Let's just put 2016 to rest ok?

And the notion that is was one of the worst years ever?  Really?  What is wrong with you?  Maybe it wasn't the easiest year for you, but please stop throwing around that it was the worst year ever.  Unless of course, you did have a really difficult year, but I think if you did you wouldn't be the one saying silly things like this is the worst year ever.  I think though, that because you've experienced hardship, you learned that through it all it's not as bad as some have it.  Still doesn't negate your hardship, just helps you understand that 2016 isn't to be declared the worst year ever.

Lets talk about some worse years.  1348.  The Black Death took out a third of the population in Europe.

1492.  No.  Not the part about Columbus.  That part where the pursuit of "Christian Europe" killed, converted, expelled or enslaved nearly half a million muslims.  At the same time expelling the Jewish population too.  The years following didn't look much better.

1836.  The peak of instate slave trading.  When nearly a quarter of a million people where shipped west to work in fields.  Those same fields a few years ago were owned by Native Americans.   1837 and 1838....yikes.  Hopefully this isn't the "great" america so many want to come back.


1861-1865.  The Civil (which was anything but civil) war.  Nearly 650,000 American Soldiers were killed in this 4 year war that put family at war with each other.

1943.  Geez.  The God Damn Holocaust. (I wonder how many people were more shocked at God Damn than thinking about the holocaust?)

Now...lets move onto 2016.  Donald Trump is elected the new President of the United (I use that term loosely) States. Though the effects of this have yet to be determined.  Harambe died.  There was the Bastille day terrorist attack killing 85 in France.  The worst mass shooting in recent US history at The Pulse night club in Orlando.  Hurricane Matthew taking the lives of over 1000 and counting in Haiti.  And lets not forget about the continuing civil war that is happening in Syria right now.  With over 250,000 dead as a result.

Ok.  2016 is pretty bad.  I don't know that anyone can definitively say that one year is worse than another.  But for most of the people I see posting about 2016 being the worst year ever, none of the above really effects you in a negative way all that much.  So unless you are speaking for those that have fallen victim to some of these atrocities. I mean, you are still alive to post about 2016 so there's that.

SO.  BE HAPPY TODAY!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!  THE FUTURE IS OURS!

I really want to reiterate that if you did have shitty year, or you lost a loved, that I'm not saying it's not that bad.  I'm not even going to compare it to events in the past.  I'm sorry you had a rough go of things.  And I don't want you to lose hope.  But I bet that even through it all, even you don't think 2016 was the worst year ever.  And honestly...if it is for you, share your story.  I'd love to hear it and I'm sure others need to hear it as well.  But you don't have to.  It's your story.  And you can do what you want with it.

How Do You Deal?

Emotions.  We all have them.  But not all of us deal with them the same way.  I know I can only speak for myself, but I don't know how to deal with them at all.  There are lots of emotions.  Happiness, sadness, anger, love, joy, and fear are some of the major ones.  We all feel these emotions, but not all know how to respond to these emotions.

How do you be happy?  Is it something you learn.  I think for many people they confuse "I'm not unhappy" with being happy.  This isn't true.  I'm not unhappy most of the time, but I can't say for sure that I'm truly happy.  Maybe I never learned what real happiness is.  Or maybe over the course of life through a series of events my default became "not unhappy" instead of happy.

What about sadness or anger?  Some negative emotions.  Frustration.  Confusion.  I remember back when I was a teenager when I felt these things the ways I knew how to express them were to make threats or act intimidating.  I know I ran away a few times.  I punched walls.  I punched my truck once, put a big dent in it.  It was on Spring Garden Street just outside Giant across from M&T bank.  I know who was with me and I know it was on the drivers side front quarter panel, 1995 F-150.  I yelled.  I made threats.  I threw things.  I've smashed vacuum cleaners (two of them).  I've had to replace all the doors in our house, one of them twice.  I've never hit a person in these moments, though.   That doesn't make it right, because seeing me do that isn't helpful.  Where did I learn that?  Where did it start?  Why did it start?  Like I said....I remember acting this way when I was a young teenager.   I remember lots of these vividly.  And I know that the things or people I was mad at weren't the source of the anger.  But there are always these emotions that well up inside of me that I don't know what they are or how to express or feel them.

So there.  Now you know.  I have an angry side.  I don't know if it was anger though, I think the response of the emotion looked like anger.  It wasn't always pretty.  And since starting anti-anxiety medication, anti-depressants and seeing a therapist and psychiatrist things have gotten much better.  My mood has stabilized and I can stay in the moment longer.  I don't worry as much about the what if's.

I think that growing up with an alcoholic father has a lot to do with why I don't know how to process emotion well.

I've heard that children that grow up with parents that are pastors or overly committed to the church have the same issues.

There are real, long term effects to your brain when you  grow up with an addict parent.  Thankfully though, my dad has been sober for years.  And I'm really proud of him.  But for me, I'm just learning that a lot of what I struggle with was because of my childhood.  I should have dealt with that much earlier in life.  But problems don't always manifest at the best times and you don't always realize how to solve them.

This is just the beginning of learning and I hope to be able to share alot of what I learn about my own brain chemistry with others that may not even realize that much of what they struggle with mentally could be learned behavior from childhood.

Video Game Bonding

We bought my 5 year old son an xbox one for Christmas.  I'll be honest, I thought he wouldn't be able to play it.  But we got lego Jurassic world and he holds his own.

I haven't played video games since 007 on N64.  The most recent video game I played was on Nintendo, techno super bowl.  A year or so ago.

It took me about an hour to set up the xbox.  Turns out I was the one having the learning problems.

Anyway.  My point is, I'm impressed with how my young son understands this lego game.  He figures it out.  I have told him nothing other than basic instruction.  But he actually knows how to play the game and figure out how to progress in levels when even I don't know.  It's a lot of fun playing with him.  He's still figuring out the joystick and which way to push it to get the character to go a certain way if it's inverse, but even that is confusing for me at times.

Brains are cool.  They recognize patterns in the game.  Certain situations call for certain actions and kids learn.  They learn fast.

It really makes me think about how fast they pick up if mommy or daddy is acting a certain way.  They know what to expect.  They learn how to respond or react based on the mood we are in.  Kids are smart.  And seeing him learn this video game makes me want to work a whole lot more on how I respond to certain stimuli in real life so he learns the proper emotions.  More on that in a future blog.

Taunting Satan

In a private Facebook group I am in, someone had asked if anyone experienced any dark spiritual demonic type stuff.  I didn't read all 62 comments when I chimed in.

"Bring it on Satan.  Come at me bro."  Something like that is what I said.  Another fellow cautioned me to call out satan.  I told him not to worry about it, I don't believe satan exists.  He then told me it's right not to worry, satan is already winning me over and that he'll pray for me.


Right.  Satan has me in his grips.  He might be right.  I don't know.  But if what I experienced and am experiencing is satan it's not as bad as I'd thought.  Maybe that's the point.  Satan makes it easy.  I've been asking God for some time now to make it perfectly clear that God exists.  I've gotten some little hints, but nothing "perfect".  Enough to keep me hoping.  But maybe if Satan showed up, that would speed things along a bit in my search to find God.

