Trump vs. Hillary

Dang it..I had something.  Then I lost it.  Oh well.  It must not have been that important anyway.  But while I'm here.....

My reader numbers have decreased dramatically over the past few days.  I know that I don't knock one out of the park every day, but I thought the last two blogs I wrote were really good.  Some of my favorites.

Again...I don't do this for the readership.  Really.  Ok...that's a lie.  I do.  But not entirely.  It's fun to see what gets the numbers up or down.  Is it a funny picture?  Is it the title?  I don't know.  No one ever gives me feedback.  Is it the amount of people that click "like".  This does play into it.  Is it however many people comment?  I don't know.  Is it because my content sucks?

Maybe it's the photo.  But lately the photo doesn't automatically show up when I copy the link to Facebook.  Sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't.  

Oh.  Speaking of "the media".  "The media" doesn't exist.  There are companies that provide content to you.  

As an aside...if you have an ad selling a product that automatically runs a video with sound and I can't turn it off, I don't care what the product is I won't buy it.  That's rude.  Didn't your parents teach you to not interrupt?  6 Corporations control 90% of the media in america.  Check out that infographic.  blow it up.  It's tiny.  These companies are out to make money.  That is all.  They don't care if things are true or not.  They never made claims to be truthful.  Even when reporting the news.  The news part...the story...that is true.  But the commentary...all opinion.  Like if someone got shot.  That's true.  But the spin around the shooting, that is all opinion and slanted.  Whatever makes them the most money is the direction they will travel.  I promise you this.  You want to find the truth?  Find the guy that doesn't give a shit about how much money is made.  This happens in churches too, did you know that?  

Behavior Modification for Eternity

This morning I picked up some food from a local cafe.  When I got back in the car where my son and daughter were waiting, my son had that look.  That look that he had done something wrong.  He was in his car seat, what could he have possibly done?  He told me that Anne was going to tell on him, so I asked her what he did.  She didn't know.  Perplexed I had thought about giving it a rest, but I wanted to teach him to tell the truth.  He did own up to calling her a name.

At this point there is no use getting upset with him.  He owned up and told the truth to something that I otherwise would have never known.  I asked if he thought it was a good decision and he said no.  I asked what his punishment should be and he told me he'd lose his kindle or Netflix.  I told him that I wasn't going to do that but that name calling wasn't nice.

But I really got thinking.  What if I caught him in the act?  Whether it was name calling, hitting, lying or whatever.  I've punished my kids by taking their kindle or grounding from Netflix before.  But what does that teach them?  Don't get caught doing this because you'll lose your privilege.  They don't often learn the "why not".   I know we often try to teach empathy, trying to get the child to imagine what it would feel like if they were called a derogatory name.  Or if they were the ones being chased down and eventually hit.  But we usually still take away something from them.  Or we make them do extra chores.  What if instead we just taught them empathy?  And if they fail to do their daily chores we take away their privilege. Makes sense, no contribution no withdrawal.

It takes me to this thought of the afterlife.  It's almost a direct correlation. It's like our actions are tied to where we go when we die.  I speak from the Christian perspective, even though I don't really consider myself a typical "Christian".  We were taught in church that Jesus died for your sins and all you have to do is believe in him and you will have everlasting life.  Accept Jesus.  Raise your hand, come down front, whatever.  And then we hears verses like faith without works is dead.  And we spend all our time questioning if our decisions and actions have anything to do with our eternity.  What if I have another drink, will I go to hell?  What if I smoke or swear?  Will I go to hell?  What if I ignore that homeless man?  Will I go to hell? What if I feed the homeless man?  Will I go to heaven?  Like somehow our actions are tied up our status in eternity.  We lose the true nature of doing good for humanity.  I have to do this or not do this to earn my spot.  And we lose sight of doing good things and loving others because that's just the right thing to do.  It's behavior modification.

It's easy to modify someone's behavior.  Super easy.  I'm a pro at doing that.  But it doesn't make for a good relationship.   It leads to fear based actions.   Consequence based behavior.  It's not exactly bad.  The desired effect is achieved.  But you lose the love.  You lose the reason for doing the good thing in the first place.

I'll do what I want, like believe in the Sasquatch.

I may not write a blog every day.  Well, I may write one.  But I might not share it.  My tactics are evolving.  I'd like to spend more time on different topics.

I started listening to stories about the Sasquatch.  And I realized that trying to get someone to believe in a sasquatch is like trying to get someone to believe in the christian religion.  the best way to do it is to share your story and for someone to have their own personal experience.  You can believe without having an experience, but your belief is solidified when have an experience.  I haven't had a solid experience with either of them yet.  So I kinda believe in both of them.  I can act and live like the sasquatch acts and lives.  And I can act and live as Jesus.  But it may not be the person of Jesus you learned about in sunday school.  And I might not be that good at it..just like you.  We all cast an image of ourselves that we want others to see.  Kind of like the sasquatch.  The sasquatch knows you see it.  You never see a sasquatch unless it wants you to see it.

You don't have to see something to believe in it.  You don't have to see Jesus to believe in Jesus.  You don't have to see Sasquatch to believe in Sasquatch.  With the Sasquatch you can here others encounters or you can kind of get a feeling like something is watching you....that's Sasquatch.  Maybe.

With Jesus...you can see the love Jesus exhibited through others.  What if every time someone did something nice for someone out of love, that was the return of the Messiah?  What if every time a hungry person was fed, a naked person clothed, a orphan loved and cared for, was the second coming of Christ?  What if this was it?  How are you treating others?  Or is it all about you?

Once someone has had an experience with Sasquatch, you'll never be able to convince them it was only a bear.  Once someone has a legit God encounter...they are forever changed.  Stories help open you up to the possibility.  So when someone tells you a story about their reality....shut up and listen.  Take turns too...everyone has a reality.  And for each person, reality is different.  And each one needs to be acknowledged.

Oh...this is getting good.  When a white person tells another white person that racism exists here in America, you may not believe them.  They are only someone telling a story. Something they've heard or witnessed happen to someone else.  Not themselves.  But when you hear the stories from a black person about the unjust treatment they get just because they are black....then you start to believe a little more.  And if you are white...you'll never get to experience it first hand.  Other than seeing it happen to someone else.  Does that mean it doesn't exist?  Hell no!

And for Tierney...if you are reading this.  I didn't get to what I said I was going to write about.  But I'll try to touch on that right now.  Facebook.  People argue all the time on Facebook.  It's a place of back and forth.  It's often times to much arguing that you miss when someone isn't arguing.  We just assume that someone is taking a judgmental or argumentative stance.  I can't think of any specific examples, but often when I would post something solid and someone would ask a question.  I would often just immediately assume they were disagreeing instead of sincerely asking.  But they were really just asking a question for further clarification.  So I'd respond defensively.  If that makes sense.

Fan boy.

I get it...the titles suck.  Maybe you want to write everyday and try to think of a clever title.

I wish I had more time for this one but I spent way to much time reading Facebook comments this morning.  But I did read one....That inspired me to write this.   Let me tell you a story....hypothetical situation....but not uncommon for many people.  I'll use myself as a narrator, telling the story as it was me.....

I threw a small desktop fan onto our kitchen floor last night.  I was hurt, angry, frustrated, and disrespected.  I felt like a monster.

