I've really been enjoying reading the blogs I wrote last year. I actually think it's been a tremendous help for me. Since I posted them to Facebook everyday, they pop up in my "on this day" app that Facebook has.
Some of them were, meh. But others have really spoken to me. Some of them I don't even remember that I wrote them. Some of them I think are really well done. I am a writer. A wandering writer perhaps, but a writer none the less.
Even though writing has kept me from engaging certain topics presented on Facebook, I still did on occasion. But this week there have been several times when I wanted to interject somewhere, but I didn't. Even though on certain topics I know what I'm talking about, what I was going to say wasn't asked for. Social media is an interaction. You can start your own topics, sure. But when responding to someone, many people have a tendency to respond with something other than what the OP asked for.
For example. In one of my groups someone had asked if they can be a Keto Vegan. And the answer is....yes. You can. It would be more difficult though.
What I really wanted to do is engage in why you wanted to be a vegan, or a vegetarian. They are two different things. Two VERY different things. There are also lots of different reasons why one wants to follow lifestyle habits of either. That's the conversation I wanted to have. But that's not what was asked for. So the conversation never happened. And at this point in my education I have no business in being a part of that conversation.
At this point in my education? What's that about? I want to be an expert or at least certified in what I'm talking about. The internet is full of opinions and untrue facts and I really want to do my part to clean it up. So this week I enrolled to be a Certified Primal Health Coach. I haven't done school in nearly 15 years. And even then I wouldn't say I was a shining student. But this time, I actually want to learn this stuff and learn how to teach/coach effectively.
Friday, April 28, 2017
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Listen to your Ass
This is the story of a man named B. Just that. B. He had a donkey that he used for transportation. The donkey carried B and often times many of the things B bought and sold. The donkey had never let B down. The donkey warned B of danger, and even protected him from a pack of wolves. B and donkey were inseparable. But at the end of the day, it was still an ass. B also loved God. B talked to God all the time. One day, B was riding his donkey and the donkey saw an angel and threw B. B was pissed. B never saw the angel. The next day, near the same spot the donkey saw the same angel and pinned B against a rock wall and stepped on his foot. B was furious, he nearly kicked his ass. B was so bewildered at this strange behavior. A couple days later, on the return trip from a trading excursion, donkey saw the angel again and cowered into a little donkey ball behind B. B was furious, he raised his hand about to strike donkey. That's when donkey had had enough. He said to B, "Open your eyes you blithering idiot! Don't you see the angel standing in the path?!?"B was dumbfounded. His ass just spoke to him. He turned and looked and sure enough, there was an angel.
Why did it take a talking ass to reveal an angel to B? B loved God but failed to see God manifested in an angel right in front of him! On several occasions!
Don't be like B. Don't get so caught up in studying, praying, church attendance, or doing all the "right" things but fail to recognize God in real life when even an ass can see it.
This is a true story by the way. If you believe in it.
Sunday, April 23, 2017
Not feelin it.
I don't like talking about personal shit on here anymore. Y'all probably think I do. But I don't. Because if I even began to talk about the things that go on in my head, many of you would freak out and want me admitted somewhere. Or maybe you wouldn't. Truth is...fuck....does anyone even know what the truth is? Would the real truth please stand up? Anything? Anyone? Yeah....didn't think so.
The only real truth is that we are here.
I often wonder how the world (mainly america) would look if we all had to work for our basic needs on a daily/weekly basis. It seems as though most people work to grow something that's not a basic need for a paycheck to provide their basic needs. For example, I paint houses. Painting your house in not a basic need. But you pay me to do it and I use that money on basic needs. I'm working at something that's not a basic need to provide for my basic needs.
Does any of this make sense?
But I guess this is growth. That's how we work now. If anyone wanted to really cripple america, all they would need to do is shut down our grid. It wouldn't take long before people would turn into savages and start killing each other to survive. Would anyone really know how to survive?
I often wonder how the more technologically advanced we get effects ones mental health. I wonder what happens to your mind when you stop working to provide for your basic needs. You still work, but your basic needs are well beyond taken care of. Then you start working for the pleasures. You start working for the fun stuff. The vacations, the retirement, the bigger house, the nicer car and who knows what other luxuries. People say it all the time....even people that seem to have "everything" still aren't happy.
Anyway...just some random thoughts floating around in my head.
The blogging is going to stop soon. This shit is getting old.
The only real truth is that we are here.
I often wonder how the world (mainly america) would look if we all had to work for our basic needs on a daily/weekly basis. It seems as though most people work to grow something that's not a basic need for a paycheck to provide their basic needs. For example, I paint houses. Painting your house in not a basic need. But you pay me to do it and I use that money on basic needs. I'm working at something that's not a basic need to provide for my basic needs.
Does any of this make sense?
But I guess this is growth. That's how we work now. If anyone wanted to really cripple america, all they would need to do is shut down our grid. It wouldn't take long before people would turn into savages and start killing each other to survive. Would anyone really know how to survive?
I often wonder how the more technologically advanced we get effects ones mental health. I wonder what happens to your mind when you stop working to provide for your basic needs. You still work, but your basic needs are well beyond taken care of. Then you start working for the pleasures. You start working for the fun stuff. The vacations, the retirement, the bigger house, the nicer car and who knows what other luxuries. People say it all the time....even people that seem to have "everything" still aren't happy.
Anyway...just some random thoughts floating around in my head.
The blogging is going to stop soon. This shit is getting old.
Saturday, April 22, 2017
Friday, April 21, 2017
Resurrection.
Nah. Easter is over. I'm just resurrecting a post from last year that I posted today that is quite simple.
I get so disgusted about the waste of money that is the American Church. Hold up. I know, church isn't a waste of money. A lot of good comes from church. But seriously, step back and take a look at just how many luxuries are at your local church. How much money is spent on things that you really don't need at all.
What pings in my mind is that I am no better. I have luxuries. I have things I don't need. But I am not the beacon of what is supposed to be an example of Christ. OR. Am I? Is anyone that calls themselves a Christian to be an example of Christ in EVERYTHING that they do. Including how they spend their money. The bible only says to give ten percent. That seems to be the standard. But I'd be willing to bet that collectively, people don't give anywhere near ten percent to the church.
But see, the Bible also says to either be hot or cold. And since I'm not hold, I'd rather be cold. It says some pretty harsh things about those that are "lukewarm".
Think about this. I wrote it last year and it still holds true.
This morning I was lying on the floor of the check-in area of American Airlines at JFK International airport. I was cold, the floor was hard and I hadn't slept in 24 hours. And If I couldn't sleep, it would be another 16 hours till I could sleep again.
And then I realized there are people that sleep on cold, hard floors everynight. That is their normal. Not ideal, but it's all they have. And we have mega church pastors living in 20,000 square foot mansions. We have 200,000 square foot church campuses and a church that has a bull riding arena inside of it. And people in this world sleep on cold, hard floors because it's all they have.
I'm not going to commence a rant on the misuse of tithe money and a tax exempt status. I'm going to question whether american christians really are pro-life or not. Cause I don't think they are. They rail about how the government misuses tax money or they don't want their tax money to fund this or that. But if the government doesn't fund social programs, no one will. The church clearly is missing the ball on that one.
I am thankful for those that do care for the least of these. And I will continue to support their efforts.
The ONLY counter I can fathom to this is the many people that have sought comfort and community through a hard time at their huge luxurious church. That's great. But I'd be willing to bet it wasn't the building, it wasn't the big screens and sound systems, it wasn't the coffee (ok, maybe it was the coffee), and it certainly wasn't the mechanical bull. It was the people. It was the relationships. It was the community of friends. And if you say that you would only have that community because of the building....that's pretty sad.
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| I know...you probably hate this picture. So do I. Maybe it's even for the same reason. |
What pings in my mind is that I am no better. I have luxuries. I have things I don't need. But I am not the beacon of what is supposed to be an example of Christ. OR. Am I? Is anyone that calls themselves a Christian to be an example of Christ in EVERYTHING that they do. Including how they spend their money. The bible only says to give ten percent. That seems to be the standard. But I'd be willing to bet that collectively, people don't give anywhere near ten percent to the church.
But see, the Bible also says to either be hot or cold. And since I'm not hold, I'd rather be cold. It says some pretty harsh things about those that are "lukewarm".
Think about this. I wrote it last year and it still holds true.
This morning I was lying on the floor of the check-in area of American Airlines at JFK International airport. I was cold, the floor was hard and I hadn't slept in 24 hours. And If I couldn't sleep, it would be another 16 hours till I could sleep again.
And then I realized there are people that sleep on cold, hard floors everynight. That is their normal. Not ideal, but it's all they have. And we have mega church pastors living in 20,000 square foot mansions. We have 200,000 square foot church campuses and a church that has a bull riding arena inside of it. And people in this world sleep on cold, hard floors because it's all they have.
I'm not going to commence a rant on the misuse of tithe money and a tax exempt status. I'm going to question whether american christians really are pro-life or not. Cause I don't think they are. They rail about how the government misuses tax money or they don't want their tax money to fund this or that. But if the government doesn't fund social programs, no one will. The church clearly is missing the ball on that one.
I am thankful for those that do care for the least of these. And I will continue to support their efforts.
The ONLY counter I can fathom to this is the many people that have sought comfort and community through a hard time at their huge luxurious church. That's great. But I'd be willing to bet it wasn't the building, it wasn't the big screens and sound systems, it wasn't the coffee (ok, maybe it was the coffee), and it certainly wasn't the mechanical bull. It was the people. It was the relationships. It was the community of friends. And if you say that you would only have that community because of the building....that's pretty sad.
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Truly sad. People can be heartless jerks.
