Short. To Short

Just kidding.  Wanted to see if you'd click on the title that said short.  Well.  It might be.  Totally random today.

This morning I saw someone posted a pic of Tony Romo and the camera angle looked a little like he was overweight.  So the jokes ensued.  Joke away all you want.  He's still Tony Romo.  And you can joke about that too.  But in the end...who's the one that made himself into an NFL quarterback.  A good one too.  I'm not even a cowboys fan.  But anyway.  I went to ONE website about Tony Romo and it shows up in my "frequently visited" page on safari.  Why?!?!?!?!

And the rest is me talking through stuff for myself.  It's a story of working through money spending in my head.  It's really boring.  Don't worry about reading it if you don't want to.  Seriously.  But whatevs.   If anything...scroll down to the last big paragraph.  This middle part is just backstory.

About two months ago I was looking to buy a road bike.  For the specific purpose of exercise and enjoyment.  But I didn't want to drop hundreds of dollars on a whim.  So I decided to sell a mountain bike.  Well, the day of my trip to Gettysburg Bicycle and Fitness to trade in my mountain bike, someone bought it...for $500.  The price I paid for it three years ago.  I still had it in my head that I shouldn't spend much extra on a road bike.  I knew I could find a nice one for around that price.  I did...an entry level Trek Alpha series 1.1.  It was $750.  So $250 out of pocket, not bad.  I had eyed another one...but it was $1500.  A little too much.  After a month of riding and 200 miles the gears were making noise and the bike wasn't getting any more comfortable.  I never really liked the look anyway.  So last weekend I took it back to the bike shop to get it adjusted.  And when I rode it again it was worse.  I was pissed that a $750 dollar bike needed so much TLC.  And the reason?  It was entry level.  BULL.  SHIT.  Bike companies need to at least produce quality components that hold up.  They might not be the lightest or most efficient, but they should at least work well.  Especially for that much money.  I asked if they'd trade it back and I could get a level up.  Sure they said.

I talked with my wife about money.  Because of my depression I was/am a compulsive spender.  That wouldn't help those symptoms.   Because I'd get something nice for myself and then feel bad that I spent money on it.  I asked how much was too much.  She had no idea and gave me permission to spend a reasonable amount on a good bike that I'd enjoy and get good use out of.  I ride about 50 or so miles a week or more.  It was nice to talk about the spending part.  Spending money on nice things is some baggage I carry from somewhere.  My guess is it's from childhood.  We weren't even allowed to buy name brand shoes.  I know they are a rip off,  But when everyone else is wearing nikes and you have the knock off brand "nucleus" that looks just like nike but does not perform nearly as well and have to explain how yours are "just like" nike's only cheaper like its a badge of honor.....it's not fun.  And you grow up believing you shouldn't spend money on nice things.  I'll never forget my first pair of cheap reeboks.  And then the next pair I got the "shaqnosis" shoes. They were awesome.  And from that point on....slack was given on shoes.

Anyway...permission was granted.  And I felt good.  So that $1500 dollar bike, on sale for $1100.  And they gave me $675 for the bike that was $750 new.  I cleaned it up really nice though.  So I ended up getting a Specialized Diverge Elite DSW cheaper than I could have two months ago and I overcame a huge mental barrier.  God is so GOOD!  That is a joke.  I don't think God had anything to do with this.  Maybe I'm wrong...but I hate when people talk about saving a bunch of money on pleasure items when people around the world are hungry.  Maybe that's where the guilt comes from.  Pretty sure a lot of it does.

Why do I tell you all this?  Even in my own head I know there are people saying...I can't believe he spent a net $600 on a bicycle.  Well, you know what?  I saved $600 on junk food in the past two months.  So stop your judgmental attitude.  Think about all the people who could have used that money......SHUT UP.   You could have paid off some more student loan debt.  Even though we just paid off over $8000 of student loan debt in the past two months.  So what's $600 to spend on a new bike that treats my depression and ADHD and improves my health. CHUMP CHANGE.  that's what it is.  So get out of my head all you negative talkers.

I know...nobody said any of that.  It was me, and my head.   And if you still are reading this thinking I could have gone extreme and denied that bike for another few years....FUCK YOU.  Seriously.  I don't care.  I might die tomorrow.  So if we make 75% good decisions and want to do something like this....have at it.  If we want to go to the beach for a weekend....awesome.   We pay all our bills on time and have some in savings.  So STOP THE TALK about spending money on bike isn't necessary. I finally feel good about stuff.  And I will not listen to all the demons...whether real or made up.

Do you know what all this really might be?  Nobody saying "good job!"  No compliments.  No affirmation.  It doesn't matter how many good decisions you make....if all people do is pick out the ways you could do it better, you will grow up with issues and question everything you do if it's good or not.  I notice this in the way I interact with my kids.  And I'm changing.  Start saying good job, well done, I like what you did there.  Make them smile.  Even about the silly things.  Like eating crabs on hungry shark.  Good Job catching those crabs!!!  No matter how pointless it is.  When's the last time you complimented your child on how good of a job they were doing?  When is the last time your child, young or old, came in excited about how successful they were or a recent accomplishment?  Did you give them a big high five and say I'm so proud of you!!!  Or were you too busy thinking about how you aren't achieving the same levels?  Well, I could call you a shit head.  But instead, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry you had shitty parents that never encouraged or congratulated you or were in a relationship where people didn't encourage you and support your achievements.  It's not too late to overcome.  I believe in you too.  You can flush those mental demons too.  Let's do this.

I'm going on a bike ride.  With the mountain bike I spent $1800 on earlier this year.  :-)

Parenting to Prevent. Or some good sounding title.

I've mentioned before about my parenting woes.  When you have kids, they take a magnifying glass and hold it up to all your emotional baggage that you carry from your own childhood.  Not only that, you are outside.  And the sun is out.  And if you don't get your shit together, you'll just keep that vicious cycle rolling right along.  That's what happened to me anyway.  You think you are alright.  Till you have kids and then you find yourself saying you are just like your parents.  And it scares the shit out of you.   Well, sometimes it doesn't.  But we don't really notice all the ways we act like our parents when those ways are good.  And honestly...it's helped me realize that we were all children.  We've all had someone enforce both good and bad behavior that resulted in who be come to be.

This isn't necessarily going to be a post about me and my story.  It's going to be a post about the things that we all struggle with as parents.  Simple decisions and behaviors that we think are enforcing something positive, but they aren't.  In fact, we think we are standing our ground.  But in fact we are setting our kids up for HUGE pitfalls and maybe even a traumatic situation. Oh, and my solutions aren't guaranteed, just ideas.  And I am in no way an expert.  And if someone sees things I've missed, please speak up.  If I got this wrong and it could provide disastrous results...please speak up.  But be kind about it.

Situation number one.  Kid refuses to eat dinner.  Kid wants to jump straight to dessert.  What doyou do?  Most parents insist on making the kid eat all their dinner before dessert.  So they do, despite how long it takes and how frustrated the parent gets.  They want their cookies and ice cream.  So what's wrong with this?  You've just taught your child to over eat and get a reward for it when they are done.  And that reward, on top of their dinner, will kill them.   Most people don't even understand their own nutrition, likely because their parents did the same thing.  NO DESSERT TILL YOU CLEAN YOUR PLATE!   What if they really aren't hungry?  What if they don't like the food?

Solution.  Get rid of dessert after dinner.  There is no reward for eating all your dinner.  If your child isn't hungry, don't make them eat.  But they also don't get snacks either.  If they get hungry, they can eat more of their dinner in an hour.  If you eat the right foods...our bodies are like machines.  Eating the wrong foods at the wrong times is like putting soap in an engine and expecting it to run.  Don't use food as a reward for eating food.  It makes absolutely zero sense.   When I used to work at a car lot, every now and then the owner would come and give me $100 bucks or so.  Said thanks for the hard work.  It wasn't that hard...I'll be honest.  But the reward was given at random times.  So if you want to give your kids dessert, make it a surprise.  And NOT on top of recently eaten food.