I used to go from calm to angry in about a second.  Over the past several years and more advanced therapy over the past few months, I've been able to share my emotions more.  Thus not producing this kind of accelerated response of rage.   Parenting experts call this lid flipping.  We all do it.  It just comes out in different forms.  But 2 times in the past 4 months this has happened.  It's usually happened every week.  So I'd say some awesome progress has been made.  This reaction...I'd like to say comes from never feeling like you had a voice.  Never feeling like you were listened too.  And then one day...you flip.  You can't contain the frustration anymore and you just have to break something.  It's never a person...never.  Unless they engage physically....that happened once.  Bad move.  Usually it's a wall, a door, throwing something....punching bags don't work, they don't break.  pillows don't work, screaming doesn't work.  It's scary.  Not only for those around you for yourself too.  And as soon as that release happens...you see that think breaking....you know you fucked up.  And then you feel worse.  Then you feel like a sorry excuse for a person.  Why would anyone like you.  You monster.  You should leave.  Where do I go?  I have no where to go.  Nobody wants me.  Even if they say it...they are only saying it out of fear.

It sucks.  It really does.  But anyway.....for this person....

Last night I wanted to put my daughter to bed.  She had a rough night with not getting her way and maybe some struggling parents trying to set new boundaries.  Mommy had got her teeth brushed and I was going to read her a book and lay her down.  Well...despite several days of loving on daddy, she really wanted mommy and let me know by screaming and kicking.  I got her pjs and calmly told her that mommy already said good night.  And I was putting her in bed...more screaming and kicking.  She just flipped her lid.  So I told her it was time to to sleep and put her in her crib.  Calm...cool...collected with all intent to come back in after I peed.  When I return from the bathroom a few short minutes later, my wife was in the bedroom singing and consoling her.

This is when I flipped my lid.  Pretty sure this is from 4 months of trying to bottle emotions inside thinking I can handle them.  And you can...with enough practice. This can take years. Now, before I continue let me say that my wife wasn't doing anything to hurt me.  Of course not, she cares so much for our daughter.  She heard her crying and wanted to calm her down.  We can discuss later if this was the right course of action or not.  Clearly...you know what my thought was about it being right or wrong....

I went downstairs after denying the invitation to come in and sing along.  Saw the fan on the counter and destroyed that fan.  It was incredible.  I really showed that fan.  Immediately I grabbed the broom and swept it up.  We had kids in the house, wouldn't want them to step on anything.  Then the wife came down...and I unloaded.  "You have no fucking clue what it's like when I try to so hard...so damn hard to be a great dad.  I try so hard to be a good dad for my family.  I handled her screaming like a champ.  I was going to go back in, sit with her on the rocker and sing to her to calm her down like I've been so good at lately.  You have no idea what it's like to always be second fiddle to mom.  Sometimes even 3rd and 4th fiddle to grandparents too.  Nobody wants to hang with daddy.  It reinforces that I am a total sack of shit.  And then....you swoop right in and be the hero.  You steal the opportunity I have to be their for my daughter."

Of course...my feelings are totally true.  Every one of them.  And I'm right.  feelings can't be discounted just because a person is intense.

You know how my wife responded this time..."I'm sorry, you're right.  I have no idea what it's like for you."

And that was that.  It was over.  We did it.  Ten years and we are finally getting it.  I say we...but this one was mostly her.   Situation diffused.  I felt heard.  My emotions were validated.

She didn't go in because she thought I was a bad dad.  She didn't know I was planning on going back in.  Could she have asked me...you bet.  But she didn't.  She thought she would help calm our daughter down, knowing that I wasn't the reason she was upset in the first place.  Our daughter wasn't mad at me...she just wanted mommy.

We still have a lot of work to do.  I'm really glad my friend....allowed me to share this about some inner details of his life.   Because I'm sure others can relate.  And they need to know they aren't alone in their struggles.  And that those intense "break stuff" reactions...i guess you could say you are trying to paint a picture of the inner destruction that is happening from your emotions.

Own Your Decisions

I saw it all the time when I was heavily involved in the church.  I see it today as a bystander.  I remember the first time I house sat.  I was in the youth group and one of the leaders was going away for a long weekend or something and didn't want to take their dog.  So they asked if I could stay at their house and take care of it.  This was a youth's dream.  A sneak peak into living on your own.

My dad was an alcoholic (all add sober now for many many years and I'm super proud of him and his recovery).  When I was in my teens I was so anti-alcohol it was ridiculous.  So when I opened the fridge at this house of one of the youth leaders and found alcoholic beverages I was shocked and confused.  So like a teen, I invited all my friends over and we drank it all.  Got totally shit faced and did things we shouldn't.  Just kidding.  We didn't.  I left it there.  But was confused.  Alcohol and addiction had/was wreaking havoc and a youth leader had the same stuff in their fridge.  It left me thinking.  Not casting judgement at all.  Because this person had been a father figure to me and looked out for me.  

I remember my buddy Marc and I were on a youth trip in Canada.  We scored some sweet cigars.  We also got busted and three Adult male youth leaders called us into a private room.  We thought we were in for it.  And they basically told us they were disappointed (but not really) that we didn't buy them any.  

I was starting to see the picture more clearly.  

Alcohol, when consumed legally, is not the worst thing.  Cigars, when purchased legally, are not the worst thing.  I'd be willing to bet they all had pre-marital sex too.  FYI, this is totally a guess and I have no idea.  But...they were 2 for 2 in all the other things we were told not to do.  As I aged I realized that lots of people in the church drank alcohol.  That lots of them smoked cigars, pipes and even cigarettes on occasion.  

What's my point?  What are you getting at Jon?  I'm asking for transparency.  Don't hide things.  If you make a decision to do something, don't be shy about why you do it.  Explain the decision making process.  The pro's and con's of the decision.  

Let's talk marijuana.  I don't know shit about marijuana.  Supposedly it's a drug that has some great medicinal purposes.  And there is some arguments that it's not much different than alcohol.  FYI...Alcohol can produce some horrible situations.  Don't try to negate the negative effects of alcohol, I will destroy any argument you make.  But that doesn't mean it can't be enjoyed in a controlled environment with responsibility.  I won't consume marijuana here in Pa.  It's illegal for rec use.  If my doctor prescribed it....you bet.  If it was approved for rec use...you bet.  I'm sure I'd give it a go for curiosities sake.  

Many of you might be cringing.  But what's the difference between the youth leaders that smoked and drank behind closed doors?  At least I'm being open about it.   

Nobody is perfect.  Everybody makes decisions.  I think one of the stupidest things anyone in leadership position can is say "DON'T DO THAT".   Or if they do....follow it up with, "and here's why, when I did _____....", or "when I smoke, here is what happens in my lungs", or "when I drink here is how it effects me......"

The thing that inspired this blog post, what that verse in the bible about God not giving us more than we can handle.  Christians use that out of context all the time.  The truth of it is...You can handle ANYTHING.  It might not always be pleasant.  But things can be handled.  This verse just causes you to use your head.  Oh...if you are poor.  It's God's fault.  You must not be able to handle money.  So he doesn't give you more.   You haven't eaten in days, you don't know where your next meal is....You must not be able to handle food.  

See the damage this line of thinking creates?  

Anyway.  I could go on for days about the damages of taking bible verses out of context.  See, Jeremiah 29:11.    Maybe I'll dive more into this tomorrow.  

This was quite fun. I had no idea where it would go.

Parenting is hard work.  Especially when you feel as though others have a watchful, judgmental attitude about how you are doing all the time.  I used to be the guy that saw parents on their phones or reading or anything other than watching their kids when they are at the park and the kids are inside the fence.  I'd be the guy that couldn't understand why they weren't watching everything their kids are doing.

I now have two and the park is a great place to let the kids run free and you can have a little break.

You know who's a good judge if a parent is on their phone too much?  The battery life on said phone. And their own self.