So many directions I could go here.  And so much you need to know about me and my past before you jump to any conclusions.  All I will really say is trust me.  I've heard it all from humans (99% Americans) about God, Satan, Jesus and Christianity.  I can tell myself all the counterpoints.  I promise you.  And I do.  So you don't have to as well.

But I think there is a God.  And I'm pretty solid that all the major religions are mans journey to understand God.  I'm ok with that.  I'm ok not understanding God and using a religion to help you along the way.  There are some really great ways of living found in the Bible.  Just like I'm sure there are some great ways of living found in the Koran and other holy books.  And there is some pretty harsh things in both of them too.

But anyway....what could Satan do to me that would be so bad?  Because if Satan indeed does do anything bad, I would assume it would point me to Christ.  But it would also mean that Satan exists.  And if Satan exists, wow.  Then everything else must too.  And if you follow the bible, doesn't God win in the end?  So what's the problem?  So no....at least for me, I have zero belief in satan or any other dark supernatural force.  I'd actually LOVE to see something undeniably supernatural.

I'm sure everyone reading this can probably look at my life and wonder why I can't see God at work in all this.  Both the good and the bad.  I thought that too.  I think about all the good things in my life. If God does exist and he's given me those good things, what a prick I'd be to not acknowledge those things as a gift from God.   But what if those good things in my life are actually from Satan?  To keep me at the good and comfortable level.  Because if people are happy at the good and comfortable level, why would they do anything more?  They are happy and comfortable.

So who is responsible for the good and the bad?  Is it God or Satan?  Or is it people?  Do we do this all to ourselves?

See how confusing this all is.  That's why I'd just prefer to let God or Satan alone and ignore them.  Treat them as though they don't exist.  If they do and they are upset by that, then by all means, show up.

Wow....this one was all over the place.  And trust me when I say this.  If you believe in God, Satan or the spiritual warfare, I mean no disrespect.  I won't tell you that your experience didn't happen.  I'm sure you had a profound and moving experience.

I know I'm not the only one that's gone to church ever since they were a baby.  That went to church every sunday morning and wednesday night.  That played in the youth group worship band, started a punk rock band and preached from stage hundreds of times about the saving grace of Jesus, wore a backpack that said "ask me for a lifesaver" and when someone did I gave them a lifesaver with a tag on it that said Jesus.  I know I'm not the only one that continued to volunteer teaching youth classes wednesday and sundays, continued in the big church worship band and has pages highlighted all through my bible.  I've been to several different churches from pacifist churches to pro-war churches. I've led and participated classes at an assemblies of god church and helped put on events at a presbyterian church.  I was MR. CHURCH.    NEVER MISSED A SUNDAY.   So don't try to evangelize to me or tell me some bit that I missed.  There isn't one.  It's up to God at this point.  Maybe that prayer I prayed back in my youth days during a summer retreat at Summit Lake in Emmitsburg Maryland is finally being answered.  It was led by Keith Walker and the band was Christian Stephens...song....through the torn vail.  I remember this shit.   I prayed for a moment that God was my only option.  Still waiting...... All the times that were hard, you know who helped me?  People.  Caring people.  People that loved.  Was that God?  You can't say definitively.  Could have been Satan too.  Because he likes to keep people happy and comfortable.

Short.

Lets just say I've had about 6 blogs written already and deleted them all.  I'm working on a bigger project and it's not coming together right.  So this is all you get today.  Simply because I've got to be consistent.

Sorry you didn't get much.

What have you done to better yourself?

Might as well use this time to shamelessly self promote.  If you find value in reading this blog.... please consider donating to me.  

Finishing Strong...

This one is totally random.  I didn't want to write this morning.  Not because I didn't want to wake up and get out of bed.  I did that half hour early.  It's the first day of flintlock season in PA.  I'll be out wandering the woods this morning.

But I didn't know what to write about so I was just going to write about the next 3 months.  I've been doing this get up and write since March 16 of this year.  Haven't missed a day yet.  Pretty impressive if I do say so myself.  I'm part of an elite group.  No many people can say they started something and did it EVERY DAY for that long.

So I typed out the title today, finishing strong.  And I realized something.  Finishing strong is probably the most lazy, weak, uncommitted thing you can possibly do.  Who wants to finish strong?  I want to finish totally exhausted, spent, and having left it all on the playing field.

I know I used to sprint at the end of a 5k.  But this year...nope.  I wanted to push myself the whole race.  I didn't have enough energy to sprint at the end.  It's all about the middle.  Anyone can start something and most people finish.  But what do you put into the middle?

If you are only putting the effort into starting and finishing something, maybe you should rethink the something.  What happens in the middle is what makes all the difference.  The middle is sometimes messy.  Sometimes it's not fun.  But the middle is where the magic is.

The middle is really what's in control of the outcome.

Enjoy a Chuck Norris meme.

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone that reads my blogs on a daily basis.  I do appreciate it.  I know some of them are good...others aren't as much.

But thanks for walking with me through thoughts.  Some only remain as that, some help build belief. But for the most part I'm exploring different ideas.  Maybe you resonate maybe you don't.

I hope though, that you realize that nothing is off the table to talk about.  While I may not hit every subject, everything that comes to your mind is worth exploring.  It may not be worth acting on, but figuring out where that thought came from.

Wherever you are this Christmas day, whether you love this holiday or hate it, take a deep breath.  Now do it again.  And again.  Take yourself you the place that brings you the most joy.

I'm not gonna pretend everything is good for you.  It might not be.  I don't have any words that will magically make you feel better.  But you just be the best you that you know how to be.  And that is enough.

Blessed. So Not Blessed.

A few days ago I read a story by an online comic about why we should go to church.  They went on and on talking about community and how church is a glimpse of heaven.  They went on to say that some people around the world have to go to church in secret.  Their love for Jesus is great that they literally risk their lives and jail to go to church. That while we in America are sipping out lattes they are watching out for corrupt government and suicide bombers.  They were just giving some reasons why we should go to church.....

Obviously I have some differing opinions.  I don't think going to a building on a Sunday morning is the pinnacle of faith.  There are lots of ways to have community.  Church is one of them and important for many, but very low on the list in my opinion.  But the first comment I saw was this, "We are so blessed in this country to go to church freely and without persecution!"  Really?  Blessed?  We're the blessed ones?

Lets start here with the beatitudes.  Specifically one of them.  “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom."  Says Jesus.  So no....the fact we can go to church in America without persecution is not a sign of being blessed.

I hear it all the time.  Most of the time is being thankful for being blessed.  But I don't think we really know what being blessed truly means.  So please, just be thankful for your situation.  Don't call it something it may not be.

Yesterday I wrote about comparing Christmas gifts to others.  I don't ever remember doing that as a kid.   But maybe we should.  Especially as Christians.  What does Christmas look like for families in Aleppo?  What does it look like for families in Haiti?  What does it look like for families in Afghanistan? Uganda? How about the family down the street from you?   Who's blessed?   I'm not so sure.  While it's good to celebrate and spend time with family, it's not good to assume everyone is having the same kind of experience you are.

We can't forget those that are hurting.  We can't forget those that aren't as fortunate.

