It's hard to make adult decisions when no one has ever taught you how to be an adult. It can be incredible difficult when you are a man and have to grow up. This difficulty begins to manifest when you move out on your own for the first time. Maybe a little bit more when you begin dating someone seriously. But if you've managed to sneak through past all that it happens right about the time you have kids. They are a great responsibility. And the difficulty of adulting hits you right in the face. And the ass at the same time. And it's kicks you in the dick. And then your ribs when you've fallen to the ground. And then it pours gas on you. And lights you on fire. And pisses on you again to put it out. It can be pretty debilitating.
Having a role model in your life is huge. Someone that can be around to teach you about adulthood and how to navigate the tricky waters. You know it's possible for a teenager to make their way through life just barely keeping their head above water. I didn't realize I was still a slightly responsible teenager until I was about 30 years old. And even then, the troubles were really only just beginning.
If you don't have anyone in your life to guide you. You have to guess. And you even if your guess turns out ok, you might think you did it right. I'm going to be honest. I was a difficult kid. I was strong willed. I probably didn't invite guidance into my life. And if someone asked I was probably to prideful....or most likely full of shame and embarrassment.... to say I needed help. I think it was more shame and embarrassment. So of the things you should come to learn as a young adult, you never learned and you were embarrassed because you should have. But if no one teaches you.....how can you learn.
This is why it's important to be a mentor. This is why it's important to be a parent that is so fully engaged in your teenagers life. And even before that. To encourage their strengths. To teach them. To love them. To instill confidence in them.
I made a lot of mistakes in my early 20's. I bought a condo. I trusted a younger friend of mine who just got his realtors license to lead me right. He did. His boss didn't. Hooked me up with an adjustable rate mortgage that turned my affordable $403 a month into $600 after a couple years. Thanks for nothing DAWN REALTY. Taking advantage of first time homebuyers who admittedly don't know anything about buying a house.
I found a wonderful woman to date and we eventually got married and bought another condo, renting mine out for a loss. Come to find out that refinancing would cost $7-10k and knew that wasn't in the cards as a young couple. We ending up selling this condo. Stupid. This was inspired by 'long term' thinking by the fine folks at URA/DC International and Amway. We could be rich selling amway. Anyone can do it. Bullshit. They don't care about people. They care about money. You prey on young men who never thought they could make it in life and feed them with lies that they can. Totally ignoring any and all signs that maybe this isn't for them.
But even through all this. I had a wonderful wife who was a good, strong and intelligent person to stay with me through all of this. She saw the good that was inside of me. The zeal to do something great. But this never manifested.
At this time a few older adults have come into my life and began to encourage and give advice. However it was all new to me. Who do I trust? I've been doing ok, right? But even so, I persuaded us to buy another house, and then we sold that one to pay for our kids (this was a good decision, buying it in the first place was not). I was strong. I was a good manipulator to getting people to think it was a good idea.
Fast forward several years later and I'm still a work in progress. There is much more to the story in between where I left off and now. But I'm starting to realize what good decisions are. Even if they aren't what I've always done. I'm learning that just because you have always done something doesn't mean it's the right decision. Kinda like voting republican just because you've always done that.
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