Yesterday the news broke that former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez was found dead hanging in his jail cell. He was just acquitted for a double homicide but remained in prison on a life sentence for the murder of Odin Lloyd. This, on the same day his former team was visiting the white house (lower case on purpose) for winning the super bowl (also lower case on purpose).
It's sad. This guy killed one, maybe 3 people. The one he was convicted of, Lloyd, was a witness to the other two murders whose testimony may have convicted him. Or so I've heard. What a heartless jerk. What a cruel mind to have it in you murder someone. Or what a mind so messed up by losing a father and taking countless hits on the football field. Either way, the dude wasn't right. And he killed himself too. I'm not heartbroken about that. It's just sad.
What I am heartbroken about, it the reaction by people about it. Making jokes about who choked harder the past year, The Warriors, Falcons, Hillary Clinton....and yes, you guessed it, Hernandez.
So many people flippantly write off someone's life. Even if they were a thug. They way they respond to it shows their character about how willing they are to throw someones life away. For me, I'd sure love to see them turn their life back around (yes, while still in prison) and maybe contribute to society positively.
Things like, he deserves to die. Maybe. But is that your decision to make? We all deserve to die. We are all shitty humans in one way or another. None of us value all life. All of us contribute, or don't contribute to the deaths of thousands per day.
We, as a human race, are collectively responsible for all of us. And when we don't take that seriously, we have a world that looks like the one today. War, violence, political unrest, starvation, lack of clean water and having a little shit like trump for the president.
And it's still a pretty damn good world to live in. I'm just worried it's at a point we've become so apathetic it's all going to cave in on us. I hope I'm wrong.
OH. And the stupid starbucks unicorn drink that everyone is flipping a lid about? The one that has a shit ton of sugar in it? The caramel frap has more. So does a can of coke. And all these other things you eat thinking they are better for you, like salads.....think again. And know that about 35g is really all you should have in a day. I say should, but there is NO such thing as an essential sugar. And check out these 12 "healthy foods" too.
Chili’s Caribbean Chicken Salad with Grilled Chicken = almost 7 doughnuts (67 grams of sugar)
Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino = 6 doughnuts (64 grams of sugar)
Jamba Juice Banana Berry Smoothie, small = 6 doughnuts (60 grams of sugar)
California Pizza Kitchen Thai Chicken Salad = 4.5 doughnuts (45 grams of sugar)
Kraft French Style Fat Free Dressing = 4 doughnuts (42 grams of sugar)
Dunkin’ Donuts Reduced-Fat Blueberry Muffin = 4 doughnuts (40 grams of sugar
Snapple Peach Tea = 4 doughnuts (39 grams of sugar)
Burger King Chicken, Apple, and Cranberry Garden Fresh Salad with Chicken = 4 doughnuts (38 grams of sugar)
Craisins Dried Cranberries (1.75 ounces) = 3 doughnuts (34 grams of sugar)
Vitamin Water, 20 ounces = 3 doughnuts (33 grams of sugar)
Naked Pomegranate Blueberry Juice = 3 doughnuts (32 grams of sugar)
McDonald’s Fruit and Maple Oatmeal = 3 doughnuts (32 grams of sugar)
IHOP Whole Wheat Pancakes with Banana, four pancakes without syrup = 3 doughnuts (32 grams of sugar)
Pom Wonderful 100% Pomegranate Juice, 8 ounces = 3 doughnuts (31 grams of sugar)
Starbucks Greek Yogurt and Honey Parfait = 3 doughnuts (30 grams of sugar)
Starbucks Blueberry Muffin = 3 doughnuts (29 grams of sugar)
Stonyfield Fat Free Blackberry Blend Yogurt = 3 doughnuts (28 grams of sugar)
Can of Coca-Cola = 2.5 doughnuts (26.4 grams of sugar)
Yoplait Blackberry Harvest Yogurt = 2.5 doughnuts (26 grams of sugar)
Tropicana Orange Juice, 8 ounces = 2 doughnuts (22 grams of sugar)
Nutella Spread, 2 tablespoons = 2 doughnuts (21 grams of sugar)
Campbell’s Classic Tomato Soup on the Go = 2 doughnuts (20 grams of sugar)
Dole Mixed Fruit Cup = 1.5 doughnuts (17 grams of sugar)
Subway 6" Sweet Onion Teriyaki Chicken Sandwich = 1.5 doughnuts (17 grams of sugar)
Motts Applesauce (one cup) = 1.5 doughnuts (16 grams of sugar)
Nature Valley Chewy Trail Mix Fruit and Nut Granola Bar = 1 doughnut (13 grams of sugar)
Kellogg’s Froot Loops = 1 doughnut (12 grams of sugar)
Prego Fresh Mushroom Italian Spaghetti Sauce = 1 doughnut (11 grams of sugar)
Luna Bar = 1 doughnut (11 grams of sugar)
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
When you get that itch....
Sorry, spent all morning looking at mountain bike trails. Maybe I'll write later.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Monday, April 17, 2017
Stop Pretending
Entrepreneur - a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.
That last part, taking on greater than normal financial risks to do so. What does that mean? Investing $10,000? $100,000? More? Or does it all depend on how much money you have to start with.
I used to be a part of a Multi Level Network Marketing organization several years ago. The word "entrepreneur" was tossed around a label for you to become when when starting your own business. Except this business only cost about $59 dollars to get started. And you weren't even on the hook for paying any employees. Sorry, but in my opinion, this does not qualify you to label yourself an entrepreneur. I see no risk involved. In fact, it's often marketed as a nearly risk free business opportunity.
I'm not knocking you for your business. It's just that you can't really call yourself an entrepreneur. Please just call it for what it is. Say you operate a network marketing business. Or aren't you proud of that? I know, you think it has a bad reputation. Well change that. Because what you're doing is still multi level network marketing. Don't be ashamed, you've done good for yourself. Be happy and proud of you mlm!
I've met many people who have been very successful at these businesses and it almost always seems no one wants to say they operate a hugely successful "franchise" of a multi level network marketing business. Don't be ashamed of that. It does take hard work and commitment.
But for most people in an MLM, you aren't an entrepreneur according to it's definition. You try your best to minimize risk and are really only going after the guarantee.
That last part, taking on greater than normal financial risks to do so. What does that mean? Investing $10,000? $100,000? More? Or does it all depend on how much money you have to start with.
I used to be a part of a Multi Level Network Marketing organization several years ago. The word "entrepreneur" was tossed around a label for you to become when when starting your own business. Except this business only cost about $59 dollars to get started. And you weren't even on the hook for paying any employees. Sorry, but in my opinion, this does not qualify you to label yourself an entrepreneur. I see no risk involved. In fact, it's often marketed as a nearly risk free business opportunity.
I'm not knocking you for your business. It's just that you can't really call yourself an entrepreneur. Please just call it for what it is. Say you operate a network marketing business. Or aren't you proud of that? I know, you think it has a bad reputation. Well change that. Because what you're doing is still multi level network marketing. Don't be ashamed, you've done good for yourself. Be happy and proud of you mlm!
I've met many people who have been very successful at these businesses and it almost always seems no one wants to say they operate a hugely successful "franchise" of a multi level network marketing business. Don't be ashamed of that. It does take hard work and commitment.
But for most people in an MLM, you aren't an entrepreneur according to it's definition. You try your best to minimize risk and are really only going after the guarantee.
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Why die for it if it's not true?
Without going into great detail, I'm going to throw two things out today. Over the past few days there has been a lot of hype in the Christian community about Easter. This is the holiday where Jesus's death and resurrection is celebrated. Death is not the victor. The grave can't hold Him down. What a great message of hope.
But I don't really buy it as truth anymore. Just being honest. It might be real. It might not. So many have claimed that if it's not real Christianity is a lie and none of it matters. How sad. Because I don't really care if it's a great story or not, it's still a great story. You can still live out your life as Jesus. Unless of course, christianity is only afterlife insurance for you. And if that's the case, I think you are missing the primary message of Jesus. I'm ok with it all being a great story. It doesn't really change how I live out the principles I've learned from Jesus.
There have been those that have made the argument that if it wasn't real, why did the disciples die for a lie? Why were they willing to risk everything for something that they knew wasn't true?
And that's a great question. Perhaps asking members of other religions that would be a great place to start. Why would they die for their beliefs if they aren't true? Since according to most Christians, Christianity is the only true belief. I don't know if I'd die for a lie. But certainly, that's a great point.
There is another demographic of people that are persecuted, killed, maimed, disowned from their own families, treated like second class citizens, and belittled because of their belief. Many in the Christian community think their belief is flawed, they think it's a choice, they think it's something they just get to decide to do. Well, if that's the case, why go through all that punishment and ill treatment for it? Why not just quit and be regular like everyone else?
Who is this group of people? Members of the homosexual and transgender community. As well as anyone else that falls into this category or similar. I've heard many stories of teens being disowned and kicked out of the their parents homes when they came out as gay. Transgender people get murdered nearly every day. It is a crime punishable by death in certain countries. Even in America, one of the deadliest mass shootings in modern day history was as at the Pulse night club. A gay friendly night club. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of the ill treatment.
So I ask you, person who believes in the resurrection story because why would the disciples risk persecution and death for a lie. Why would someone who is homosexual risk the same things for something so many in the Christian community considers a choice? It would be easier to just revert back to gender conforming, right? Since it's a choice, not actual fact.
So what am I getting at? I don't think people would be willing to die for a loosely held belief or feeling.
So if the disciples willingness to die for their belief that the resurrection happened is enough to convince you of the validity of the story, I hope you take seriously the plight of the LGBT community.