Thanks for reading more writings of Jon trying to sort through life and all that my thoughts throw at me.

Lets look at the second half....  “Not only that (referring to being persecuted)—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble."

I've been called a heretic.  I've been told by pastors that I'm doing it all wrong and creating a false Jesus.  I've been told by many that they are concerned for me and praying for me.   But I will tell you this....I've had several "less than coincidence" encounters that I can't ignore over the past year.  All of those coincidences continue to point me in the direction that I'm going and asking the questions I am.  So if you are praying...thanks.

 

Santa got you what?!?

Something I was thinking about a few years ago.  There is no Santa that comes and gives toys to children all over the world on Christmas eve.  I know I've been back and forth about this.  But Santa is cool.  I'm not too worried about either.  It is really seeing my kids entertain the idea.

But as I grow up, I read things and see things written by adults complaining about Santa and gifts and how it effects children.  I've even written a few of these.

I want to talk about one or six, we'll see what transpires.

Have you ever gone back to school and told your friends what your got for Christmas, only to walk away wondering why Santa got them bigger and better things then he got you?  Or did you always get what you wanted and didn't really care what everyone else got.  Do kids really think that Santa doesn't like them as much?  I never did.  But maybe I was one of the kids that always got decent gifts.

Have you ever lied to your friends about what you got for Christmas because you were to embarrassed about what you didn't get?

What about the families in Aleppo? You thinking about what their life is like this Christmas?  What about the family that just lost a child this year?  What about the family in the middle of a nasty divorce?  What about the kids that just lost their parents?

While I think it's great that many can celebrate a fun holiday together and for them, everything is great.  But we can't forget that just about everyone in the world is dealing with something.  And that something, regardless of how big or small we think it is, is something to them.  And it has little to do with the gifts.

But like gifts, I think we have to be careful about this line of thinking.....And I'm going to save it for tomorrow.  Christmas eve.

A New Type of Adventure

It's thursday morning.  I'm in a strange house with a strange family.  NO.  Not a strange family, but as guess we all have our quirks.  But a family I don't know to well.  It's my wifes family.  Her extended family.  Except my wife isn't here.  I took the kids all by myself.  They welcomed me in for a Christmas vacation anyway.

This is something I never would have been able to do had I not started taking anti-anxiety medication.

When you are the child of an alcoholic, often times you will sense danger when everything is completely safe.  And the reverse, you may feels completely safe when danger is imminent.  I can definitely relate to the first.  Because going away for two days with my kids and not my wife to a sweet cabin on a lake with a bunch of extended family that love my family would have been absolutely terrifying to me a few weeks ago.

I know.  It's not logical.  Anxiety and depression aren't logical.

But here we are.  I'm not gonna lie...I'm on thin ice.  I have to be really mindful of my triggers.  There are things going on that would have triggered my anxiety so bad.  I see them happening and it doesn't effect me the way it once did.  I don't care if it's medication or I'm just overcoming.  I like it.

Even though this lodge is big, 15 kids most under the age 8 running around is stressful.  It's nice being able to watch all the kids play and not have to maintain order.  It's fun watching my kids do things like run and play without having to worry about upsetting daddy.  You'll see them looking over expecting to be told to calm down, and it doesn't happen.

Anyway....hard to explain.  And even I if did I don't think most or any would understand.  But that's just one area I've been enjoying.  The other is family.  It's been awhile since I've opened myself up to embracing and welcoming the idea of a family beyond my own wife and kids.

Substance abuse and/or mental disorders will fuck you up.  And they'll fuck up the ones close to you. If you know you aren't right, stop making excuses.  Stop letting the devil on your shoulder win and go get some help.  You won't regret it.  Your family is waiting for you.  Until they aren't.....don't wait.

I love Money. Money. Money. Money.

 People need people before they need money.  MONEY is not a SAVIOR.  It's people, it's relationships, it's time.  LOVE is the SAVIOR.   Once you've established that, then yes.  Give your money.  Money fills the food, clothing and shelter voids.  

If I was on twitter, I'd stop there.  But it's still probably over 140 characters and I'm not on twitter because I think twitter is confusing.  But please, lets not make this about how much you like the twitter. 

But...I'm not on twitter.  I can't keep my thoughts to 140 characters or less. 

Back when I was in Amway there was a successful distributor that was also a phenomenal story teller.  He made a really convincing argument for pursuing the business.  But in one of his talks (and in many of others talks by other people) he mentioned something along the lines of throwing $100,000 at a problem and watch it go away.  The challenger in me started to think about all the problems and if 100k would make it disappear.  I had a hard time coming up with stuff.  I even increased the 100k to a million.  And in all the problems I came up with....usually money was only a band aid.  Does it help?  You bet.  But it it doesn't heal.  And sometimes...that temporary help may not be welcome.   Even with all the problems, the 100k alone wouldn't do what needed done.  It took a knowledge of knowing how to use that money to provide any sort of assistance.

There are many people sick of band-aids.  They are beyond band-aid.  

A few years ago I was at a local diner.  I was having a difficult phone call and was experiencing what I now know to be a small anxiety attack.  An older fellow came over and gave me a $20 gift card to the diner.  On the envelope was an address of his church and bible verse.  It was so nice knowing that people see someone struggling and reach out to try to understand and help.  I immediately overcame the anxiety and felt such a sense of peace.    

HA!  AS IF!   HE MADE IT WORSE! 

 I'm not going to let you think that this was a good thing.  Not even close.  But I get it, his intent was pure.  He did what he thought was a good thing.  My question is where did he come to think that $20 and an invite to church was going to make any kind of dent in my situation.  He had no idea what I was going through, he didn't even ask.   Having said that, I know that those that give truly believe they are helping.  And that act may even help some people.  I guess I shouldn't get to frustrated that he was trying.  But my question remains...where did he get the idea that leading with money would help?  

Some "well intended" people accuse me of only seeing faults. Maybe I do.  But guess what?  So do they.  They see mine.  Because they only ever talk to me when they find one.  Those same people only ever criticize.  Not one have they ever said anything to build me up.  And I feel bad for those people that never had anyone in their life to encourage them.  I saw myself doing that not long ago and I'm working hard to break that cycle.  So maybe my blogs is my outlet.  But I do believe a lot of what I write about has a point to it.  

To the man in the diner 3 years ago today, save your money.  Next time sit down and ask about me.  Ask if I'm doing ok.  Maybe even ask if I want to talk or share about what I'm feeling.  If you don't have time for that...it's ok.  But please, instead of giving $20 that I truly believe is only to get you off your guilt hook, just keep walking and say a silent prayer.  If you really believe prayer works.  

Anyway.  I'm rambling.  My point was made in the very first paragraph.   The rest is just useless internet fodder and me practicing to write.  Maybe you enjoyed it.  Maybe not.  

That $20. I slid it under the table leg to keep the table from wobbling.  Just kidding.  I gave it to one of the employees to randomly pay for coffees.  

Just for fun, I'm going to try to tell a parable.  On a busy street in town, a pothole had developed after the first freeze/thaw.  It created a nuisance and damage to cars.  One man from out of town decided he should fill the pothole.  He looked around and saw some leaves thinking it would be easy for him to carry them over and smash them into the hole.  Once it was full and all the leaves were squished in he admired his work and moved along.  A few minutes after the man had gone, the pothole remained, leaves askew.   

