Beginning of the NFL and all it's shit.

Monday mornings are rough.  Not because of the end of the weekend.  But I usually do some mountain biking or running over the weekend.  And then I play basketball sunday night.  So rolling out of bed on monday can take awhile.  But here I am.

Why do I care if the Eagles lose?  What does it matter to me?  What do I stand to gain if the team I favor wins?  Nothing.  So why is it sad?  

I can understand it if you have a special connection to the team via attending games as child or maybe you played for the team.

But for people like me...who cares anymore?

I was wondering though, Ezekiel Elliot who is the Dallas Cowboys running back,  is about to banned for a long time due to domestic abuse charges.  Why is he playing know?  There is a serious investigation happening and everyone knew about this in the beginning of the season.  It's been 2 months.  Will we take the cowboys wins away?  If the NFL has such a strong stance of NO DOMESTIC ABUSE, why wasn't the kicker for the Giants released IMMEDIATELY?   And although he's not exactly guilty yet, all signs seem to be pointing to yes you are guilty for Elliot.

Anyway.  Just some thoughts.  Clearly I'm not up for doing much writing this morning, but must carry forth the streak.

Protest. Protest Everything.

Seriously.  It's who I am as a 5 on the enneagram. If you don't know what the enneagram is, look it up and take the test.  It's not medical or scientific but it's incredibly accurate.  And being a 5 doesn't mean that you love to protest.  But it means that you get involved in things that aren't always popular.  You want to be one that incites change and discovers new things.  Often times, it's a protest that reveals something that most didn't know about.  It gives you feeling a competence.  But, it is a protest.  And like most protest, you've been oppressed for years.  And protesting, while you finally feel as though you have a voice, you're still being oppressed.  Some people see what you are doing, and others just tell you to get back in your place.

There are some serious protests going on in Standing Rock, North Dakota.

There is an oil pipeline coming right through Native American land.  Treaty Land.  It is theirs.  I wouldn't want a pipeline coming through either.  Go around.

I've not been keeping up with it.  I don't know where the accurate news source is.  I just know there are hundreds, maybe thousands of Native Americans not happy.  I'd like to say I'd stand with them.  But how many things do I use on a daily basis require oil?  The very thing the pipeline is transporting.  Lots.  Plastic, Synthetic rubber and fabrics, gas, cosmetics, cleaning products, medicine, asphalt and this partial list of things.  So I guess you could say that I'm part of the people laying the pipe.  But you know what....if it came down to it and there wasn't any other way, I'd gladly give up the things I use that require oil.

Who are the immigrants here?  Right?

Now I get to talk to all you Christians.  Remember where you came from.

"Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

When God, your God, ushers you into the land he promised through your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to give you, you’re going to walk into large, bustling cities you didn’t build, well-furnished houses you didn’t buy, come upon wells you didn’t dig, vineyards and olive orchards you didn’t plant. When you take it all in and settle down, pleased and content, make sure you don’t forget how you got there—God brought you out of slavery in Egypt.

 Deeply respect God, your God. Serve and worship him exclusively. Back up your promises with his name only. Don’t fool around with other gods, the gods of your neighbors, because God, your God, who is alive among you is a jealous God." Deuteronomy 6: 5 to 14 or something.  

We were strangers in this land.  Remember.......Careful your patriotism doesn't outshine your love for God.

Why Do People Have to Fight?

It does seem rather passive.

Seeing something someone posts and instead of engaging on the post, just writing my thoughts here.  But it's ok.  And I really want to reiterate to anyone that may have posted something that I gave my thoughts about here.  I'm not judging you as much as I am judging the content of what you posted.   I still think you are great person that I wouldn't mind talking to in real life.  So don't take it personal.  I just hope that maybe you could take a look at my commentary about what you posted and gain another perspective of how someone else might read or see it.  That's all.  It's not about you.  If it ever came across that way, I'm sorry.

This morning someone said they were punk rock that's why they are voting for trump.  I simply stated I disagreed as a fellow punk rock type.  Immediately they wanted to engage in conversation about how deplorable it was that Hillary Clinton took hundreds of millions of dollars from Haiti Relief.  No joke.  That's what happened.  I told the person I didn't want to talk about things I didn't know much about and he told me I was cute for interjecting and bowing out.  Well, if merely stating that I disagreed about it being punk rock to vote for trump was an "I'll attend" response to an invite for the bash hillary party, I'd have not said anything at all.   All he wanted to do was argue.  I didn't want to.  I suck at conversing online, as do most people.   Thus turning the conversation into an argument.

Hence, why I'm here.  Talking to myself.  But also knowing that others will read this.

I woke up an hour and a half early today.  Figured 4 am was fine.  

I'd love to share the thoughts that are happening inside my head.  But I don't want to scare anyone.

Have a nice day.

Unasked for advice is criticism

*EDIT.  Warning, Unasked for Advice CAN be taken as Criticism.

That's what I've been told.  And it can often feel like that.  But what if someone is complaining about a problem and you have a have a potential solution or at least one worth looking into?  Do you tell them?  Or do you let them suffer?

It's hard for me to let them suffer.  But when you make a suggestion so many dismiss it.  Some even get upset.  Some don't believe you and get mad.  Some tell you to stop acting holier than thou.

Well...I'm sorry.  Sorry for caring.  Sorry if I'm not good enough for you.  Sorry for thinking I'd offer a tidbit of information that may make your life a little easier.  Sorry for not interpreting the fact you just want to complain a bit (which is sometimes ok) and you aren't looking for advice.

Next time I'll just let you complain.


There are even times someone has suggested something to me and I may have gotten upset or taken offense to it.

But what if I was trying to screw in a nail because I only ever learned how to use a screwdriver?  If you had a hammer, I'd certainly welcome that advice.

Myself included....sometimes we can be so damn prideful that we can't even accept the well intended suggestion or advice from someone.  You have to be careful dismissing someone.  Because if the person making the suggestion respects you and gets shot down or told to keep their mouth shut because they don't know what they are talking about, they just might.

And that would be a shame.  Because they could very well have been right and brought some great insight into a situation.

Most people today have no clue how stuff works.  They only know what works for them.  And what works for them doesn't work for everyone.

Take diets for example.  Or how food works in your body.  When I would go on long runs they said you had to fuel properly.  I never quite figured out how to fuel properly.  What was this carb loading people spoke of?  Why did it just not make sense in my brain?

When I started eating low carb/ketogenic.  I did it to lose weight.  What I didn't expect to learn was all the other benefits.  Some effected me, some didn't.  I've heard about so many people that have  reversed type 2 diabetes, reduced inflammation,  and impoved brain cognition.  It's also been effective at treating and preventing cancer and treating Alzheimer's.  There is lot's of new and emerging information on what you eat and how it effects you.  Is it a cure all?  Fuck no.  I'm still depressed and have crazy mood swings.  But I had all that before too.  But I will say...it's better.

And as far as carb loading?  I don't need to do that anymore.  Because I eat less than 20g net carbs a day. If that!  I burn fat.  I don't need to eat anything for fuel.  I carry it with me all the time!  4 hour bike ride, no problem.