But I don't really buy it as truth anymore. Just being honest. It might be real. It might not. So many have claimed that if it's not real Christianity is a lie and none of it matters. How sad. Because I don't really care if it's a great story or not, it's still a great story. You can still live out your life as Jesus. Unless of course, christianity is only afterlife insurance for you. And if that's the case, I think you are missing the primary message of Jesus. I'm ok with it all being a great story. It doesn't really change how I live out the principles I've learned from Jesus.
There have been those that have made the argument that if it wasn't real, why did the disciples die for a lie? Why were they willing to risk everything for something that they knew wasn't true?
And that's a great question. Perhaps asking members of other religions that would be a great place to start. Why would they die for their beliefs if they aren't true? Since according to most Christians, Christianity is the only true belief. I don't know if I'd die for a lie. But certainly, that's a great point.
There is another demographic of people that are persecuted, killed, maimed, disowned from their own families, treated like second class citizens, and belittled because of their belief. Many in the Christian community think their belief is flawed, they think it's a choice, they think it's something they just get to decide to do. Well, if that's the case, why go through all that punishment and ill treatment for it? Why not just quit and be regular like everyone else?
Who is this group of people? Members of the homosexual and transgender community. As well as anyone else that falls into this category or similar. I've heard many stories of teens being disowned and kicked out of the their parents homes when they came out as gay. Transgender people get murdered nearly every day. It is a crime punishable by death in certain countries. Even in America, one of the deadliest mass shootings in modern day history was as at the Pulse night club. A gay friendly night club. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of the ill treatment.
So I ask you, person who believes in the resurrection story because why would the disciples risk persecution and death for a lie. Why would someone who is homosexual risk the same things for something so many in the Christian community considers a choice? It would be easier to just revert back to gender conforming, right? Since it's a choice, not actual fact.
So what am I getting at? I don't think people would be willing to die for a loosely held belief or feeling.
So if the disciples willingness to die for their belief that the resurrection happened is enough to convince you of the validity of the story, I hope you take seriously the plight of the LGBT community.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Day 7 of 7. And useless censorship.
Are you kidding. The fast was totally over on day 4. But I did say I'd journal till the end of it. So to recap. I finished at 88 hours. Had some chicken and cabbage smothered in butter. And a light dinner that night. Thursday I don't remember, but I watched Fate of the Furious. Friday I had shrimp and cabbage smothered in butter for lunch and said that was going to be my meal. Except after that mountain bike ride yesterday I really wanted wings. So I got wings. No biggie. But earlier in the week I had made some Macadamia Nut/Coconut Butter. And I had a few spoonfuls of it too. So I kinda settled back into regularity. Which I'm not really happy with. But whatever. I love food.
Today, I don't know. I'll just learn to stop when I'm full and try to avoid snacking.
Also. I haven't used soap in nearly 3 months. True story. Except for my hands. And on my clothes in the washing machine.
So many things in this world we use and don't need but have been told by people that profit of us that we do.
We were watching Guardians of the Galaxy on FX last night. I'd never seen it. But before I fell asleep at 8:45 because that's what my body told me to do, I was made aware that they censored out Chris Pratt giving the middle finger. Really? The middle finger. But your ok with violence, murder, killing, pillaging and all that other stuff? God forbid anyone watching that movie sees someone flick another person off. They'd probably go to hell if they saw that.
But yeah, about that 8:45 falling asleep. No one ever said you can't go to bed before 9. No one ever made a rule that adults have to stay up till 10 or 11. Go to bed when you're tired. Seriously. There is nothing on tv that's worth taking sleep away.
Today, I don't know. I'll just learn to stop when I'm full and try to avoid snacking.
Also. I haven't used soap in nearly 3 months. True story. Except for my hands. And on my clothes in the washing machine.
So many things in this world we use and don't need but have been told by people that profit of us that we do.
We were watching Guardians of the Galaxy on FX last night. I'd never seen it. But before I fell asleep at 8:45 because that's what my body told me to do, I was made aware that they censored out Chris Pratt giving the middle finger. Really? The middle finger. But your ok with violence, murder, killing, pillaging and all that other stuff? God forbid anyone watching that movie sees someone flick another person off. They'd probably go to hell if they saw that.
But yeah, about that 8:45 falling asleep. No one ever said you can't go to bed before 9. No one ever made a rule that adults have to stay up till 10 or 11. Go to bed when you're tired. Seriously. There is nothing on tv that's worth taking sleep away.
Friday, April 14, 2017
Day 6 of 7, more fasts, and Sugar.
Ok. It's not really a fast anymore. But I did maintain my intermittent fasting status. Or at least not eating a main meal until dinner.
What I'm going to do, because I think it will work out pretty well for me, is do a 24 hour fast each week. From Sunday after dinner to Monday evening. So basically about 6pm to 6pm. This will be a zero calorie fast. And then do a 3 day fast on the first Sun. - Wed. of every month. That will keep it consistent and regular and I won't have to guess. And all points in between I will continue to eat the low carb/ketogenic lifestyle I've been doing.
Lets talk about sugar for a minute. It's everywhere. And it's killing you. It's making you fat and unhealthy and it's making our children fat and unhealthy. It's slowly destroying your brain too. Added sugar is found in damn near everything. I can guarantee just about anyone that eats it is addicted to it. Start your sugar research here. They provide lots of links for more research too. There is no such thing as an essential sugar or carbohydrate. And no, not all carbs are bad. But all sugar can be.
Everyone's known for a long time that sugar holds absolutely zero nutritional benefit. It's only used as a reward or a feel good. It's time to stop. Unless you don't care about your health or the health of those you give food too.
But a little bit is ok, right? Maybe. That's for you to decide for yourself. So stop giving out lollipops to kids. I don't care if you are their parents bank teller, the gas station attendant, or their teacher. KNOCK IT OFF. There are a ridiculous amount of alternatives that don't have the toxic effects of sugar. You just have to learn what they are.
We can't just eat whatever. Our bodies are awesome, but they aren't saviors. Just because they sell something as "food" doesn't mean it's fit for human consumption. So why is there so much sugar? It's cheap. Government subsidizes the corn growing. Hello high fructose corn syrup. Food companies know you'll keep eating their shit because it's cheap and easy. Don't think they have your best interests and good health in mind. Far from it.
Why do you think type 2 diabetes is running rampant in our country today? SUGAR!!!! The more you eat the more your pancreas has to produce insulin to convert it to energy and eventually, just like everything else in your body, it wears out. Guess what? You may not need to take insulin! You may be able to self regulate! By changing your diet!
End rant. Have a nice day and I hope I'm that devil in your ear that guilts you when you eat sugar. But I'm only there because I love you and care about you. Honest. I'm the dude that carried jelly belly jelly beans around in my pocket and handed them out to kids too. Creepy. So don't think I don't know the struggle. And if I can kick sugar to the curb, so can you. So please don't think I'm ripping on you! I care about your healthy and want you to be happy and healthy!
But what the hell, we all die anyway right?
What I'm going to do, because I think it will work out pretty well for me, is do a 24 hour fast each week. From Sunday after dinner to Monday evening. So basically about 6pm to 6pm. This will be a zero calorie fast. And then do a 3 day fast on the first Sun. - Wed. of every month. That will keep it consistent and regular and I won't have to guess. And all points in between I will continue to eat the low carb/ketogenic lifestyle I've been doing.
Lets talk about sugar for a minute. It's everywhere. And it's killing you. It's making you fat and unhealthy and it's making our children fat and unhealthy. It's slowly destroying your brain too. Added sugar is found in damn near everything. I can guarantee just about anyone that eats it is addicted to it. Start your sugar research here. They provide lots of links for more research too. There is no such thing as an essential sugar or carbohydrate. And no, not all carbs are bad. But all sugar can be. Everyone's known for a long time that sugar holds absolutely zero nutritional benefit. It's only used as a reward or a feel good. It's time to stop. Unless you don't care about your health or the health of those you give food too.
But a little bit is ok, right? Maybe. That's for you to decide for yourself. So stop giving out lollipops to kids. I don't care if you are their parents bank teller, the gas station attendant, or their teacher. KNOCK IT OFF. There are a ridiculous amount of alternatives that don't have the toxic effects of sugar. You just have to learn what they are.
We can't just eat whatever. Our bodies are awesome, but they aren't saviors. Just because they sell something as "food" doesn't mean it's fit for human consumption. So why is there so much sugar? It's cheap. Government subsidizes the corn growing. Hello high fructose corn syrup. Food companies know you'll keep eating their shit because it's cheap and easy. Don't think they have your best interests and good health in mind. Far from it. Why do you think type 2 diabetes is running rampant in our country today? SUGAR!!!! The more you eat the more your pancreas has to produce insulin to convert it to energy and eventually, just like everything else in your body, it wears out. Guess what? You may not need to take insulin! You may be able to self regulate! By changing your diet!
End rant. Have a nice day and I hope I'm that devil in your ear that guilts you when you eat sugar. But I'm only there because I love you and care about you. Honest. I'm the dude that carried jelly belly jelly beans around in my pocket and handed them out to kids too. Creepy. So don't think I don't know the struggle. And if I can kick sugar to the curb, so can you. So please don't think I'm ripping on you! I care about your healthy and want you to be happy and healthy!
But what the hell, we all die anyway right?
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Day 5 of 7
Tuesday was great. I made some pretty astounding observations and made peace with where I am at with many things.
Wednesday started off great too. I did some more writing after my blog. Then I went to pick up the kids from school. They had an easter egg hunt and made a shit ton of money selling their candy back to me. I'm out like, 15 bucks. And it's not even the official easter holiday yet. Then I took them to Neato Burrito and ordered them the usual. Chicken bowl (no rice or beans), cheese, sour cream, lettuce and tomato. Anne sometimes gets guacamole. It all looked really good.
That morning I had given myself liberty to break my fast whenever I wanted. As far as I was concerned, any fast over 20 hours is a success.
