Unlocking Facebook Psychology

I see it happen quite a bit.  Two people on opposing sides on Facebook begin to converse and very quickly it turns into a battle of saving face for one or both.  Sometimes it's brought on by a troll.  Sometimes it's someone who realizes they engaged in a losing battle and they resort to name calling and accusations.  Often times, one of the commenter's didn't say anything inflammatory to the other, but just because they stayed engaged so long makes them feel ridiculous for even being in the conversation, if that's what you want to call it.  I'm waiting for someone to really put together some research on the correlations of ones current psychological struggles and how they manifest through facebook dialogue.  

One tip, that I've learned the hard way, is to not engage the person writing back to you.  Think about all the people reading it.  You aren't going to change the mind of the Internet cowboy on the other side of the computer screen.  But you may inspire a change of thinking in those that are reading how you respond and the points you bring up.  It's very hard to do.  That's why I try not to engage anymore.  This is a form of engaging, but I'm trying to avoid immediate banter.  If someone does have a question about something I said, ask.  But don't assume you know me.  Don't assume you know how I feel about everything.

What happens is when someone says something you disagree with and you don't know that person, that person becomes everything you disagree with.  You basically make them your enemy.  They become your worse adversary.  Everything that frustrates you, you project on this person.  When in reality it might just be a slight difference of opinion and if you are able to get past this one little thing, you'd realize that on a lot of things you see eye to eye.  And you may even get to hear their story on the point you disagree on and learn why they feel the way they do.

For instance, yesterday when I said I didn't say the pledge of allegiance. I also said that America is not one nation under god, we are not indivisible, we do not have liberty and justice for all.  Someone took that as me being a communist and went on a rant about the next generation and that they'll never understand how much this country has overcome and proceeded to call them names and refused to engage in a conversation about it.  Well, first, who are the parents of this next generation?   Talk to them.  Second, I have to admit, to be able to speak your piece and walk away is great.  To not engage back after you've said it.  It takes great restraint.  But third, you lost out on potentially valuable conversation with someone.  They didn't ask me what I meant by my thoughts on the pledge.  Me not saying the pledge has nothing to do with how I feel about the military (past or present), our country or the future of our country.  I want something better than the pledge that those that grow up in the 2000's will understand better.  So that  they realize that we all didn't just show up here.  There was some really harsh things that happened and are still happening.  And they need to understand that.

Calling someone names and expecting them to change is going to work as well as shoving a cork up your ass and expecting to poop out your pisshole.  I realize I may have just lost someone there, but c'mon.  That was a pretty clever analogy on the spot.  The fact that it was on the fly...concerns even me a bit.

This is getting a little long.  But I'll leave with this. Don't take Facebook so personal.  Understand that every person behind their profile pic has a story.  They have years of input that's gotten them to where they are.  If we'd take some time and listen to their story we might understand a bit of why they feel that way.  And sometimes, had we been in their shoes we'd feel the same way.