Another man came through and saw the pothole.  He thought he new just the thing.  He went to the local hardware store and bought a small piece of plywood to cover the hole.  This worked great for several days.  But with each passing car the plywood moved and eventually left the pothole open once again.  

And finally, a local man, who saw the pothole from day one took note from all the examples of what worked and didn't work.  One day he just decided to call the DOT and have them fix it.  It was cold the day they came and he went and offered them all coffee and bacon as a thank you for their prompt attention to the issue.  

Sometimes you think you are helping.  But in reality you may need to do a little research on the best way to go about.  Throwing money into a hole isn't going to fix it.  

Atrocities and Shit

Right.  None of this may be real, but it might all be real.  

What is Trump doing?  I've asked every time I've talked about Trump for any Trump supporters to try to explain and makes sense of the decisions he's making.  I asked why they voted for him.   I haven't heard anything yet.  Despite me still holding out hope that there is some grander plan.  

The day after the election I got a phone call from some salesman.  Sometimes I answer if I'm bored and want someone to talk to.  He asked where I was from and when I said PA, he congratulated me.  What for?  Because PA was a crucial win for Trump.  I asked why he thought I'd be excited for that.  He said it because I was a small business owner and Trump will be good for small business.  I asked how.  I heard silence for a minute.  NOTHING.  HE GAVE ME NO ANSWERS.   I told him I was legitimately curious.  He hung up on me.  

And lets talk about Aleppo as well.  Refugees.  First, let me tell you that I can think a little more clearly about it since I'm on anti-anxiety meds.  Two months ago I would have felt responsible for fixing it all and since I couldn't I was a worthless piece of shit.  Now I know I'm not personally responsible for fixing everything, but I am responsible for helping in any small way I know I can.  

So many people are afraid of bringing in refugees because they are scared a terrorist might come in with them.  Don't be afraid.  Terrorists are already here.   If a terrorist wanted to come to the US, they'd just buy a plane ticket and fly here.  Why go through the trouble of trying to get in as a refugee when it's so hard to get in the US as a refugee?  They have billions of dollars.  They could buy their own plane and fly it in themselves.  Terrorists aren't coming as refugees. They are already among us.  They look like you and me.  They look.....just like humans.  

Imagine if our country is being destroyed.   That if we were being shot just for walking outside.  And that Canada and Mexico were perfectly safe.  Or even Europe.  And they all said nope.  Sorry, a bad guy might come through as well.   It makes zero sense to me.   But I guess we all die right?  Seriously.  We all die.  So who cares when.   

Anyway.  If you want to help.  check out this from TIME.  Maybe you can use some of your Christmas money.  

Please stop handing out drugs to kids.

This post is controversial.  I know.  But I don't care.

Sugar is a drug.  It engages the pleasure centers of the brain.  It holds ZERO nutritional value.  It WILL kill you.  It makes your life miserable...except you think it doesn't....because of that chemical response you get in your brain.  It tastes good.  It makes you feel good.

Some people may be able to consume useless sugars and processed foods and be fine.  Good for you. But for almost everyone else, it's a slow and silent killer that you don't care about because it makes you feel good.

This message is to the General Public.  Please stop handing out sugar to kids.  Please stop giving candy and junk to strangers.

When we were in NYC this weekend, we at lunch at Dallas BBQ.  Without asking the server brought 4 cupcakes to the table when we were finished without us asking him to or him asking to bring them. I told him to take them away and we didn't want those.  He looked shocked and my son started crying because he saw sugar.  This pisses me off more than anything.  He was fine until he saw the sugar.  You don't think sugar messes with your brain?  If he would have brought out an avocado to share nobody really would have cared.  Why?  Not because we don't like avocados.  But because we were already full from our meal.  Why would we want to eat more?  But sugar...it speaks to the brain.  Shame on you Dallas BBQ.  I know you are trying to be nice.  Try harder by actually having good service.

We also went out to breakfast.  We all had a version of eggs and bacon.  4 out of 4 of us all refused the home fries and toast.  We were expecting nothing but eggs and meat.  What do they bring?  A big slice of cantaloupe, a bowl of sugary fruit and a muffin on EACH plate.  What the hell?!?!  We didn't ask for substitutions and it was not listed on the menu as what came with breakfast.  Now, the fruit was enjoyed by the kids in a limited quantity.  It's not as bad as refined sugar.  But then the fuss about the muffins.  They weren't hungry.  It was the brain saying sugar.

On our way out....Santa was lucky he didn't give my kids candy.  I'm actually VERY glad he didn't.

And what about at school?  Teachers often hand candy out.  I know teachers do a great job as it is.  But you don't NEED to give any type of sugar out to maintain that great aspect.  So please don't!  What about at programs for kids at fitness centers/daycares/ymca?  Please don't feed the children.  Not even treats.  YOU DON'T NEED TO.  

Sugar is a drug.  I don't care what anyone says.  Let parents be in charge of what drugs they give their children.  See, I understand.  Not everyone wants to go sugar free.  It's really hard to do that.   But at least let that up to the parents.    And don't ask right in front of the kids either.  The parents are well aware that your kids meal comes with juice and dessert.  Don't second guess their decision to not order any of that in front of the kids.  See, I can handle saying no to my kids.   But at almost 3 and 5 years old, they don't quite grasp how toxic sugar is.  All they know is that it makes them feel good.

Bread = Sugar.  There is added sugar in SO much stuff.  74% of the items at the grocery store have added sugar.  WHAT!?!  

And if you think this isn't a contributor to overall poor health?  Heart disease is the number one killer in America.  What causes heart disease?  Obesity, lack of exercise and a poor diet.  A little bit of sugar may be ok.  But not a little bit multiple times a day.  Look at the cereals...all sugar.  Juice...all sugar.  Waffles, pancakes, bagels....all sugar.

Whats the second leading cause of death?  Cancer.  What does cancer feed off of?  Sugar.  AKA Glucose.

Half of all deaths in America are caused by cancer and heart disease.....let that sink in.

WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE THINK SUGAR IS OK TO HAND OUT TO KIDS WHO CAN'T MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS AND DON'T UNDERSTAND BRAIN CHEMISTRY YET?

Some of you may be thinking...well I eat sugar and I'm ok. But are you ok?  Really?  And will you be ok 10 years from now eating the same amount of sugar?   Others may be thinking about the children in their lives and think they are ok.  And for the most part they may be.  BUT THEY DON'T NEED SUGAR!!!!!!  STOP GIVING IT TO THEM.  Kids are learning habits and developing ALL THE TIME.  If you don't think they have an unhealthy relationship with sugar, put candy in front of them and then take it away.  See how they respond to something that has ZERO value to their health.  

If you are overweight and eat lots of sugar.  Please don't think I'm negatively judging anyone.  I understand the levels of greed inside big business.  And sugar is big business.  They don't care about your health.  Food companies know you will keep buying their product.  Why?  Because they know the addictive qualities of their product.  Especially everything found in the inside aisles of grocery stores.

People....if you listen to the food industry about what is healthy, I'm sorry.  But they don't give two shits about your health.