Situation number 2. "Go hug your Aunt Ida before we leave!"  Kid only waves, doesn't want to hug.

   "GO HUG YOUR AUNT!"  You are using your authority so your kid goes and hugs Aunt Ida when they clearly don't want to.  And Aunt Ida sits there arms wide open saying things like  "C'mon honey, I won't hurt you.  I just want a hug."   And the kid wants to leave so they go give Aunt Ida an innocent hug.  Is it innocent? OR did you just enforce it to your child that when someone in authority tells them to do something they don't want to do, like physical touch, you do it.

Solution.  Don't make your kid give hugs.  It's quite simple.  And don't make them hug you either if they don't want to.  This is really hard, you love your kids.  But don't force them to hug you.

Situation number 3.  You are having a fun time playing with your kids wrestling and having tickle fights.  After a bit they say stop tickling them.  But it's all fun and games and you are playing.  So you keep tickling them.  They still laugh but tell you to stop, while they are laughing.  It's confusing I know.  BUT STOP.  For shits sake, they shouldn't have to ask you three times!!!!   Do you see what you are doing?  The one in power doesn't have to stop until they are good and ready to stop.  That the child's voice has no authority and they just have to suffer through it until it's over.

Solution.  STOP!  Teach your child that they are in charge of their body and if they say stop, that means stop.  Don't you dare keep tickling them.  EVEN if they are laughing.

These are tough.  Because I've done all these things wrong.  I still have to watch it.  Because none of these things seem that bad.  Because most likely our parents did this to us.   And while you may have turned out ok...not everyone has.  We need to stop teaching our kids to be obedient.  I sat in a parenting class and the group of about 100 was asked what traits their child would like to exhibit when they are older.  Not one person said obedient.  NOT ONE.  It's through teaching responsibility, ownership, and respect of themselves and others that they will become mature adults.  

Oh.  And one more thing.  I found this meme when looking for a kids won't eat meme.  And I have to agree with it.  We don't and would never spank our kids.  I can honestly say that this meme is 100% percent true.  And it takes a ridiculous amount of work.  Years of work to fix that trauma.  Don't bring your baggage into your parenting.  You've got issues to deal with.  Deal with them.  It's not your kids fault that you aren't taking care of your own emotional health.

I'm getting a little political

Trump.  For the record....this quote wasn't ever said by Trump in people magazine. I snoped it.  Just to be sure.  But I'm still going to put it here because I believe it's something he would say.  I don't believe republicans are the dumbest group of voters in the country.  But I'll tell you what...whoever is supporting Trump, republicans or not are starting to make me question that.  Now hold on here.  I'm not individually calling anyone dumb.  And neither is this meme.  And don't think this is pro-Hillary blog.  It most certainly is not.  She's a career politician.  I think it's amazing that in the past ten years we've had a black president and now a women is running.  That's awesome.  However, I'm not gonna get so caught up in that.  Can you be a good president?  Can you represent America and ALL of it's people well?  Can you be respectful to countries around the world?  Can you be calm under pressure and make good decisions?  Are you of good character?  So far....I don't get any of that from Donald Trump, the presidential candidate.

The things he says about different races, religions and even women.  Yes, women.  Calling them fat, ugly, and just plain denigrating to them.  And even worse things about those from other countries.  The things he says....if Obama or any other Democrat said them, Republicans would throw a fit.  Absolutely throw a fit.  I mean, if a fit were to be had, they'd throw the best fit.  Republicans throw the best fits.  But when it's one of their own....most remain quiet.  And whats sad...most will remain true to their party despite who the runner is.  That's also sad for Democrats too.

I hope I'm right here.  But I still believe Donald Trump doesn't give a single shit about the country.  He's playing one big gigantic joke on the political system.  I've heard from several people that have met Donald Trump as an individual and fall in love with the guy.  And quite frankly are wondering why there is a different Donald Trump running for president.  This is why I believe he's making a mockery of politics.  He's saying whatever he wants because he doesn't care.  He's proving a major, major point of how committed people are to their party and revealing just how selfish people can be when it comes to "their" america.  Seriously....think about it.  Even if he becomes president and takes America down the drain, what's he got to lose?  I mean, we all die eventually right. I'm not here to spread fear about a Trump presidency.  I'm not hear to prop up Hillary Clinton.  I'm just encouraging all to think about the things that he's saying.  Even if he's saying good things.  What about all the denigrating things he's saying about people that have helped build this country?  If he's capable of saying that, what is he eventually going to say about you?  He knows he's clearly not fit to be a president.  Again...imagine if a democrat has ZERO political experience, has 5 kids to 3 wives (which I don't think is all bad, I just think the fundies would throw a fit), says the things about women and foreigners as trump did...etc.   Imagine a democrat refusing to show their tax returns (people still can't stop talking about a birth certificate).  Republicans would be all over that.   He's got to be in the middle of some sick twisted joke...and if he is,  Kudos to him.  It's about damn time someone stood up to the stupidity of a two party system.

Dang...I'm almost starting to like this Trump guy,  because if he is doing this to prove a point about the current political system he's a doing a great job.  And it's genius.  But I really, really, hope that's what he's doing.  And I don't agree with how he's doing it.  But it would be so absolutely absurd that it would get people's attention.  I mean, Trump does absurd well.  No one does absurd as well as Trump.

And as far as my thoughts on Hillary.  She's a career politician.  She knows the job.  She watched her husband do it.  She made some bad decisions for sure.  Got caught up in a big email scandal and even contributed to the deaths of some innocent people.  JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER PRESIDENT HAS DONE in one way or another.  I don't know all the facts...but is she capable of being a president? I don't know.  Does anyone know if anyone is?

And here's what it comes down too.  Straight party republicans who don't like Trump refuse to vote democrat.  And most won't vote third party, which looks like Gary Johnson.   Same thing for straight party democrats and Bernie supporters.  They are so angry at him for supporting Hillary, they'll likely not vote for her or trump.  Will they vote third party?   You know...if Gary Johnson turns out to be lesser of three evils....why not?  Why not show your disgust about (that I hear almost everyone complain about)  our two party system that you actually do something about it?  Your preferred party might lose...but is it worth 4 years of potential disaster to get a third party on the ticket next year?  I think it would be.

In the world of Netflix, Amazon, 86 types of jeans, 200,000 types of shoes, food options galore and so many other choices that effect us so little, why in the world would we settle for ONE OF TWO presidential candidates.  C'mon america.  Wake up.

Shake off the Dust. You Can.

Don't ever feel like you can't do something.  That certain things aren't for you.

Have you ever been to a wedding or dance and sat watching those that are dancing wishing you could do the same?   But you fear that people would look at you and make fun of your lousy dancing.   How many times have you looked up front and commenting on the people dancing lousy?  Never.  Even though they all are.  So what makes you think anyone else would look at you and make fun of you?  NO.  Every person would also wish they had enough self confidence to go dance.  And they'd wish they were as courageous as you to go dance and have fun.

Get out of your own head.  At what point in time did someone tell you that you didn't know how to dance?  Or did you tell it to yourself?  

There are so many things we do or don't do because of what someone, ONE PERSON, said to us years ago that was a result of their own insecurities.