So yeah...when I hear people complaining about things that may be caused by the foods they eat, or negative symptoms that can potentially be alleviated by making a dietary adjustment.  I'm gonna say something.  Because I care.  I have nothing to gain or lose.  I'm not selling a product.  I'm not in my suggestion for selfish gain.  I just want to offer a simple solution that may help people.  Not as a guarantee, but as an option to try.

I often get confused.  When I hear someone complain about a hardship they are experiencing, I want to help.  If I have something in my toolbox that can help them, I want to share it.  I understand  some people just want to complain and aren't willing to actually do anything to change the situation.  And it's not always because they just want to complain it's because change would be harder than what it is they are complaining about.

Or maybe it's not even a complaint at all.  Maybe they just want people to see how strong they are for enduring such hardships.

Maybe some people just want to be in pain.  Maybe they always want to be struggling.  I don't know. But if you have something good, as simple as it may be, why not share it?  Especially if it's enough to go around.

Is this the Passive Route?

It's been getting to me lately.  I see something that doesn't sit well with me and instead of engaging on said thing, I write about it here.  Or I write about it in a status update on Facebook.  It seems wrong.  I kinda hope whomever posted the thing reads my response and doesn't really know they were the inspiration.  But most of the time it's no secret.

Honestly.  I don't like to engage outside of this spot right here.  But maybe I should.  I know my heart.  I know my intent.  But for some reason, it doesn't come out right.  And people get mad and I don't like the way that makes them feel and I don't like the way it makes me feel.  But I also feel the need to try to communicate.

Like when someone calls abortion murder.  I can't not respond saying that if that's your stance, the killing of an innocent child is murder, so is war.  So I hope you call everyone involved in war a murderer.  Innocent people and children die during war times.  People die from hunger and lack of water all of the world, yet we sit in luxury.  We are murderers....it you call abortion murder, make sure you call yourself one too.  In my opinion anyway.  You KNOW for a fact people are dying and if you don't do anything about it....you let them die.

When someone calls people and their actions disgraceful for stepping on an american flag as a form of protest, but doesn't speak to the disgrace of the countless hurtful things said by whom they were protesting.  It makes me mad.  

When Franklin Graham sends out an email, a very biased email, about voting this November warning that " a more liberal court will have devastating consequences" while using the Samaritans Purse email list, it makes me furious.  THAT is disgraceful.  He is risking the funding of the

And honestly, I've been asleep to whats going on Native American lands.  And I feel bad.  But it's one more thing that's in my head.  And I learn what's happening.  Why?  We are all immigrants.  Except for, well, Native Americans.  So whenever you talk about immigration, talk from a place of benefit. You benefited greatly from immigration.  Remember that.  You are a stranger here.

 So, I try not to engage.  Not because I don't like you.  But because I do.  And I don't believe that some of the people that post things are as bad and hurtful as some of the things they post.   And I don't want them to feel that way.

Enjoy the meme I created with actual middle eastern Jesus.  Reminding us that grace is for everyone. Lets remember though, grace doesn't mean letting people do or say what they want.   It's not a be as big of jerk as you'd like buffet.  Grace leads to transformation.  Perhaps I should look at confronting as extending an opportunity for Grace.

Babies and Jesus

Lets me start by giving a disclaimer.  Some of you will disagree with a lot of what I am about to say.  Some it it will fly in the face of what you believe.  I'm going to talk about abortion and Jesus.   As always...I might be wrong.  I might be right.

First off, your vote for a pro-life candidate, though well intended and speaks to your love of children, does absolutely nothing to reduce the number of abortions.  Ironically...it may lead to more abortions.  According to research.  And I'm not going to claim anything because just about everything online is made up anyway.  But it seems as though all Republicans want to do is ban, while Democrats want to prevent.   I hope I didn't lose you already.  Because trust me...I'm pro-life too.

Ok...the following weed analogy is a train wreck.  I spend half hour trying to make it work.  Bear with me.  

I enjoy my yard.  The grass provides a nice soft surface to run and frolic in.  But along with all that fun, a weed might come up.  I don't want the weed.  So I spray the weed with weed killer.  But weeds come back.  So I spray them.  But weeds come back. Weeds keep coming.  Good thing for this weed killer spray.  Wait...someone is selling a weed prevention spray?  INCREDIBLE!  There are so many choices.  Some are so expensive.  I wish I had some help. Good thing there are programs I can take advantage of to help prevent unwanted weeds.  Because I really don't want to use the weed killer.  It's so great that I can enjoy my yard without the need for weed killer.

Proper prevention of weed growth keeps you from needing to use the weed killer spray.

A pro life vote will ban weed killer spray and defund the programs that help prevent weed growth.

This is why I am pro-choice.

Pro-life politicians are playing you to gain votes.  Show me a time in history when having a pro-life controlled congress has ever decreased abortion rates.



Abortions will still happen.  For various reasons.   Quite frankly, the reason isn't relevant to me.  It's not my decision to make.  And until it is, I have no place to judge the reasons for the decision to or not to.

If I do have a role.  It's to be a friend. To be caring.  To be loving.  To offer help when I can.

But anyway.  Onto the Jesus part of it.   And this is where you might disagree.  Fine.  But I've come to a place of peace in my belief.  You can tell me it's wrong if you want.  But I could turn around and tell you that you are wrong too.  And we can both be wrong.  And live on faith.  Right?

I believe babies that die before entering this world go to heaven.  I believe kids that die at age 4 go to heaven.  I believe just about everyone goes to heaven.  I believe that christianity in our world but mostly america is so fucked up it's no wonder some people don't want anything to do with it.  And God is aware and offers grace to those that have been hurt by "christians".

So yes.  I believe aborted babies go to heaven.  I'm not suggesting that to use it as a form of birth control.  I still value the life.  But what a gift it is that God would take care of that baby in it's afterlife and assure us that that baby is in the loving arms of Jesus.  That way our responsibility, as unaffected third parties in this scenario is to care for the mother and the emotional and physical needs she is experiencing.

The baby doesn't have a choice.  That's right.  The baby didn't have a choice in being created.  What about that part of it?  What if that baby could look at the Presidential Race this year?  There's a pretty solid possibility that they'd choose to be with Jesus over any of the winners.  What about babies born into a third world country where they'd come out suffering and malnourished for years?

I could go on.  Babies aren't supposed to be a punishment.  And why should we punish babies for risky behaviors of their parents.  And it's not always risky behavior either.  Even some of the most effective birth control will fail.   So just don't have sex.  Right.  Not gonna happen.

And please...enough with the Hillary wants to kill babies.  Are you so close minded that you can't understand what she's saying?  I'm a dumb dude and I get it.   Let me try to paint a picture...Jesus did stuff like this.  They were called parables.   You are just driving along in your perfectly good car and your brakes go out.  You are going down a hill with a sharp curve at the bottom.  Everything was fine.  Everything was working great.  But at this point you realize death or an incredible life changing injury is inevitable.  Unless you jump, even though it may hurt.   If I stay, I might die or be in a more traumatic situation then I already am.  

