Criticizing for your Strength and Weakness

Over the past few weeks of self discovery I've done just that.  There have been several studies linked to clean eating and your brain health.  As well as helping treat depression and anxiety.  I can attest to all of those.

I feel like I'm under an eye of criticism all the time.  It doesn't matter what I do or who it is. I feel like everyone is trying to find the mistake.  I don't know that I can pin this to anything in particular, but it's been around as long as I can remember.  You know that feeling when you pass a cop?  Yeah.  It's that feeling a lot.  Cop or no cop.



It happens a lot at the end of a paint job.  That's what I do for a living.  I paint peoples houses.  I must be good at it, I've been busy for almost 15 years now.  But I see every square inch of what I paint.  And I know every little detail.  I know every spot that I could have done a little better.  Granted, that spot is still good.  But people aren't paying for perfection, they are paying for a quality paint job that looks great.  And that's what they get!  But I still get anxious about those areas that could be better.  On the flip, if I'd take the time to fix all of it, it would increase the cost and I'd be there a long time.  They don't want that.

It happens when I pass a cop.  It happens on Facebook.  Although I think Facebook is real.  People read everything with a critical eye hoping to catch you and call you out on your hypocrisy!  Or do they?  Probably not.  Maybe that's just me.  Facebook and written word is not the place for controversial topic discussions with people you don't know.  That's been determined.  I've been trying to not get to deep in a discussion.  One of the things I'm learning to do, instead of battling back with your opinion.  Just ask questions about the others.  This is still a learning process on how to have healthy facebook dialogue for me.

A few days ago it hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized this was actually a thing.  I picked up a friend to go mountain biking and we were talking about the NBA finals.  He said he was unhappy with the 4th quarter of game 7.  I immediately rushed to the defense of the Cavaliers saying something like it was poor officiating and everyone was playing a physical game.  Something to diffuse whatever he was going to say about how the game was slanted towards the Cavs.  Why did I do this?  All he said was that he was unhappy with the 4th quarter.  And as it turns out it was with the way the stars were shooting.  All of them.  Curry missed everything, Thompson, James, Green...so many missed simple shots.  The warriors didn't score any points in the final 4 and half minutes.

Why did I assume he was going to attack something I cared about?  Why did I feel the need to go on the defense?  Why can't I just let the thing defend it's own thing?   Why is it so hard for me to be confident in me?  And the things I do?  I know how to do a lot of things.  And I feel pretty good about them.  But I'm afraid to actually do those things with someone who knows what they are doing because I might find out I've been doing it wrong or the hard way.

It makes me feel like an imposter.  Like I can do a lot, but I don't really know how to do what I'm doing.  I just know how to blend in and get by.  But don't look to close.  I know how to get my bike down the mountain, just don't ask me to bunny hop onto a picnic table.

Anyway...enough about me.  Writing is one of those things I do that I know my punctuation isn't right and half my words might be spelled wrong.  But you know what?