Or when a child is crying and the parent or both parents aren't giving the child the attention that you think they deserve.  Well...You have no idea what the rest of the day was like, or the rest of week.  You have no idea the relationship between parent and child and the behaviors of the child.  You probably don't know what it's like for one of the two parents to go help their child and have their child scream at them because they didn't want you. You have no idea what it's like to be the only parent and have the child scream at you because they don't want you.  So sometimes we parent just let the kid cry.  Especially if the only reason is they are crying is because they are tired and they wouldn't listen to their parents and went and climbed up on the playground anyway.   So before you cast your judgmental eyes of disgust at the parent....think.  You know how much more like shit you made that parent feel?   You have NO idea what it's like.

How about try this tactic instead.  Especially if you know the child and the family...  Remember, this situation is all hypothetical.

Person (without kids of their own)- "Hey (lets use me as an example) Jon, I see your daughter is crying."
Jon - "Yeah, she had a long day.  Only took a short nap while I held her on the couch while I had to pee.  We told her not to climb up there.  She's safe.  She's not hurt.  She's refusing me, only wants her mommy."
Person - "Ok.  That must be hard for you."
Jon - "Yeah, it is sometimes.  When you love someone, cater to all their needs, and still refuse to acknowledge your existence 80% of their waking hours when others are present."
Person - "Shit, that sucks.  It must make you feel like a failure as a parent."
Jon - "Yeah, sometimes.  But I also know she's young.  So I try really hard not to take it personally and do what I can in those 20% of the time I have where she likes me.  Did you know she resorts to hitting and kicking now when I try to help her when she only wants mommy?  Yeah, that's really hard too."
Person - "Damn, and you have two of these kids and you've already been through it once already?  How did you handle being a Mommy's Hairy Helper for so long."
Jon - "I love my kids.  I want to the best for them.  I get so fearful of the long term effects of what we do now that I often come across as having ridiculous expectations and controlling.  I really don't and I'm really not."
Person - "yeah, I'm not gonna lie.  I have thought that about you."
Jon - " I can't blame you.  Parenting is hard.  You second guess all your decisions.  And you really have to turn the switch of that cares about what other people think about your parenting.  That only adds to the stress."
Person - "Wow.  I never really thought about it like that."
Jon - "Most people don't.  However others that have been through the parenting journey understand a bit more about the stresses I have.  They put up with what seems like high expectations more.  And if I get frustrated with them or my kids.  They extend a little more grace and I appreciate that.  They know.  We're like a club.  It's kid thing....  And I always apologize if I act a little erratic.  There's always a root emotion of, I love my child but have no idea what I'm doing."
Person - "It must be really hard when people that don't have kids shoot nasty glances at you that almost beg to criticize how shitty they think you can be as a parent."
Jon - "Yeah.  It is.  But I also know what it's not like to have children.  I also know what it's like to want children and not be able to have them.  We struggled with infertility for 4 years.  I used to see what I thought were shitty parents all the time.   All I wanted to do was yell at them for taking their precious gifts from God for granted and people like we would gladly take them.  But I was wrong in that thinking.  So I get it."
Person - "So what you're saying is, that it's not right to judge someone based on a small portion of what we see of them."
Jon - "Bingo.  Which is why I don't get to upset when someone shoots me that stare.  I know they also have emotions running through their mind too.  And maybe even some from their childhood that they are dealing with.  Who knows?"
Person -  "That's a good thing to remember, everyone has a story."
Jon - "Yep.  That's why it's important to not judge to quickly.  So when people start to move towards unrest.  Start to get unruly.  Start to respond to recent situations in ways that don't seem reasonable.  It's time for people that have more experience in emotions to understand that they are only trying to communicate a message and don't know how.  Some people don't see that.  Some people just shoot nasty glares at them and think they aren't doing the right thing.  What people need to do is come along side them, just like you did and as what's really going on.  People could learn a lot from you.  I really appreciate you talking to me about how I feel when my daughter treats me like shit instead of just casting judgment on me and telling me to suck it up."
Person - "Thanks!  I try to be sensitive.  And I've really learned a lot from you about how hard it is to feel like you are second class to someone else.  It can feel like a jail.  You do so much for them but get no credit or respect.  That's got to be incredibly frustrating.  Unbearable even.  I can see how it would lead to so much frustration that you would go downstairs and break things.  Maybe even slam a door, or punch a door." 
Jon - "Yeah....I'm not proud of that.  But I'm still working on my emotions too.  Some of my brain wasn't developed well when I was younger on how to handle strong emotions either.  I'm really trying to learn about how the brain works so I can help my kids deal with their emotions easier."
Person - "Oh my God.  I'm thinking about all the race issues going on in our country.  I think I understand now why the black community is so upset!   They are like the dad that gets the judgmental eye from a stranger, only multiply that by about 10,000."
Jon - "Yeah, I think you could make an analogy there.  Though, I don't know that being playing second fiddle to mommy is that bad."
Person - "Yeah, better make it times 100,000."
Jon - "Sounds good.  And you know what.  I'll even go one step further because there might be people listening our conversation that really like police.  They can be judged unfairly too."

Person and Jon take a moment to embrace and celebrate the incredible conversation they just had in about 5 minutes.  The child is still crying.  She'll be alright.  She's just tired.  Person went to talk to the child about how awesome Daddy is.   Thanks Person, I really appreciate the understand and support.

OPINIONATED, ANGRY BLOG. R. A. Y. O. R.

That stands for read at your own risk.  I'm being totally serious.  This is what's inside my head.  I can't hide from it.  So I try to put it down.  Let my fingers dance.  Sometimes it's happy, sometimes it's not.  It's not happy today.

I really don't want to write this.  I especially don't want to post it.  So maybe I won't post it on Facebook.  But I have to be true to myself.

You know why I write.  To get shit off my brain.  Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not.  I don't care.  But it might connect with someone.  It might not.  I don't care.  I'll do this every day if I'm the only one that reads it or not.  Guess what though.  I'm steamed right now.  Even shaking a bit.  My heart is racing.  And I'm pissed.  So you're gonna read me say some pretty harsh things.  Some of it may be an overreaction.  Some of it's not.  Some of it's incredibly judgmental.  This is me getting shit off my chest. And I'm gonna generalize a lot.  Just letting you know beforehand.   This is me responding to the things I'm seeing and I'm acting on it in the moment.  I might be wrong in doing so, I might be right.  And you may or may not get upset.  But you know what? Police respond to things and act on them in the moment too.  And they might be wrong or right.  And people may or may not be pissed about it.  So everyone is at an understanding that I'm responding based on what I know.  And I'm going to deal with any repercussions that come from it. I may even change my opinion in the morning once more details come forth.  But I'm not interested in who someone was or what they did in the past.  I'm interested in what the situation was at the time.  In the moment.  What did the police know?

I'm not a cop.  I have no desire to be one.  And I'm gonna judge the shit of the behavior of the actions I've seen some exhibit.  I'm gonna be the first to call myself out though.  Be like Mr. Rogers...find the good in people.  Find the good cops, share about the good cops.  But you know what?  Good cops doing their job right doesn't make news.  THE GOOD THINGS HAVE NEVER MADE THE NEWS.  THAT'S NOT A NEW THING.  Doing your job right is what everyone is supposed to do.  But when they fuck up and someone dies....that's news.  And if you fuck up and the result is killing someone on your job, you get fired.  ASAP.  I know I know....Jon, you don't know what it's like.  You don't know what it's like to be a cop.  You don't know the pressure.  I know.  I don't.  And that is a screaming voice in my head right not too.  Cops need as much help as they can get today.  I know.  You know what else I don't what it's like to experience, watching someone I love that has a TBI get gunned down right in front of me for NO GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER.