A New Life

I never knew how much anxiety filled my life until I started taking anti-anxiety medication. I can look back into my childhood and see all the times this invisible disease prevented me from enjoying life.  

If I followed someone, I could do just about anything.  If they led the way and I knew what to do, I was fine.  That's the best way to describe it.  Basically, I felt as though everyone had certain expectations of me.  And I had to be on point on the time.   I always felt like I wasn't doing a good job unless they told me.  A lot of times they (they being anyone who I thought had expectations) wouldn't tell me.  But not because I wasn't doing a good job, but because they had no expectations.  But I'd still act as though they did and be a nervous wreck the whole time.  I felt as though everyone had expectations of me, even strangers in public places.  So you can imagine, I was a mess.  Pretty much all the time.  

This caused a lot of mood disorders too.  And depression.  At times this was crippling.  It effected relationships.  It effected my success or failure in life.  It effected how I parent my children.  It effected how I am as a husband.  

I didn't really know the extent of anxiety until I started taking a small dose of anti-anxiety medication last month.  

I didn't really know how much of the joys of life I was missing out on until my first weekend getaway with the family when taking medication for anxiety.  

This has been a great weekend in NYC.  Of all the places you'd think anxiety would skyrocket....I've been steady.  I've been enjoying the time with my family and even gone on little adventures in the city.  GUYS.....WE TOOK THE SUBWAY.  You don't understand how huge this is for me.  

Drugs aren't so bad if you use them the right way.  

It wasn't long ago that I was anti-medication.  Do you know why I was anti-medication?  Because I needed it.  It was my disease telling me that.  

If you aren't right, and you know if you aren't.  Go see a psychiatrist.  Medication isn't a bad thing.  Not when you've been diagnosed properly.   

I wish there was a way I could share through simple words how free I feel now.  

I used to think medication wasn't a long term solution.  But how I feel now, I don't care if it is.  

Please, Bear with My Belief

I'm just gonna roll with this on a snowy saturday morning in NYC.

Every now and then I'd slip this into a conversation about abortion...."If I was a fetus today, I'd love to be aborted."

Throws people off a bit.  It sounds suicidal.  It's not.  I'm not unhappy with my life.  Especially after finding the right drugs.

But if I was a fetus today, why not?  No one knows the future and the only thing that would be emotional are the thoughts of what could have been.

My question to many Christians is if they believe aborted babies go to heaven.  I have yet to have that question answered with a no.  So what's the problem?  If you believe aborted babies go the heaven, isn't that pretty awesome for the fetus?  It sounds to good to be true.  If you really believe that, then you could focus your love and care on a mother who is having a go of a very difficult time.  Most likely their life circumstances aren't that good and you can focus on ways you can help in her present situation instead of being a dickhead about how bad you think abortion is.   Why don't you shift your attention onto what causes women to consider abortion in the first place.

This is something that I really struggled with as a Christian.  What happens to babies when they die?   What happens to people that have been shared a false gospel about Jesus?  Who is responsible?  I certainly think the person that spread the false gospel should be held accountable and the one that was lied to should get a free pass into heaven.  Or at least be judged on the truth that they have known.

Unreached people groups for example.  If they've never heard the gospel of Jesus, and the bible says the only way to the Father is through the Son, wouldn't they go to hell?  That sounds harsh.  That also puts alot of pressure on christians to get the gospel to them.  Or, like babies, do they just go to heaven if they've never heard the gospel?  If so, why go?  Why give them a choice?

You see....all these things make it very hard for me to believe in Hell.  In fact, I don't believe in hell anymore.  AND, at this point, the only heaven I believe in is one that all people go to.  Even the people that choose to not believe.  Even Jesus says to forgive them, right?  For they know not what they do.  And my guess is....if someone doesn't believe in christianity, it's most likely because of asshole christians.

You know what I love best about belief.  Is that no one is right.  And no one is wrong.  You believe what you believe.  No one can prove or disprove what happens when we die.  So, see you assholes in heaven.

Anyway....that's all for today.

Why the Gun?

Yesterday I stumbled onto the story of Jim Eliott and his ministry to the huaorani tribe in Ecuador. I had always known the story, but never really looked into the details.  I'm sure I'll miss some here, but I learned about one yesterday that I didn't know.

Eliott and 4 others began dropping gifts into the Huaorani camp from their airplane in 1955 and those gifts were reciprocated. On January of 1956 the 5 missionaries set up camp not far from the tribe.  The tribe was a savage, violent people.  And 5 days after they set up camp, all 5 missionaries were speared to death. The story of this is here.  It's quite captivating. 

I'm just going to take an angle here.  It was Eliott that is often attributed the quote, "He is not fool that gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."  The team had agreed to bring weapons to "scare" of any danger or attackers.   The attack that killed them all was brought about by a lie.  And during the attack, Eliott fired shots.  One of those shots grazed a tribe member, eventually killing him.   Though this is controversial.

What am I getting at.  I don't really know.  It sounded so good in my head.  Even though they hadn't planned on using the gun on attackers, they did.  Can I blame them?  No.  But it does ruin the story for me.  In the very heat of the moment, Eliott valued his life above those that he was trying to reach.

I know...this is a longer conversation.  But I'm on my ipad and don't really like writing on my ipad.

According to Johnny Cash, Mama said the pistol is the devils right hand.  I believe Eliott can confirm this.

The Titanic ALWAYS Sinks. (and other stuff)

Always.  That's the problem.  No matter how many times you watch the movie you know it sinks.  But every time you hold out just a little hope....

When they made that movie, you knew going into it what the outcome was.  But you watched it anyway.

I heard conversation on a the Bad Christian podcast about knowing the outcome of a sports game and watching it anyway.  If you found out your team won, you could watch the whole thing knowing that no matter what happened your team would win.  But what if you found out they lost?  Could you still watch it? I think I could, the way I watch titanic.  I have to see for myself.  At what point did they lose?  Was it on the final play?  Was it on the opening drive?  Either way, it's a little easier watching when you know the ending.

What about other things?  What's the one thing that we know will happen in our life?  We die.  Yep.  I went there.   Every single one of us dies.  The problem is, we don't know when.  We spend our whole lives trying to get a grasp on how to sustain our lives.  Some of us keep pushing the boundaries of what we can get away with and still survive.  Think extreme sports, those athletes could die any time they go flying down a rock covered mountain on a snowboard or mountain bike.  But the very thing that could kill them, makes them come alive.

I can tell you that when I'm flying down a rock covered, tree filled mountain on a 12 inch wide trail riding my mountain bike that I feel alive.  No so much when I'm riding up that hill though.... But maybe the risk of death isn't as imminent as one might think.  6 deaths per year in a sport that millions of people participate in every year.  Not to bad.

But is the goal to not die and sustain your life as long as possible?  Or is it to live your life to the fullest?

What about from a Christian perspective where you believe in Heaven.  Wouldn't that be the ultimate?  Going to heaven?   I never understood why Christians wanted to live as long as possible when they knew in death they would be with Jesus.  Maybe they aren't that confident.   Maybe they think the longer they live the more people they can "save".

