The Pacifist Missionary. I Really Want to Believe.

Christians lay down your guns

They will fail you on the battleground of love

Christians lay down your arms of hate

And stretch out your arms of love

Lay your life on the line for the persecuted 

Lay your life on the line for the persecutor

Lay your life on the the line for Jesus

For Jesus laid his life on the cross for us, 

the sinner the saint   

I wrote that.  Few years ago.  When I was just beginning the depths of the de/re construction of my faith.  I listened to several podcasts on pacifism at the time.  I still think that nothing can be solved by fighting.  Only delayed, or suppressed.  Which isn't always a bad thing.  I know it's sometimes difficult decisions have to be made.  But after a few years of reading and praying about it, I'm convinced Jesus doesn't want anyone to be hurt or be killed.  The main verse many people cite when trying to convince one Jesus was in favor of violence was when he talk his disciples to get a sword if they had none.  And the other when He says he came not to bring peace but a sword.  

Context is huge in this.  Jesus told his disciples two swords were enough.  Really?  Two swords were enough to defend all 12 in a scuffle when everyone had a sword?  And they didn't want to stand out, criminals had swords and they wanted to blend in.  Remember, at this time the disciples and Jesus were wanted men.  And a sword was needed in the Garden.  Remember when Peter sliced off the ear of a roman soldier and Jesus healed it?  It was then Jesus said if you live by the sword you die by the sword.  Which I believe to mean exactly what it means.  That the battle they were fighting is not going to be one by earthly measures.  

Hoping that I hear this call, and I
recognize it clearly. 

And that he came not to bring peace but a sword?  What does a sword do?  It slices, divides.  I came not to bring peace but division.  It's hard to live like Jesus.  I think there is a tension between people that truly live out Christ's commandments and those that merely go to church every Sunday.  It's one of the reasons I've stopped calling myself a Christian.  I don't want to pretend.  I don't want to be warm.  Jesus said be hot or cold.  But NEVER be lukewarm.  Being cold is better than half assing christianity.  If you believe in the bible, if you believe in the afterlife of heaven and hell, why are you so consumed by the things of this world?  Why do you spend 8-10 hours a day working a job so you can be comfortable?  Are there still people in the world that need Jesus?  If so, what are you waiting for?  Why waste time?  

Is it because you don't really believe?  That you like Christianity because it makes you feel good, but you don't really believe all the other stuff.  That you've created a christianity that fits your mold.  

Again...there are literally, hundreds of books on this topic.  And I've only scratched the surface.  I don't want to argue.  I'm not directly accusing anyone.  I'm just sharing the thoughts of where I'm at, where I've been and where I might be headed.  

I really want to believe in the story of Christianity.  I really do.  Sure is hard to do that when you have people like Donald Trump saying he'll be the best example of christians.  Is he wrong or right?  Hard to tell.   

When I think of Christians, I think of all my friends that have decided to live an uncomfortable life so they can make the lives of those in poor conditions a little more comfortable.  I have to think this is what God wants.  To care for the widow and the orphan.  Or really, to care for those that have a hard time caring for themselves.  Knowing that we all die, perhaps God wants to see how you'll respond to the least of these.  Will it be sacrificing your own comfort for their sake?  Or will it be trying to make yourself more and more comfortable?  I have to believe that it's not easy, but I also have to believe that anyone that does choose that path is glad they did.  

And the reward....if you believe in heaven, heaven.