But I didn't order anything. I went to look at a job after that, stopped at a butcher shop and bought a steak, bacon, cheese and eggs. Then I went home and steamed some cabbage and ate that with some chicken. All smothered in kerrygold. Finished out at 88 hours. It wasn't a huge meal. But then the kids wanted some homemade ice cream. So we finished that. Yeah....all diet approved. It's made out of heavy cream and almond milk. Flavored with orange essential oils and vanilla.
Something that gets me though. And I'm not sure where this comes from. Even though I didn't do anything wrong and didn't eat emotionally, every time I feel the slightest bit full I feel like I failed. I feel like all the progress I've made to get in shape and be healthy is gone. I know it's not. But that's how I feel. Perhaps it reminds me of all those times before when I would eat shit food. So much it would make me sick. It's that full feeling. I wonder how I can retrain my brain that this full isn't the same as the old full. Because the old full made me feel horrible, and I used more shit food to comfort the fact that I had eaten a whole bunch of shit food. I mean, it wasn't going to get much worse was it? But it makes zero sense to do that.
I guess I still kinda do the same thing. I get full from good, healthy food that is great for me. But I get that phantom feeling of why did you eat so much? And I just throw up my hands and say screw it, might as well keep eating. Even though it's all still good food for me, the quantities aren't really helping, they just aren't hurting.
Except for last night. I had a slice of colby jack and some macadamia nuts. I started to feel full. And instead of finishing the last 1/2 cup of nuts and remaining cheese like I normally would, I didn't. It was a good feeling to show restraint.
Go me. Progress. For the rest of the week to finish out the seven days I'll be intermittent fasting. Eating between 5-9pm. Or in that vicinity.
Wednesday started off great too. I did some more writing after my blog. Then I went to pick up the kids from school. They had an easter egg hunt and made a shit ton of money selling their candy back to me. I'm out like, 15 bucks. And it's not even the official easter holiday yet. Then I took them to Neato Burrito and ordered them the usual. Chicken bowl (no rice or beans), cheese, sour cream, lettuce and tomato. Anne sometimes gets guacamole. It all looked really good.
That morning I had given myself liberty to break my fast whenever I wanted. As far as I was concerned, any fast over 20 hours is a success.
But I didn't order anything. I went to look at a job after that, stopped at a butcher shop and bought a steak, bacon, cheese and eggs. Then I went home and steamed some cabbage and ate that with some chicken. All smothered in kerrygold. Finished out at 88 hours. It wasn't a huge meal. But then the kids wanted some homemade ice cream. So we finished that. Yeah....all diet approved. It's made out of heavy cream and almond milk. Flavored with orange essential oils and vanilla.
Something that gets me though. And I'm not sure where this comes from. Even though I didn't do anything wrong and didn't eat emotionally, every time I feel the slightest bit full I feel like I failed. I feel like all the progress I've made to get in shape and be healthy is gone. I know it's not. But that's how I feel. Perhaps it reminds me of all those times before when I would eat shit food. So much it would make me sick. It's that full feeling. I wonder how I can retrain my brain that this full isn't the same as the old full. Because the old full made me feel horrible, and I used more shit food to comfort the fact that I had eaten a whole bunch of shit food. I mean, it wasn't going to get much worse was it? But it makes zero sense to do that.
I guess I still kinda do the same thing. I get full from good, healthy food that is great for me. But I get that phantom feeling of why did you eat so much? And I just throw up my hands and say screw it, might as well keep eating. Even though it's all still good food for me, the quantities aren't really helping, they just aren't hurting.
Except for last night. I had a slice of colby jack and some macadamia nuts. I started to feel full. And instead of finishing the last 1/2 cup of nuts and remaining cheese like I normally would, I didn't. It was a good feeling to show restraint.
Go me. Progress. For the rest of the week to finish out the seven days I'll be intermittent fasting. Eating between 5-9pm. Or in that vicinity.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Day 4 of 7
Alright, sitting here right around hour 80. I've got some mixed feelings today. I feel great. As always, something magical happened yesterday afternoon. You feel like you don't need to eat food ever again.
But I also realize that my unhealthy relationship with food doesn't really have a lot to do with food. Fasting won't solve the reasons I go to food for comfort. Because it's not the food I have an unhealthy relationship with.
About 2-3 years ago I began doubting God. I began doubting the faith I grew up with. Turning to God for peace and comfort no longer works for me. I can't. Even if God exists, I still can't pray and stop worrying about something. I can no longer just give things to God. That transition is harder than you think.
That's relationship number one that's not healthy. Well...maybe it is. It's just changed from what it once was. So now, to take my mind off of matters at hand, I eat something that makes me happy.
My kids are also 3 and 5. And I have no idea how to be a dad. I'm guessing. Ok, no idea isn't really true. I have some idea. I have seen movies and tv shows about dads. But one thing lacking, is having a father. I had one, but he spent most of my childhood drinking. And now that my kids are getting older, I have nothing to draw from. The memories I have of my dad are all tainted by the alcohol. I'm sure he probably doesn't like me saying it...but tough. That's the other relationship that's shaky now, I'll spare you the details. Other than I'm working through some things. And I also will add, my dad today is no where near the alcoholic he was 20 years ago. He's made impressive strides to battle addiction.
So anyhow. Back to fasting. I've given myself liberty to break this anytime. I have a friend who is attempted 7 days and I feel like I'd be letting him down if I do. But on the other hand, I also feel like I'd be sharing and example that fasting isn't always about not eating.
For me, I'm not batting an autoimmune disease. I don't have diabetes. So continuing my fast won't provide any more benefits than it already has. Continuing my fast would only stoke my ego. And I'm not sure I want to do that. Here is the battle in my head, "You've done a 1, 3, and 5 and half day fast. You can't quit now. You said you'd do 7. If you don't do what you said you'd do it's failure." But if I continue that pattern, what would the next fast be? 9? 11? And I don't need to fast that long. And I wouldn't be a failure.
You can get tremendous benefits by a 24 hour fast. A 3 day fast is superb. Any longer needs to be for a specific reason and honestly, done under the guidance of a nutritionist or physician.
So there you have it. We'll see what today brings. Perhaps I'll only eat dinner on these next few days. I don't know yet.
I encourage everyone to really listen to their bodies. Why are you eating? What are you eating? Do you need it? If not, why are you eating it? Food is a drug. And it was never really intended to be one.
But I also realize that my unhealthy relationship with food doesn't really have a lot to do with food. Fasting won't solve the reasons I go to food for comfort. Because it's not the food I have an unhealthy relationship with.
About 2-3 years ago I began doubting God. I began doubting the faith I grew up with. Turning to God for peace and comfort no longer works for me. I can't. Even if God exists, I still can't pray and stop worrying about something. I can no longer just give things to God. That transition is harder than you think.
That's relationship number one that's not healthy. Well...maybe it is. It's just changed from what it once was. So now, to take my mind off of matters at hand, I eat something that makes me happy.
My kids are also 3 and 5. And I have no idea how to be a dad. I'm guessing. Ok, no idea isn't really true. I have some idea. I have seen movies and tv shows about dads. But one thing lacking, is having a father. I had one, but he spent most of my childhood drinking. And now that my kids are getting older, I have nothing to draw from. The memories I have of my dad are all tainted by the alcohol. I'm sure he probably doesn't like me saying it...but tough. That's the other relationship that's shaky now, I'll spare you the details. Other than I'm working through some things. And I also will add, my dad today is no where near the alcoholic he was 20 years ago. He's made impressive strides to battle addiction.
So anyhow. Back to fasting. I've given myself liberty to break this anytime. I have a friend who is attempted 7 days and I feel like I'd be letting him down if I do. But on the other hand, I also feel like I'd be sharing and example that fasting isn't always about not eating.
For me, I'm not batting an autoimmune disease. I don't have diabetes. So continuing my fast won't provide any more benefits than it already has. Continuing my fast would only stoke my ego. And I'm not sure I want to do that. Here is the battle in my head, "You've done a 1, 3, and 5 and half day fast. You can't quit now. You said you'd do 7. If you don't do what you said you'd do it's failure." But if I continue that pattern, what would the next fast be? 9? 11? And I don't need to fast that long. And I wouldn't be a failure.
You can get tremendous benefits by a 24 hour fast. A 3 day fast is superb. Any longer needs to be for a specific reason and honestly, done under the guidance of a nutritionist or physician.
So there you have it. We'll see what today brings. Perhaps I'll only eat dinner on these next few days. I don't know yet.
I encourage everyone to really listen to their bodies. Why are you eating? What are you eating? Do you need it? If not, why are you eating it? Food is a drug. And it was never really intended to be one.
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
day 3 of 7
About 56 hours in at this point. Still feeling great physically. No signs of hunger. I know I need to drink more water. I only had about 60oz. yesterday. I know because I haven't been peeing as much. Mentally....I had a pretty strong anxiety attack last night. I say attack, but I battled back pretty fierce. I didn't enjoy it, even if I came out on top. Well, not like, celebratory victorious like with a parade.
I'll spare you the details. But for most people, the situation would seem silly. But to someone with anxiety, it's not silly at all. But hey, I made it. I might share more about what triggered it. But I can tell you I can trace the source of that anxiety all the way back to.....yep.....childhood.
But back to the fast. When I was at this event that was causing me so much anxiety all I wanted to do was go home and eat food. I had good reason. I was going to get through the night without any major breakdown and eat dinner. 46 hours was a great stopping point. But I settled for some bone broth that my wife made me. And dang was it good. It has a small amount of protein and fat in it. Not enough to derail my fast. And from the outset I was going to allow myself some broth along the way.
If you aren't sure about bone broth.... It's super easy to make. And it's so incredibly beneficial for you. I highly recommend it.