No one should ever be able to take that choice away from you.  

Some people want to force you to stay in the car.  Some people say you should have never been driving in the first place.  All of it isn't helpful.  You just want a hug and to be loved and comforted.

These situations are rare.  But even as rare as they are.  No one wants to even suggest that they should be forced to stay with the car.  Even if it was only ever just one.  Even the shepherd cares for the one lost sheep.

Think about it.

More Spoilers.

Glenn and Abe die.  I'm just letting you know.  If you are upset by this....I don't really care.  Because if you really cared about the Walked Dead you'd have watched it by now.  It's wednesday morning.  It's been 2.5 days since the season premiere.  And you've known it was the season premiere for about 2 months.

But seriously.  Lets talk about spoilers.  What's the common courtesy.  I had a friend post that Glenn and Abe died immediately.  He was almost beat to death by Lucille.  But he had a point.  If you cared that much, you'd have either watched the show live, or stayed off the internet until you got to watch.

Some of you, bless your hearts, have no idea what I'm talking about.  I wish I was you.  Seriously.  I wish I didn't know what The Walking Dead was.

Oh...the Indians won game one of the World Series.  But I bet you didn't care.   Because that's exciting.  You don't really care about watching the game, you just want to know the outcome.  Why the double standard?

Ok...for the first time in blog history.  I'm boring myself.  I have found the topic that I really couldn't give less shits about.

I can't wait till I talk about babies and Jesus tomorrow.  Seriously.

Oh...and the Titanic sinks and Jack dies.  Deal with it.   Every.  Single.  Time.  It will ALWAYS hit the iceberg.  Always.  There is no alternate ending.

It's a whole new world, a Facebook world

Facebook and other social media is a whole new world.  It engages the brain like no other thing in our past.  We've never been able to put ourselves out there the way we do with digital  connectivity like we do now.  It's incredibly fascinating.  I can't wait to read the studies that will come out in 30 years about how this online presence of ourselves effected our minds and psyche.

I had someone ask me the other day how certain online interactions made me feel.  I believe this person is also discovering the complexities of online conversation just as I am.

This is such a complex topic that I'm probably going to botch it.

I remember one time when I was in Amway....someone said something to a group of people that could have been hurtful if said to one individual.  And one individual did say that it was hurtful.  To which the originator of potentially hurtful thing said that he wasn't talking to anyone individually, but if it spoke to you it wasn't him talking but it was your self image talking to yourself.

That stuck with me.

When I read something and it's hurtful to me or upsets me, was that the original intent of the author, or is it my self image putting my own spin on what they said?

And Facebook puts another spin on it.  Most people we talk to aren't actual people.  Well, they are, but not really.  We probably don't know them that well.  So even if they do call us an asshole, they are only calling us an asshole based on the tiny bit of conversation we had.  But we project that label onto all of our selves.  We look at all of our life in it's entirety and try to prove or deny the asshole accusation.  And if we have a poor self image, we'll probably take on the identity of asshole.

But often times....those people slinging names and negativity.  Even if it's only aimed at you, it's not.  It's aimed at the entire tribe of what you are representing.  Not you personally.  If you are talking to someone that you barely know over Facebook except for just a name, they become the representative of a whole group of people.  And you create that group.

I don't know if any of this makes sense.

Just remember, if you engage with a stranger or someone whom you only know on Facebook, who they are is not who they are.  Who they are is what you created them to be.  So when someone criticizes you or calls you names, they aren't saying that to you.  They are are saying that to the person they created which is only an image of the demographic you chose to represent.

So take a chill.  Relax.  Think the best of yourself.  Be the best you.

I hope that makes sense.  That's tough to communicate.  Just like anything you try to say on Facebook.   Rick Grimes is dead.

TWD SPOILERS, maybe. It's up to you to take the risk or not.

Who are The Walking Dead?  All this time you thought it was the zombies.  It's actually the ones that aren't dead, yet.  Except for those two from last night.  But let's be honest.  We all knew that the one guy that was going to die a few episodes ago was going to die eventually.  The writers were only priming you for what was to come.

This is Lucille.  That bat is just a silly imposter. 

But honestly.  I was a little disgusted at the show last night.  I've watched the Walking Dead since the beginning and it got a little to much for me last night.

RICK GRIMES IS DEAD.

Can't say for sure if I'm going to continue watching it or not.

A couple months ago something odd happened.  I lost interest in TV.  I'm not sure what caused it.  I loved watching several shows.  Parenthood, Agents of Shield, Arrow, The Flash, Hawaii Five-0, Longmire, Impractical Jokers, Shark Tank, and a few others I'm sure.

Parenthood,  stopped watching halfway through the last season.  No interest.
Agents of Shield, stopped watching halfway through the latest season.
The Flash, just stopped watching somewhere in the second season.
Longmire, the latest season didn't grab me.
Arrow, lets hope season 4 or whatever the one to just come out of netflix is good.
Haven't watched impractical jokers in a while.
Still like Shark Tank.
But Hawaii Five-0?  I dig that show.  Steve McGarrett is my spirit character. I'm all up to date on that show.   But the amount of serious crime that happens in Hawaii, I don't know that I'll want to visit.

I'm really not sure what happened.  I find it interesting that I'm no longer enjoying tv.  Was it Keto?  Did starting a keto diet influence my viewing habits?

Anyway, back to The Walking Dead.  It's the same thing.

Step one: find safe haven
Step two: realize safe haven is not safe
Step three: hide that you've realized this
Step four: try to decide if it's worth settling for unsafe vs. outside the walls
Step five: decide that overtaking safe haven is better option
Step six: in overtaking safe haven, other bad guys show up
Step seven: get captured by new bad guys once you thought you were finally safe
Step eight:  get one or two of your people killed
Step nine: get free
Step ten: find safe haven
repeat times infinity.
Don't forget to watch out for the zombies.

I guess this is the show.  That's all it is.  It's based on a comic book that I've never read.  So I guess they have to follow the storyline.  It's just another show designed to get viewers.  But I guess that's the purpose of tv shows.  To get people to watch and enjoy.  And when they stop enjoying it they'll stop making it.

When you stop enjoying something...maybe you should just stop that something too.

Put it in the Archive

I'm getting better.

Mental Illness is a pain in the ass. Well...actually it's not painful at all.  Not painful as we would experience having a knife in our thigh.

I just wrote a blog and while I was 99% right in everything I wrote, I knew it might create some tension in others.  OR maybe it's my fucked up brain talking.  So I saved it in the archive for another day.

But I didn't post it because I thought it would be hurtful to others.  I don't ever do anything that I thought would potentially hurt someone.  I might unintentionally do that.  And I hate when I do.  So much so I'd rather hurt myself as well.  And sometimes I do.

I didn't post it because I don't think I would have been able to handle any commentary that may have happened.  Not because they'd be upset...but other reasons I can't quite describe.   Probably because I wouldn't be able to defend my stance.  Not because I couldn't, but because others might not be able to accept it as a viable option because it goes against everything they've been told.

