I'm sure.  I just hope it's not a sickening blow.  Especially when Donald Duck doesn't make the best nighttime healing band aid and had I just went down and got a Mickey one we could have avoided that.  Or that the big stuffed snake doesn't eat all the bugs trying to get in their bed.  Or that the magical deer head actually keeps bad dreams away and protects the room from all evil.  Yes....My son does keep the head of my full size deer target in his room. Antlers and all.  Kind of freaks his mom and the babysitters out a bit.

However, even if some of these things still brought them some comfort after they realize there is no scientific proof to back it up is it really all that bad?  Just as long as on of our kids doesn't become a doctor and while making their nightly rounds gives donald duck band aids to all the patients with flesh wounds. I think the important lesson is that many people may find peace in a variety of different ways.

Millions upon millions of people are going to church this morning.

What if was all a story made up to help us make sense of things?  What if it was all made up to help people find peace, comfort and answers that might be real simply because it reframes our thinking and actually does these things?

What happens when you start to believe that

it's

all

made

up? 

It's not easy working through that.  It's very deeply rooted. Yet there is a hope that it's not made up.  And as long as it still provides the peace that you seek, it's ok.  Really.  No one is faulting you for finding a peace and comfort in something that may or may not be real.  Because no one really knows for sure.  I try to say that with the utmost sincerity.  Finding peace is difficult.  And when you find something that works for you, awesome.  For you, it is real.  And that's whats important.  

But if you find yourself in a place of unrest.  And you aren't getting the same thing from your beliefs as you once did.  I am telling you that you are not broken.  Baby steps.  Do you believe it's good to be kind?  Generous? Loving? Honest?  Be those things in the meantime while you work through your feelings of belief.  

The things you deeply believe are special and important. Sometimes it's something greater trying to hatch in your spirit.  Dig.  Explore.  Ask.  Discover.  I believe there is something, something so big that it can universally bring all of humanity to.......

Sorry to take it so deep this morning.  

Daily Dose #4

Have you ever been hurt by something or someone?  Has someone done something to you that makes it really hard to trust them again?  It's hard.  Forgive them.  Not so easy.  Forgive yourself.  Even harder. 

Some stories I write about are real but I may vague them up a bit.  Because.

I was hurt by someone a long time ago.  Over an extended period of time too.  Their was a lot of lying and emotional abuse.  It ended abruptly.  And I moved on.  So did the other.  Years and years have passed and I knew I carried some pain but I always thought I could push it aside.  This other person seemed to have moved on from their past mistakes and was living a much different life.  They proved they have changed.  But I still hurt.  And it made it hard to be mad at this person anymore because they had changed.  But I am still mad and hurt.  I never fully expressed it.  The real people I'd like to get mad at and tell them how I feel are dead already.  So that can't really happen.  Recently I shared some thoughts with this person.  I hope they received it well.  My intent was not to hurt them back.  I hope I made that clear.  But I had to get some things off my chest.  

Anyhow, real things happening in real life.  People need a safe space to talk about this. 

Now, onto fire.  Fire is essential for survival.  Take Org for example. Org has been burned.  Org does not like fire anymore. Org knows that fire works for people.  He's seen people use it for many different reasons.  But since that dreadful day, he's been doing ok without it.  But over time he begins to see the benefits of something like fire.  Not fire itself, but the pleasantries of life that come from sitting around a fire with friends.  But Org cannot go right back to the fire.  Org needs something a little safer.  And this is when someone introduced Org to an electric cooktop.  Org is now enjoying the comforts and convenience of heat without the flame. 

Why do I tell you about Org?  Even today, people are hurt by the "church".  And even a church that doesn't even act like all the other churches still has one thing in common.  It's church.  If you spend your life stuck in the church you'll never see the multitudes of people that just want a safe space to work through life with.  

That might not make sense at all.  I can understand how hard it is for a church to separate itself from others.  But from an outsiders perspective.  Church is a church is a church.  Just like a franchise.  And the fact that there are different denominations and theologies make it that much more confusing.  

That's all for today.  

Daily Dose 3

I have some struggles with Christianity.  Also with church.  I'm going to write about that alot. 

Remember the prodigal son story from the bible?  The one where a father has two sons, one takes an early inheritance, goes and squanders it all away with booze, hookers and gambling while the other stays at home and works hard for his father to be the best son he can be? Well, after several years the bad son comes home with his head hung in shame hoping in the very least to be hired as a helping hand.  But the father runs and greets him, gives him his finest clothes to wear and offers up a fattened calf to celebrate.  Other son is pissed.  WTF DAD?  This party should be mine!  He wasted ALL the money you gave him.  I've been here working hard to please you.....

Most people think this parable is about the son that left and came back. It is.  Most people think the son that's always been there is a selfish prick who could care less about his brother.  It is.  Most people I would guess picture themselves as the prodigal son.  I think we can learn alot more from the jealous brother.  

How many people in their Christian faith work really hard to do all the right things, say all the right things, and make sure they do EVERYTHING God asks them to do? Working really hard to please God.  It's hard to do.  Takes a lot of energy.  Then someone comes along and wants to be a part of the faith and we tell them, "GREAT!  Here's what you have to do......"   I think this story is telling us that method is wrong. 

The father silences him. He says "Son, You have been with me the whole time.  Everything I have is yours and always has been.  But he has come home, lets's celebrate.  

Confused?  The son who stayed was working so hard to please his father he didn't see the glorious gift right in front of his face the whole time.  He thought he had to work, to do all these things for acceptence.  But grace is free.  It's hard when you learn something so abruptly and you realize you've been doing it wrong for so long.  You don't have to "do" anything.  It's already been done.   See, it's just as much about the son who stayed as it is the son who came home.  