And that whole good sleep thing. This is totally true. I sleep good, but rarely dream. I had a pretty awesome, but weird dream at the same time. Very vivid.
Usually around the 40 hour mark is when most people really think about throwing in the towel. But something pretty amazing happens one you get closer the the third day.
And all along the way, there is a thing called autophagy that you experience. You often get this through exercise. But another great way to achieve these benefits is from fasting. This is the amazing thing. And it can happen sooner than the third day of a fast. But honestly, anything longer than a 3 day fast you should really consult a dietary technician or nutritional therapist.
When I say I eat myself during fast or long endurance exercise, I'm not joking. That really happens.
Looking forward to day three of my fast and day two of climbing ladders and working off plans all day. In the sun. painting cement board siding. And feeling great while doing it.
Oh, another thing. I don't know if it's fasting related. But I had the option to get sunburnt yesterday or wear my hooded sweatshirt. I opted for my sweatshirt. It was probably 90 degrees Fahrenheit in the sun. And I was able to practice some breathing techniques and keep myself relatively cool.
I'll spare you the details. But for most people, the situation would seem silly. But to someone with anxiety, it's not silly at all. But hey, I made it. I might share more about what triggered it. But I can tell you I can trace the source of that anxiety all the way back to.....yep.....childhood.
But back to the fast. When I was at this event that was causing me so much anxiety all I wanted to do was go home and eat food. I had good reason. I was going to get through the night without any major breakdown and eat dinner. 46 hours was a great stopping point. But I settled for some bone broth that my wife made me. And dang was it good. It has a small amount of protein and fat in it. Not enough to derail my fast. And from the outset I was going to allow myself some broth along the way.
If you aren't sure about bone broth.... It's super easy to make. And it's so incredibly beneficial for you. I highly recommend it. And that whole good sleep thing. This is totally true. I sleep good, but rarely dream. I had a pretty awesome, but weird dream at the same time. Very vivid.
Usually around the 40 hour mark is when most people really think about throwing in the towel. But something pretty amazing happens one you get closer the the third day.
And all along the way, there is a thing called autophagy that you experience. You often get this through exercise. But another great way to achieve these benefits is from fasting. This is the amazing thing. And it can happen sooner than the third day of a fast. But honestly, anything longer than a 3 day fast you should really consult a dietary technician or nutritional therapist. When I say I eat myself during fast or long endurance exercise, I'm not joking. That really happens.
Looking forward to day three of my fast and day two of climbing ladders and working off plans all day. In the sun. painting cement board siding. And feeling great while doing it.
Oh, another thing. I don't know if it's fasting related. But I had the option to get sunburnt yesterday or wear my hooded sweatshirt. I opted for my sweatshirt. It was probably 90 degrees Fahrenheit in the sun. And I was able to practice some breathing techniques and keep myself relatively cool.
Monday, April 10, 2017
Day 2 of 7
Day 2 of 7 is underway. I'm just under 36 hours into. I learned something yesterday and it hit me pretty quick. Around 10am I was setting up for an aid station for the Buck Ridge Burn Trail Race. Of course it was full of the usual aid station supplies, chips, pretzels, cookies, granola cranberry bars, rice crispy treats, bananas, oranges, m and m's etc. I used to gobble all that stuff up. In fact last year I ate just as much as the runners did. This year it was like it wasn't even there. Not a single temptation to snack on any of it. Next year, I think I'll offer the runners and Fat Fueled Fitness table for those that aren't happily burning their own body fat or ketones. We will provide bacon. And maybe some macadamia nuts, almonds, and various nut butters. Perhaps a few avocados, berries, and butter shots.
But as I was cleaning up the table after the race, I thought about how great it would be to go home and get some wings for dinner. It felt comforting. And then I realized that my house is my comfort and safe space. I eat there to feel good. I have all my favorite foods there. It's my drug. I have a really hard time controlling what and when I eat when I'm at home. I use the food to help my brain feel good. It was then I realized that I really needed to do another one of these extended fasts. I did one several months ago and it was great. But like any medicine, you can't really just use it once and be done.
I use food to help me feel good mentally. And that's not what food is for. Food wasn't designed to help cure or relieve mental health symptoms. And sadly, I think many people use it for just that. It's not really much different than turning to another substance. Though it may not be as immediately destructive, it can be just as over time. Why? It all comes back to sugar. Sugar engages the same parts of the brain that cocaine does. That's why it's so addictive. Even natural sugar. Sugar is sugar. But even for me, the foods I eat don't have sugar. But I still enjoy them, and when I'm at home, I'm comforted by those foods and being at home. And this engages the pleasure centers of my brain. And I'm using food to do it. This isn't healthy.
I think many people write this off as being ok, since it's not drugs or alcohol. But it's still not a good way to deal with the real issues at hand of why you need it. Even I know this extended fast won't fix that. And I really wanted to make sure I wasn't doing this as some sort of punishment. That's why it's been so long. That's why I turned down invitations to do one several times. I wanted it to be for the right reasons.
Anyway, how do I feel? I was active all day yesterday, including over an hour of full court basketball last night after 24 hours of less than 200 calories. The first two days can be the hardest. And this is my second day. My brain feels sharp and crisp. My body feels amazing. Fasting is working as it is designed.
But as I was cleaning up the table after the race, I thought about how great it would be to go home and get some wings for dinner. It felt comforting. And then I realized that my house is my comfort and safe space. I eat there to feel good. I have all my favorite foods there. It's my drug. I have a really hard time controlling what and when I eat when I'm at home. I use the food to help my brain feel good. It was then I realized that I really needed to do another one of these extended fasts. I did one several months ago and it was great. But like any medicine, you can't really just use it once and be done.
I use food to help me feel good mentally. And that's not what food is for. Food wasn't designed to help cure or relieve mental health symptoms. And sadly, I think many people use it for just that. It's not really much different than turning to another substance. Though it may not be as immediately destructive, it can be just as over time. Why? It all comes back to sugar. Sugar engages the same parts of the brain that cocaine does. That's why it's so addictive. Even natural sugar. Sugar is sugar. But even for me, the foods I eat don't have sugar. But I still enjoy them, and when I'm at home, I'm comforted by those foods and being at home. And this engages the pleasure centers of my brain. And I'm using food to do it. This isn't healthy.
I think many people write this off as being ok, since it's not drugs or alcohol. But it's still not a good way to deal with the real issues at hand of why you need it. Even I know this extended fast won't fix that. And I really wanted to make sure I wasn't doing this as some sort of punishment. That's why it's been so long. That's why I turned down invitations to do one several times. I wanted it to be for the right reasons.
Anyway, how do I feel? I was active all day yesterday, including over an hour of full court basketball last night after 24 hours of less than 200 calories. The first two days can be the hardest. And this is my second day. My brain feels sharp and crisp. My body feels amazing. Fasting is working as it is designed.
Sunday, April 9, 2017
Day One of the Fast/Baseball
Day One. I'm 8 hours in at this point. Yes. Sleep counts. 8 hours though...no biggie. I am allowed some heavy cream in my coffee in the mornings. Fasting doesn't always have to be zero calorie to get the same benefits. But I try to stay under 300 for the day.
People are often concerned that you are depriving yourself and you suffer when you fast. Not at all, I actually suffer when I don't fast. I'm looking forward to the next week. You learn pretty quick that it's not the hunger or how your body feels that makes you want to eat. It's the habit. It's the boredom. It's just because you think you need to eat.
So last night we had another boys night out. I took Josiah to the Harrisburg Senators ball game with some friends of ours visiting from Haiti. It was a lot of fun. Josiah really enjoyed it. I'm the guy that has never got anything at a sporting event, not even a t shirt shot into the stands. I did get hit in the face with a soccer ball at a Hershey Impact game though.
But last night was a first. I think it was the first time Josiah went to baseball game. I can't remember, but I think it was. Well, we got our t-shirt when we arrived. And then when I was walking outside to get my nephew, I got hit in the shoulder with a t-shirt fired from a compressed air cannon. And yes, I fought some kids off to get it. And then we were going to get some peanuts and Josiah "cut" his finger on the handrail. It was such a minor wound but he lost it. There wasn't even any blood. Regardless, a band aid would help. So we went down to guest services for a band aid and the gentleman working there also gave Josiah a signed baseball and an paper showing it was authentic. However....I couldn't find out who it was. The name is Bnan Raul? I have no idea, but it was not on google anywhere. Either way, it was really nice of them to do that.
So go see a Harrisburg Senators game. They really do create a cool hometown baseball experience.
People are often concerned that you are depriving yourself and you suffer when you fast. Not at all, I actually suffer when I don't fast. I'm looking forward to the next week. You learn pretty quick that it's not the hunger or how your body feels that makes you want to eat. It's the habit. It's the boredom. It's just because you think you need to eat.
So last night we had another boys night out. I took Josiah to the Harrisburg Senators ball game with some friends of ours visiting from Haiti. It was a lot of fun. Josiah really enjoyed it. I'm the guy that has never got anything at a sporting event, not even a t shirt shot into the stands. I did get hit in the face with a soccer ball at a Hershey Impact game though.
But last night was a first. I think it was the first time Josiah went to baseball game. I can't remember, but I think it was. Well, we got our t-shirt when we arrived. And then when I was walking outside to get my nephew, I got hit in the shoulder with a t-shirt fired from a compressed air cannon. And yes, I fought some kids off to get it. And then we were going to get some peanuts and Josiah "cut" his finger on the handrail. It was such a minor wound but he lost it. There wasn't even any blood. Regardless, a band aid would help. So we went down to guest services for a band aid and the gentleman working there also gave Josiah a signed baseball and an paper showing it was authentic. However....I couldn't find out who it was. The name is Bnan Raul? I have no idea, but it was not on google anywhere. Either way, it was really nice of them to do that.