I just watched the dash cam of Keith Scott getting shot.  I didn't see anything to suggest he was a threat.  AT ALL.  NONE.  He was surrounded by several officers and not one of them could have used non lethal force?  What happened to protecting and serving?  Isn't that what you signed up for? If not...quit.   Please.  Because there are lots of good cops out there that would love if you did.  If you can't handle the role of a police officer, get the fuck out.  And you know what...it's ok.  It's not an insult.  It's quite courageous to admit when you can't perform a duty and back out before you kill someone.   I'm not going to call out individual cops...I'll call out the system that creates these adrenaline  juiced trigger happy employees. I don't know what that system is...it just sounded good.

Good cops....I feel so bad for you right now.  These other cops out there being unjustly brutal to people.  Not just people of color, but anyone.  It's an abuse of power.  But you need to start calling them out.  Call them on their shitty police work.  Let them know that you won't stand for it anymore.

I realize this is starting to happen.  There are good cops pulling random black people over to give them an ice cream cone.  WHAT?!?!?!  How about give them a fucking heart attack!?!

I see a correlation.  A lot of the people that will stick up for all the good cops and place blame on non compliance instead of bad cops are also the same people that got all pissy that the good muslims wouldn't call out the one's that were "extremist terrorists".    Am I right?

I get it.  There are good cops out there.  I believe that.  I've had experiences with several of them in my life.  I've even called police on shady behavior.  I know that the majority of them are good.  So keep being good by calling out compromising behavior amongst yourselves.

Granted...I'm basing my rant on watching one video.  A video of a man who was walking backwards making no threatening movements and was shot 4 times from close range.  ONE MAN.  But I have a feeling this happens quite a bit.  And I really don't know the answer.  I'm just one dude who has some thoughts and opinions and puts them in a blog everyday.  And I'm pissed that one of his kids got off the bus to find his dad shot.   I just see no reason...I don't care if the guy had marijuana or not.  I don't care if he had a pistol on his ankle.  The way he was shot was unnecessary.  What happened to non-lethal force?  Are they not trained in that?  Was no one there to cover one or two cops that could have moved in and restrained the man?  What about tasers?  C'mon.

Goodness Gracious

I've listened to the book The Whole Brain Child a few times over the past year.  And every time I read it, I feel like the shittiest parent in the world.  About how I'm not doing my part in developing my kids brains the way they should for optimal performance.  But I can't beat myself up to much about it...my brain was developed too.  Or not.  And through learned about how my own brain works in certain situations and how to begin to integrate left and right, I can also help my kids too.

I wish more people did this.  So often we just think we the way we are because that's just it.  But if we have a reason for it and understand the how behind the why, it's easy to fix the issue or develop the strength.

My wife and I are taking a class called Gracious Parenting at the Meeting House in Carlisle, Pa. Last night's class was really great.  It helped walk through a lot of stuff with parenting about childrens emotions.  Their mixed messages they give us.  Their often absurd ways to tell us that they want a hug by running away screaming.

But if we understand their language and what they are trying to communicate, it's easier to help with the situation.   They have the emotions as powerful as an adults, yet a brain of a child to try to express them.  Many adults still struggle with this.  Trust me.  I know.

We need to learn to give grace to parents.  We need to learn to give grace to ourselves.  And even our kids.  No longer do I see kids acting up and place a judgement on their parents.  Parenting is hard.  It's stressful.  And I'll throw in the obligatory, it's awesome.  But sometimes it doesn't feel awesome.  We place shame on our parenting skills.  Stop.  Kids, though small and underdeveloped, are incredibly intelligent but don't quite know how to use that intelligence yet.

I heard a story about a mom who was kicked out of a public lounge area because their daughter was loud and running around.  Mind you, this was a lounge.  It wasn't a private, quiet area.  And this place about about developing young people.  It was founded on christian principles.  And they kicked out a family who was trying their best.  I feel so awful for that family.  For that mom.  My immediate response anymore to situations like that is to go the place where they were and rip the head off, I mean try to teach whomever made the decision to have them leave,  that kids are often uncontrollable.  And that asking them to leave does absolutely nothing to help.  We were all children once.  And we all did things like that.  That place set a poor example of how to give grace to a young family.  And they set a great example of how to heap shame on them and do nothing to help.  It makes my blood boil.  Really it does.  Anyway....I'm sure I'll have more about parenting to write about tomorrow.

You Have Rights. But You're Wrong.

So you are second amendment supporter.  Awesome, so am I.  But it's not the hill I'm going to die on. And last I checked, no one has been knocking on my door to take my guns.  And no one has plans to do that.  This post isn't going to be a statement on why you should or shouldn't have a gun and the legality behind it.  It's about being responsible.

I have all my guns locked up in a safe, inside a closet.  The key isn't anywhere close to the safe.  There is no way of any kids getting into it.  The only gun I have outside of the safe is a  .50 cal Flintlock Tennessee mountain rifle.  It doesn't go off half the time for me even when it's loaded.  And if you are familiar with flintlocks...the only threat these pose is would be to hit someone with it.  And to do that you'd have to pick it up.  There are much easier things to hurt yourself with in our house.  Like falling down the stairs.  But even this gun it's in its own case (it's too long to fit in the other one at about 4.5 feet long) behind the locked gun case.

I want to make a statement on open carry, even concealed carry.  And when to use your personal firearm.  Most responsible firearm owners are aware open carry of rifles and shotguns is legal but find it foolish to do so.  It creates tension in their environment and puts people on unnecessary alert.  Guns are something to be afraid of.  They are to be handled with care and responsibility.  Carrying them into a wal-mart is neither caring or responsible.

The recent killing of Keith Scott and Philando Castile had me thinking about this.  And I don't want to speculate exact details of the situation.  Only what seems to be clear among the general public.  Castile was notifying officers he had a gun and was compliant.  He was shot and killed.  Keith Scott, the reason for the unrest in Charlotte (well, not the only reason but the ignition as I wrote about yesterday...you can read about that here.) was shot to death while waiting for his son to get off the bus.  Reports by police said he had a gun.  His family said he had a book.  The police have no plans to release the video of this shooting.  They have some, and from the videos there is no definitive proof the man had a gun.  Here is the New York Times article on that.  I'm just wondering why they won't release the video?  Obviously, the only people that know what really happened are the ones that were there.

I know what some are saying...What right do I have to weigh in on how police handle their business.  Well...every right.  My tax dollars pay them.  But that doesn't mean what I have to say is right.  I may be wrong on a lot of it.  I don't know what it's like to be a police officer.  But I do know that a bunch of people carrying guns on their person doesn't help at all.  When they respond to a potentially violent situation and there may be several "good guys" with guns, they don't know that.  Even if you are just a bystander and have a gun, it makes it difficult.  If they see it, it creates more thought processes for them to deal with in an already tense situation.  If carry because you want to be a hero on the street...go get a job as a police officer.  Seriously.  I'm not saying that to be a jerk.  Because a lot of the reasons I hear for the right to carry, is for protection and the protection of others.   And I'm not saying I'm against people legally carrying firearms.  I'm just saying that most of those, just because you have the right to legally carry doesn't make it right for you to do so, especially to use your firearm in the event of an emergency.  I think it would be great for part of the application process to carry a concealed weapon was a course in how to use that in the best way possible in the presence of the threat.   But really, concealed carry.  That's on you.  I'm trusting you to be safe and responsible.  If you think you need to carry, awesome.  But just because you don't, doesn't mean you won't spring to action should a threat arise.

