More right and less wrong

Last night, my son was putting on his PJ's.  Like I asked him to do.  He wasn't happy I turned his tv show off, but went up and got ready for bed anyway.  He's 2 months shy of 5.  He gets up in the morning, dresses himself, goes pee and comes down and entertains himself. The kid does a good job at self sustaining so far.

Anyway.  He was having trouble with his PJ shirt.  I looked and it wasn't inside out and it looked as though he was doing fine.  I told him he knew how to do it and he should keep trying.  He was still having trouble, but he wasn't really trying to put it on.  He asked again if it was right.  I finally told him that it was right and that if it was wrong I would have told him.  And that's when the hammer dropped.

Why would I only tell him if it was wrong?  He was doing it all right and he asked on the last step if it was right, waiting for the approval from dad that he had done it all right.  And I failed to deliver.

How many times to we fail to deliver.  People so desperately want to be ackknowledged for the work they do right.  Even if we know they know how to do it.  So many times all we ever point out is when people get it wrong.  Most of the time, it's out of good intent.  We want them to know they are wrong so they can make it right.  But that's not how it works.

It's like those people that only show up on Facebook when they disagree with someone you said.  Or when you said something wrong.  They rear their ugly words and make sure you know what you said was wrong.  But all the good things you said....not ackknowledged one bit.

I struggle with giving approval.  It's hard to do.  Most people that think they don't need to give approval, most likely desperately need some themselves.  I know this...because that was me.  You can be confident about your own stuff and not "need" approval or acknowledgment, but when you get it....wow, it's like a drug.  If you don't get it, you always feel like you will be nudged out of first place if you compliment someone else.   When you do get it...compliments and encouragement flow into you...and they also flow out freely.