"Bring it on Satan. Come at me bro." Something like that is what I said. Another fellow cautioned me to call out satan. I told him not to worry about it, I don't believe satan exists. He then told me it's right not to worry, satan is already winning me over and that he'll pray for me.
Right. Satan has me in his grips. He might be right. I don't know. But if what I experienced and am experiencing is satan it's not as bad as I'd thought. Maybe that's the point. Satan makes it easy. I've been asking God for some time now to make it perfectly clear that God exists. I've gotten some little hints, but nothing "perfect". Enough to keep me hoping. But maybe if Satan showed up, that would speed things along a bit in my search to find God. So many directions I could go here. And so much you need to know about me and my past before you jump to any conclusions. All I will really say is trust me. I've heard it all from humans (99% Americans) about God, Satan, Jesus and Christianity. I can tell myself all the counterpoints. I promise you. And I do. So you don't have to as well.
But I think there is a God. And I'm pretty solid that all the major religions are mans journey to understand God. I'm ok with that. I'm ok not understanding God and using a religion to help you along the way. There are some really great ways of living found in the Bible. Just like I'm sure there are some great ways of living found in the Koran and other holy books. And there is some pretty harsh things in both of them too. But anyway....what could Satan do to me that would be so bad? Because if Satan indeed does do anything bad, I would assume it would point me to Christ. But it would also mean that Satan exists. And if Satan exists, wow. Then everything else must too. And if you follow the bible, doesn't God win in the end? So what's the problem? So no....at least for me, I have zero belief in satan or any other dark supernatural force. I'd actually LOVE to see something undeniably supernatural.
I'm sure everyone reading this can probably look at my life and wonder why I can't see God at work in all this. Both the good and the bad. I thought that too. I think about all the good things in my life. If God does exist and he's given me those good things, what a prick I'd be to not acknowledge those things as a gift from God. But what if those good things in my life are actually from Satan? To keep me at the good and comfortable level. Because if people are happy at the good and comfortable level, why would they do anything more? They are happy and comfortable.
See how confusing this all is. That's why I'd just prefer to let God or Satan alone and ignore them. Treat them as though they don't exist. If they do and they are upset by that, then by all means, show up.
Wow....this one was all over the place. And trust me when I say this. If you believe in God, Satan or the spiritual warfare, I mean no disrespect. I won't tell you that your experience didn't happen. I'm sure you had a profound and moving experience.
I know I'm not the only one that's gone to church ever since they were a baby. That went to church every sunday morning and wednesday night. That played in the youth group worship band, started a punk rock band and preached from stage hundreds of times about the saving grace of Jesus, wore a backpack that said "ask me for a lifesaver" and when someone did I gave them a lifesaver with a tag on it that said Jesus. I know I'm not the only one that continued to volunteer teaching youth classes wednesday and sundays, continued in the big church worship band and has pages highlighted all through my bible. I've been to several different churches from pacifist churches to pro-war churches. I've led and participated classes at an assemblies of god church and helped put on events at a presbyterian church. I was MR. CHURCH. NEVER MISSED A SUNDAY. So don't try to evangelize to me or tell me some bit that I missed. There isn't one. It's up to God at this point. Maybe that prayer I prayed back in my youth days during a summer retreat at Summit Lake in Emmitsburg Maryland is finally being answered. It was led by Keith Walker and the band was Christian Stephens...song....through the torn vail. I remember this shit. I prayed for a moment that God was my only option. Still waiting...... All the times that were hard, you know who helped me? People. Caring people. People that loved. Was that God? You can't say definitively. Could have been Satan too. Because he likes to keep people happy and comfortable.
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