This message is for any open carry supporters out there.  Put you guns away.  If you really feel the need to carry a weapon, go get a concealed carry permit.  Or just don't be an asshole creating an unneccesary  state of alert for all others.  But oh...that's on them you say?  BULLSHIT.  That's on you.  I bet most of you open carry supporters don't like the transgender bathroom laws either.  You think that if you allow a trans-women in a womens bathroom it opens the door for cis-men to go in claiming transgenderism and have their way with women and children.   You say it's not worth the guessing game.  WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR OPEN CARRYING OF A FIREARM DOES?  It leaves everyone guessing if you are a legit law abiding citizen exercising your rights or are you a threat to our lives?   I'll stop there, I think my point is made.

Institutional bull....

Who am I to write about what it's like to be a police officer?  I'm not a police officer.

Who am I to write about what it's like to be a person of color?  I'm white.

Short answer, I'm no where near qualified enough to be writing anything earth shattering.

But in America today, we have a lot of frustrated at black people.  We have a lot of frustrated white people.  And we have a lot of police officers that are frustrated too.

I said something yesterday on Facebook that was a vast generalization and someone called me an asshat for saying it.  He was right, in the fact that doing that was an asshat thing to do.  But I am not an asshat.  And he knows it.  We have to be extremely careful not to judge the entirety of someones being one on act or word that comes from them.

I have no idea what it's like to be a cop.  Even though a video shows a cop performing a heinous act of violence.  I don't want to judge that cop on anything other than, they screwed up.  They shot someone.  They killed someone.  But you know what, I wasn't there.  I don't know the whole story.  As believable as a video can be.  What I do know is, someone is dead.  And they were killed by the people supposed to protect and serve all people.  So as easy it is to jump in and get mad at police, I can't to do that.  Not from the only things I see on the media.  But I can empathize with whats happening.

If you wonder why we have black communities,
look up racism in real estate. 

I have no idea what it's like to be a black person today.  I will never know first hand.  There are riots in Charlotte today over the shooting of a black man a few days ago.  It wasn't Terrance Crutcher's death that fueled this fire as much as it was the death of Keith Scott.  I don't know what exactly happened to Keith Scott.  Apparently he was holding a gun and didn't drop it when asked.  And from my understanding, Keith Scott didn't do anything to warrant being told to drop his gun.  And because he didn't, he got shot and killed by a police officer.  These are two of many deaths that happen every single day.

The riots aren't about Keith Scott.  Keith Scott's death merely pulled the trigger on a loaded gun of frustration that has been felt by the black community ever since...well....America has been here and long before that.

There is a thing called "Institutional Racism".  If you are unfamiliar with the term, you can read about it here.  I encourage you to do so.  It's awful. The way actions of our country...of our parents and grandparents, still effect the black community today.  From real estate to school systems to the way they are treated in the judicial system.  If you wonder why the riots are happening over a death of a man that supposedly had a gun and wouldn't comply with an officer request...click that link and read about why they are rioting.  See, it's not about the most recent shooting.  It's about the last few hundred years of being treated like a second class citizen.

There is a thing called "Diversity of Tactics".  You can learn about that here.  I've heard it said that riots are the voice of the unheard.  Imagine if finally someone in the spotlight took a stand for the unjust treatment of black people in America and instead of paying attention to the message of that person, people got upset about the peaceful way in which they did it?.  How frustrating that must be!  I can't imagine being the victim of years and years of oppression and racism and seeing people more upset over the peaceful tactics of the delivery of a message then the actual message itself.  I would get mad.  And I'd probably do and say things that aren't as peaceful.

Until Americans wake up and see that the people that are mad and rioting aren't thugs and looters but real people with real frustrations, nothing will change.  Stop looking in from the sidelines and get disgusted by the emotions.  Start feeling empathy and help get to the source of where the emotions come from.  This isn't a black people vs. police battle.  But that's how it's appearing.  And until we as white people who don't think we are affected step in and listen....nothing is going to happen.  I encourage all people who have even the slightest bit of frustration at the riots to really dive into the history of racism in our country.  If you find yourself at all judging those rioting as disrespectful and belligerent for no good reason...read about institutional racism and it won't take long to begin to understand.  Hell, just go talk to a black person.  Then go talk to another one.  Then another.  As many as it takes for you to understand.

Should I go Left or Right?

I have some problems with brain integration.  I'm not always good at using both sides in an equal fashion.  This often times makes my reactions to things quite extreme.  Believe it or not, brains are very complex.  So much so that there is a whole division of science devoted to it.  Brain Science.  So I'm not going to try to explain it in a nutshell.  But sometimes, when my right brain responds first I can get a little irrational.  My tone increases, I take whatever someone did and it becomes a personal attack on the fiber of my being.  Even if that wasn't there intent.

For example, my mother in law is awesome.  She does a fantastic job helping us with our kids when we are at work.  I couldn't ask for anyone better at the level of care and love she provides for all her grandkids.  As frustrating as those kids can make you at times.   In an effort to make things easier on her and "pop-pop", I packed lunches for the kids and made sure they have all the food they need for the day on hand.  This is in part that I want it to be easier for them and I want to have a say in the foods that my kids are eating.  FYI, this was not inspired by any major problem with what they were eating.  Like I said, my in laws take great care of the kids.   But the more I learn about nutrition and the foods we eat and when we eat them effect us over time.  So I want to be more proactive in my kids eating habits.  It was a change I wanted to make not because of the way things were going was wrong.  It was fine for 4 years.  It was me that wanted to change things a little bit.  So I took it upon myself to make that transition a little easier.    Anyway.  My mother in law called to see if she could add broccoli to the kids lunch.

This is when I look like a total asshole.  And I'm going to OWN IT.  I felt disrespected.  I felt like she was saying she knew what was better for my kids.  I felt like that simple question of wanting to give the kids broccoli was an insult to the entirety of my being.  That she was calling into question my value as a parent.  And I pushed back a little bit.  I shouldn't have done that.  I shared some of those feelings and it was neither the time nor the place.  This conversation was about broccoli, NOT my emotional health.   And now she thinks that I'm a total food nazi.  And that if the kids don't get the perfect things I'll get mad and no one really knows what the perfect things are.  I won't.  I promise.

But I'm reading this book, The Whole Brain Child, and it teaches you how to integrate your childs left and right brain.  So when they have a meltdown when they can't eat chocolate before bed, you know not to come at them with logical reasoning.  You simply hug them and say that must be hard.  But instead, I get pissed that chocolate exists in the first place and try to find the reason that my kid thinks they can eat chocolate whenever they want.  I get logical.  I get left brain.  I need to figure exactly what's causing this response and fix it.  But I can't.  And then that makes leaves me feeling like a failure when all my kid needed was just a hug and to be told a story about a little boy who finds a land of chocolate but it turns out the chocolate was actually bacon which is that much more awesome.  And then he learns that chocolate is actually good for you until the evil sugar monster came in and added all the sugar to give you health problems and addictions.

Anyway.  I know I've got some problems with my left and right brain working together.  I'm know on my 4th time through this book because I don't want my kids to turn out like me when it comes to brain integration.

This was not at all where I was headed with the blog this morning.  I was going to write about racism and all the police shootings.  But I've got tomorrow.  I have something else I need to do right now.  Letter of apology perhaps.

Can't contain it. I thought I was done.