When I was in a band, the singer of the band told me countless times I couldn't sing.  So guess what? That carried with me.  Still does.  This was 15 years ago.  He was better than I was.  And I was certainly no threat to the job.   But to tell someone they aren't good....made me never want to sing again.  I love singing.  One of my favorite things to do.  But because some Jackass got in my head 15 years ago....I don't do it much in front of people.  A handful of times, maybe.

But I also know what he said stemmed from his own insecurities.  So while I can be upset at what he said to me, I still feel a level of empathy of what he must feel as well.  People told him he wasn't the best singer either, but he still did it.

Who told you that you couldn't do it?  Where did you get that image in your head that you aren't good at something?

And even if we aren't good at dancing, since when did we care?  I'll take the courage to horrible dance and sing confidently than the ability to actually do it well.  It's much easier to get better at those things than develop courage.

Or how about the feelings of imposter syndrome....Lets go down that road tomorrow.

Be courageous.  Set others free with the fun your are having and the amount of shits you don't give.

You're not stupid.

I'm going to be very honest here.  

Have you ever told someone what they were saying is wrong?  Have you ever told someone what they were doing was wrong?  Have you done this because you care about the person and don't want to see them making poor or uninformed decisions?  Were you met by a very defensive stance?

Don't get mad at the person.  Chances are they've been told they were wrong their entire life.  So when they finally have a peace in what they are doing and someone comes in and tells them it's wrong, it triggers past experiences.

For awhile, that's why I wouldn't tell anyone what I was doing or ask for help doing it.  I would just do it, and finish whatever it was before anyone had a chance to question me about what I was doing.  Like when I paint, I'm good at it.  But I still get anxious when people ask about a certain spot while I'm in the process.  They aren't criticizing, they are curious.  I'm the expert.

"Are you going to do this".....?  To me sounds like they think they know better and are checking up on me making sure I'm doing it right.  When really, they are just asking our of curiosity.  NOT, because they doubt your skills.

A few days ago I was following a Facebook thread.  A friend of mine posted and shared some photos about how him and his wife went to go help their daughter install some fixtures and do some painting.  One of the commenters  on the photos asked why the daughters husband wasn't doing this work.   I'm not gonna lie, I got a little pissed at the comment.  I was ready to rip into the person that asked.  For a few reasons. What does it matter if the husband helped or not?  Maybe he was out mowing or working.  And more importantly...WOMAN POWER.  Seriously.  Why not be excited that the ladies are painting the ceiling!!!!  Hell, I'd be glad if the dog painted the ceiling!!!!  But I realized something....I don't know who asked this.  And maybe they were just interested.  But quite frankly, it was none of their business anyway.  My response would have spoke more about my judgmental nature than anything.  And looking back...I think they were genuinely curious.

The lesson here.  I think we need to be careful about how we ask questions.  But more importantly, I think we need to be more careful about how we hear those questions.  If you walk through life carrying baggage from past experiences, it's going to keep you unhappy.  Not everyones a jerk.  Not everyone is a critical asshole trying to find something wrong with what you are doing.  If anything, they are curious or want to help make it easier for you in whatever you are doing.  Most likely, they are impressed you've been doing it the hard way for so long...and doing well despite that.   It shows your strength.

If you've been emotionally and mentally abused, it's serious.  You may not even realize how hurt you are.  I know I didn't.  If I could have done anything different, it would have been to listen to the people that said I was hurt and needed some assistance on recognizing those injuries to my being.  I didn't But, let me tell you something....if you've made it this far in life, you are one of the strongest people I know.  And I want you to know that.

Often times, when someone said they wanted to help me, it hurt.  All I felt was hurt.  And I fought back.  Maybe they didn't know how to help me the best way, but they saw my hurt when I couldn't and it was impossible for them not to try to help.  I've damaged many potentially amazing friendships this way.  But in the end...it was me that walked away.

Not everyone is an enemy.  Not everything is a criticism.

What's the purpose of life?

Certainly has to be more than getting up early and writing a blog.  It has to be more than your job.  It has to be more than your hobbies.  It has to be more than raising your children right.  It even has to be more than helping others.

We've been here for thousands of years.  What for?  People just keep having babies and we keep doing more and more cool shit with stuff we make.  And more and more dumb shit.

Thinking about the progress of humanity and technology is simply stunning.  And while there is an upward curve...it still seems so bleak.  With the rise in technology we hear so much more about the lack of humanity.  And it makes it seem like things are getting worse.  But they aren't.

There is a longing in my for something.  I'm not sure what it is.  Adventure maybe?

When I was a youth and an early teen, no one gave me permission to go out on my own.  I was a crab in a bucket.  I was always part of some kind of group.  I felt safe.  Actually...it was Doug....he told me I should go do some sort of a trip overseas.  While I was free.  He even offered to pay for it. I was 18 then.

Fast forward.  I'm 33 now.  Married ten years and two kids.  2 and 4.  We've been on an adventure for some time now.  I wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else.  I didn't go on that trip until december of 2012.  And I've been to haiti almost ten times since.

Patience.  That's my adventure right now.  My kids are 2 and 4.  We will have lots of future adventures.  And I can't wait to experience that with my kids and my wife.

And as far as the purpose of life.  I think we put way to much emphasis on a "calling" or some grand plan for you life.  How about start with you.  Who do you want to be?  What kind of person do you want to be?  Figure that out...and do that.  Do that every day.  Do what you love and love what you do.

Every day we plant seeds not knowing who will sit under the shade that plant provides.  The scary part....that shade might not be pleasant.  Sometimes you need some sun, sometimes you need some shade.  Be careful of those seeds you sow.....

Who put the Crabs in the Bucket?

I'm going to try to write with a slightly upset tone this morning.  Maybe not upset, but serious.  There is a story that is told about Crabs.  If you put them in a bucket and one tries to flee, the others will pull the fleeing crab back down.  No, I'm not going to write a blog about escaping from the CARB bucket.  But I could.  It would be easy.  SO easy.  

This thing crabs do is very similar to what I've been talking about lately.  You do something to better yourself by removing something from your life that isn't good for you and when you are with someone that hasn't it can create an awkward situation.  Your friend wants to have a drink, you don't.  A neighbor brings you cookies as a thank you, but you are avoiding carbs and sugar.  Of course...these are all relatively easy things to break free from if you are trying to get out of the bucket.  What about the whole of people.  A whole community.  A whole race?

Who put the crabs in the bucket?  Crabs don't live in buckets.

There was a meme floating around that talked about black people as being like crabs in a bucket.  That when some people of color go on to be successful, you still have some that become or stay as criminals and disrespectful to society.  Last I checked...this wasn't just a black thing.  White people do the same thing too.  But white people don't get the bad rep.  Let's be honest.  When white guys do stupid shit, no one looks at all the other white people like they aren't any better.  If my white friend robs a convenience store while I fill out college applications, no one else going to assume I'm just like him.  In fact, they'll applaud me for pursuing higher education.  EVEN if I was still seen with my friend or visited him in jail.   There is a difference in how we are treated because of the color of our skin.

But this meme...WHO BUILT THE BARREL?  Think about that one.  I don't have the words to eloquently describe it.  I'm not a history buff.  So I'll just be honest.  White people put black people in a barrel.  A long time ago.  And there are still people trying to keep them there.  Racism happens today.  Profiling happens today.  If you keep looking at people and judge them based on the color of their skin, you aren't helping to break the barrel.  Stop it.  Stop making judgements and assumptions.  Stop the stereotypes.  Stop looking at whats on the outside.

Back to the crabs.  Maybe they aren't trying to keep each other in the bucket at all.  Maybe the ones pulling them down know that there is a huge fall on the other side and they are only trying to protect the one fleeing the bucket.  Who knows, maybe the crabs believe there is power in numbers against those that put them there.  So if they stay together they've got a better chance of survival.  Might not be be pleasant, but at least they are alive.    Because someone put them in a bucket and obviously they want to keep them there.