"He is not fool that gives up what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose"

-Jim Elliot

Jim Elliot died at 28 years old in the mission field spreading the good news of Jesus.  If you so choose, look up Operation Auca.  Here,  I'll do it for you.  It's pretty inspiring.  The very people that Elliot and his group were trying to reach, killed them violently.  That's what this tribe was known for. After their death, Elliot's widow went back to the tribe.  Over the next several years,  Elizabeth Eliott and Rachel Saint (another widow from the initial contact group), made contact with the Huaorini tribe.  You can read about the rest.  But they had more success reaching these people than their husbands did. Figures, leave it up to a woman.  

Anyway...this blog has kind of taken a life of its own.  Not quite where I was planning on going with it.  

You think christianity is under attack in America because bakeries have to make cakes for gay weddings?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  Give me a break.   Maybe if the gay couple cut your self inflated head off.  That's not happening here. That is happening in other parts of the world.   American Christianity is under attack today.  It's being attacked by other Christians.  And I'm glad.  

Perhaps that's why Jesus said... "Blessed are those that are persecuted, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  

Alright...I'm done.  This is book material.  I'm out of my league.  Bake the cake.  You know why?  Jim Eliott gave gifts to a tribe of violent people that definitely didn't believe in Jesus.  What's your excuse?  

Going Back in for Santa

Of all the memories I remember of childhood, Santa was a good one.  Of all the lies that were told, this was probably the best. The anticipation of Christmas.  Wondering what I'd get.  There are only a handful of Christmas presents I remember getting, and I'm pretty sure both were after I knew Santa wasn't real.  Long story short, I've never thought twice about the santa lie.  It's never negatively effected me long term at all.  The joys of Christmas, minus my memories of Christmas eve services, were overall pretty good.  I'm still working on restructuring those.  

It doesn't have to be Santa vs. Jesus either.  You can celebrate both.  You can celebrate one.  I'm pretty sure nobody worships Santa 12 months out of the year. 

So why did I tell my Son Santa doesn't exist?  I can't remember if I did earlier this year, but I knew I did last year.  Santa is fun.  I'm pretty sure deep down inside kids know he doesn't exist.  But for a season, we can all use our imagination.  This year Santa started as a symbol of giving.  Then about a week ago I had some serious conviction about Santa.  

I remember the first time my son was with his friends and they started to talk about Santa.  I remember the confusion he must have felt.  What a shitty spot I put him in.  

All the Christmas movies that have Santa in them will lose their charm.  Even if he's not real.  It's fun to pretend.  

After a lot of thought about this....Santa is ok in my book.  We don't have to go overboard.  Santa needs Keto anyway, so he won't be getting cookies...dude has packed on some pounds.  

Last night my son asked what happens when we die.  He asked how he'd feel when he's dead.  I don't know that I was ready for that.  He asked if he would be a baby when he died.  He asked if he would be born again.  I told him some people believe in Heaven.  He asked if I did.....tough one.  I said I didn't know.  I said I'd like to, but I'm not dead.  I don't know for sure.   I told him I think God's nice enough that even in our uncertainty, he'll probably let us in.  

Ugh...parenting is hard.  One thing is certain though.  A truth I can tell my kids matter of factly.  I love you.  I might not do things right all the time.  I will make mistakes.  But I'll never give up trying to be the best dad I can be.  I'll never give up trying to be the best husband I can be.  

 

Ever seen a Arch Bridge supported in the Middle?

Not a trick question.  No.  You haven't.  Because the arch bridge is designed to not need a center support.  It doesn't need it.

A few years ago I took my shoes off.  I didn't wear them at all.  One of the first things people asked was about the arch.  Most people assumed the arch would flatten out.  Most people said they could never do that because their arches need support.  It was incredibly frustrating listening to that.  Why do you think it's called the arch of your foot?  It's designed to be an arch.  Not to be supported.  Basic foot mechanics.  If you wear shoes with arch supports, you are only hurting yourself.  Why would your arch get stronger if you supported it?  Want strong feet?  Take your shoes off.  Do you stand all day and your back hurts?  Take your shoes off.  That 12mm or so elevated heel shifts your center of gravity causing your legs and spine to be all out of whack.  All shoe companies want to do is make money off of you.  

What reminded me about this?  I went shoe shopping for basketball shoes a few days ago.  It's hard to find a basketball shoe in size 13 that fits well.

What annoyed me most about not wearing shoes....people commenting on my lack of shoes.  After two years I couldn't do it anymore.  It wasn't worth it.  I got sick of the public places and people thinking they knew laws and all that bullshit.   I could talk about that again.  I could go on for days.

Instead...what else keeps us comfortable?  How many things do we use so we don't have to work?  A few days ago I talked about people taking medication to help them feel better when all they needed to do was a diet change.  But many don't want to actually do the work to help themselves feel better.

Back to footwork.  If I had a dollar for everyone that said running hurts that's why they don't do it, I'd be rich.  Do
you know why it hurts?  I have a few ideas.  First, you don't listen to your body.  If you haven't ran in years, don't start.  Just walk.  Second, you run for the wrong reasons.  Many people think running is the key to weight loss.  No, the food you eat will determine how much weight you lose or gain.  Run for fun.  Not for weight loss.  Third, your form is shit.  Your heels hurt so you think you need more heel cushion.  NOOOOO.  You need to lose the heel cushion.  You shouldn't be landing on your heel.  The heel wasn't designed as a shock absorber.  Remember the arch?  It's all designed to work together as a shock absorber.  Landing on your heel sends shock up into your knee and up to your back.

Take your shoes off and run.  Start short distances.  You'll learn real quick how to run while reducing strain on your joints and landing softly on your feet.  You won't go far at first.  You might be sore.  You'll be using muscles you never had to use before, thanks to shoes and bad form.   Once you learn good form, you may decide to go back to shoes.  Which is fine.  I did.  I use Altra's.  They have a wide toe box and zero drop in the heel.

All I want, Fuh Christmas.

Did you like my title? I hate titles for blogs.  And I didn't want to be outright vulgar.  This blog took a turn and I don't feel like writing another one.   So here.  

For awhile I was convinced I wasn't going to do the whole Santa bit at Christmas with the kids.  And even for awhile anytime they would ask I would answer, No.  Santa is not real.   Seriously, why do we lie to our kids?   

Something changed this year.  I changed.  I never thought I'd be the guy with brain problems.  I don't know that it's really brain problems as much as it is how the past 20 or so years of my life have affected (I just looked up affect and effect and have determined it doesn't really matter which one you use) me.    

I don't have time in this blog to take you through it all.  But lets just say if I was a fetus today, abortion could have made a pretty strong argument.  Now, before you get all concerned about that statement, relax.  I wouldn't exist.  No one would know me.  Anyway...that should give you a little glimpse.  

But a couple years ago I had a pretty strong mental "breakdown".   I remember exactly where I was and how I felt.  It wasn't fun.  I remember what triggered it.  I remember how messed up I was in my head.  I knew then that I could no longer try to get through life on my own and started seeing  a therapist.  Then I started taking anti-depressants and seeing another therapist.   I soon found out I could manipulate my therapists.  Then we started couples counseling and that has been incredibly helpful.  I can't lie to my therapist if my wife is right next to me to verify.  