Sorry.  Sorry your song got pulled into the fight against racism.  I truly am.  I would love more than anything if we could all stand together in unison and be proud of what our country is and what the flag stands for.  I understand the song means a lot and holds special meaning to you.  I also know that our country is pretty awesome.  But let me remind everyone, including news writers.  When an athlete or anyone for that matter kneels for the playing of the National Anthem, that's not what they are protesting.  They aren't protesting the National Anthem.  Argue if it's right or not to use that time as a platform to spread the message.  BUT DO NOT IGNORE THE fact that unfair treatment of minorities is alive and well.  Especially by police officers.  Like a few in Miami.  Who decided to burn their dolphins jerseys and gear.  And these aren't just regular citizens.  These are police officers. Totally losing sight of why these players are kneeling.  They are having their children even throw gear into the flames.  I'm sorry....but am I the only one who sees the blatant hypocrisy of this officer?  He's all pissy about someone trying to be diplomatic about a serious issue that needs attention.  And here is a police officer upset by that who decides to express his concern about that by burning a jersey?  Give me a fucking break.  He also said that he's pissed because these guys are paid to play football, so play football.  Since when was standing for the national anthem as part of the pregame ceremonies written into their contract?  Oh, it wasn't.  In fact, players didn't even need to be present for it until 2009.

This jersey burning is the reason these players are kneeling.  I'm sorry, I get it that your song is special.  You know what?  It's special to these kneeling players too.  If you can't see that by now, I don't know what else to say.  If you are still so concerned about the kneeling and not about guys like Terrance Crutcher getting mowed down...I don't know what to tell you.  Are there better ways to spread a message, YES.  But there are better ways to do anything.  Just because there may be a better way doesn't mean you get to ignore the reason behind the peaceful act of "standing" up for fellow man.

Oh...you haven't heard about Terrance Crutcher?  Just another victim of unnecessary police violence. I know, I shouldn't be the judge.  I'm not.  The video is.

I'm not lumping all police into the bad cop category.  I know most of them are just as pissed at the actions of the cop that shot Crutcher.  They know this is only going to make their job harder.

But if the guy that blew up a dumpster in manhattan injuring dozens of people can shoot two cops and still be brought in alive....but an unarmed, non threatening, man that did nothing wrong who didn't even have the police called on him but they came across his broken down car randomly gets shot....this is why we kneel.  Kneeling isn't the answer to this.  kneeling is saying that we see it.  And we aren't going to stand for it any longer.

I'll even stand with you, the one who's upset about the kneeling.  And say that kneeling for the anthem isn't the best way to present a message.   We need to do more.  Writing about it, elaborating about it, this is me doing more.  Trying to find a balance between honoring our flag, AND honoring people currently living in this country as citizens but being treated less than...

When my children try to share their anger emotions for the first time, it's not always pretty.  But it's a real emotion.  Anger isn't a bad emotion.  It's very good.  But if they don't express it in a way that's healthy or appropriate and I yell back at them for not doing it right...what good comes from that?  NONE.  Do you know what experts say to do?  Kneel down at the height of your child, get on their level.  And tell them...."I can see you are really upset right now.   I would be too if I experienced what you did.  Let me help you think of ways to acknowledge this feeling you have and we can get through it together."    You know what doesn't work?  Getting angry back and breaking all their toys.  That's absurd.  Right...tell the officers in miami how absurd their response is.  You know what will help bring people to their feet? Start by calling this jersey burning out for the bullshit it is.   You can't deny that this action by a POLICE OFFICER is doing more harm and creating a piss poor example of how to handle conflict.  His response...makes it that much harder for police officers to maintain a healthy relationship with all people.

Who's a Wedding for anyway?

Why not share an opinion on weddings?  They are boring, no one really wants to go anyway.  Right?  Let's just be honest.  The ceremony is the shortest part of the whole event.  That all being said, I'm not at all unhappy with my own wedding.

I think though, for so long young people see these visions of walking down the aisle with all their friends standing up along side them while they commit the rest of their lives to their partner.  It's usually in a church or an outdoor setting.  It's almost always very nice and put together.

But seriously, everyone just wants to get through the pomp and circumstance and get right to the reception with all the food and dancing.  The party.  And the couple really just wants to get to the honeymoon portion.

It's ok to enjoy weddings.  I'm not saying they aren't memorable, exciting, special events.  They are.  I'm just saying, it doesn't have to always be the same old rent a church and have a reception at a hotel ballroom party.  This is only the most popular form of wedding.

I know a couple who is having their wedding on a cruise.  They said that it doesn't matter who comes along.  They will be having a big party at home to celebrate the occasion with those that couldn't come.

We have a family of 4.  To commit to going to this wedding would cost in the ballpark of $2800-3200 dollars.  In no way would I ever expect someone to spend that kind of money to go to a wedding.

I was fortunate.  We had a lot of family members from distance come to our wedding.  I'm very grateful.  But I also know that my grandparents were local and they all didn't come just for the wedding.  There was a lot of other family here as well to visit.  But the fact they came is pretty cool.

But looking back, I'm sure we would have all rather spent the money on a vacation/reunion together.  For all I know, you did have a reunion while we were on our honeymoon.

So why the hubbub over weddings.  Businesses capitalize on your emotions.  They market weddings like crazy.  You need this, you need that.  Buy this, buy that.  Don't even get me started on the cost of engagement rings.   Weddings can cost $10,000 or more.  This is INSANE! No one should be responsible for those costs.  Not parents, not bride and groom.  It goes basically like this.

You don't need any of that.  Do what you and your mate want to do.  If that is a big ordinary wedding, awesome.  Seriously.  I don't want to take that away from you.  But you don't "have" to do that.  You can do whatever you want.  If you find yourself asking what your parents want, or what your friends would like or what your Aunt Verna expects to see...just stop.  It's your day.  For you to celebrate a life long commitment.  Do what you want.

At the end of that really boring opinion piece on weddings.  I'm really happy for anyone getting married.  I hope you put as much thought into spending the rest of your life with person you are to wed as you did about planning the wedding.  Commitment is no joke.

But seriously, have fun at your wedding.  If you aren't having fun planning your wedding, stop.  Not the wedding, all the planning.  It's your day.  No one else's.  If anyone else wants a say in your day, they can plan the parts they want to see.  Weddings are NOT family reunions.  There should be no pressure on the bride and groom to make sure all the family can make it.

Anyway....I feel like a bunch of people will read this and hate me because I'm a downer on typical weddings.  I'm not.  I just want to make sure the wedding is about the two people getting married.  And if they are the people that want to include family and friends, cool.  But when we think of the typical wedding, it doesn't always have to be like that.  It can be whatever you want it be.  Even if that's just a trip to the courthouse.

 Your wedding is your wedding.  Do whatever you want.  Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Might want to have that looked at

So last night around 11:26pm our carbon monoxide/smoke alarm went off.  Mind you, I had already been asleep for about 2 hours.  And I didn't really want to vacate the premises.  So I turned it off, put new batteries in and tested it.  It went off again.  So I turned it off, pulled the batteries, put them back in, and went outside.  It still went off.  Even though me and the device were outside.   Hmmmm.  Interesting.  Kids were fine.  Really didn't want to leave under these uncertainty.  But it's carbon monoxide.  I'm ignorant on the topic.  But I don't want to take chances.  So I called 911 and explained the situation.  The dispatcher asked if I'd like to have someone come check the house.  

Me - "Yes.  I think?  It sounds like I have a faulty device though." 

Dispatch - "Sir, it's entirely up to you."

Me - "I have no idea.  We don't have gas service, our heat isn't on.  But our carbon monoxide detector is going off."

Dispatch - "What would you like us to do?"

Me - "That's why I called you."

Dispatch - "The safest thing to do would be to send someone to the house and check it out."

Me -  "Then let's do that." 