Get rid of the damn bucket.  All I can think of is in the town I live in and several close by.  There are designated places where there is a predominately black community.  Why?  Who decided that?  Did they?  Or was that determined by the real estate market and job opportunities?  There are still buckets for different types of people.  I don't have the answers.  All I can do is write about it and get people to think.

Movies Suck.

First thing...I think we are seeing a shift in entertainment.  No longer are people excited about movies.  It's the miniseries that people are in love with now.  The Walking Dead, Lost, and all those other ones.  You can tell how in the loop I am since those are the only two I can think of.  And it's also shows like the dancing one and the singing one too.  SYTYCD or American Idol or whatever.  But a two hour movie?  No thanks.  UNLESS, you know there is a sequel or 5.

Whatever.  I just think that's the current trend.  I got bored with Agents of Shield.  The Flash is cool, but I could live without it.  Longmire is pretty good, as well as the Arrow.  Personally, I can't wait for season six of Hawaii five-0 to come out on netflix.  That's probably my favorite.

So, Movies.  We watched London has Fallen last night.  It was entertaining and over the top for sure.  But was it over the top?  It was a terrorist attack.  People were killed.  Lots of them.  Just like what happens everyday.  I'm not sure what get me all flustered about it.  The fact that it happens everyday and I'm relatively unaware of it, or that I just paid 6 dollars to rent it for 24 hours in HD for my viewing pleasure in the comfort of my own home.   And that we, as a society, watch these very real movies for some people as a form of entertainment.

That doesn't sit well with me. Because it is entertaining.  That being said...I think there is a shift to more fantasy movies.  The new Star Wars, superhero movies....so it's not realistic.

But anyway....I didn't really enjoy London Has Fallen.  While the movie was made up...the stuff that happens is real.  Drone bombings killing innocent civilians, terrorist attacks killing innocent civilians, illegal arms dealing, and many other realities that people face.  Granted, the civilian death by drone percentage is at or under 10%, those were still innocent people.  I don't want to get into the right and wrong of all of this.  But it doesn't sit well with me.

And this is our entertainment.  Making millions upon millions of dollars.

Comparison and Insecurity

A few days ago a friend stopped by for a visit and we were talking about people feeling judged.  I get that lot.  On both sides.  Let me explain.  I lost 30 pounds over the past 2 months.  You might think that's insane.  Not really.  I was just serious about getting healthy and I did the work to make it happen.  Sometimes I'm in a situation in which someone offers me carbs or I'm in a situation where I won't eat because I don't want what is offered.  It can become slightly tense depending on who the other person is.  If they are any kind of overweight and know that I just got in the best shape of my life by avoiding the very food that they were about to partake in, it can play on their emotions.  Especially when I end up ordering a sausage, egg and cheese omelette with a side of bacon.

Or when someone brings you food as a surprise and you can either eat it and suffer the consequences because you want to accept their offer or gift.  Or you could explain your dietary restrictions but appreciate the kind gesture.  I have found that it's easier to just do what works for you.  If you are happy with your diet, so should your friends.  They should be in full support.  Since they were also in full support when I was drinking a lot, eating like shit and 40 pounds overweight.

Another example was given when my friend and his family didn't have a TV in their house.  It wasn't something they wanted.  They didn't need it.  So why have one?  But when guests would learn of this you could see a bit of discomfort.  You don't have a tv?  WHY?  And it's almost as though they feel judged because they have a tv.  This isn't the case.  Just like the person that just lost weight isn't judging the one that still continues to think a donut is good breakfast choice.

What will it take to be secure in our decisions?  I think it's going to take knowing what it is we believe and why we do the things we do.  See, it's not just about food and tv.  We grow up just doing and believing whatever it is our parents or community taught us.  But when we are faced with someone doing something different and they have their shit together it throws us because we thought ours was the only way.  Some people don't acknowledge that "other way" and say it will fall apart in the future.  Or they'll insist that the other way is good but their way is better.  Are you tracking with me?

At some point you need to establish how YOU want to live and what you want to believe.  Even a dead fish can go with the flow of the stream.

I used to suck at giving compliments to people.  Probably because I didn't get many.  Which led to....you guessed it.  Insecurity.  But the healthier I get, both physically and mentally.  And the more I discover for myself what I want to believe and what I want to become, the easier it is to give compliments and encourage people.  A rising tide raises all ships.

Don't be ashamed of bettering yourself.  And if you find yourself uncomfortable around someone that seems to be doing so for themselves...don't be.  Instead...explore what is really making you feel that way.  Is it because deep down inside you know you should be making changes?  If so, don't be afraid to do it.  

And then to the person that has recently made some self discoveries and lost weight or changed beliefs.  It's exciting.  I know.  Be excited.  But know not everyone else is anywhere close to as excited as you are.  So don't make yourself the center of attention.

Tomorrow...I'll share about how crabs in a bucket is a stupid and ridiculous lesson.  But not the lesson, but that crabs were falsely labeled as these assholes that drag people down.

Maybe I Do Get Angry.

I do still get angry.  I just learned that the band that I so enjoy that writes praise and worship music as well as music full of raw emotion got booted from the Creation Northwest Festival.   They are like the David of music.  They actually write whats on their hearts.  The good and the bad.  Probably one of the most authentic "Christian bands".  But they got booted.  They were even on creation posters.  And yes....because they said FUCKING in a prayer.  They were talking about life without God and referred to it as "FUCKING VIOLENT".   Creation fest...you will do so much more for giving Christianity a bad name than Kings K would ever do.  Oh wait...you already did.   You brood of vipers Jesus would call you. In fact, Kings K has helped me in my own journey of faith.  I was about to walk away, but they gave a voice to the emotions I was feeling.

Creation....I can't say I'm disappointed.  I wasn't going to go anyway.  I haven't been to creation since we set a lazy boy chair on fire in the middle of 75,000 people.  And when we shot water balloons from our campsite into all the other campsites via a giant slingshot.  Oh...we could have killed people with both these actions.  And guess who gave a fuck?  Not one person.  Thick billows of black smoke and flame...all someone did was check on us.  No cease fire.   The water balloons easily were shot over 100 yards.  The velocity could inflict serious pain.  We were standing on the top of a school bus doing it.

And you guys are worried about a word.  You should worry about THE Word.

At what cost?  If you gain one but lose one....somethings wrong.  And it's not found in the person that left.  Jesus wouldn't have that attitude.

I don't know what bothers me more.  That Kings K got the boot.  A band with a huge heart for Jesus and the Gospel.  Or the hundreds of thousands of "Christians"  that don't care.  Just give me music and camping and the experience.  That they'd drop a band for being honest and vulnerable.  They can make their own decisions for sure....but these decisions to pick and choose.....christianity is losing it's own.  And I'm afraid not in the good way you think.

Developing Self-Confidence and I'm not angry anymore.

The past few days I haven't felt the same feeling I used to get when writing.  Sometimes I would cruise through Facebook in the morning and see what I could find that would get me stirred.  But as of the past or two nothing really jumped out at me.  If anything, I just look with mild disdain and disgust at some of the things people are worked up about.  No, not racism, injustice or the RNC.  Those things are worth getting worked up over.  However, there are tactful ways to communicate about those things.  And some not so tactful.

Anyway,  I'm not nearly as angry anymore.  Anger is not my default.  I don't always have to find a source of my anger.  I can finally just, Be.  It's weird.  Not gonna lie.  But so relaxing.  I don't always have to find a reason why I'm stirring and what's causing a strife in me.  And it's not like I can recall if there was a thing that got pulled out and I immediately felt better.  It's a combination.

