Tuesday was great. I made some pretty astounding observations and made peace with where I am at with many things.
Wednesday started off great too. I did some more writing after my blog. Then I went to pick up the kids from school. They had an easter egg hunt and made a shit ton of money selling their candy back to me. I'm out like, 15 bucks. And it's not even the official easter holiday yet. Then I took them to Neato Burrito and ordered them the usual. Chicken bowl (no rice or beans), cheese, sour cream, lettuce and tomato. Anne sometimes gets guacamole. It all looked really good.
That morning I had given myself liberty to break my fast whenever I wanted. As far as I was concerned, any fast over 20 hours is a success.
But I didn't order anything. I went to look at a job after that, stopped at a butcher shop and bought a steak, bacon, cheese and eggs. Then I went home and steamed some cabbage and ate that with some chicken. All smothered in kerrygold. Finished out at 88 hours. It wasn't a huge meal. But then the kids wanted some homemade ice cream. So we finished that. Yeah....all diet approved. It's made out of heavy cream and almond milk. Flavored with orange essential oils and vanilla.
Something that gets me though. And I'm not sure where this comes from. Even though I didn't do anything wrong and didn't eat emotionally, every time I feel the slightest bit full I feel like I failed. I feel like all the progress I've made to get in shape and be healthy is gone. I know it's not. But that's how I feel. Perhaps it reminds me of all those times before when I would eat shit food. So much it would make me sick. It's that full feeling. I wonder how I can retrain my brain that this full isn't the same as the old full. Because the old full made me feel horrible, and I used more shit food to comfort the fact that I had eaten a whole bunch of shit food. I mean, it wasn't going to get much worse was it? But it makes zero sense to do that.
I guess I still kinda do the same thing. I get full from good, healthy food that is great for me. But I get that phantom feeling of why did you eat so much? And I just throw up my hands and say screw it, might as well keep eating. Even though it's all still good food for me, the quantities aren't really helping, they just aren't hurting.
Except for last night. I had a slice of colby jack and some macadamia nuts. I started to feel full. And instead of finishing the last 1/2 cup of nuts and remaining cheese like I normally would, I didn't. It was a good feeling to show restraint.
Go me. Progress. For the rest of the week to finish out the seven days I'll be intermittent fasting. Eating between 5-9pm. Or in that vicinity.
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