So go see a Harrisburg Senators game. They really do create a cool hometown baseball experience.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
It's about suicide.
I want to talk about it but people get all weirded out when I start. Maybe it's because I think about it a little differently.
This is not for the faint of heart. So if you are sensitive to this stuff...just stop reading now.
Let me start by saying there are times I've wanted to die. Mostly because of depression symptoms. Feelings of failure. Low self worth. Feelings I can't process right and want to escape. I didn't necessarily want to kill myself, but if I died I believed the ones in my life that I cared about would be better off without me. I didn't want to run away, simply because I would never escape having thoughts of my wife and kids. I needed to either develop amnesia or die. I know they'd be sad, but they'd move on with life.
But I always live. At least till this point. Nobodies run me over, I haven't fallen off a ladder, etc. I'm not wreckless. I'm very safe actually. I guess I believe enough in myself to stick it out.
But I also know those feelings. I honestly believe if I died that would be it. It would be over.
I've heard people say that have either failed suicide or decided not to, that later in life they are glad they are alive. Well, duh. But here's where that doesn't move me. I'm glad your alive and I'm glad your happy...but guess what? Had you died you'd feel nothing. You wouldn't know of this life. You'd regret nothing. I think it would be foolish to tell someone to think about the future. Because at that moment, the future they think of is so far fetched it makes them feel worse.
I've heard several stories of friends intervening for a suicidal friend. And the suicidal friend hates them for it. They wanted to die. They wanted it to be over. Why would you take that from them? Seriously. Yes, I know that their life may get better. Are you willing to do everything to help them recover? Will you be there for them every step of the way? I'm not considering what might be, I'm considering what is.
Anyway, as sad as it is, I say let someone do it. Tell them you love them and you wish they wouldn't. And that you are sorry that they are feeling that way. And that you'll love them however they are. But if in the end they still want to die, I say let them.
Maybe I'm of sound mind enough to know that I don't really want to die. And I realize some people aren't. I'm not saying help them, I'm saying I wouldn't intervene.
We all die in the end anyway, right? There are no what ifs. At that moment, it's the what is. And if what is is horrible and you can't fathom living in it and feel like there is only one way out.....
This is not for the faint of heart. So if you are sensitive to this stuff...just stop reading now.
Let me start by saying there are times I've wanted to die. Mostly because of depression symptoms. Feelings of failure. Low self worth. Feelings I can't process right and want to escape. I didn't necessarily want to kill myself, but if I died I believed the ones in my life that I cared about would be better off without me. I didn't want to run away, simply because I would never escape having thoughts of my wife and kids. I needed to either develop amnesia or die. I know they'd be sad, but they'd move on with life.
But I always live. At least till this point. Nobodies run me over, I haven't fallen off a ladder, etc. I'm not wreckless. I'm very safe actually. I guess I believe enough in myself to stick it out.
But I also know those feelings. I honestly believe if I died that would be it. It would be over.
I've heard people say that have either failed suicide or decided not to, that later in life they are glad they are alive. Well, duh. But here's where that doesn't move me. I'm glad your alive and I'm glad your happy...but guess what? Had you died you'd feel nothing. You wouldn't know of this life. You'd regret nothing. I think it would be foolish to tell someone to think about the future. Because at that moment, the future they think of is so far fetched it makes them feel worse.
I've heard several stories of friends intervening for a suicidal friend. And the suicidal friend hates them for it. They wanted to die. They wanted it to be over. Why would you take that from them? Seriously. Yes, I know that their life may get better. Are you willing to do everything to help them recover? Will you be there for them every step of the way? I'm not considering what might be, I'm considering what is.
Anyway, as sad as it is, I say let someone do it. Tell them you love them and you wish they wouldn't. And that you are sorry that they are feeling that way. And that you'll love them however they are. But if in the end they still want to die, I say let them.
Maybe I'm of sound mind enough to know that I don't really want to die. And I realize some people aren't. I'm not saying help them, I'm saying I wouldn't intervene.
We all die in the end anyway, right? There are no what ifs. At that moment, it's the what is. And if what is is horrible and you can't fathom living in it and feel like there is only one way out.....
Fasting.
Many people are afraid of that word. Many people can't even think about missing one meal, let alone 21.
But instead of just doing it, for the next week I'll be journaling how I feel and what I'm thinking.
So starting tonight will be my last "meal" until next sunday morning.
Today...I'm really looking forward to this. My brain feels so much better fueled by fat and ketones anyway. Now it'll be getting an influx of ketones. Yeehaw.
But instead of just doing it, for the next week I'll be journaling how I feel and what I'm thinking.
So starting tonight will be my last "meal" until next sunday morning.
Today...I'm really looking forward to this. My brain feels so much better fueled by fat and ketones anyway. Now it'll be getting an influx of ketones. Yeehaw.
Friday, April 7, 2017
I don't trust him.
So Trump orders an airstrike. Here's my problem. I don't trust him. Hardly anyone trusts him. He's guessing. He's business man, not fit for making decisions on sending missiles.
And if he does know more about it. Perhaps he better stop acting like total tool and start acting like the president of the states.
Stop antagonizing the very people that you in charge of leading and start doing things to gain their trust and respect.
So while the airstrike may be needed, it very well also may have been the stupidest thing to do. And I don't think Trump really knows or has any idea who to listen to and how to even think about it.
It sucks what happened. But this type of thing has been happening in syria for years now in different ways. These people that he's using as a prop, the ones victimized by the chemicals, the ones he "cares so much about", are the same ones that he won't let take refuge here. But all of the sudden now he's going to use this to fire bombs.
C'mon. Someone fill me in. Please tell me our presidents not a lying hypocrite.
And if he does know more about it. Perhaps he better stop acting like total tool and start acting like the president of the states.
Stop antagonizing the very people that you in charge of leading and start doing things to gain their trust and respect.
So while the airstrike may be needed, it very well also may have been the stupidest thing to do. And I don't think Trump really knows or has any idea who to listen to and how to even think about it.
It sucks what happened. But this type of thing has been happening in syria for years now in different ways. These people that he's using as a prop, the ones victimized by the chemicals, the ones he "cares so much about", are the same ones that he won't let take refuge here. But all of the sudden now he's going to use this to fire bombs.
C'mon. Someone fill me in. Please tell me our presidents not a lying hypocrite.
Thursday, April 6, 2017
Keyboard Warrior/Tell People How You Feel
This morning I made a post in a private group I'm in as part of a paying contributor to the Bad Christian Paaawwwwdcast about starting a subgroup within that called the BC Fight Club.
Check out the Bad Christian Podcast and all the other ones under their umbrella here.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to fight. Like I have so much energy built up it needs a powerful release. Like having a punching bag. But it never really helps. I joked that if a punching bag, sprinting, or throwing a vacuum cleaner up against a tree didn't really take the edge off then neither would a bunch of keyboard warriors.
And I thought...dang....that's kind of what I've been doing for over a year now. Being like a keyboard warrior. Just releasing my thoughts, most of them. Even the BC Club gets some more thought action from me than this blog does.
But I think over the past year, the thing that's really helped my head clear up has been writing. And not giving a shit about what anyone thinks about it. Well, I do value your opinion. But I don't let your opinion wreck me anymore. Not your opinion specifically, but the opinions of others. Do I hear them, sure! But it's not the life or death of me if someone disagrees.
So maybe the keyboard does help. Maybe more people need an outlet to just share whatever they want to share without fear. They might not even fully be behind what they say, they just need to say it. It's like bungee jumping. You may do it and realize that's not you. Just like you might have a thought floating around and you need to release it just to see if it comes back or sticks anywhere.
It's not good to keep things bottled up.
It happens in relationships all the time. A little thing bothers you. But it's a little thing so you don't sweat it. Then another little thing. Then another. And before you know it you develop a strong sense of resentment and bitterness to someone or something simply because you didn't communicate how you were feeling. And then when you finally do it's like a volcano of emotion. And it all comes out uncontrollably.
Tell people how you feel before that happens.
Check out the Bad Christian Podcast and all the other ones under their umbrella here.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to fight. Like I have so much energy built up it needs a powerful release. Like having a punching bag. But it never really helps. I joked that if a punching bag, sprinting, or throwing a vacuum cleaner up against a tree didn't really take the edge off then neither would a bunch of keyboard warriors.
And I thought...dang....that's kind of what I've been doing for over a year now. Being like a keyboard warrior. Just releasing my thoughts, most of them. Even the BC Club gets some more thought action from me than this blog does.
But I think over the past year, the thing that's really helped my head clear up has been writing. And not giving a shit about what anyone thinks about it. Well, I do value your opinion. But I don't let your opinion wreck me anymore. Not your opinion specifically, but the opinions of others. Do I hear them, sure! But it's not the life or death of me if someone disagrees.
So maybe the keyboard does help. Maybe more people need an outlet to just share whatever they want to share without fear. They might not even fully be behind what they say, they just need to say it. It's like bungee jumping. You may do it and realize that's not you. Just like you might have a thought floating around and you need to release it just to see if it comes back or sticks anywhere.
It's not good to keep things bottled up.
It happens in relationships all the time. A little thing bothers you. But it's a little thing so you don't sweat it. Then another little thing. Then another. And before you know it you develop a strong sense of resentment and bitterness to someone or something simply because you didn't communicate how you were feeling. And then when you finally do it's like a volcano of emotion. And it all comes out uncontrollably.
Tell people how you feel before that happens.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Wasn't Me.
I run. I cycle. Often times it's on the road. I don't mind running on the road since I can see the traffic coming my way. But cycling.... it's scary. The amount of people driving around with their head in their phones is ridiculous.