I've been going to Marriage counseling with my wife and this has been incredibly helpful, I've been taking my medications (bupropion and ritalin) regularly, I've been exercising everyday, I've been eating healthy and losing weight, I've been consistent with work, and been consistent writing every day.  This all has helping me become much more confident and less socially anxious.  

More importantly, my mind is healthy and my body is healthy.  I don't think I've ever been in this good of shape.  I've always had dreams of slam dunking a basketball.  And last night I had a dream about it again, only this time I actually believed I could do it.  I haven't even tried since I've lost over thirty pounds and got stronger.  Maybe tonight I'll measure my progress.

This was the preface to what I was going to write about, but I'll save the original content for tomorrow.  Just in case I'm still not angry.

Couple things about Church and stuff

It's no mystery that I don't go to a "church" anymore.  At this point I wouldn't even consider one my church "home".  I have one that I would go to if I went.  But I don't go.  For a while though, I was pretty bitter with churches.  Still am to some extent.  But not nearly as much as I had been.  Yesterday, a friend had visited me at work and we chatted.  I was happy to hear there is one program being offered at the church I would attend, should I go.  He wasn't offering it to me, just remarking on it.

It's a 9 month course...the same time as a human gestation period. I can't even remember what it was called.  But it reminded me of what I've been doing for myself over the past year.  It's about finding your true self.  Who you really are.  Dropping all the old baggage that you've been carrying with you for your life.  Baggage that others handed to you and said to hold it and it became yours.   Things that formed how you viewed yourself and how you viewed others.   And you need to drop it.  But unless you know how to do it, you can't.  I guess this course teaches you how to be you.   And it take about 9 months to complete....the amount of time for a human to fully form.  Pretty cool.  I know I did a poor job describing what the course actually is, I'm sure.  But it mirrored exactly how I felt about the journey I went on myself.  I can get behind something like that.  My journey led me away from typical church, and that is ok.  Church doesn't define your status on the road of faith.

Even if I still don't like church, and could find many things that drive me batty.  I don't mind saying that The Meeting House in Carlisle would be a great place to go.  Despite all my disagreements with some things.  I think the heart of the staff and people is caring.

Anyway.  I'm still not going to go.  I'm finally feeling healthy and happy and that all started when I stopped going to church, as well as started a number of other processes to help figure out my life.  So why would I go back?

They must hate you that much more!

I'm kinda at a loss for words this morning.  Not sure if I shared this little thought I had yet.  But I'll do it again anyway.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend.  We don't see eye to eye on many things.  They are pretty right leaning in their politics and ideologies.  I'm more left, but I don't really like to choose sides like that anymore.  I've learned not to argue with people when we disagree.  And this time proved no different.  We got on the topic of refugees and immigrants.  He said he had lots of well established immigrants that frequent his business that worked really hard to maintain and establish residency and citizenship here. They have worked really hard and are contributing members of society.  And they are all pissed at these refugees and others fleeing to the US for their safety and a better life.  Like they didn't earn it or work hard enough.  As if the risk of dying by gunfire or bombings weren't hard enough.  They are just being let in and provided food, housing, health insurance, blah, blah, blah.

I'm not so sure it works quite like that.  But all I could think was....gee, I wonder how they feel about you.  All you had to do was get born.

I don't care how anyone got here.  Be grateful.  Don't be a douchebag.  Contribute in positive ways to society.

Upset about foreigners going into a country and taking jobs?  Yeah, me too.  I think missions trips that people go build stuff are pretty rude too.  I mean, the countries they do this to are already in pretty rough shape and the people could use some work for pay.  Yes...you heard me.  Stop building stuff.  Raise money and hire people to do the building.  You go be a tourist and give communities a cash injection to spur their local economy.  

Doesn't feel good does it

This morning I read about an employee of a taco bell in alabama that refused service to two police officers.  She said they don't serve law enforcement there.

I didn't read the article.  I don't know what happened other than she got fired.  I don't know what the response of the police officers is.

But I wanted to write about a hypothetical from this situation.  Similar to the experience that occurred at an eat and park a few days ago.

What would have happened if the Officers that were denied service simply apologized for the misunderstanding and left quietly?  What impact do you think that would have had on the employee?

I think it would have totally began a turn in how she viewed law enforcement.  She was expecting an aggressive reaction.  Don't give her one.  To turn and leave peacefully would confuse her.  It could have even caused her to challenge her own views and opinions.  Left a lasting change in her about law enforcement.

Instead she got fired and will have a hard time getting a job anywhere else, thus reinforcing her distaste and distrust of law enforcement.  I'm not saying her actions should go unpunished, I just think there may need to be a different way of responding to situations like this.

I saw a video yesterday of a group of police officers confront a man named Patrick.  Patrick just came from his probation officer.  He was confused.  They asked him who he was, he said Patrick.  The demanded he get out of his car and told him they had a warrant.  Though they failed to produce it, or ask for ID.  It's all on video.  Every bit of it.  Patrick couldn't even reach for his ID.  Any movement caused more aggression from the officers.  They wouldn't tell Patrick who they were looking for or what they were doing.  Patrick was abused and tasered (at least he wasn't shot, right?).  He was humiliated.  Patrick was left with an obstruction record, had to go to the hospital for his wounds, and no apologies from the police when they learned their error.  NONE.  Yet.  Let's see if these officers get fired.   There might be a few other details we don't know about...but I sincerely doubt there is enough to right this wrong.

Let me ask you this.  Between the Taco Bell employee and the Officers, which one do you think should be fired?  

What can we learn here?   Stereotyping and profiling happens.  And when it all of the sudden happens to you, it doesn't feel good.  At all.  You want to take a stand and clear your name, like Patrick did.  He didn't do anything wrong and only wanted to know what was happening and why he was being acted aggressively too.  He got no answers.  He got 2000 volts of electricity through his body.  

In the coming months and years, there is going to need to be a lot of humility shown.  Mostly by police officers who have done nothing wrong.  We've been stereotyping people of color for hundreds of years.  It needs to stop.  And if that means walking out of a taco bell without food, so be it.  You shouldn't be walking in to taco bell in the first place.  Because, Taco Bell.

That's just my opinion.  Police shouldn't have to do that.  It's not fair for the good ones.   But you know what.... Patrick shouldn't have been tasered either.

True Character revealed and a Keto Update

When I see articles or posts on Facebook that are a little to extreme for what I'd like to put outside of blog format but I like the message, i'll like it.  I know this shows up in others peoples feeds so they know I approve of said message.   I also see what other people "like".  And quite honestly, some of it is disgusting.  It often reeks of the things you want to say, but don't.  Just like what I do.  But when I see a little thing pop up by an "assault truck" meme.  Calling for a ban on assault trucks, and hideous distasteful jokes about 84 people dying and 100 people being injured......sickening.   And you like that.  You might as well be the driver.  What kind of special sick and twisted are you?  I see this also about racism posts and what not.

Ok...a little bit lighter.  Keto update.  I'm down over 30 lbs as of this morning.  from 220+ to 187.4 this morning.  Last night my wife and I had a date night.  I've cut 99% of alcohol from my diet.  Before keto I was drinking a lot.  Not alcoholic type drinking, but sitting down at night and having at least two drinks.  And I was able to have a few drinks last night with no ill effects to my diet.  No buzz food was allowed.  

Also yesterday, we took the kids on an 8.5 mile bike ride on a rail trail.  I pulled one of them halfway and both of them the other half.  That afternoon, I rode my roadie 30 miles in under 2 hours.  Fueled by a piece of cheese eaten at 7am and a 1/2 cup of chicken at noon.  Wait?  What?  That's not enough carbs or calories to do that!  No...it's not.  But I don't need carbs or calories when I've made fat my bitch and ketones are running rampant in my body.  The way the energy comes to you is absolutely incredible.  And then coming home date night, still not eating and having a couple drinks.  And still not eating, Even now.  No, I'm not sick.  My brain is not foggy.  I'm not sluggish.  This.  Is.  KETO! I'm looking forward to a big breakfast of eggs, bacon and sausage.

