Should I go Left or Right?

I have some problems with brain integration.  I'm not always good at using both sides in an equal fashion.  This often times makes my reactions to things quite extreme.  Believe it or not, brains are very complex.  So much so that there is a whole division of science devoted to it.  Brain Science.  So I'm not going to try to explain it in a nutshell.  But sometimes, when my right brain responds first I can get a little irrational.  My tone increases, I take whatever someone did and it becomes a personal attack on the fiber of my being.  Even if that wasn't there intent.

For example, my mother in law is awesome.  She does a fantastic job helping us with our kids when we are at work.  I couldn't ask for anyone better at the level of care and love she provides for all her grandkids.  As frustrating as those kids can make you at times.   In an effort to make things easier on her and "pop-pop", I packed lunches for the kids and made sure they have all the food they need for the day on hand.  This is in part that I want it to be easier for them and I want to have a say in the foods that my kids are eating.  FYI, this was not inspired by any major problem with what they were eating.  Like I said, my in laws take great care of the kids.   But the more I learn about nutrition and the foods we eat and when we eat them effect us over time.  So I want to be more proactive in my kids eating habits.  It was a change I wanted to make not because of the way things were going was wrong.  It was fine for 4 years.  It was me that wanted to change things a little bit.  So I took it upon myself to make that transition a little easier.    Anyway.  My mother in law called to see if she could add broccoli to the kids lunch.

This is when I look like a total asshole.  And I'm going to OWN IT.  I felt disrespected.  I felt like she was saying she knew what was better for my kids.  I felt like that simple question of wanting to give the kids broccoli was an insult to the entirety of my being.  That she was calling into question my value as a parent.  And I pushed back a little bit.  I shouldn't have done that.  I shared some of those feelings and it was neither the time nor the place.  This conversation was about broccoli, NOT my emotional health.   And now she thinks that I'm a total food nazi.  And that if the kids don't get the perfect things I'll get mad and no one really knows what the perfect things are.  I won't.  I promise.

But I'm reading this book, The Whole Brain Child, and it teaches you how to integrate your childs left and right brain.  So when they have a meltdown when they can't eat chocolate before bed, you know not to come at them with logical reasoning.  You simply hug them and say that must be hard.  But instead, I get pissed that chocolate exists in the first place and try to find the reason that my kid thinks they can eat chocolate whenever they want.  I get logical.  I get left brain.  I need to figure exactly what's causing this response and fix it.  But I can't.  And then that makes leaves me feeling like a failure when all my kid needed was just a hug and to be told a story about a little boy who finds a land of chocolate but it turns out the chocolate was actually bacon which is that much more awesome.  And then he learns that chocolate is actually good for you until the evil sugar monster came in and added all the sugar to give you health problems and addictions.

Anyway.  I know I've got some problems with my left and right brain working together.  I'm know on my 4th time through this book because I don't want my kids to turn out like me when it comes to brain integration.

This was not at all where I was headed with the blog this morning.  I was going to write about racism and all the police shootings.  But I've got tomorrow.  I have something else I need to do right now.  Letter of apology perhaps.