Comparison and Insecurity

A few days ago a friend stopped by for a visit and we were talking about people feeling judged.  I get that lot.  On both sides.  Let me explain.  I lost 30 pounds over the past 2 months.  You might think that's insane.  Not really.  I was just serious about getting healthy and I did the work to make it happen.  Sometimes I'm in a situation in which someone offers me carbs or I'm in a situation where I won't eat because I don't want what is offered.  It can become slightly tense depending on who the other person is.  If they are any kind of overweight and know that I just got in the best shape of my life by avoiding the very food that they were about to partake in, it can play on their emotions.  Especially when I end up ordering a sausage, egg and cheese omelette with a side of bacon.

Or when someone brings you food as a surprise and you can either eat it and suffer the consequences because you want to accept their offer or gift.  Or you could explain your dietary restrictions but appreciate the kind gesture.  I have found that it's easier to just do what works for you.  If you are happy with your diet, so should your friends.  They should be in full support.  Since they were also in full support when I was drinking a lot, eating like shit and 40 pounds overweight.

Another example was given when my friend and his family didn't have a TV in their house.  It wasn't something they wanted.  They didn't need it.  So why have one?  But when guests would learn of this you could see a bit of discomfort.  You don't have a tv?  WHY?  And it's almost as though they feel judged because they have a tv.  This isn't the case.  Just like the person that just lost weight isn't judging the one that still continues to think a donut is good breakfast choice.

What will it take to be secure in our decisions?  I think it's going to take knowing what it is we believe and why we do the things we do.  See, it's not just about food and tv.  We grow up just doing and believing whatever it is our parents or community taught us.  But when we are faced with someone doing something different and they have their shit together it throws us because we thought ours was the only way.  Some people don't acknowledge that "other way" and say it will fall apart in the future.  Or they'll insist that the other way is good but their way is better.  Are you tracking with me?

At some point you need to establish how YOU want to live and what you want to believe.  Even a dead fish can go with the flow of the stream.

I used to suck at giving compliments to people.  Probably because I didn't get many.  Which led to....you guessed it.  Insecurity.  But the healthier I get, both physically and mentally.  And the more I discover for myself what I want to believe and what I want to become, the easier it is to give compliments and encourage people.  A rising tide raises all ships.

Don't be ashamed of bettering yourself.  And if you find yourself uncomfortable around someone that seems to be doing so for themselves...don't be.  Instead...explore what is really making you feel that way.  Is it because deep down inside you know you should be making changes?  If so, don't be afraid to do it.  

And then to the person that has recently made some self discoveries and lost weight or changed beliefs.  It's exciting.  I know.  Be excited.  But know not everyone else is anywhere close to as excited as you are.  So don't make yourself the center of attention.

Tomorrow...I'll share about how crabs in a bucket is a stupid and ridiculous lesson.  But not the lesson, but that crabs were falsely labeled as these assholes that drag people down.