Eating for Optimal Ketogenic Living is not that hard to do.  And once your body becomes fat adapted and is good at using all your fat stores and is producing ketones for energy you will love how you feel.  If you are  in need of a serious eating habit change and what to feel better mentally and lose weight, consider Keto.  It's essentially a high fat, moderate protein, low carb diet.  IT IS NOT ATKINS.   You eat fat to satiety, enough protein to maintain muscles and under 20g of carbs a day.  INCLUDING carbs from fruit.  That is natures candy.   This isn't the only diet that will work.  But I've done about 4 other diets and have lost over 100 lbs using all of them.   But this is the only one I have found that will work for me even if I didn't exercise.  

For you science people...here you go. http://www.nature.com/.../v67/n8/full/ejcn2013116a.html

Strider and Be.

Yesterday I embarked on a journey south on the Appalachian Trail.  I had no idea how far I would go, but I knew it was going to be less than 13 miles.  I was meeting a friend on the trail.  He was thru hiking and in the area.  So I thought it would be nice to bring him some gatorade and spend some miles on the trail with him.

I set of to meet Strider (trail names are given to thru hikers of the AT) around 11:30 AM on friday morning after knocking out a quick 3.5 hours of work.  I was shocked at the amount of thru hikers were on the trail.  In the 5 miles I walked to meet Strider, I had passed about 15-20 hikers.   Within 2 miles of the trail I was hot.  But this is fine for me.  I don't mind the heat.  But then I got to the woods and the bugs came, so I picked up my pace.  And then the back of my right foot was developing a blister on my achilles.  I wore my trail running shoes that I put miles upon miles in last year.  Apparently hiking rubs in different places than running.  Here I was finding annoyances within the first 2 miles.  I quickly brushed them aside knowing I'd be meeting up with one that has just walked from Georgia to get here.  Over 1000 miles.  With a 25-30 pound pack on their back.  So I pressed on the bugs were of no concern.  I remembered the band aids in my pack and at 4 miles in, I put some on and felt relief.  

Strider was happy to see me.  Even more happy to see the gatorade.  We began our hike into Boiling Springs.  He kept a swift pace.  Despite the elevation gains.  I was happy for the workout.  He asked if it was too fast.  No way would I say yes.  Even if it was.  But it wasn't.  I wanted to catch up with him, it had been years since we talked.  And I didn't expect him to bend to my schedule as he passed through town.  Hiking together gave us a good 2-3 hours to do that.  We stopped at the Tavern for a drink and parted ways around 4:45.  

I exercise a lot.  I'm on my feet a lot.  But the way I felt at the end of the day yesterday I don't know if I could do it again today.  And then again for another 5 months.  This causes many thru hikers to stop prematurely.  But if they'd push past those first 100 miles....your body adapts.  Most of the time.  It's like anything we settle into.  The first three days are the most brutal.  But after that you overcome and adapt.  A new normal starts to set it.  I'm sure I'll be out mountain biking sometime today.  

I am happy for Strider.  He's always wanted to thru hike.  And he's doing it.  It's a big commitment and a big investment.  You could spend anywhere from $5000 or more to do it.  Not including any bills you'd have to cover when you are gone and not working.  And you might not have a job when you get back.  

Don't be afraid of adventure.  Don't be afraid of getting uncomfortable.  Don't be afraid to be free.  

Why spend 4-6 months hiking a trail by yourself?  Why not?  What purpose is it?  Does it matter?  What's the purpose of grinding out 8 hours a day for a paycheck to pay for things you decided you'd pay for?   You can choose your own life path.  While I had some freedom in mine, and I'm ecstatic about my wife and kids, no one encouraged me to branch out when I was in my late teens and early twenties.  I felt like I was always on a leash.  Sometimes I long one, but still tied.  What's holding you back?  If it's yourself...get free.  You never know what lies await around the next bend.  Enjoy the adventure.  I decided that day on the trail I needed a trail name.  I spend enough time on the AT on on journeys of my own that it would be fitting.  I wouldn't try to make one...it would come to me.  And in a few short minutes one word popped into my head.  Be.  And that became my trail name.  

Strider, stride on my friend.  In the words of Dr. Suess, Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting.  So...get on your way! (Actually two mountains today)  

Good Morning, Here's more Bad News

Not many people have responded to it.  But I thought I'd say a few words.  There was another major attack a few days ago where multiple people died.  On July 13 a Kenyan police officer opened fire and killed 7 of their colleagues.  2 people were killed and 7 injured from a car bomb in Iraq.  7 people were killed and 11 in a suicide bombing in Baghdad.  As well as the bomber.   Lot's of atrocities happening around the world.  These are not new.  Go to Wikipedia and look up recent terror attacks.  there are several every day.  But by me talking about the big one in France yesterday, does not mean these other ones are not important. They are all horrific.  With today's social media and camera's, we have instant knowledge of these.  Especially the bigger ones.

You know, in France yesterday 84 people have died and over 100 injured when ONE man drove a BFT into a crowd.  That stands for Big Fucking Truck.  He was a local delivery driver and a known criminal.

I can't even imagine what it's like to be first handedly experience something like this.   I'm not for a second going to say that our world is still a much safer place than it ever has been.  While it is for some, it's not for many.

I saw a post by someone..."Will the POTUS call for a ban of large trucks due to the recent attack inFrance? Be prepared to turn over your CDL and Keys people"..... I have a few questions for you.  How hard is your heart?  Do you not have a thread of empathy?   I'm sorry you had to grow up being raised to think and act like this and that you are still stuck in a vicious cycle of hate and bullheadedness.  But you can get out of it.  I know you are probably frustrated with people immediately rushing to find a cause of all these atrocities.  But when 84 people were just ran over by a truck, and 100 people were injured.... You must be some kind of an asshole.  Because I know you weren't sincerely looking for ways to prevent this.  Maybe it's how you cope...I don't know.  But why don't you just keep you hurtful opinions to yourself?  84 people died.  Have some empathy for them and their families.  

In you are reading this in peace, never giving a thought to this happening, take a deep breath right now.  In through your nose, into your chest and hold it for about two seconds.  slowly exhale from your mouth.   Enjoy your peace.   Don't forget to breath and take in every moment.   Go forward in love and patience.   Don't be a douchebag.

This post is not sexual by any means.

I read an article this morning about a motorcycle crash in Kentucky.  There was a man who had taken a photograph of the accident and it appears to have a ghostly like figure rising from the body of the victim.  Photoshopped or not, I don't know.  Maybe.  Maybe it was a camera thing.  I've had light orbs show up in photo's I've taken that aren't visible to the naked eye.  Hell, cartoon characters even show up on peoples cameras that aren't visible to the naked eye.  However, give it time, I'm sure people will start believing that they've always been there.

Back to the spirit like thing.  I see a lot of comments that it's beautiful.  What's beautiful about it?  That someone died?  Or the opportunity to see something that is most likely total coincidence or a photoshopped image?  Some saying it looks just like a spirit.  I have a question...what exactly does a spirit look like?  A human shape?  Have you seen many?  What about a the make up of a spirit would make it visible?

I feel incredibly sorry for the family who just lost someone.  If they want to believe they saw a spirit leave the body, great.  I don't want to take that from them.  But that's for them.  Not everyone who's lost a loved one has an experience like that.

