If I followed someone, I could do just about anything. If they led the way and I knew what to do, I was fine. That's the best way to describe it. Basically, I felt as though everyone had certain expectations of me. And I had to be on point on the time. I always felt like I wasn't doing a good job unless they told me. A lot of times they (they being anyone who I thought had expectations) wouldn't tell me. But not because I wasn't doing a good job, but because they had no expectations. But I'd still act as though they did and be a nervous wreck the whole time. I felt as though everyone had expectations of me, even strangers in public places. So you can imagine, I was a mess. Pretty much all the time.
This caused a lot of mood disorders too. And depression. At times this was crippling. It effected relationships. It effected my success or failure in life. It effected how I parent my children. It effected how I am as a husband.
I didn't really know the extent of anxiety until I started taking a small dose of anti-anxiety medication last month.
I didn't really know how much of the joys of life I was missing out on until my first weekend getaway with the family when taking medication for anxiety.
This has been a great weekend in NYC. Of all the places you'd think anxiety would skyrocket....I've been steady. I've been enjoying the time with my family and even gone on little adventures in the city. GUYS.....WE TOOK THE SUBWAY. You don't understand how huge this is for me.
Drugs aren't so bad if you use them the right way.
It wasn't long ago that I was anti-medication. Do you know why I was anti-medication? Because I needed it. It was my disease telling me that.
If you aren't right, and you know if you aren't. Go see a psychiatrist. Medication isn't a bad thing. Not when you've been diagnosed properly.
I wish there was a way I could share through simple words how free I feel now.
I used to think medication wasn't a long term solution. But how I feel now, I don't care if it is.
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