Alright, sitting here right around hour 80. I've got some mixed feelings today. I feel great. As always, something magical happened yesterday afternoon. You feel like you don't need to eat food ever again.
But I also realize that my unhealthy relationship with food doesn't really have a lot to do with food. Fasting won't solve the reasons I go to food for comfort. Because it's not the food I have an unhealthy relationship with.
About 2-3 years ago I began doubting God. I began doubting the faith I grew up with. Turning to God for peace and comfort no longer works for me. I can't. Even if God exists, I still can't pray and stop worrying about something. I can no longer just give things to God. That transition is harder than you think.
That's relationship number one that's not healthy. Well...maybe it is. It's just changed from what it once was. So now, to take my mind off of matters at hand, I eat something that makes me happy.
My kids are also 3 and 5. And I have no idea how to be a dad. I'm guessing. Ok, no idea isn't really true. I have some idea. I have seen movies and tv shows about dads. But one thing lacking, is having a father. I had one, but he spent most of my childhood drinking. And now that my kids are getting older, I have nothing to draw from. The memories I have of my dad are all tainted by the alcohol. I'm sure he probably doesn't like me saying it...but tough. That's the other relationship that's shaky now, I'll spare you the details. Other than I'm working through some things. And I also will add, my dad today is no where near the alcoholic he was 20 years ago. He's made impressive strides to battle addiction.
So anyhow. Back to fasting. I've given myself liberty to break this anytime. I have a friend who is attempted 7 days and I feel like I'd be letting him down if I do. But on the other hand, I also feel like I'd be sharing and example that fasting isn't always about not eating.
For me, I'm not batting an autoimmune disease. I don't have diabetes. So continuing my fast won't provide any more benefits than it already has. Continuing my fast would only stoke my ego. And I'm not sure I want to do that. Here is the battle in my head, "You've done a 1, 3, and 5 and half day fast. You can't quit now. You said you'd do 7. If you don't do what you said you'd do it's failure." But if I continue that pattern, what would the next fast be? 9? 11? And I don't need to fast that long. And I wouldn't be a failure.
You can get tremendous benefits by a 24 hour fast. A 3 day fast is superb. Any longer needs to be for a specific reason and honestly, done under the guidance of a nutritionist or physician.
So there you have it. We'll see what today brings. Perhaps I'll only eat dinner on these next few days. I don't know yet.
I encourage everyone to really listen to their bodies. Why are you eating? What are you eating? Do you need it? If not, why are you eating it? Food is a drug. And it was never really intended to be one.
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