And that's not uncommon.  If you have been around for awhile, you have a way of doing things.  You have a rhythm to your life.  You may even have a code.  And it may work.  Until it doesn't.  And that change is hard.  When your body and mind starts doing things it's never done.  And you don't want to take a drug, but you refuse to think that there may be other options.  You don't believe that what you've been doing that's worked so well for you could possibly be causing this unwanted change.

I'm done.  Have a nice day.

Not Even Close. Stop Judging. I know I'm an asshole. But I can't help it. Seriously.

I can't tell you how many people accuse me of "trolling".  They think I like to stir the pot on purpose just to get into arguments.  I guess I can understand that.  I talk about things that aren't always easy to talk about.  And I'm not even good at talking about them.

But I'm anything but an internet troll.  I can assure you.

I share lots of stories about me and how I think.  And I can also assure you that I've only uncovered just the tip of the iceberg.  I also don't engage much beyond what I write here.  I can't.

In fact...I hate arguing with people.  Because I can't do it.  I can hardly even have a conversation with someone without it becoming an argument.

What the hell, theres probably lots of people out there that think they are the problem.

I felt that way.  Why couldn't I have hard conversations with people that disagree with me?  Was I that sensitive?  Why do I get so defensive so fast?

Why after every small Facebook discussion or disagreement with someone else do I feel like I have to delete all my comments and my entire Facebook account?

So many people that are close to me think I'm a monster with an uncontrollable temper.  I can't blame
 them.  That's probably why it's so special to me when my kids come up and hug me.  I feel normal.  That at least someone actually loves me and isn't afraid of me.  I know I've been excluded from things because of a disability I have.  It hurts.  I can't help it.  Especially those times when I was fighting a battle that wasn't winnable.  But it wasn't because I wasn't strong enough.

I'm a scary dude.

But inside I'm a softy.  I'm incredibly sensitive.  I don't even like killing bugs.  I've also got chemical imbalances that cause these often violent reactions to things that are so seemingly small and insignificant like what my kids eat and fantasy football trades.  It's embarrassing and humiliating. And it's incredibly hurtful to others.

I've been slowly discovering this over the past two years. That maybe there is something actually wrong with my brain when it comes to mood stabilizing.  There are even drugs that you can take to help.  Awesome.  It would be nice to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone.  They deserve that.  Cause I'm an awesome dude.  And the world needs me at my best.  I need me at my best.

Can't wait to see what it's like to be normal.  And I wonder how many other people out there think they are just shitty people.  You might not be.  Brains are pretty complex.

This would be a good lead in to diets.  And how the chemicals we put in our bodies can effect the chemicals that actually make our body work well.

Sorry dude, I'm in no position to help.

Yesterday I had to make one last trip to Shippensburg, Pa, about a 30 minute drive, for a job I'd been working on.  I only needed a few minutes so I opted to bring the kids with me.  As I was getting off the highway I noticed an older man across the road.  He motioned for me to stop.  So I waited, with hesitancy.  This wasn't your ordinary older man.  He had on his pj's, a robe and a colonoscopy bag.  Or it was some type of tube coming from under his shirt that was slightly poo colored.  

He moved really well as he crossed the street.  The only reason I stopped was that I knew there was a nursing home about half mile down the street.  Maybe he escaped.  It only took a sentence for him to reveal he hadn't.  He said he lived at the hotel and had no fridge or microwave.  Said he had a friend coming to help him but he was hungry.  HA!  Easy fix. I told him about ketosis and that he wouldn't need to eat as much.  That he could go days without food and it wouldn't be an issue.  

Just kidding.  I didn't say that.  But ketosis is pretty awesome.  I simply told him he should go to where his friend was meeting him and wait for help.  I was met with a whiny..."But she won't give me no money."

So the truth comes out.  That's what he was after.  Money.  Well, I had a lunch box with three cheesesticks and blueberries for my kids that I thought for a moment I would relinquish.  But I didn't have any money, I had forgotten my wallet (didn't realize this till I was running on E).  

I told the man I was in no position to help him and I was sorry.  And drove away.  

Typically I would second guess my decision to do so.  But today...oh well.  I can't help.  Nothing I could have done would have helped that man.  Maybe carried him through another couple hours, but no real help.  

As an aside, I looked up "Beggars" on google for an image.  I was dismayed when I stumbled across hundreds of images of children from impoverished nations.  These kids are anything but "beggars".  

Why do I share this story?  I have no grand thought, no grand lesson.  Just a story.  What are your thoughts?   Anybody have an experience of stopping to help someone that went well?  Anything you learned?  

How many people could it have fed?

I saw this posted numerous times around the internet.  Lets talk about it.

"A guy looked at my Corvette the other day and said I wonder how many people could have been fed for the money that sports car cost.

I replied I am not sure, it fed a lot of families in Bowling Green, Kentucky who built it, it fed the people who make the tires, it fed the people who made the components that went into it, it fed the people in the copper mine who mined the copper for the wires, it fed people in Decatur IL. at Caterpillar who make the trucks that haul the copper ore. It fed the trucking people who hauled it from the plant to the dealer and fed the people working at the dealership and their families. BUT,... I have to admit, I guess I really don't know how many people it fed.

That is the difference between capitalism and welfare mentality. When you buy something, you put money in people's pockets, and give them dignity for their skills.

When you give someone something for nothing, you rob them of their dignity and self worth.
Capitalism is freely giving your money in exchange for something of value.

Socialism is taking your money against your will and shoving something down your throat that you never asked for.

I've decided I can't be politically correct anymore. (I never was, actually)"

First off. He is right.  Buying that corvette it helps the economy.  He spends money and so many people benefit from that. Once.  They benefit one time.  Realistically, how much money did each of those people make with him buying that one, $60,000 car?  Probably not that much, except the salesmen or the dealer.  It takes a whole lot of people buying corvettes to help sustainably feed people and support an economy.  And even then, it's not just corvettes, it's all of General Motors.   But the dude with the corvette is not going to get off thinking by buying a corvette he's some kind of super humanitarian by buying the car alone.

Second.  I've learned that by simply avoiding spending money on stuff doesn't equal feeding people.  Even if you did and you fed hungry people, you'd still have only fed them....once.  Just like the corvette guy.

Third paragraph.  Simply buying something from someone doesn't give them dignity for their skills.

Fourth paragraph.  When you give someone something, it is a gift.  You rob nothing from them.

Fifth paragraph. Socialism is the roads and bridges you drive your corvette on.  But I guess you could have just bought a Hummer if the roads never got built.  Socialism - a political and economic theory of social organization that advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.  Socialism and capitalism can get along just fine together.  It doesn't have to be all one or all the other.

The first two paragraphs could have had a great conversation.  But instead it is to be about capitalism and socialism.  It's gotta get political.  The guy that asked the original question, only asked a question.  He didn't imply that buying the sports car was a bad decision at all.  He only wondered what good could be done with the money it cost.  And an answer was given in a way that was very open.  If someone would have answered me that way, it would have continued the conversation.  I didn't always look at the purchase of something expensive that way.  And he politely answered.

Oh...if dignity and self worth is tied to how much money we make or how much is given to us, we've got some bigger problems.