I'm not sure what the standard operating procedure is there. But the exchange was awkward.  Regardless, we vacated.  My wife took our kids on a car ride.  They sent a truck with two very pleasant firemen to check the house.  The didn't find a thing.   We were all back in bed within 45 minutes.  I got a lesson from the one fireman in how to decipher the beeps on my detector device.  3 beeps is Carbon Monoxide, 4 beeps is for smoke.  I just woke up, it was loud.  I wasn't counting beeps.  But I didn't smell smoke.  

DID I NOT JUST SAY I WANTED ADVENTURE?  This isn't what I had in mind.  But it is scary.  Carbon Monoxide is colorless and odorless and it will kill you without warning.  Unless you have a detector.  I'm glad we played it safe with the kids and my wife. 

Even though this was a false alarm, I would encourage everyone to get a Carbon Monoxide detector.  It's worth the cost.  I about flipped seeing the prices they charge for those things.  Knowing that it probably costs about the same as a smoke detector.  But because of the gas being colorless and odorless, it's going to cost you about 50 more dollars.  Sorry, that's how my mind works.  But I know we've all spent at least that much on stupider stuff.  This will at least save your life.  

That was my adventure yesterday.  Oh.  I set a course record for the Trail 5k I ran too.  

Adventure Calling

More so recently, I have experienced a longing for adventure.  I've heard about this before.  That it's planted at the root of every man.  I don't think that's true for a second.  Or there is a seed of adventure, but that adventure looks different for everyone.

I just read Hatchet for the first time.  I may have read it when I was a teenager, but this is the first time.  I started to listen to it in the car thinking it would be a good book for my almost 5 year old son to follow along with and entertaining for me.  But in the beginning he started asked what things like affairs, divorce and heart attacks were.  While I have no problem explaining these things to him, I thought that maybe when he's older he'll appreciate the book more.

I've read two books this summer about thru hikers of the Appalachian Trail as well.  I know that's not as adventurous of crashing a plane into the middle of the Canadian wilderness and surviving for 54 days with only a hatchet to use as a tool, but they were still good reads.

Couple takeaways for me about Hatchet, Brian Robeson had a rebirth.  The first few days he was set on being rescued.  He had hope.  But when the first plane came and went.  That hope died.  He rebirthed himself.  He didn't have hope of being rescued.  He wrote that off.  And he now lived knowing everything he did was for survival.  And he did well.  He crafted a fish trap, a bow and arrow, spear and learned to hunt well.  He created a shelter.  He became one with the wilderness.  He was even able to move among the wildlife.  Expect for that moose.

At one point, a tornado or wind shear came through and lifted the crashed planes tail out of the water.  He made a raft and swam to get the survival bag out of the raft.  He succeeded. And ultimately this led to his rescue by activating an emergency signal.  But as he was opening the bag, he found a rifle.  And upon holding it, cleaning it and loading it.  It felt foreign to him.  He lost his connection to the earth.  The way Gary Paulson wrote about this disconnect that Brian felt was incredible.  He felt as though he was betraying the very essence of who he'd become. This rifle and all the dried food rations would totally change the way he lived and moved in the woods.  He'd have to be less dependent on his survival skills and allow a tool to do it for him.

I was envious of Brian.  Of being in a position to rely on ones self in the wilderness with nothing.  Could I do it?  How long could I last?  There is something in me that certainly wants to try.

I think about my friends who have moved to Haiti to run a pediatric clinic.  What an adventure that must be.  As prepared as they were, I don't think they had any idea what they would experience.  While I'm incredibly happy for them and what they are doing, I'm slightly envious.  You can follow along with their ministry and adventure here.

I think about my buddy JD, who I met on a trip to Haiti.  I had never met him before but he said he wanted to go.  And he met us in the airport.  He had just got done hiking the Appalachian Trail not long ago.  He really just wanted to get down to Haiti and explore.  And we did, just not in the way he wanted too.  But I'm confident he had a memorable experience.  He told of how he was going to go to New Zealand and hike the Te Araroa trail.  I didn't really believe him.  Well, he just got done with the 3000km trail about two months ago.  What an adventure.  You can find some of his journey in photos here.

I think about my buddy, Strider, (AKA Matt).  Always involved in a form of adventure.  From joining the military to hiking the AT this summer.  The stories he could tell already in his young life.  He hurt is ankle pretty bad in NY on the trail, pulled out and did a cross country road trip to finish out the summer.

At the same time, many are probably envious of my adventure.  I have a family.  Two young kids and a wife.  What an adventure!  Yeah, I feel you.  It is.  And I love them dearly.  We will have our adventures.  And maybe I'm just getting a little anxious for the future.  My kids are almost 3 and 5.  We are just beginning the phase where we can venture further and further away and not have to worry about the needs of young children.  I'll continue to be patient.

At the same time some would be saying, Jon, "you've struggle with various mental illness all your life and you've done pretty well at functioning in life with them".   I know.  I'm badass.  I don't wish that on anyone.  And its not nearly as intense as others struggles.  Was it an adventure?  Maybe.

I'm not unhappy.  I love my family.  They are a source of my happiness.  Not "THE" source.  That's not a responsibility I want to place on them.  Nor should anyone place their happiness on the shoulders of another person.  It's not fair.  For you or them.

Maybe it's the longing to explore unfamiliar areas.  And you could say that this afternoon is unfamiliar.  Make the most of it.  Right.  Shut up.  But you are right.

I think that's why people love vacations.  I don't want to vacation.  That's like playing just the tip.  I want to live a vacation.  Mind you, I'm still not unhappy.  Just wanted to remind everyone.  When I was in amway...They said you could live a vacation.   That never turned out so well.  If the stars aligned for you at the same time you worked really hard, maybe.  But I wouldn't want any one of their lives.  At least the ones that I knew.

Just some thoughts this morning.  I'm headed of to run the Diakon Outdoor Adventure Challenge.  It's not an adventure anymore for me.

ReKap and Rewind

This one is not about Colin Kaepernick, don't worry.  But talking about him and the whole national anthem over has led to a few things....yes, some good discussion.  But also that there are so many facets to the conversation that it's easy to get lost.

I want everyone to know.  I'm not anti Star Spangled Banner.  If that song is special to you, awesome.  I really am glad that it means something to you.  It's roots run deep.

Amazing grace is an amazing song too.  Many people in the Christian community cling to that song as the beacon of their faith.  It moves them.  It's roots run deep.

Songs take you to a special place.  Much like certain smells take us to a place.  It's therapeutic.  Songs do the same thing.  There are songs that bring me to tears immediately.  But others listen to the same song and wonder why the hell I'm balling my eyes out.

I grew up in a christian church.  We had communion a few times a year.  Communion is a really special thing.  But it was always known that if you weren't comfortable with it or had some things going on that were unresolved and unforgiven with your brother, you didn't have to participate. Really, you shouldn't participate until that was complete.  Honestly, not one person should have participated had they all been truthful.  But everyone did communion.  It was rare anyone voluntarily passed up the opportunity.  Communion is still important to some people. But I think for many today, it's lost it's deep emotional ties to the christian faith.

I feel like the same thing has happened with the National Anthem.  For a lot of people that song brings so much emotion.  Powerful emotion.  Emotion that I can't begin to put into words or describe.  But I heard enough from a friend yesterday why that song means so much.  And I can't disagree.  But I'll be very honest.  It doesn't mean the same to me.  Does that make his emotion towards the song less valid?  No.  Not at all.