Cycling I don't know what I'm going to do. I already wear bright clothes. I enjoy road cycling. Some say that riding in the road is actually safer because the drivers see you easier. I don't know. Then you are betting that 100% of them all see you. I'll take my chances just to the right of the white line. But you'd think wide shoulder roads would be safer. Nope. That's when assholes who phone and drive think they have a bigger buffer zone should they weave a bit. And they almost always favor the right side of the road.
The rest of my biking time is in the mountain. Yes...it's probably a greater risk of getting injured. But at least it would be by my own doing. The trees and rocks don't move.
Running isn't as scary. You can see the cars coming. And honestly, I've considered carrying a handful of small stones. If you are on your phone...I throw a rock at your car. Honestly....I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. They wouldn't know it was me. And they probably wouldn't argue, they know they are guilty and they have no proof it was me since they weren't looking. I will let you know, I've already punched the back end of a car because the driver wasn't paying attention and would have hit me had I not moved. Yes...I was on a crosswalk. No, they didn't stop. Nor did they want to get out and see if I was ok.
But mostly, I stick with sidewalks and trail running. The Appalachian trail is an absolutely beautiful trail to get miles on.
I just head a friends brother in law got hit head on by someone texting and driving.
Put your God damn phone down. And that's in context too. Because I'm pretty sure God would do that to a cell phone if he knew how people used them.
And you can include, GPS, iPod's, fast food......whatever. Pay attention when you are driving your killing machine.
Cycling I don't know what I'm going to do. I already wear bright clothes. I enjoy road cycling. Some say that riding in the road is actually safer because the drivers see you easier. I don't know. Then you are betting that 100% of them all see you. I'll take my chances just to the right of the white line. But you'd think wide shoulder roads would be safer. Nope. That's when assholes who phone and drive think they have a bigger buffer zone should they weave a bit. And they almost always favor the right side of the road. The rest of my biking time is in the mountain. Yes...it's probably a greater risk of getting injured. But at least it would be by my own doing. The trees and rocks don't move.
Running isn't as scary. You can see the cars coming. And honestly, I've considered carrying a handful of small stones. If you are on your phone...I throw a rock at your car. Honestly....I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. They wouldn't know it was me. And they probably wouldn't argue, they know they are guilty and they have no proof it was me since they weren't looking. I will let you know, I've already punched the back end of a car because the driver wasn't paying attention and would have hit me had I not moved. Yes...I was on a crosswalk. No, they didn't stop. Nor did they want to get out and see if I was ok.
But mostly, I stick with sidewalks and trail running. The Appalachian trail is an absolutely beautiful trail to get miles on.
I just head a friends brother in law got hit head on by someone texting and driving.
Put your God damn phone down. And that's in context too. Because I'm pretty sure God would do that to a cell phone if he knew how people used them.
And you can include, GPS, iPod's, fast food......whatever. Pay attention when you are driving your killing machine.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
78,000. Sounds like alot
I knew it. I knew Trump would pull through. I knew from the very beginning that he was a great man and qualified to serve. I knew he had our best interests in mind. He just donated 78,000 dollars of his first quarter paycheck to the National Park Service. What stand up dude.
I kinda wish he'd have put that towards his Mar A Lago vacations instead. Most people would get a kick ass year long vacation for that money. But no. Not Trump. He spends 3 million dollars every time he goes down there. Who pays for that? Oh...not Trump. Taxpayers. Right? Correct me if I'm wrong. He's racked up over 15 million dollars in Mar A Lago trips since he started as president. Not even 3 months ago.
Now...for comparison....according to THE BLAZE, the Obama's spent about 85 million in taxpayer dollars for vacations. That works out to what? 10.1 million dollars a year. And Trump was hugely critical of that money spent. But at the rate trump is going he'll rack up nearly 60 million dollars in expenses to go to Mar a Lago this year alone.
Oh but wait. He does work there. It's not a vacation. Wait....he can't work in the White House? That's even worse.
Give me a freakin break.
And that 78k. That's a slap in the face and an attempt to save his own face. They just took a 1.5 billion dollar cut from the agency that overseas the National Parks. And there is already a 12 billion dollar backlog in park maintenance that needs done. But for shits and giggles let's just say they exaggerated that number. Let's just say it's a 250 million dollar backlog. Because even I think 12 billion dollars is a bit ridiculous to spend on "maintenance".
78k. Don't be stupid America. Don't be duped again. The first time was bad enough.
Now...for comparison....according to THE BLAZE, the Obama's spent about 85 million in taxpayer dollars for vacations. That works out to what? 10.1 million dollars a year. And Trump was hugely critical of that money spent. But at the rate trump is going he'll rack up nearly 60 million dollars in expenses to go to Mar a Lago this year alone.
Oh but wait. He does work there. It's not a vacation. Wait....he can't work in the White House? That's even worse.
Give me a freakin break.
And that 78k. That's a slap in the face and an attempt to save his own face. They just took a 1.5 billion dollar cut from the agency that overseas the National Parks. And there is already a 12 billion dollar backlog in park maintenance that needs done. But for shits and giggles let's just say they exaggerated that number. Let's just say it's a 250 million dollar backlog. Because even I think 12 billion dollars is a bit ridiculous to spend on "maintenance".
78k. Don't be stupid America. Don't be duped again. The first time was bad enough.
Monday, April 3, 2017
Some old thoughts on how anxiety makes me feel.
Yes...this is a repost of one of the 400+ other blogs I've written. I don't mind reposting if some of the feelings are the same. And in this case....some are. Some aren't. I started anxiety medication and it's helped. I stopped taking ritilan, mainly because of greedy drug company execs and insurance companies pushing the price up insanely. I'm thinking I could use it again.
This one gets long. Take some time, read to the end. Please.
Last night I posted an article about ADD/ADHD. For me, it was spot on. All those things are me, plus many others. Our minds don't stop. They never rest. You may think that's not so bad. It's horrible. On top of that I hear so many people write it off as a self control issue and a made up problem. Well, I'd like to make up a problem on your face with my fist. So many times I'll write something or say something and it's like a mind explosion. I feel great while I'm doing it. But as soon as I hit "share" or finish the conversation I immediately feel anxiety wondering what in the world I had just done. Who had I hurt in what I said? I'm telling you, the mind doesn't stop. I can trace signs of this all the way back to when I was younger. Thankfully, I started taking Ritalin a few weeks ago and it has been incredible.
Some of what I write is hard. The topics can be really intense and very difficult to read for some people. No matter how many times I say it's not personal and not directed at any one particular entity, it can still be abrasive. I'm sorry. But I don't write for that. I write to stay sane. Literally. Sitting down writing every morning is like a brain dump (why I called it the daily dump) for a while. It gets so much out of what it floating in my head. And it's only a portion. But it frees up space to help get through the rest of the day. There are days I could write all day. Writing seems to be the best outlet that I've found so far. So when I say these thoughts are in my head, they are. They are killing me. Literally driving me insane. And often times I get so connected to a thought I become passionate about that thought. So when I get pushback on it, it seems to me like you are attacking the entirety of my being. I'm getting better at recognizing that's not the case. But I still struggle a bit. And next time you read something, maybe you'll have a little more perspective on where I'm coming from and why I'm writing. It's NEVER personal. And trust me...if it ever is, it will be VERY clear. But it rarely is. Because knowing all my flaws and issues, I know everyone battles with theirs as well. And we often aren't that way because we want to be. See how this paragraph just keeps going...and going...and going....yeah. Welcome.
Do you know sometimes I have people work for me so I have someone to use as an outlet? Sorry if that was ever you. Sure, I appreciate the help you do provide. But more importantly, I really appreciate the conversations.
And on and on and on I go.
Oh yeah. I was going to write about when helping hurts. I already did. I write to help me. But sometimes it hurts others. Sorry. I'm not going to stop. I can only continually say it's not personal and I'd really like to have a conversation about some of the things I write about...EVEN if it sounds I'm very passionate and solid on a stance.
This one gets long. Take some time, read to the end. Please.
Last night I posted an article about ADD/ADHD. For me, it was spot on. All those things are me, plus many others. Our minds don't stop. They never rest. You may think that's not so bad. It's horrible. On top of that I hear so many people write it off as a self control issue and a made up problem. Well, I'd like to make up a problem on your face with my fist. So many times I'll write something or say something and it's like a mind explosion. I feel great while I'm doing it. But as soon as I hit "share" or finish the conversation I immediately feel anxiety wondering what in the world I had just done. Who had I hurt in what I said? I'm telling you, the mind doesn't stop. I can trace signs of this all the way back to when I was younger. Thankfully, I started taking Ritalin a few weeks ago and it has been incredible. Some of what I write is hard. The topics can be really intense and very difficult to read for some people. No matter how many times I say it's not personal and not directed at any one particular entity, it can still be abrasive. I'm sorry. But I don't write for that. I write to stay sane. Literally. Sitting down writing every morning is like a brain dump (why I called it the daily dump) for a while. It gets so much out of what it floating in my head. And it's only a portion. But it frees up space to help get through the rest of the day. There are days I could write all day. Writing seems to be the best outlet that I've found so far. So when I say these thoughts are in my head, they are. They are killing me. Literally driving me insane. And often times I get so connected to a thought I become passionate about that thought. So when I get pushback on it, it seems to me like you are attacking the entirety of my being. I'm getting better at recognizing that's not the case. But I still struggle a bit. And next time you read something, maybe you'll have a little more perspective on where I'm coming from and why I'm writing. It's NEVER personal. And trust me...if it ever is, it will be VERY clear. But it rarely is. Because knowing all my flaws and issues, I know everyone battles with theirs as well. And we often aren't that way because we want to be. See how this paragraph just keeps going...and going...and going....yeah. Welcome.