Full

Earlier this morning I wrote a few short lines on "empty".  I think I was more full than empty.  One of the things I do in the morning before I write is to go through Facebook.  While I can always find something to write about, something on Facebook may be worth sharing an opinion on.

This morning I read about a little boy, 6, who was raped.  Over and over again.  On multiple occasions.  And my heart sank.  And for the first time in awhile it didn't sink from anger.  I was filled with compassion and sadness for the boy.   I'm trying not to let the super strong anger emotion consume me, even though there is a place for that here.  He was arrested and I trust he will get what's coming to him.

That really is what tipped the scales to feeling empty.  But really, I was full.  So full that I didn't even think writing would help clear my head.  Full of the shittiness that can be the world.  And I can't save it.  At least not all at once.  And not even all of it.  I can only hope that on my journey to discover who I am helps some people be better along the way.

Have you ever been at a diner for breakfast?  Have you stuck around for a chat with a friend long after the meal had been finished?  Remember what happens with your coffee?  I drink mine black and every time I'm almost done, the server comes and tops it off.  Usually without asking.  They just assume you want more.  And usually it's fine.  Sometimes I even move it to the opposite side of the table and they still slip in and fill it up.  And those of you that have the perfect ratio of half and half and sweetener, the horror of that fill up.  You get your coffee just right and BAM, the server screws it up adds more coffee.  And after that, you can never get it just right again.

I'm the guy that doesn't like leaving coffee behind.  I'd like to leave an empty cup on the table.  The server is just trying to be nice and I'd really not have to tell them to stop.  So I end up drinking way more coffee than I'd like.  And sometimes that can have disastrous consequences.

Life can be like that.  Every time you feel like you've got things under control and you can have a little peace, BAM, here comes the server to fill you back up again.  And it's not always happy things.  But even an overabundance of happy things can be draining.  We need to learn to pull our cup away.  Even if it means coffee being poured all over the counter.  It'll get cleaned up.  And most likely, others will come help.  But we need to know when to say enough is enough or just simply retreat.

So this morning, I went upstairs and refilled my coffee mug.  I sat down and watched sportscenter.  My daughter woke up early and didn't cry when she saw it was me who opened her door.  And unlike others days she came down and climbed into my lap and pulled my arms around her.  Usually she only tolerates sitting there and pushes my arms away.  But for whatever reason this morning she pulled them in tight and wouldn't let go.

My heart is full.  For at least that moment, and it was enough.

Empty

Is how I feel sometimes.

Is my coffee mug right now.

Is my motivation to write something.

Glitter....i've never been a fan.

Glitter is one of my very least favorite craft tools.  It ends up all over the place and stays for weeks.  The mess of glitter stresses me out.  Crafts in general kinda stress me out.

Point number one.  Stresses are different for everyone.  We just need to be aware of that.  And also be aware of the things that stress you out.

I picked my son up from child care yesterday and discovered glitter everywhere.  The kids and their grammy seemed to have been having a great time playing with crafts.  I'm happy they can do that.  But for me, I get incredibly overwhelmed by the amount of mess that crafts create.  It stresses me out.  I don't see the reward in making the paper with glitter on it creation for a day or two and throwing it out.  We can survive just fine without glitter.  But whatever...kids and grammy like it.  It's not the end of the world.

Point number two.  It's helpful to be aware of others levels of stress and tension.  So many times we often do things unintentionally that make the state of tension in someone else much higher.  This is really difficult to manage.  It requires LOTS of open and honest communication.  Open and honest conversation is a difficult task in and of itself.

So I get my son in the car, actually, he got himself in the car.  And all buckled in.  He's amazing.  But as we were headed down the street I turned and noticed him admiring his paper with glitter all over it.  Loose glitter.  He then poured it all over himself.  I yelled and told him to stop and put the paper down.  I reached back and grabbed it and in trying to fold it to contain the glitter, glitter kept falling out everywhere.  And all the stress and tension of the day came out at that moment.   Glitter was flying everywhere, all control was lost.  I crumpled up the paper and threw it on the floor.

Shitty dad award. Right here.  This guy.  

My son started crying.  I didn't yell at him but tried to explain to him the mess he created.  And then I told him he would need a bath to get all the glitter off his hands and face.  This made him cry harder. 

It took all I had to keep it together on the way home.  To rest in my thoughts.  To realize that I wasn't mad him.  I wasn't mad at his grammy for letting them loose with the glitter.  I wasn't mad at the stresses of the day.  I am dealing with a lifelong list of things.  Literally.  So many emotions I am learning how to process.   And when life doesn't slow down for you to do this, it's hard.  

When we got to the house, I picked my son up and gave him a great big hug.  I let him get glitter all over me.  I told him that I cared so much more about him than I do about glitter.  I told him that he could get all the glitter in the world all over me and my car as long as we still had love.  I apologized for his picture and told him that was a decision I made when I was stressed and doesn't represent how I feel about him.  I'm not going to say it was a bad decision though.  

I think in today's world we've lost the ability to maintain.  We know that we can fix problems pretty easily.  Pretty much everything is available to us anytime.  If we get sick, we can take a drug to get better.  But so many don't take the steps to prevent getting sick.  If we suffer from mental stuff, we can up our dose.  Instead of scheduling therapy appointments when we were healthy.  We get a divorce because marriages are tough instead of being counseled from day one of the engagement.  

Obviously we can't see all things coming.  But we can try to be more observing of whats going on and the potential consequences of actions and behaviors.  That way we find a good balance of learning proper ways to prevent and healthy ways to react and respond.  Part of this involves learning and discovering yourself and how you respond to certain situations and being honest about that.  And try to avoid those situations.  

So many times we think we are doing great...but really, we are sitting at 211 degrees like it's 98.6.  At any moment we could blow.  

Left of Bang.  Lets try to hang out there for a bit.  

Closing Call

I'm not exactly sure what, if anything, I'm going to share about from this past weekend.  It will come out naturally through me being me.  I hope.  That would be wonderful.  But here's one takeaway.  Probably the one that fits where I'm at the most.

First, let me say this is normal behavior.  This is something I've seen happen and even have done myself.  And it wasn't until yesterday did it really strike me as odd.  We were done.  Over.  Everyone was about to stand up and leave.  No closing song, no altar call, no come to jesus moment, no tears, nothing screamed normal church retreat weekend.  It was fantastic.  No major declarations about everything we will change starting today.  It didn't happen.  It was just real, tangible things we can apply to help live less stressful lives.

This weekend was about connecting with other men.  Sharing things and being glad to hear we weren't the only ones.  Taking some time away to breath and relax.   Also learning how to handle some of the things life throws at us.

But anyway...at the end.  One of the attendees suggested we pray for our Pastor.  Who was present and standing right in front of us.  So someone did.  And it was a really heartfelt prayer.  And I don't want to say this is wrong.  It was great to suggest the prayer, it was a great prayer.  But halfway through, as I sat with my eyes open because I don't get prayer anymore, I wondered why we didn't all just have a "popcorn appreciation" moment instead.  Where we'd all just randomly share with him a thing or two we appreciate about him.  That's essentially what the prayer was.  Telling God how awesome Josh is when Josh is standing right there.  Why don't we just tell Josh himself?   I almost suggested that after the prayer, but I knew everyone was ready to hit the road and head home.