Anyway.   I finally caved and realized I got a lot of shit going on in my head that fucks with me.  And it's not really helpful to others.  

Moral of my quick story.  If you don't get your shit together before you have kids, they will hold a magnifying glass to everything that is wrong with you.  And in the process...you'll be toxic to them too.  You'll suck the fun right out of their life.  They might seem ok....but they don't know any different.  When they get older....the effects of having you for a parent will rear their ugly face.   All the failures you had as a parent will be passed right down to your kids and if you don't break the cycle....it continues.  

So this year...Santa is real.  He started as a spirit of giving and yesterday I told my son since our chimney is small we'll leave a key out so santa can use the front door.   Santa is fun.  Kids learn soon enough.  

But do you know what lie hurt me more than Santa?  The ones I learned about christianity.  When you find out the majority of that is bullshit....it does a whole lot more damage than Santa ever will.   

Keto for Life

I'm speaking to the people that want to get their health in check and control their eating habits.  If you are totally, 100% happy with your health, ignore all of this. 

The people living on the giant ship from Wall-E.  You know the ones that sat on the floating chairs, had food delivered to their seat and had robots do everything for them?  I used to watch that movie thinking we weren't there yet....but we are.  

Why do I think that?  

Donald Trump is the president elect.  

People take drugs to fix things about themselves they could do naturally. 

People believe everything they read. 

Nobody cares about consequences.  Play now, pay later. 

I know it's bad for me, but it makes my brain fake happy. 

You never have to leave your house.  Everything can be delivered to you.  

What I really wanted to say was, if you want to change, you can.  Action precedes motivation.  Are you not happy with your life?  Do something different.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.  From my experience, most people aren't happy with their health.  Both physical and mental. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  So many of your health issues are managed by what you eat.  And most of America eats garbage.  Your diet is controlled by a money hungry food and drug administration.  And they are robbing you.  Eat real food.  I'm an advocate of a Ketogenic Lifestyle.  I've lost 30 pounds and have kept it off for 4 months now.  It's super easy.  It's also helped me manage my depression and anxiety.  Your brain wires run right through your gut.  So if your gut is unhealthy, it effects your brain.   I've had friends overcome eating disorders with keto.  I've had friends reverse diabetes with keto.  My own wife switched to keto and makes the most amazing food ever and she's lost 20 lbs. by only a diet change, no exercise.  

So anyway...as the new year rolls around.  If you want to experience Keto, I'd love to fill you in on how it works.  Oh...it's not a business.  It's not an MLM.  It's just changing the foods you eat.   I would love to meet with you, even serve you an example of a keto meal and answer any questions you might have.  

But I'm not like that.

I see it happening.  If you voted for Trump you are a racist, bigot, xenophobe, homophobe, and hater of women's rights.   That's the group you get lumped into.   A vast majority of people that fit that description voted for Trump.  I'll stand by that, because I've seen it first hand.  

BUT.  Voting for Trump does not automatically put you in this group.  But you can't not wonder why people think that.  

You associate with a group that has a mixed identity, you better work really hard to prove that you are not like the few in the group that represent the reputation.  

I had a friend vote for Trump who as far as I'm concerned doesn't fit the typical Trump supporter description.  They have their reasons but they are sick and tired of being called names just because of the association to others that are total assholes.  

I get it.  This shouldn't happen.  But it does.  And it's been happening ever since humans existed.  It's not until we feel it's effects on our own lives do we realize how much it sucks.  

You see six "muslim looking" men on your airplane when traveling home for Christmas in 2001.  What are you thinking?  And this hasn't stopped since either.  

I'm not opposed to abortion.  But if I say that in certain christian communities, I'm a baby murderer.  No...I'm not.  

Oh.  And what if you are black?  

What about just being a Man?  

What about being a woman? 

Blonde. 

Gay.

Christian. 

Hillary supporter. 

Skater. 

Honor Roll Student. 

There are so many groups to be generalized into.  Stereotypes happen.  You are being stereotyped and you also stereotype others.  You can't deny this.  

I wish people would just get to know people for how the person is, not the party they accompany.  And since it's Christmas time....who was that alcoholic and glutton that hung out with the shits of the world?  Oh....that was Jesus.  

So.  Next time you get all pissy that someone categorized you into a group that you associate with.  Don't get pissed at that someone.  Get pissed on the culture you helped create.  

When someone makes a generalization about a group you are in and you don't fit it, instead of getting mad, be the exception to their generalization.

Somewhere in my Memory

For the past 15 or so years Christmas hasn't been the easiest time of year for me.  Life changes happen and things of your past somehow become distant memories.  And those memories are left in question of what was real and what wasn't. All the feels you get at the holidays are stacked up against what was and you wonder if you are sad that it's over or just moved by the holiday.  When we had kids it didn't get much easier.  Just as I was adjusting to a "new" style of Christmas it changed again.  I've come to realization that Christmas may not for me anymore.

It's tough.  I want to enjoy Christmas.  But I want Christmas to be a real authentic experience of the warmth of family.  And it is, for the most part.  It's just me that may be having a hard time embracing what is the new reality, perhaps a little hesitant to get a little too attached to the joys right in front of my face.  I've had those same feelings crumple before.

My son loves music.  He'll stare at the speakers just listening.  I often ask him how the music makes him feel.   Almost every time we get in the car he asks for "What Child is This?", but not just any version.  This one by August Burns Red.  You're welcome for sharing that musical masterpiece with you.  He often tells me the scene he imagines during the song.  Right after that song plays this John Williams cover (yes, you heard that right) comes on.  Another one by August Burns Red.    Cool fact about ABR, they are a local band from Lancaster, PA.   Right after that one, he asks for the original  Home Alone theme.  Titled, "Somewhere in my Memory".   This song always made me sad.  Perhaps it was the reuniting of a Happy Family at the end of the movie.  Not just Kevin and his family, but Old Man Marley and his son next door.   I asked him how this song made him feel a few weeks ago, and he said, "happy."  I was confused.  Up until that point I had only heard was "somewhere in my memory."  So I listened to the words.

Candles in the window,

shadows painting the ceiling,

gazing at the fire glow,

feeling that gingerbread feeling.

Precious moments,

special people,

happy faces,

I can see.

Somewhere in my mem'ry,

Christmas joy's all around me,

living in my mem'ry,

all of the music,

all of the magic,

all of the fam'ly home here with me.

This song doesn't make me sad anymore.  Especially when my son (who knows all the words) sings along while he's riding in the back seat of the car.  

This is my new Christmas.  I'm not who I once was.  Christmas will never be what it once was.  We're building new Christmas memories as a family.   

A Glimpse of Mornings and Fear

I wake up now without an alarm at about 5:19am everyday.  As soon as my feet hit the floor decisions much be made.  We live in a split level.  6 stairs to get to the main living area and another 6 to get to the basement. Bathrooms are on the top and bottom.  I try to minimize the amount of stairs I encounter.   This forces the decision to pee first or go to the kitchen and make coffee.  If I pee first that means I have to wait about 6-8 minutes for the coffee to brew before I go all the way downstairs to the studio.  I usually go down to make coffee first, then I go back upstairs to pee.  I check Facebook for a bit while I'm there and usually the coffee is about done.  Then I go down to the basement.   I know.  So complex.   I guess I could pee on my way down, start the coffee and sit in the dining room for a few minutes.  Yes.  I think I'll try that tomorrow.