Do you know sometimes I have people work for me so I have someone to use as an outlet? Sorry if that was ever you. Sure, I appreciate the help you do provide. But more importantly, I really appreciate the conversations.
And on and on and on I go.
Oh yeah. I was going to write about when helping hurts. I already did. I write to help me. But sometimes it hurts others. Sorry. I'm not going to stop. I can only continually say it's not personal and I'd really like to have a conversation about some of the things I write about...EVEN if it sounds I'm very passionate and solid on a stance.
Not a day goes by that I'm not haunted that some of the things I write will hurt people I love. You might be thinking what I write isn't that bad. But remember....ADD/ADHD/ANXIETY. If one person pushes back a little, I assume everyone will. I know...It's not right. But it's how it is for me and many others. I worry a lot. And apparently today I can't stop writing. Hopefully by now you get a little glimpse into what I'm talking about. It's like my butt is glued to my chair, my wrists are locked the desk and someone is shooting at the keyboard making my fingers dance.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
You Know You're Primal When....
You are telling your daughter a story at bedtime and this is how it goes..... Once upon a time there was a chicken. This chicken was really hungry so it began the hunt for food. Off in the distance it saw a grasshopper and immediately began pursuit. Every time it got close the hopper kept hopping away.
This is the point in the story where my mind shifted but I had to reframe the story for my daughter, though it would still be a good lesson. The following is where my mind went.
The chicken began to evaluate the energy expenditure required to capture the grasshopper compared to the energy provided from the grasshopper. It was going to take him more energy to capture the grasshopper then she would get from the grasshopper. So like a smart chicken, she backed off and looked for an easier source of food.
The actual story I told my daughter ended up with a frog eating the grasshopper after a long pursuit by the chicken and a little girl trying to catch the grasshopper to bring in for creepy crawly week at pre school. Instead the frog volunteered his services for creepy crawly week and the chicken went to the store for some food. The store was across the road....and was the reason the chicken had to cross the road.
It's a good lesson to learn though and a really simple way to think about food. That's how it was done. We evaluated how much energy it would take to collect food and if the energy expended outweighed the energy from the food....it was let go. But now....it doesn't take much energy to go to the store and buy food for the week. It also doesn't take much energy to get off the couch and go to the kitchen and eat that food. And since 80% of the food bought from the store has added sugar, that balance has been shifted from an extreme lack of energy required to get food that has a ridiculous amount of energy aka calories and in most cases lots of added sugar. It's not hard to figure out why one in 3 adults in America are obese. Not overweight, OBESE. This is the first generation where our kids aren't expected to outlive their parents due to a rise in obesity, type 2 diabetes and other ill effects of a poor diet and lack of nutritional education.
Have a great day! Here's to your health! It's because I care about you!
This is the point in the story where my mind shifted but I had to reframe the story for my daughter, though it would still be a good lesson. The following is where my mind went.
The chicken began to evaluate the energy expenditure required to capture the grasshopper compared to the energy provided from the grasshopper. It was going to take him more energy to capture the grasshopper then she would get from the grasshopper. So like a smart chicken, she backed off and looked for an easier source of food.
The actual story I told my daughter ended up with a frog eating the grasshopper after a long pursuit by the chicken and a little girl trying to catch the grasshopper to bring in for creepy crawly week at pre school. Instead the frog volunteered his services for creepy crawly week and the chicken went to the store for some food. The store was across the road....and was the reason the chicken had to cross the road.
Have a great day! Here's to your health! It's because I care about you!
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Write It Right
Facebook can be very polarizing. In case you weren't aware. In some cases, this transcends into actual reality outside of the internet. But in many cases, we can have disagreeing conversations with people all the time if we were face to face and be totally calm and civil.
So why are these rare on Facebook? Maybe because we don't know the person we are talking to in most cases. Even in private groups when you get to know someone, you begin to give them a character based on all your interactions with them. But even though this might be a little accurate, it isn't the whole person. And over time, you begin to always interact with people as you've created them to be, not who they are. But if you'd ever meet them in person, I bet it would be like meeting an entirely different person.
That would be a pretty great interaction. Have two people meet who constantly disagree and argue on Facebook. Don't tell them who the other person is and put them in a situation where they have to work together. Like a game show were you start with a group to solve a problem and players get randomly eliminated, leaving the two that are internet enemies but don't know it. Set it up easy enough that they'd be able to work really well together.
What would that prove? I don't know. That even though you have many differences, you can still work together for the good of both of you if you don't let those personal ideologies get in the way.
I used to scour Facebook for things I could either disagree with or engage in and even debate on. I don't really know why. I'm not a mean guy. I don't look to go proving other people wrong. But I think I look for places to be right. I was criticized a lot growing up. I'm just now realizing this at 34 years old. So I'm constantly trying to be right, to fill some sort of void. It's not about other people being wrong and it took me so long to see that's how people take it. Does that make sense?
I try so hard to be what I felt was right and fair that I forget or failed to see how that would make someone else feel about their idea. I was never saying they were wrong in my mind. Because I was always starting from a point where I was the wrong one and I was trying to prove myself right.
Anyway...that makes sense to me. But I've slowly become aware of this. And writing has helped. I can use this forum here to try to prove myself right, or present a way of thinking that may be different. And no one is on the other end of the wire engaging with me as I type.
I think many people would benefit from this. It gives you an opportunity to share how you feel and what you think about without personally attacking anyone. Even though sometimes, that happens too. But I try to keep it anonymous.
Like the conversation I read on Facebook last night. Someone posted a song that moves them. It talked about how "it was I that made God cry". Something about it being us that put Jesus on the cross. Theology aside, i believe it was a song meant to keep you humble that it was our sin nature that contributed to the tears of Christ. Something like that. And then someone else chimed in and said, wrong. Jesus wept for lazarus. Not you. And got all theological police on the song. They would rather be right about whether or not Jesus actually wept for each person that would ever exist. A petty, trivial point that God could work out later. I'm pretty sure God cares more about how we feel about the drone strikes that kill and murder civilian families.
But whatever. People were having an emotional moment with God and this person came in and tried to take that away because it wasn't theologically accurate. This, my friends, is what gives Christians a bad rep. However, I can see where the person that chimed and said "wrong" is coming from. He wants them to have an authentic relationship with God based on truth that is theologically accurate. But some people just don't give a shit.
So what would you rather be, rich or right? In this case, theological police would rather have been right. But what did that cost him? A lot. The people connecting with the song, they chose to be rich with emotion and connection to others experience the same feelings.
So what would you rather be? Rich with emotions and connection to yourself and others? Or informationally right? Maybe both depending on the circumstances.
I done and taught myself something this morning. I might actually go back to church now. Ha. April Fools. Not yet anyway.
So why are these rare on Facebook? Maybe because we don't know the person we are talking to in most cases. Even in private groups when you get to know someone, you begin to give them a character based on all your interactions with them. But even though this might be a little accurate, it isn't the whole person. And over time, you begin to always interact with people as you've created them to be, not who they are. But if you'd ever meet them in person, I bet it would be like meeting an entirely different person.
That would be a pretty great interaction. Have two people meet who constantly disagree and argue on Facebook. Don't tell them who the other person is and put them in a situation where they have to work together. Like a game show were you start with a group to solve a problem and players get randomly eliminated, leaving the two that are internet enemies but don't know it. Set it up easy enough that they'd be able to work really well together.
What would that prove? I don't know. That even though you have many differences, you can still work together for the good of both of you if you don't let those personal ideologies get in the way.
I used to scour Facebook for things I could either disagree with or engage in and even debate on. I don't really know why. I'm not a mean guy. I don't look to go proving other people wrong. But I think I look for places to be right. I was criticized a lot growing up. I'm just now realizing this at 34 years old. So I'm constantly trying to be right, to fill some sort of void. It's not about other people being wrong and it took me so long to see that's how people take it. Does that make sense?
I try so hard to be what I felt was right and fair that I forget or failed to see how that would make someone else feel about their idea. I was never saying they were wrong in my mind. Because I was always starting from a point where I was the wrong one and I was trying to prove myself right.
Anyway...that makes sense to me. But I've slowly become aware of this. And writing has helped. I can use this forum here to try to prove myself right, or present a way of thinking that may be different. And no one is on the other end of the wire engaging with me as I type.
I think many people would benefit from this. It gives you an opportunity to share how you feel and what you think about without personally attacking anyone. Even though sometimes, that happens too. But I try to keep it anonymous.
Like the conversation I read on Facebook last night. Someone posted a song that moves them. It talked about how "it was I that made God cry". Something about it being us that put Jesus on the cross. Theology aside, i believe it was a song meant to keep you humble that it was our sin nature that contributed to the tears of Christ. Something like that. And then someone else chimed in and said, wrong. Jesus wept for lazarus. Not you. And got all theological police on the song. They would rather be right about whether or not Jesus actually wept for each person that would ever exist. A petty, trivial point that God could work out later. I'm pretty sure God cares more about how we feel about the drone strikes that kill and murder civilian families.
But whatever. People were having an emotional moment with God and this person came in and tried to take that away because it wasn't theologically accurate. This, my friends, is what gives Christians a bad rep. However, I can see where the person that chimed and said "wrong" is coming from. He wants them to have an authentic relationship with God based on truth that is theologically accurate. But some people just don't give a shit.
So what would you rather be, rich or right? In this case, theological police would rather have been right. But what did that cost him? A lot. The people connecting with the song, they chose to be rich with emotion and connection to others experience the same feelings.
So what would you rather be? Rich with emotions and connection to yourself and others? Or informationally right? Maybe both depending on the circumstances.
I done and taught myself something this morning. I might actually go back to church now. Ha. April Fools. Not yet anyway.
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