Again, it was no disrespect to the one who prayed or suggested it.  That action or prayer is appreciative.  I think many just do that out of a habit without thinking of another way.   I'm just hoping that one day, us men (myself included), will be able to look another man in the eye and tell them how much we appreciate them and offer them thanks.  To encourage them in their strengths and standing with them in their weak moments.

Glad I Stayed

I mentioned yesterday that I was at a Men's retreat.  And that morning I wanted to go home.  Not for any specific reason.  I think I know why that is.  Maybe.  I had no idea what to expect here.  At home I know exactly what to expect.  And that gave me some sort of control over my environment.

But anyway, I stayed.  And I'm glad I did.  This is unlike any other retreat I've been too.   And oh...we're men.  There's a community bathroom.  We are in a bunkhouse.  And I've never hear anything like the deplorable "locker room" talk that Trump speaks of.

I was able to share a little bit about where my heads at in regards to what I believe about Jesus, God and the church.  And I found many said....me too.  With their own unique story.

I was able to ask a lot of my questions and share frustrations with christianity and the church and got some answers.  And some answers to how I've been feeling.

I learned that you don't have to go to a "retreat" and come away with a spiritual high.  That the goal of this retreat was literally....to relax.  For men with young children, families and a job, this is much needed.   I didn't want a spiritual high.  I don't need a spiritual high.

I learned some helpful ways to maintain a state of order in my life.  And ways to find rest and relaxation throughout the day.

I feel good.

Obligatory.

Do you know how many times I sit down at my keyboard in the morning and not want to write?  Of course you don't.  It's often.  I guess it's not that I don't want to write, it's that I don't want to think about something to write about.

I wonder what engages people.  It's one thing to just read something.  But what gets people talking?  That's a hard one.

I'm at a weekend retreat.  Sitting in a little lounge area by the dining hall.  Nobody is awake.  If they are they haven't made themselves known yet.  There is no coffee.

I rode my bike here.  65 miles.  My legs are tired, i just played some basketball last night.  I don't know why, but if I had a car, I'd probably go home.  Not because I'm not enjoying the comaradie of a few old friends, and some new ones, but because that's just what I do.  Often times I'll just up and leave a place.  I get something and go.

I hear people stirring.  Maybe their is coffee.

When you prune a plant, you might be cutting off really good branches.  Perfectly healthy branches.  But they are keeping the plant from truly becoming what it could be.  Some things in your life might seem fine, but they need to go.  You might be really good at video games, but are they fruitful?

Not judging video games....just giving an example.

Just say NO to ANYTHING

Remember the Sabbath.  This is not a command to go to church and not work on sundays.  Far from it.  It's a reminder to meditate.  To relax.  To take a break. To do absolutely nothing for a little while and be totally ok with it.

For some of us that's hard to do.  We feel like so much is expected of us anytime we do nothing or something we enjoy, we feel guilty.   So we do what we think is expected of us.  And over time we grow to resent those things.  But we still can't get away for a sabbath.  It's a vicious cycle.  

I don't know when this inner voice was created that we aren't good enough.  That we have to keep working.  There is no time to rest.  

It's like we have to say YES to everything.  When all we want to do is say NO.  

Amway certainly didn't help.  The group I was in, DC International (I have no problem using names), often preached this "you can sleep when your dead" mentality.  And there are many that took it seriously.  They didn't sleep.  They did meetings all night and worked all day.  It was suicide.  If you don't give your brain adequate sleep, it's not healthy.  It was almost a badge of honor who would work the hardest.  But they always preached about working smarter, not harder.  It was about getting results.  But the only way to get results was to go out and work hard.  If I ever wanted to have a movie night with my wife, I couldn't enjoy it.  I felt like I should be out getting names and numbers or doing a meeting.  

I don't know if this thought and feeling in me manifested in Amway, or it only was magnified by it.  Was is church culture?  The constant need to reach out to the lost?  To reach the unreached?  If you ever rest, unsaved people will go to hell.   But yet....the sabbath...

Or was in childhood.  "Hey mom and dad, can I go play football?  Can I go on a bike ride and go fishing?"  The answer was usually, did you finish _____?  Always had to finish something or get something done before I did the fun thing.  

It's like all my life I feel as though I can never do what I want to do, but what I think is expected of me.  I'll buy the slightly less expensive thing instead of the nicer thing.  For no reason other than I don't think I deserve any of it.  

Another thing to remember....it's ok to say no.  Even if someone asks you to do something and you're only reason to say no is that you don't want to.  Just say no.  You don't need to give them a reason.  For example, we used to borrow a PA system often from the same person.  He would always say yes. We would never pay for it, and he would never accept money for it.  But over time, it's easy for him to feel as though he's being used.  Should he have said no, or accepted (or even asked for) money.  Yes.  That would have been fine.  Instead resentment grew.  

You can still be a kind person with a good heart and say no.

Sometimes you just need to say no.  Withdraw from everyone and go breath deep in the woods.  If you don't take care of yourself, you'll be of no use to anyone.  

  

What about the Boy?

Another photo pulled from the walls of Facebook.  At first, it appears well intended.  An honorable request to stay grateful for the things we have access to.  Clean water, food, and healthcare.  This is good, to remember that we have it so much better than anyone else in the world.  But this is just another one of those Facebook photo's that is best left in the photo gallery.  Unless you want to write a blog about what you do after your prayer of forgiveness for being ungrateful.

I will say that the person that posted it where I got it not got step one complete, which is recognize the needs outside their home, but actually pack up and go help fell those needs.  And I can tell that they'll never be the same again.  This photo was just one part of their story.  I'm just here to take that photo and provide blog fodder.  I just want to be clear, I'm not talking about anyone that may have posted this photo.  I've seen several.  I'm going to talk about what I think when I see it.  In a very blunt way.

So it's ok if the boy drinks from the mud puddle as long as you are grateful for what you have?  This photo says nothing about your heart being broken for what breaks Jesus's heart.  So you ask forgiveness for being ungrateful.  Now what?  You are grateful for what you have.  Not really.  You didn't pray for God to help you be more grateful of what you have.  You prayed a forgiveness prayer, not a prayer to change.  However, it says "if" I'm ever ungrateful.  Almost like it's ok to live in our comfort, but should we ever be ungrateful....forgive me.

What about the boy?  What does Jesus say if we see someone thirsty and do nothing?  What about someone hungry?  What about the naked, cold and lonely?  What happens when we do nothing?  Nothing happens and Jesus denies us when we deny Jesus.  He says the hungry are him.  And those that ignore the least of these are ignoring him.  So what do you do when you see people eating mud cookies?  Yes.  People that have nothing to eat are forced to eat mud cookies just to fill their bellies.

I'm beginning to think there is truth in "sell everything and follow me".  That's all for today.

Matthew 25:31-46 The Message 

The Sheep and the Goats 

 “When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.