I could write all day.  Sometimes I wish I could.  Be at peace friends.  

Daily Dose 2

Today I learned pretty quickly that day two of any habit is difficult.  The bed was so warm and inviting.  But after you are awake for a few minutes, you are glad you did.  Action always precedes motivation.  Yet I still was struggling thinking about what I was going to write about.   I learned quickly that I don't need to know.  I just need to come down here and unleash the 9 fluttering fingers I  have.  I rarely used my left thumb when typing.

Three things on my mind today.  First, we went to a gracious parenting class last night.  The first session is learning how to deal with our anger and next week will be learning how to deal with our childs anger.  It was helpful.  I won't go to far down this road today.  But I will say it was nice to sit in a room with a lot of other people that also feel like they are a shitty parent at times too.  There are more of us out there, don't think you are alone.  There is no perfect parent.

Second.  A few weeks ago a pastor who I do not know personally posted a video online.     I'll sum up what he said for you...."blah blah blah, I'm making christianity look hateful and I'm a giant asshole".  Well, a friend of mine shared it but didn't post any thoughts on it.  I was taken aback by this.  This was atypical of them.  I thought maybe their account got hacked.  But no.  I almost said something but didn't.  I waited.  Because even in my recent deconstruction of christianity this is one of those friends, along with their family, who demonstrated the kind of care and compassion that I saw Jesus represent.  Sure enough though, after a week or two, their was an apology for sharing that video. I was glad to see this.

You know what I 

just thought of though?  

Some of the things 

I say sound like 

I'm a big asshole too.    

Thirdly.  If I'm going to writing every day, I don't need to make this very long.  One of the things I want to do every day is share something about myself that most people don't know about me.  I am very good at protecting myself.  So good that I don't realize that when I protect myself I hurt others way to much.  Not physically.  Emotionally.  This is something I picked up a long time ago out of necessity.  This happens when you had an alcoholic father.  (see what I did there?)  Immediately without thinking about it I gave an excuse for my behavior.  But I have no need to continue this defense mechanism.  I need to own how I act and how I respond to adversity.  

Daily Dose 1

I love writing.  I love letting my fingers dance on the keyboard not really knowing what's going to come out.  Really.  Sometimes I just set them free and I am often amazed at what comes out.  I want to make a habit of writing every day and sharing what I come up with.

Last night I had a dream that we went to disneyland.  We went on all the rides, we didn't have to wait in line. I drove you to your house where we stared up the stars.  I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms.  Oh wait....that's an Atari's song.  I'm writing this before I've take my Ritalin.  Yes.  I take Ritalin.  It helps me focus.  I started this a month ago and it has improved my daily routine greatly.  By improved, I mean, I actually have a slight resemblence of one now.  

But seriously, last night I had a dream.  My family was living in a house we had just moved into recently.  It was attached to another house, with the same people living as neighbors as we have now.  It was a small house with all kinds of character.  We were having a hard time finding space in this house and I remember some other rooms that we hadn't utilized yet.  As I ventured over to them I realized they were open to the neighbors.  And they had all the neighbors stuff in them.  I had thought those rooms were in our house.  It was so odd.  I had never seen all of their stuff in these rooms and that they had 2 or 3 dogs and various cats.  I had only seen the empty rooms.  Until I walked over into them.  

I'd like to see us all be more like those rooms.   I'm inviting you into mine so you no longer see it as empty.  Sometimes it will be clean, sometimes dirty, sometimes inviting, sometimes not so inviting.  But I want to share what the room has to offer.  I want to share not because I think I'm anything special, but because you are.  And if we'd all just be a little more honest about ourselves, we'll find a lot of other people with similar feelings.  Sometimes someone just saying "me too" makes life a little easier. 

Some of the things I might share will sound like I'm trying to garner some sympathy.  I'm not.  I'm just being honest about how I feel.  

I'll leave it at that for the day.  

Discovering Dinosaurs

For a while now, I've been working through many of my once held beliefs. God, Jesus, prayer, and how church plays into all that. These among many other things.  

Many times I've doubted completely the existence of God. And quite frankly, I was ok with that. In a way I don't expect many to understand. In a way that allowed me to understand why those that believed still did and that they found comfort in that existence.  Also in a way that I didn't quite fully understand. And I may never will. 

I'm at a healthy place in what I believe now. Of course that could change any time. Relationships can be like mercury, often changing shapes and directions, splitting and reconnecting. 

A few weeks ago I began putting God to the test.  I learned some things.  When I think about Heaven, the feeling of peace comes over me.  And if one is to bring heaven to earth, peace is what needs to be brought.  I also learned that God had died to me.  At least the God that I thought I had known.  Perhaps I finally let go of the branch I had been holding onto and learned to "Trust the River". 

Through this process, I've craved a place to share openly in a safe space. A space where there is no judgement or condemnation.  A place where the things I doubt and questions aren't a critisicm to others beliefs.  My belief or lack of should have no effect on whether yours is legitimate or not.  I have found that there aren't many places to do this.  I've heard from several people that a lot of churches are beginning to have open spaces like this.  There's just one problem...it's still a church.  While I am thankful there is a change, it's not what I'm looking for.  

Regardless of ones beliefs, they should be able to benefit from a place where they are free to open up and release their fears, worries, concerns, doubts, questions and struggles.  Many times just someone else saying...."me too" helps tremendously.  

Knowing you are not alone and that there are people to listen can often bring a tremendous amount of peace.  

I have a vision for a type of community like this.  And this post has nothing to do with dinosaurs.  Or maybe it does.....maybe Discovering Dinosaurs is a metaphor.