I hope that in the coming months, years, decades that there will be a song that unites us all again.  People haven't been paying attention to the national anthem for a while now. And it's not because they don't care.  They are just removed from a time and an experience that would evoke that type of emotion.  I don't think it's anyones fault.  It just happened.  But now, something happened that is creating an emotion.  Attention is being drawn to this song that's not just a song played at the beginning of sports games and other events.  And the emotion that they are tying to the National Anthem is one of confusion.   They wonder why people care so much about this song instead of the reason why this group of people is kneeling.

That's what I see happening.  I'll be honest, I got emotional seeing some of the 9/11 ceremonies last sunday.  Hearing the National Anthem in that setting reminds me of a time when we looked at all our differences and tossed them aside.  We came together as one people.  And we all worked together.  It was beautiful.  That's what I want to feel, though not under the same circumstances, when I hear the National Anthem.  I don't want to be reminded of the time a whole bunch of people got upset and offended because one guy didn't stand up for the National Anthem because he was trying to incite change in the way minorities were treated.

I want to be reminded of time with a professional athlete made a risky move with a lot of potential risk to his career and a risk to make a lot of people upset.  But rather than get upset about what he did, let's get motivated by why he did it.  And have a people unite around that.  A time when we see America come together, and fight for the equality of all people.  And we may never see that equality, but it's worth fighting for.  I still have hope that we can do that.

I'm really sorry the National Anthem got pulled into the middle of this.  I'd be upset too.  But this isn't a protest against the National Anthem.  The National Anthem can maintain it's powerful emotion.  Lets use this disruption to come together, rally around a reason to bring our brother from his knees and give all people a reason to stand.  Sometimes disruptions are necessary.  This is one of those times.  Lets give it some attention, so that we can all rise and grow in a greater way.

Yep...more stuff on respect and action.

Would you want a robot for a spouse?  Someone that did everything you asked, said all the right things, ignored their own feelings, didn't have an opinion but treated you like you were almighty king and stood every time you entered.   But that thing is, the spouse isn't a robot.  It's an actual person doing all these things out of fear or duty.  You love this person.  But they don't love you back.  Their hugs are empty.  Their sex is lifeless.  Their care they provide is unemotional.

Would you want churchgoers to just come on a sunday, give their tithe (right), sing songs, listen to sermons, shake hands with the pastor and leave only to do nothing about their faith all week long?  Would you want someone to pray for the hungry, yet never lift a finger to feed the homeless?  

Think about your kids, if you have young kids.  Think about some words that will describe how you want them to be when they grow up.  Courageous, thoughtful, compassionate, hard working, grateful....

Did blindly obedient make the list?  I doubt it.  Did forced showing of respect though not heartfelt make the list?  Probably not.

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love."  Yep...came straight from the bible.

So let me ask you.  Do you want to put the value of a song over the cries of the oppressed and marginalized?   Is your allegiance to tradition going to take a precedence over the blatant racism that still happens in America today?  Standing for a song does not equal respect.  Standing for a song does not equal love for your country.  Standing during a prayer for hungry people to be fed does not equal donating $100 to the local feeding program.

I hate the food industry.

Preying on children.  It's absolutely pathetic.  It's hard not to think the food, health, and drug industries are all in bed with each other.

All the child geared marketing for all the sugar loaded products.  I used to not give a rip about this stuff.  My body and health has always been pretty awesome.  I could eat just about whatever I wanted.  It would effect me, but nothing I couldn't counter act.  I'm a very active guy so I could burn through a lot of junk.  Who doesn't love the joy on kids faces when the are eating sugar?  They love it.  It's almost like a drug.  Oh wait.....

It's in everything.  And marketing agencies don't help one bit.  We now think that a "green" package is healthy. We think Low or Reduced Fat is better.  It's not.  At all.  It tastes like cardboard and needs other additives to help it taste better, like more sugar.

But wait, Whole grains are good for you.  Right?  Maybe.  But not as good as not eating grains at all. And most foods that say "contains whole grains", well, they are there and pulverized into tiny little bits. This means it still spikes your blood sugar.

Just because it's gluten free doesn't mean it's good for you.  Your gluten free foods can still contain corn starch, potato starch, tapioca starch and be loaded with....sugar.  Eat real foods.

Did you know that many food companies put small, trace, amounts of "healthy" stuff in their products just to say it's in there.  Omega 3's, Whole grains, Anti-oxidants....etc.  And the amounts in this food, when paired with the actual food product, you see no benefit.

Real sugar....like sugar in the raw, evaporated cane sugar...etc.  Guess what?  It's still sugar.  Sorry.

Ok..so you gave up sugar.  But you still eat artificially sweetened foods.  Ok.  But know that the sweetness from the artificial sweeteners can still produce a hunger response from the brain and cause you to eat more.  Trust me.  I've been there.

But back to my original point.  Kids don't know whats good for them or not.  We have to teach them. The problem?  No one food is really healthy.  It all depends on what we eat with that food over the course of the day and week.  Eating options have to be a lifestyle.

But there is so much junk food, like sugar filled yogurt and cereal geared towards kids.  Snack foods like cookies, crackers, cheese itz, chips, pretzels are loaded with sugar and carbs.  None of these are good for kids.  Even the gluten free ones.  Can they be eaten sparingly, maybe.  Most likely.  But who rations out their kids foods?  And why do we even want to train their brains to even recognize these foods.  Seriously?  Look at the obesity problem in america.

I AM NOT FAT SHAMING.  Ok, last year, I did.
I couldn't understand why people could ever let themselves get big.  But you know what, I changed.  I started to understand how different types of food effected us.  I understand that most people don't gain weight due to lack of will power or because they are lazy.  It's because they just don't understand how our bodies process foods.  And most people get their information about things that are "healthy" from the food industry.  And the food industry doesn't give a shit about your health.   All they want to do is take your money.  I promise you that.  They assume you are an adult and can make decisions for yourself and it's your decision what to eat.   It can be frustrating when all your life you've been given certain foods and they haven't really effected you, than one day they do.  And people blame age and metabolism.  Which is maybe some reason.  So you start working out and try to "diet" a little bit.  But it doesn't work.  So you just give up and realize this is life and there are more important things to concentrate on.  Who can blame you?  I can't.  But when I learned that exercise has very little to do with weight loss and that people could lose hundreds of pound on diet alone....SOLD!

Daily allowance is 9-12 teaspoons.  I
hope you aren't eating any more sugar for the rest
of today and half of tomorrow.  

Did you know they don't have the daily allowance percentage of sugar next to the amount on the labels?  BECAUSE IT WOULD BE OVER 100% ON JUST ABOUT EVERY FOOD!!!

Now, I'm not a nutrition expert yet.  But lets just say, when you cut carbohydrates significantly.  It pushes you to real foods with minimal ingredients.  Usually one ingredient.  Your calories are NATURALLY restricted because the sugar contains a shit ton of calories.  I haven't counted calories in months.  I count fat, protein and carbs and my calorie count should sit right at that daily allowance, 2000-2500 a day.  Imagine that.  But seriously, it's not about calories.

Back to my original sentiment.  NOTHING in the consumption industry should be marketed to kids.  Remember when smoking companies had to change their marketing strategies?  What about the sugar industry?  Sugar is killing just as many, if not more people than smoking.

And then the health industry...READ THIS FOR THAT.  Obesity is preventable for the majority of people.  And it's costing us billions.  This should infuriate people.  If you complain about rising health care costs....this should absolutely rile you up.  But dang those unhealthy foods are good. And why are we so addicted to them....we were marketed those foods as kids.  And we kids were very persuasive at getting our way.  We've created an addiction to sugar.  You want to know about that?  Read about sugar and it's addictive qualities here.   And why wouldn't us parents trust the food industry?  For sure they have our best interests in mind.  WRONG.