All I want, Fuh Christmas.

Did you like my title? I hate titles for blogs.  And I didn't want to be outright vulgar.  This blog took a turn and I don't feel like writing another one.   So here.  

For awhile I was convinced I wasn't going to do the whole Santa bit at Christmas with the kids.  And even for awhile anytime they would ask I would answer, No.  Santa is not real.   Seriously, why do we lie to our kids?   

Something changed this year.  I changed.  I never thought I'd be the guy with brain problems.  I don't know that it's really brain problems as much as it is how the past 20 or so years of my life have affected (I just looked up affect and effect and have determined it doesn't really matter which one you use) me.    

I don't have time in this blog to take you through it all.  But lets just say if I was a fetus today, abortion could have made a pretty strong argument.  Now, before you get all concerned about that statement, relax.  I wouldn't exist.  No one would know me.  Anyway...that should give you a little glimpse.  

But a couple years ago I had a pretty strong mental "breakdown".   I remember exactly where I was and how I felt.  It wasn't fun.  I remember what triggered it.  I remember how messed up I was in my head.  I knew then that I could no longer try to get through life on my own and started seeing  a therapist.  Then I started taking anti-depressants and seeing another therapist.   I soon found out I could manipulate my therapists.  Then we started couples counseling and that has been incredibly helpful.  I can't lie to my therapist if my wife is right next to me to verify.  

Anyway.   I finally caved and realized I got a lot of shit going on in my head that fucks with me.  And it's not really helpful to others.  

Moral of my quick story.  If you don't get your shit together before you have kids, they will hold a magnifying glass to everything that is wrong with you.  And in the process...you'll be toxic to them too.  You'll suck the fun right out of their life.  They might seem ok....but they don't know any different.  When they get older....the effects of having you for a parent will rear their ugly face.   All the failures you had as a parent will be passed right down to your kids and if you don't break the cycle....it continues.  

So this year...Santa is real.  He started as a spirit of giving and yesterday I told my son since our chimney is small we'll leave a key out so santa can use the front door.   Santa is fun.  Kids learn soon enough.  

But do you know what lie hurt me more than Santa?  The ones I learned about christianity.  When you find out the majority of that is bullshit....it does a whole lot more damage than Santa ever will.