 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:

I was hungry and you fed me,

I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,

I was homeless and you gave me a room,

I was shivering and you gave me clothes,

I was sick and you stopped to visit,

I was in prison and you came to me.’

 “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

 “Then he will turn to the ‘goats,’ the ones on his left, and say, ‘Get out, worthless goats! You’re good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,

I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,

I was homeless and you gave me no bed,

I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,

Sick and in prison, and you never visited.’

“Then those ‘goats’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn’t help?’

 “He will answer them, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.’

 “Then those ‘goats’ will be herded to their eternal doom, but the ‘sheep’ to their eternal reward.”

Prayer....again. I'm guessing.

Before I continue.  I downloaded a sermon from the church I would attend if I attended church.  AKA, the church my wife and kids attend.  AKA, the Meeting House in Carlisle Pa.  The messages and action I see coming from this church continue to lift my hope that their are christians that actually care about the message of the Gospel.  Is this church perfect?  Far from it.  But what makes this place a "church body" is awesome.  

Anyway.  I'm still wrestling with what prayer is and how it works.  Hopefully the podcast I listen to will help clear things up.  

So many things in our lives we just do because it's what we've always done.   We don't even know why.  We don't even know if it's needed.  We don't even care.  But I want to explore some of those behaviors.  

I just think most people are doing it wrong.  Not intentionally, just because that's what they've been taught.  Perhaps by others that have been taught wrong.  Here's the example I used yesterday.  We've all been there.  We fart.  And all of the sudden that fart is more than a fart.  We gotta poop, asap.  But we have no idea where the nearest toilet is.  It's so urgent that we even pray, "God, this seems so silly.  But if you are real and you care about prayers like this, help me not poop my pants.  Please reveal the location of a toilet."  I would say, most of the time, that you make it.  Do you give God the glory for that?  

If you believe that God can miraculously step in and find a toilet, don't you think God could miraculously stop the urge for you to poop?  The God that parted the Red Sea and raised people from the dead.  Couldn't he stop your poop?  

Or how about when you pray for rest?   Why not pray that instead of needing rest, that God would give you the strength and energy so you don't even need to rest?  

See what I mean, it's almost like we give God an out to not work for us.  We tailor our prayers that if God answers them or not answers them we can still squeeze God into the outcome.   

If we poop our pants, God didn't help us because he knew we took a chance by eating that food we knew we shouldn't eat.  And that we opted to try to make it home instead of using the bathroom he provided at the restaurant.  Or that he doesn't provide rest because we were on our phones cruising Facebook when we should have been napping a few hours earlier.   See what I mean.  

The most common, sports teams wins.  A quarterback thanks God for granting him the win.  What does that say about the loser who also prayed for a win?  Now we start trying to figure out how God works.  Why did God have him win and not me?  Then we start looking at that other guys lifestyle and comparing what they do instead of what God wants us to do.   God has nothing to do with win loss column. 

So why do we pray?  When do we pray?  

This is How You Public

In the morning...for me it's kind of like an out of body experience.  I just let my mind go into the keyboard.  True story.  Sometimes I don't ever reread what comes out here.  Sometimes I do.  And when I do, I usually am surprised.  Not because of the brilliance that lies in 1's and 0's in the computer, but that I don't often remember most of what I write.  I know I wrote it, but I only remember putting a word at a time and not the piece in it's entirety.

First thing today.  I was going to make say...I've never been in a locker room or with any other men that talked about women in the vile way that Donald (i figured there is no need for last names, no one calls her Clinton, just Hillary.  Why is that?) talks about women.  I say talks, because he hasn't changed.   And writing it off as locker room talk?  No.  I don't think so.  That's like saying you were drunk when you raped her, so it doesn't count.  NO, it most certainly counts.  I cannot believe that there are people that are still supporting this person to be the president.  I see stupid memes floating around that people care more about what Clinton has done then they do about what Trump has said.  What a bullshit meme.  Did you not hear Donald talking about grabbing women by the pussy?  HE DID THAT.  IT WASN'T JUST TALK.  What is wrong with you people that still support him?  I get that you don't want Clinton in office, but is Donald the value you are placing on America?  C'mon.

Secondly.  When you post stuff on the internet it is subject to scrutiny.  When you go public with anything, you may get critics.  I take a risk everyday that someone is going to go off on something I write.  But you know what I've learned in almost 7 months of doing it every day?  You can't let critics get to you.  Odds are you touched a nerve in them.  And instead of lashing out at them, find out what that nerve is and HIT IT AGAIN!   Just kidding.  Just don't fight back.  There's no point.  Be confident in what you said.  And if you do come to the conclusion that you said something wrong, own it.

Sometimes I get my material from Facebook.  Someone posts a meme or something that I believe could be hurtful or misrepresenting someone.  So I offer the other perspective.  Sometimes when I write about the photo, the person that originally posted it reads what I wrote.  And it can be taken personal.  That everything I say about that photo is an insult to them.  While I get it may feel like that, it's not.  I don't always make enough disconnect that when I talk about the photo or meme, I'm not talking about the person that posted it.  But sensitive people (it's ok to be sensitive, often sensitive people have the best intentions) can take it hard and be hurt by my words.  I'm sorry.  

Example,  if I see a pile of dog shit and talk about how gross it is.  How much it stinks and that it smears and is hard to clean off and total eliminate the stink.  I'm not talking about the dog that pooped it.  I'm talking about the poop.  Does that make sense?  Me talking about the poop doesn't speak to the character of the dog. So next time I pull a meme off your timeline and write about it, it's not an insult to your character.  The dog didn't intentionally poop to piss someone off,  just like the meme or photo was not posted to piss someone off.  Just like I'm not writing about to piss anyone off, just to get people to think about the meme or photo in a different light.  

And here at the end.  I think there is some really deep psychological stuff that goes on when we read into something that someone may have wrote about us.  I wrote about 3 pages earlier on that and confused myself.  So I deleted it.   Think about how anyone high profile feels.  They get hundreds of thousands into the millions of pieces written about them every day.  And most likely the majority is a lie, half truth, or almost truth.  Do you think the high profile person gets on the internet and tries to defend themselves?  Hardly.  They continue on.  They might listen to what people are saying and take  an honest look and see if any of it does hold some truth.  And if so, they own it.  

What about when someone takes God's name in vain?  I call this speaking about what God is or what God does on the behalf of God.  People can guess.  But they have NO idea how God works or if God even works.  So when I see someone posting about how God works, I call it out.  While that person may have felt God in their moment, that's for them.  Again, that's why Jesus said don't tell anyone the miracle that just happened.  IT'S IN THE BIBLE.  Don't tell anyone the God moment.  But let it mold who you are and be the change.

Ok...this is getting long.  But I want to talk more about false teaching about God tomorrow.  Which may very well be....false.  It'll be about winning sports games.  What harm could happen?

Where is the Hand of God now?

They do this because the trust you.  When a dog poops,
they are vulnerable to being attacked.  Hell, when anyone
poops they are vulnerable.  So if the dog sees you become nervous,
they know it's time to pinch it off and run.  That's
why they stare at you.  It's a sign of trust.  Who do you
stare at while you shit?  Facebook.  Stop trusting in Facebook. 

