3 Days....

Yes.  Jesus died and rose again in 3 days.  I don't know if I buy into any of that anymore.  It's a great story and all.  It's a really cool metaphor.  But I just don't know.  I'm ok with it not being real.  I think the mysticism and story telling is still pretty incredible.  How many of us were so moved by a movie that it incited lasting change after watching it?  A few maybe.   But we know those are made up.

Anyway.  This isn't about Easter.

It will be 3 days until I've been doing this for a year.  Only not posting the week I was in Haiti last month.  But I do think I'll finish as a different person.  Actually I know I will.  I wish I could say definitively that I am better mentally now.  But I don't know.  I know my anxiety has gotten better.  But I think that's a lot to do with the medication.  Depression still exists.

Sometimes I just give up.  I feel so low.  I just don't even try to figure it out.  Here's another song.  Click the lyrics for the song itself.  

I've been overboard for a long time.

I can't take that Ring on Fire

But I thank you for throwing it to me

I just stay here treading water while I drift on back to shore.  

You can't save me that way

You can't save me that way

You can't save me that way

I'm just gonna ride this wave.  

T

hat ring on fire?  That's the life preserver throw ring.  People see you in trouble or drowning and they throw that to you.  But to me, it's on fire.  Grabbing it would mean life as normal.  Which means depression still exists.  But I could take my chances treading water and seeing what that brings.  At some point you've got to make a change.  It may not be the right decision.  But as long as you don't throw in the towel completely.  Many people wonder why some stay in abusive relationships.  They take the ring when it's thrown to them by their abuser.  They believe that maybe this time will be different.  It rarely is.  And I think part of that is that their is a fear of treading water.  Their abuser still has a boat and can go after them.

My son came up with the name of this song.  I don't know where he got it.  But all I had was the music.  And he wanted to call it Ring on Fire.   So that's what I came up with.  

I do like going back and listening to the songs I recorded about a year and a half ago.  It was the summer of 2015 that I decided to put a studio in the garage.  I began making music that October and cranked out song after song.  I never actually "finished" them.  There was no goal.  Only to make music.  But I got to the point I was just making them.  But then I found writing.  And I did this instead.  But maybe I'll go back to music.  Maybe I'll do both.