Last night it was around 10:45pm. I was watching the Cavaliers obliterate and dismember the Warriors in Game 3 of the finals. It was awesome. It very well may be their only win of the series. The Warriors looked awful.
All of the sudden I hear an abrupt knocking on my door and see the motion light come on and small gray hooded blur take off of from our front porch. It took a moment to register what had happened. I decided to pursue. I arose from the couch and chased him half a block and was gaining. But it would take a while. Then I heard a noise behind me and found his two chums behind me. Thank goodness, because I was determined and I was unfamiliar with terrain going any further. Stubborn me would have continued. They immediately apologized profusely and looked scared. I didn't have my speech planned out. So I said something stupid like "Don't knock on doors and run away" in my stern pretend to be mad but I'm not really mad voice. It is quite intimidating. They both denied it was them and it was their friend who was running. Called me sir..etc. I told them to tell their friend running that didn't have any balls, that I would have caught him and that I run faster than all of them. I also told them I might call the police. As I started to walk away, my lack of preparation really showed up.
"DON'T FUCK WITH ME!' I boldly stated as I walked back to the house.
Before I got the door I realized what i had done. I put a big bullseye on our house. Or they really did get scared and will honor my request. But in a moment I became Old Man Marley.
This is on the heels of two other local boys chatting me up last weekend while my son and I were on a bike ride to the creek asking about a bike the one was riding. It was a piece of junk BMX bike. He asked what I'd done if I saw a bike leaning against a tree in a public place for a few weeks. I told him it doesn't matter what I would do, because he's already riding the bike. Am I right? He nodded. He said his parents are making him put it back but he doesn't want to. I thought about it and told him to write a note and put it in a plastic bag and staple it to the tree. Let it say something like...To bike owner, I have your bike. It was outside for awhile and I didn't want anyone to steal it. So I took after it and made sure it was safe. If you want it back, call me....
He didn't get it. He told me he wouldn't know who to give the note too because he didn't know who's bike it was. After trying to explain he didn't have to know, he just has to leave the note where he found the bike. He didn't get it. So I said the bike may be stolen and he should put it back.
It was then I remembered the old bmx bike that I was given to fix up with a kid I was being a mentor to several years ago. That project never transpired, so I offered the bike to this kid. I tried to tighten up the brakes and pumped up the tires. And off they went a few hours later. And a few hours after that I get a knock at the door. It's his dad, wanting to make sure they didn't steal another bike. I assured him I had given the bike to them and saw a wave of relief on the face on one of the boys sitting inside the truck. I hope the dad didn't immediately accuse him and yell right off the bat. They are only children, a time ripe for teaching and not yelling or accusing.
So I must find the ding dong dickheads and teach. I don't want them to be afraid of me, or treat my house as a target. I want to let them know that I'm not mad and understand the temptation to have a little excitement. Well, they got their excitement last night. But I also want to let them know that the reason it's not a good idea is that we have two young children and a wife who just started a new job. Sleep is important. Respect of others property and space is something I always valued. It's not going to be hard to find the 3, 12-14 year old boys. They ran in the direction of their house. And there is only about 5 to choose from. Maybe I'll go knock on doors tonight around 11 and look for them.
I'd love to share some tips, like don't run in the direction of your house. Run the other way. And don't walk under motion sensor lights. And that this is not the time of history to knock on doors and run. You never know who is going to get up and come after you.
Thanks for reading my story. It's all true.
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