Going Back in for Santa

Of all the memories I remember of childhood, Santa was a good one.  Of all the lies that were told, this was probably the best. The anticipation of Christmas.  Wondering what I'd get.  There are only a handful of Christmas presents I remember getting, and I'm pretty sure both were after I knew Santa wasn't real.  Long story short, I've never thought twice about the santa lie.  It's never negatively effected me long term at all.  The joys of Christmas, minus my memories of Christmas eve services, were overall pretty good.  I'm still working on restructuring those.  

It doesn't have to be Santa vs. Jesus either.  You can celebrate both.  You can celebrate one.  I'm pretty sure nobody worships Santa 12 months out of the year. 

So why did I tell my Son Santa doesn't exist?  I can't remember if I did earlier this year, but I knew I did last year.  Santa is fun.  I'm pretty sure deep down inside kids know he doesn't exist.  But for a season, we can all use our imagination.  This year Santa started as a symbol of giving.  Then about a week ago I had some serious conviction about Santa.  

I remember the first time my son was with his friends and they started to talk about Santa.  I remember the confusion he must have felt.  What a shitty spot I put him in.  

All the Christmas movies that have Santa in them will lose their charm.  Even if he's not real.  It's fun to pretend.  

After a lot of thought about this....Santa is ok in my book.  We don't have to go overboard.  Santa needs Keto anyway, so he won't be getting cookies...dude has packed on some pounds.  

Last night my son asked what happens when we die.  He asked how he'd feel when he's dead.  I don't know that I was ready for that.  He asked if he would be a baby when he died.  He asked if he would be born again.  I told him some people believe in Heaven.  He asked if I did.....tough one.  I said I didn't know.  I said I'd like to, but I'm not dead.  I don't know for sure.   I told him I think God's nice enough that even in our uncertainty, he'll probably let us in.  

Ugh...parenting is hard.  One thing is certain though.  A truth I can tell my kids matter of factly.  I love you.  I might not do things right all the time.  I will make mistakes.  But I'll never give up trying to be the best dad I can be.  I'll never give up trying to be the best husband I can be.