I've had experiences where things have been almost too coincidental.  That it was pretty obvious something supernatural really could have occurred.  But every single time, they were still natural.  Just rare.  I was 18 and was driving my 1993 Nissan Extended cab pickup listening to P.O.D. and the song "Thinking about Forever" came on.   I wasn't in the best of spirits and the song mentioned about if you can hear me, give me a sign, send her a butterfly or two.  And at that moment, one of those little white butterflies flew through the cab of the truck?  Supernatural?  The song said "her" not "him".  So...  BUT....It was still a neat experience.

I've had several other like that as well.  Guess what though...they usually happen when I'm looking for them.  When I'm trying to make sense of things.

Why am I writing this?  I hate when people are so convinced their spiritual encounter is real.  It may have been....but maybe that encounter was just for you and you alone.  Don't cast your pearls before swine.  Not everyone is going to meet your excitement about it.  Keep it to yourself and continue to move forward based on your experience.

I had someone ask if I wanted to hear a God moment.  I rolled my eyes and said sure.  Now, they live in the smallest house in their neighborhood.  It's only about 4000 square feet with a finished basement and they are constantly making upgrades to everything.  So, very modest people.  they were looking to find a certain type of plant for their landscaping and where having a hard time doing it.  Well, on their way home they were held up for an odd reason.  And when they finally pulled back into her development they saw a landscaper putting this type of plant into his truck.  So they stopped and asked what he was doing with them.  He was going to toss them, so they asked if they could have them and he obliged.  They were so excited.  They were convinced God held them up so they'd see this guy throwing away the plants.  Good for them.  I'm glad they had a marvelous experience.

Here's my problem....So many people are waiting on God because that's all they have.  They are wondering where there next meal is, where they might sleep tonight.  And here's someone who is clearly taken care of excited that God gave them this plant to put in her 4000+ sq. ft. house with a finished basement who boasts that they have over $600k in the bank and could pay the house off but like the tax benefits of having a mortgage.

That all being said.  I know this person has to deal with their own issues.  And I'm certainly not implying that God will not take care of the desires of their heart.  But sometimes, it's helpful to keep that God moment to yourself when others right in front of you can hardly even put food on their table.

How about sorry?

I'm learning.  I'm learning how much of a jerk I used to be.  Usually I didn't even realize it.  However, the more I grow and the more healing that happens the more I see the way I used to act in other people.  There are even times that people think they are helping, but they aren't.  I often did this.  I still do.  I'm trying desperately to get better at it.  I don't often know how.  But then I see news stories like the one out of Homestead, Pennsylvania this morning.  It was about a  couple that didn't want to sit next to a group of police officers at an eat and park.  So they paid their bill and left a 10 dollar tip. Good on them, right?    

"Sir, your check was paid for by the police officers you didn't want to sit next to. Thank you for your support."  

Yesterday I noticed an image on Facebook.  I wasn't friends with this person, but because of my friends liking and commenting I was able to see the pictures.  I knew they people in the photos.  They were great photos.  But there was one that concerned me.  And quite honestly, made me a little queasy to think about it.  I'm not going to go into detail though.  It was bothering me throughout the day and I had to ask.  So last night I sat up for a half hour to write a paragraph of an unasked for response.  I couldn't let it go.  But I also know this person that posted it meant no harm or ill intent.  So I wrote, re wrote, and wrote again this message.  I did not want to hurt them in any way.  Or feel like I was criticizing them.  I just wanted to explain the unintended consequences that may occur for her and others when posting such a photo.  I wanted to be soft and caring.  I tried really hard.  And it worked.  They thanked me and were totally unaware of might occur as a result.  It was a pleasant exchange and I'm glad I took the time to realize the impact of what my words may hold.   

Some call his being politically correct.  I call it being empathetic to how one might feel.  I call it being a mature, responsible, caring adult.  

Writing in this blog is different.  I'm not singling anyone out.  Usually.  And if I do, I try hard to be empathetic to what they'd feel if they'd read it.  This is new for me.  And it's a work in progress.  

So if those officers ever read this, I hope they know I'm sincerely trying to help when I told them their gesture was nice but their motive seems unclear to me.  It seems from the note that they are bitter.  That they are telling the couple that their feelings are unwarranted.    Perhaps a note as this would have been better.....

"We're sorry you didn't feel as though you could sit next to us.  We realize there is a tension in America that isn't necessarily friendly towards us cops.  We understand.  In an effort to show you that we aren't like some of the others that abuse their power, please accept this gift of us paying your bill.  And don't worry about the tip, we got that as well.  I hope next time we'll be able to have a nice meal together.  Sincerely, your neighborhood boys in blue."

Because as it stands and seeing some of the stories,  the note they left and the way it's being reported are making the person that didn't want to sit there seem like an asshole.  We don't know why they didn't want to sit there, maybe the seat was under an AC vent.  Or maybe they wanted a private table to talk about personal stuff.  Or maybe they just aren't feeling friendly towards police right now. We don't know.  And this note only creates further division over people that may be hurt by the actions of police.   Turns out, the couple smiled and thanked the officers.  And maybe I'm being overly concerned about how what one says impacts others.  But I don't think that's possible today.  Considering the current tensions.  

That all being said.  I'm sure there is a large majority of police officers that are in a difficult place.  That have only done good things for their community and treated all people with respect.  They've been given a bad name based on the actions of a few.  And they have to prove to everyone that they are good cops!  That would certainly be frustrating.  I can understand that.  I'd be frustrated too if someone stereotyped me based on my uniform, how I looked, the clothes I wear or if I was walking or riding a skateboard.   Just because I looked like someone else.  Incredibly frustrating.  

I hope you see the point I'm trying to make.  It's sad, but in todays culture if you look the part people will treat you like the part.   It's not right.  And I hate it.  The only way to change this is to extend some grace to the people that treat us and stereotype us like how we look.  This goes both ways.  Don't just expect people to know you are sweetheart if you don't look like a sweetheart.  Prove it.  With your actions too.  This goes to EVERYONE.  Myself included. 

When we were in Atlantic City last weekend, I went down to the car to pick up a few things. I mentioned the elevator problems.  So when you are waiting for the elevator with someone that may make you uncomfortable, it can be weird.  A mother with her three mixed race kids came up and pushed their floor button and waited.  Within seconds one of the children came up to me, a long haired, barefoot, tatted up guy and asks to see my muscles.   I could see the mom tense up.  So I knelt down and gave him one of my best "that way to the beach" muscles I could make.  He was so excited.  He wanted to watch it move. And he was touching the rock hard firmness of my bicep and was quite impressed.  The mom still seemed tense.  I turned to the children and asked to see their muscles.  The friendly boy lifted his shirt sleeve back and made a muscle.  I responded letting him know I'm glad he moved his shirt!  I would't have wanted to see it rip with the size of his bicep!  The young kids didn't get it.  But the mom said she's sorry, her son is autistic.  

I told her she need not apologize.  I would have never guessed nor cared.  She was probably so burnt out trying to keep her 2 kids, plus the third who is autistic in line at the beach.  All while trying to enjoy and relax.  And you could tell it was draining.  It was a solid 7 minutes that I spent with those kids waiting for and riding the muscle elevator.   I hope that if at least for those 7 minutes I made life a little bit better.  Despite how out of my own comfort zone that put me.  

You Know What Else is a Sin?

I've got no good way of starting this...so here goes.

You know how many times over the past year I've heard someone tell me they are worried about me? Or that they are concerned for the direction my life is headed?  

Zero.  

A few have sat down and asked how I was doing.  

Very few have even reached out over a message to say whats up.  