I put my coffee in mug I got from Haiti that was hand made.  I bought it for my wife, but I end up using it more than she does.  I buy one every time I go to Haiti.  Most of them are of the 8 oz. size and uniquely fashioned, one of a kind, experiment mugs.  But not this one.  This one is a big 10-12 oz. mug.  I've commandeered this mug.  It's missing a handle, but it's still usable.  I also fill up a travel mug that keeps my second serving warm until I finish my first.   I finish catching up on Facebook once I get to my computer while listening to indie folk radio on pandora.  I hope something catches my eye that I can write about.

When you write everyday about random topics that cross your mind and you don't want any repeats it can get difficult to find a topic.  But today I'll share about an experience that keeps happening in my basement.  I'm not sure many will believe that this happens, but I can't deny it.

The spooky creature stands
right there in the doorway and
just stares at me for a few seconds

When I look out the door of the studio, I can't see that far into the other part of the basement.  Due in part from the light of the computer screen and the tiny 25 watt light bulb providing light.  I keep a soft glow.  It's still enough to cause my eyes to not see well into the dark hallway.  Occasionally I'll hear little noises out there and glance out.  Nothing.  But every few days I'll hear a noise and there is a silhouette of short person with light colored and frazzled hair staring at me.

It about scares the shit out of me.

See, this short, frazzled hair creature has been visiting my wife upstairs as well.  Sometimes my wife tells her to go downstairs.  So she does. She's a quiet one.  Definitely not afraid of wandering down into dark spaces.  Thanks to her, now I am.  She just stands in the doorway until I turn and look at her.  I think she knows exactly what she's doing and enjoys every minute of it.  Once my heart calms and I realize who it is and what she came for.  Then, I gladly let my daughter snuggle up in my lap and help me finish my writing.

Sad that Death has to Happen for People to get Along

Isn't it though?  Do you remember 9/12?  Everyone was unified.  We were attacked (conspiracy theorists just hold off for a minute).  Terrorists took command of airplanes and committed one of the deadliest attacks on American ground.

Americans and foreigners alike came together and began to clean up and rebuild.  If Facebook was a thing, all the profile pictures would be changed to show solidarity with America.

I often wonder if there is so much division in America now because people crave conflict.  There is no common enemy to rally around.  Instead we create conflict amongst ourselves.  Every political post I see there doesn't seem to be any openness for communication.

Trump supporters call for unity.  How do you plan on rolling that out?  Seriously.  Give me the game plan.  How is America going to unite under a Trump Presidency?  I'll be waiting for an answer.  Forced unity doesn't count.

I saw a video of a guy minding his business in a cafe enjoying the free wi-fi.  He had on a shirt that said "Build the Wall".   A women of mexican origin came and confronted him.  I didn't watch the whole video, but she wasn't the most respectful.  Can I blame her?  Not really.  He just was wearing a shirt.  He has a right to that.  Just like people have the right to step on and burn the american flag.  Both should be able to peaceably do that.

So.  If you want unity.  Stop fighting.  Someone needs to take the high ground.  Listen to people.

Lastly,  don't get upset over Facebook conversations.  If you encounter a belligerent asshole, just ignore them.  You can respond.  But don't stoop to their level of incompetence to have a respectful conversation.  They are most likely responding not just to you, but to everyone in their life that has ever hurt them.  Especially if they don't know you.  They've just created you to be someone you are not and that's who they are responding to.   That's what happens on Facebook.

So America...you can keep on living like it's  9/10.  Or you can learn to start respecting each other and responding with empathy and compassion to those that are hurting.  Just because you don't understand their troubles, doesn't mean they aren't troubles.

Honestly though...I don't see President Elect Trump doing anything to unify people.  I see him saying "join my team or fuck off".  Just being honest.  And I see that message being repeated by many.....

Oh...you want a trophy? Here. Have this one for participating.

I want to talk about participation trophies.  I remember way back in elementary school at Jacksonville Elementary School in Walnut Bottom Pa. we would get participation ribbons for field day.  I hated them.  I think it was a cruel joke they played on the kids.  They knew it wouldn't make us feel good for participating, they knew it would be laughing at us constantly for not doing better and it would inspire us to train harder.  But lets be honest...nobody trains for field day.

I don't remember any other time I've gotten any other award for participation.  I'm not saying I didn't get any, I just don't remember.  I do remember the trophy I got for the Whirlybird rocket race in the 1st grade.  Number one baby.

There seems to be a big fuss about them though.  All these kids getting these awards today just for participating.  Lets just be careful not to blame this on the kids.  The kids aren't responsible for handing out the trophies.  The adults are.  Why?  Why do the adults think their kid should get a trophy just for participating?   I have a few theories.  Maybe those adults parents never congratulated them of affirmed them for the effort they put forth.  Fail or succeed.  Maybe their is a great hole inside that adult that needs filled, a hole that screams to be told they are enough.  And that even in their best attempts, their parents are proud of them for the effort they put forth.  Even if they didn't "win".  

If you aren't a fan of participation trophies, that's fine.  But I challenge you to reframe what you think about them.  Because in the game of life, we need people to participate.  Without participants, nobody would win.  Right?   Please, somebody show me some stats that say participation awards make kids unmotivated and lazy.  Maybe you ought to participate in being a parent and stop letting society raise your children.  I'VE NEVER MET A KID THAT WAS SATISFIED WITH A PARTICIPATION AWARD OR FELT ENTITLED TO ONE.   I've met several adults that have felt entitled.  You should see their office, filled with teeny trophies that said thanks for playing.  No.  Not even close.

Reward people for the value they have to the organization.  If all you did was participate, great!  Thank you!  Have a gift card! We need participants, otherwise none of us would be here!  But if you win, and you excelled, you should be rewarded for that too.  A much bigger award.  Create incentive.

What about the kid that's a competitor and gets a participation award.  Use that award to motivate them.  Ask the child what they think about the award.  Most likely they will say they wanted to win the big one.  So proudly display that participation award on the mantle and use it as motivation the next time your little champion wants to be lazy.

Don't bring your baggage from your parents into your childrens lives.

I got a little sticker this year that says "I voted".  Ok, I lied.  I didn't take one.  But I voted.  Almost 50% of registered voters didn't get a participation award sticker.   You might say your non vote was participating.  Was it?  Do tell.  Because I don't really think anyone in the gov't really gives a shit about your non vote.  The only thing that shakes things up, is voting for someone the gov't doesn't want in their offices.  That would require participation.  Seriously.  Are we still hearing about the 50% that didn't vote?  Has the government stopped and considered the non votes of those 50%?

Anyway, I'd like to see the winners get their trophies.  But if they didn't have anyone to compete against, they wouldn't be a winner would they?  So give participation awards.  Small ones.  Just as a thank you for playing.  I have yet to meet a child bitch and moan because they didn't get an award for playing.  So remember...next time you get a paycheck from your hard work to make someone else a shit ton of money, that's your participation award.