It's ok to verbalize that things are not ok.
It's ok to struggle.
It's ok to be frustrated.
It's ok to be angry.
It's ok to show some emotion.
You don't have to be so damn optimistic all the time.
Sometimes you just need to say "Fuck this shit". I said that once. I remember exactly where I was and what led to it. To God...I said "Fuck you God, you are such an asshole!" And you know what I heard in response? "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY YOU HEATHEN! HERE'S MORE PAIN AND HURT! (cue thunder).
No, that's not what I heard. I heard very softly, "Thanks for being honest. Now, lets start healing."
No joke, that was the beginning of a year of some of the greatest emotional healing of my life.
I shared that story with a Pastor of a church that thousands of people attend. He told me I couldn't use words like that. It's not appropriate. FUCK THAT SHIT. Well, I respected his wishes. I didn't use them when I wrote about it. But it took the authenticity right out of one of the most spiritual moments of my life. Thanks for the spiritual abuse, Assemblies of God church. Things like this happened on more than one occasion. I still like that pastor though....he means well.
I get that everyone that's alive wants to display gratefulness and act the part. Even in our struggles there is always someone that has it worse. Yes, probably. But that doesn't mean that your struggle isn't valid. I used to get so frustrated at people complaining about petty things (and still do sometimes) when there are people living under oppression and in poverty around the world. But in reality...that person needs someone to listen in that moment. They aren't saying all those other people don't matter. In fact, once they get what they need, they'll probably be more aware of others needs. But if you tell them to suck it up buttercup, other people have it worse. They too, will only get worse. And guilt and shame fall upon them. What they need is someone to listen. Regardless of how silly the "problem" might sound. Or even how serious. Sometimes all they need is someone to say "Wow, that must be hard for you. I'm really sorry that you are going through it. I'm really proud for you of you are handling yourself. It's ok to show any emotion you have." Or something like that.
While it's helpful to be aware of the world and it's needs, you can't be blind to your own. Regardless of how petty or small it might seem.
Especially if you are in a leadership position and people look to you for influence. They need to see you go through all the emotions. If the way you deal with things are...."We got this, God's in control" While that may work for you, you can't expect it to work for others. What you should do is acknowledge the pain. Acknowledge that things aren't ideal. That this isn't part of some master plan.
Actually, I don't know what to do in those moments. You do what YOU feel you need to do. YOU. YOU DO YOU. Don't live your life trying to impress others with how you respond to life's hardships. Don't live your life thinking about how you respond will effect how they'd respond if it was them. You don't matter as much to other people as you think you do. And if you do, they want honesty. Not an act to protect some kind of "image".
This blog probably makes no sense. This is just me trying to walk through some things in my own head.
If you are hurting today, it's ok to express that.
If you are in pain today, it's ok to express that.
Anything you are going through, it's important. No matter how small or large it may seem.
Don't ever let ANYONE think that you have to so strong that you can ignore pain and emotion. You don't. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be confused. It's ok to rest in the unknown. Because then you can start to learn what it's like to be uncertain about the "why's" of life. And find a peace there.
I don't know if that made any sense at all.
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