It's also usually from some of those people who tell me that others have been asking about me.  Which I find quite interesting because none of those people they speak of asked me themselves.  It leaves me wondering.  Why not?  I have my theories, and I'll share one.  But you know what else it does?  It makes me wonder how much of a monster I really appear to be.  How much of a loose cannon I might be to have people afraid to approach me about things.  And this only makes me further retreat into my cave of solitude.  

Most of the people that don't ask me directly are often bothered by some of the things I write.  They are convinced I'm wrong or in a dark place.  By consulting another about me, they have their chance to try to sway that other person on why they are right about me.  And isn't that like gossip?  Talking about someone behind their back?  That's a sin right?  And not only is the one inquiring about said person sinning, they are trying to bring another person into it with them.  Some of these same people who are so quick to call out other people and their "sins" are so blatantly ignoring their own sins.  And these are the "holy" people that think they know what's best for everyone.  Or so they think.   

End of the day...if you really care about someone, talk to them.  And if you think you can't talk to them, ask yourself why you even want to in the first place.  If it's important enough to you, you'll figure out a way to cultivate some sort of relationship so you can get to know them and can discuss whatever problem or concern you have with them.  

There are tar pits in Los Angeles where over 3 million fossils have been found.  From prey to predators they are all there.  Wooly Mammoths would be fascinated by the reflective surface and assume water was available only to find themselves stuck in the tar pit.  They wouldn't be able escape it's clutches leaving them to a long, slow, and painful death.  Often times a predator would see the struggling prey and get stuck themselves.  Both suffering in agony.  As equals.  I bet they became friends as they lay struggling in the pits.  Neither can help the other, Neither can destroy the other.  The Mammoth and Sabre finally get a chance to learn about each other.  

Maybe we should approach life like the two mammals left for dead in the tar pit.  As equals.  Otherwise...we die.  A long.  Slow.  Painful. Death.  Standing right next to our opposition, ignoring their plight the whole time.  

In the tar pits....we are all equal.  

Taking a Stand

I'll be honest.  I haven't follow much of the recent shootings that have occurred.  I know two black men were gunned down for what looks like no real threat.  I know many police in Dallas have lost their lives or were injured in protest.  I know there have been many peaceful protests all around the county.  I know there are many people that still don't understand the #BlackLivesMatter movement.  I'm not here to explain that to you.  Because if you don't understand by now, I don't think you are really trying to understand.  It's not that complicated.  There is still a huge race problem in America.

We all stereotype. We all judge.  We see a person that "looks" a certain way and assume things about them.  I know this because I've seen it firsthand.  I've done it.  We make judgements based on the first look.  We've been taught this since we were kids.  "Make a good first impression" they say.  Most often this is based upon looks.  Like when  guy on a motorcycle pulls up in leather, long hair and tattoos.  What do you think?  You see a group of skateboarders, what are you going to assume they are up to?  How about a group of teens hiding around a discreet part of your small town?  How about when you realize your 2 and 4 year old go upstairs and have been quiet for 5 minutes?   Or a group of young black men sitting on a park bench laughing and having a good time?  What are they laughing at?

We make assumptions when we come across these circumstances.   Do we base our assumptions on past experience?  Are we only using caution?  Maybe.  But since when are all bikers the same?  When are all young black men the same?  When are all skateboarders the same?  When are all barefoot, long-haired, tatted up guys the same?  They aren't.  And we have to stop treating people by what they look like.  Until we do, nothing changes.  And if people keep looking at you and treating someone a certain way, guess what?  They'll start acting like it.  Don't believe me...look at any book on human development.  If a skateboarder is going to be treated like a criminal when they aren't ever doing anything wrong, they are going to start acting like one.  Why not?  People think you are anyway right?  It gets exhausting trying to reverse stereotypes.


That's when it's time for people like me, a middle class white dude to do something.  There are a lot of people groups that are sick and tired of fighting for a change.  Of fighting for equality.  And it's time people like me take over.  And by fight...it doesn't have to be one.  But I can see how it may have escalated to one.   We are all humans.  We are all people.  We all have our own uniqueness.  We all have our own flaws.   That doesn't make any of us any less human.  Stop judging motive.  Stop assuming.  Stop stereotyping.  If you really want to judge someone, go to school.  Get your degree and be a judge.  Sign up for jury duty.

A friend of mine told me once I needed to pick a side to stand on.  I wanted to stand in the middle, because if I stand in the middle of the road it stops traffic on both sides.  Which is true, but sometimes you need to pick a side and stand with the people on the one side of the road who are stuck.  That try to get out of this hole they were thrown into.  All the people passing by look on, "not my problem, I didn't put them there."  But they aren't doing anything to help them out.   They are maintaining status quo.   But what if everyone just stopped and helped.  That friend that told me that, always stopped for people that broke down.  Picked up hitchhikers too.  He's a real stand up dude.  And often got berated for his good deeds.  He was right.  You need to pick a side.  Until that side is so full of people it overflows and forces everyone to mingle with each other.  When there is no longer one line in the middle of division.

If I were to be honest

Like I said yesterday.  We took an impromptu road trip to Atlantic City yesterday.  It was a weird day for me.  I usually like road trips, thought we haven't taken many with our kids yet.  Sometimes I like getting there more than actually being there.  And then I get bored and want to go back home.  There is one place where that doesn't happen....when I go to haiti.  I don't currently have plans for another trip there.  But it is beckoning.

Back to AC.  The kids had fun yesterday and were fairly well behaved.  We didn't do much.  Went to an aquarium.  Josiah touched some sharks (and so did his mommy, well, one shark one time).  Had lunch but I wasn't hungry.  We then went and tried to find a coffee shop so I could get some coffee with heavy cream, cause that's my jam.  Found a nice coffee shop four miles away.  THEY HAD NO HEAVY CREAM.  What kind of coffee shop doesn't have heavy cream?  Ventnor Coffee.  That's what kind.  The ice cream and smoothie shop next door didn't even have any.  Ventnor No 7311 does though!   We made our way back to the Flagship all Suites hotel where we got a room for fairly inexpensive by AC waterfront standards.  That's about the only good think this place has going for it. The view.  I realized something though.  Views don't do much for me if we are only going to be here for a night.   I'd much rather have proximity to places I can walk to with relative ease.  Like a coffee shop with heavy cream.  And even if I could here, the elevators are incredibly slow.  So if you want to leave your floor, add 15-20 minutes.  I wish I was joking.  We swan in their stinky pool, played in the arcade and had dinner at the hotel restaurant.          


                

       

This morning I woke up ready to come home and make note of the things we'd do differently next time of impromptu weekend trips.  There is no coffee shop to walk to.  But even if there was, I don't want to fight with the elevators.  So I came out to write.  The view is nice, but not satiating.  There is a sail boat making it's way out to the Atlantic from Reeds bay.  And then I remember the phone call I got from Georgia yesterday that I ignored while I was checking in.  One I was expecting but forgot about.  It was a hiker I met on friday at Pine Grove Furnace.  I told the two of them if they needed a lift for food or errand, call me and see if I'm around.   I just picked up my phone to listen to the voicemail.  It was the hiker, asking if I knew where to find bud in boiling springs, pa.   I don't feel so bad about not being home.  Maybe when "bud" is legal in pa, we could have had a pleasent evening chatting about his trail journeys.  

This cheered me up a bit.  I enjoyed the sail boat a bit longer and continued to write.  But I'm still longing to keep moving.  There is nothing here in Atlantic City for me.  Except my family who wants to explore and have a good time.  I wish I knew how to do that here.  Thought this place holds fond memories...it was the first time my wife and I held hands.  That was a long time ago and we don't even remember where we stayed that weekend.  

Looking around, I can't deny that the problem is not with the ocean views, hotel, or major beach town.  It lies inside my mind and my depression.  That I thought was getting better.  Perhaps it is....