You're not stupid.

I'm going to be very honest here.  

Have you ever told someone what they were saying is wrong?  Have you ever told someone what they were doing was wrong?  Have you done this because you care about the person and don't want to see them making poor or uninformed decisions?  Were you met by a very defensive stance?

Don't get mad at the person.  Chances are they've been told they were wrong their entire life.  So when they finally have a peace in what they are doing and someone comes in and tells them it's wrong, it triggers past experiences.

For awhile, that's why I wouldn't tell anyone what I was doing or ask for help doing it.  I would just do it, and finish whatever it was before anyone had a chance to question me about what I was doing.  Like when I paint, I'm good at it.  But I still get anxious when people ask about a certain spot while I'm in the process.  They aren't criticizing, they are curious.  I'm the expert.

"Are you going to do this".....?  To me sounds like they think they know better and are checking up on me making sure I'm doing it right.  When really, they are just asking our of curiosity.  NOT, because they doubt your skills.

A few days ago I was following a Facebook thread.  A friend of mine posted and shared some photos about how him and his wife went to go help their daughter install some fixtures and do some painting.  One of the commenters  on the photos asked why the daughters husband wasn't doing this work.   I'm not gonna lie, I got a little pissed at the comment.  I was ready to rip into the person that asked.  For a few reasons. What does it matter if the husband helped or not?  Maybe he was out mowing or working.  And more importantly...WOMAN POWER.  Seriously.  Why not be excited that the ladies are painting the ceiling!!!!  Hell, I'd be glad if the dog painted the ceiling!!!!  But I realized something....I don't know who asked this.  And maybe they were just interested.  But quite frankly, it was none of their business anyway.  My response would have spoke more about my judgmental nature than anything.  And looking back...I think they were genuinely curious.

The lesson here.  I think we need to be careful about how we ask questions.  But more importantly, I think we need to be more careful about how we hear those questions.  If you walk through life carrying baggage from past experiences, it's going to keep you unhappy.  Not everyones a jerk.  Not everyone is a critical asshole trying to find something wrong with what you are doing.  If anything, they are curious or want to help make it easier for you in whatever you are doing.  Most likely, they are impressed you've been doing it the hard way for so long...and doing well despite that.   It shows your strength.

If you've been emotionally and mentally abused, it's serious.  You may not even realize how hurt you are.  I know I didn't.  If I could have done anything different, it would have been to listen to the people that said I was hurt and needed some assistance on recognizing those injuries to my being.  I didn't But, let me tell you something....if you've made it this far in life, you are one of the strongest people I know.  And I want you to know that.

Often times, when someone said they wanted to help me, it hurt.  All I felt was hurt.  And I fought back.  Maybe they didn't know how to help me the best way, but they saw my hurt when I couldn't and it was impossible for them not to try to help.  I've damaged many potentially amazing friendships this way.  But in the end...it was me that walked away.

Not everyone is an enemy.  Not everything is a criticism.