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be on the same Facebook thread with the "friend" that posted the hand of God protecting Florida photo.  We, I say we but he wasn't talking to me, were talking about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.  He hates them both.  The other few people want Trump to withdraw from the race.  This guy was floored when the majority on the thread said Hillary Clinton was a far better option for President than Donald Trump.


I really wanted to just tell him to pray about it.  That if the Hand of God can protect Florida from a hurricane, God can surely protect America from a President.   I couldn't do it though.  Because I'm not a hurtful guy.  And yes...I don't like trolling or engaging in debates.  But I almost did, I went to his page to pull another stupid photo and noticed he told someone else it's "childish" to delete people simply because they don't agree.  I really want to call him out on it.  Maybe I will.  I'd much rather spend some time sharing my mind with people that want to read it.  You clicked the link.

This is why I put my thoughts in a blog.  So I don't have to do that on Facebook.  I don't like arguing on Facebook.

Because here, I can say stuff and often times realize the err in what I say.  Rarely do I engage in an argument on Facebook anymore.  Because I know it's not good for me.  But who knows.  Maybe I will.

I have a feeling by now...if someone wants to get a good idea of who I am, they can do that right here.  Well over two hundred blog/journal entries to read through.

But please, don't pick one blog and base your entire opinion about who I am on what you find.

Anyway..subject change.  I went to church yesterday.  I did what I had done the last time I went.  Dropped the kids off at their classes and I went up in the café area and did some reading/writing and conversing with some friends over Facebook messenger.

No...lets not go there.  Lets talk about another photo my friend who is the hand of God posted yesterday.  This is what happens when you don't use your brain.  You see cheesy photos like this and think they are they greatest things ever.  First, no one ever said God was at the top of the pyramid.  God is omnipresent.  So God is everywhere.  God can be with the husband AND the wife regardless of where they are on the triangle.   Secondly, no one ever said this is what a relationship structure looks like.   The ONLY maybe slightly redeeming truth in this is that....Yeah, I got nothin.

Calling Out the Vipers

I want to say it again, I don't think I say it enough though it seems like I say it everyday.  These are my thoughts.  If it comes across as I'm right and you're wrong, that's why.  That's the way it seems in my head.  I'm being honest.  It doesn't mean that I'm actually right, it's just how I think.  Please remember that.  Even if I am right, it doesn't mean anyones wrong.

However.  Today is different.  Much of what I'm about to say is right.  At least it feels that way in my head.

I have a friend.  He's been my friend since I was in the first grade.  Well, that's at least the first video evidence shows we've associated with each other.  So nearly 30 years.  We didn't really connect until high school when we started a punk rock band together.  To protect his identity from strangers and trolls, I won't mention any names.  We've had our share of ups and downs, but mostly for the last 5 years it's been downs.  That's fine.  People go their separate ways.  I understand.  He lives in Florida now.  Yesterday I come across this photo on his Facebook timeline.  It's the most hurtful picture I've ever seen in my entire life.  First off...this isn't what happened.  Lots of damages happened in Florida and many people died.  Could it have been worse?  You bet.  But God had NOTHING to do with that.  I can assure you.  How can I guarantee you that.  I can't but I can tell you God doesn't value the people in Florida more than God values the people in Haiti.  Therefore there is no reason why God would take out 90% of south haiti and spare florida.  This was my response to his posted photo.  I couldn't not say anything....

"I get that Florida is Happy. But where was

the hand of God in Les Cayes, Jeremie and south Haiti where 

90% is destroyed?  800 people and counting are dead. But yeah, 

the hand of God sure was watching Florida. 

If that hand of god can protect Florida but not south haiti, 

that god can keep his hands off me."

I grabbed a few screenshots for good measure.  And sure enough.  Not 3 minutes later my comment was deleted and the photo remains.  

Why do I care so much?  This is not christianity.  At all.  This is not what it means to be blessed.  At all.  This photo is complete and utter bullshit.  Now...that being said.  The artist was very creative.  Maybe their home was spared.  Maybe their family was spared and they were praying hard.  Maybe this was their gut response of thanks to God.  Good for the artist.  Keep that to yourself.  And I bet they wish they had now.  Judging from the comment section, I'm one of thousands that feel the same way.  

But back to why I care so much.  I'm far from calling myself a Christian anymore.  Though some days I feel like more of a christian than those that actually say they are one.  I love how Jesus loved.  I want to be able to do that.  But in this situation, with the photo.  If you really feel like the hand of God spared florida,  you are like the pharisee's who think you have it all figured out.  But you have no idea.  You spread lies about how God works.  Because YOU. DON'T. KNOW. HOW. GOD. WORKS.  You have no idea what it means to be blessed.  NONE.  You might think you do.  And you might have some pretty compelling evidence.  Great.  That's for you.  FOR YOU.  No one else.  Why else would Jesus tell those he healed....don't tell anyone.   Because that's not what Jesus was here for. 

Images like this do nothing to spread the Gospel.  They take away from it.  That's why Jesus said to shut your cake hole about the miracles.  It would be a distraction and take away from the true message of Jesus.  Jesus knew it wasn't about the here and now.  It was the end game he was after.  It wasn't about the healing of the flesh.  It was about the healing of the soul.  

Damnit.  I might have to go the church today.  This is good shit.  Wait.  Just wait.  Maybe the posting of this photo was instrumental by God to get me to dig into the Bible a bit.  No.  That's not how God works.  But dang.  I'd have never stumbled across this today had I not seen it.  

Another reason Jesus didn't want people to share about the miracles was for crowd control.  You can't effectively minister to a large crowd.  Small groups are preferable.  And if people knew that Jesus could heal, what other things could He do for them?  Bring prosperity perhaps?  That's why Jesus wants to keep those healings and blessings between you and Him.  It's not to be broadcast.  

So...back to my original topic.  My comment was deleted.  But the post was not.  Photo is still up.  How do you think that makes the people of Haiti feel?  How do you think it makes the rest of the east coast feel?   

Revisiting Church

Here's why I don't like church.  3-4 songs, announcements, short video perhaps, listen to someone speak for 30 minutes, communion and a closing song.  EVERY WEEK.  Church goers can listen to music all week long and have access to some of the most amazing sermons on the planet via podcast. Small groups are pushed as the most beneficial thing in a church.  So why don't we all just meet as a small group on sunday mornings, if it's the most most important thing?

So lets cut the crap.  It's not church on a sunday morning.  It's a worship service.  Which is fine.  But what if I don't connect spiritually with others while singing songs led by a live band and listing to someone talk for half hour?   Then what?

I love music.  I connect with music.  But not while I'm sitting and listening.  I've got to be playing it.  It's gotta flow through me.  But there's no room on the worship team.  And last I checked, there wasn't much time to allow the spirit to flow through the music.  Unless you can do it under 20 minutes and we get through all the songs we practiced.

Honestly though...even if there was a church where there wasn't 3-4 songs and sermon.  I don't know if I could go.

I'm not really trying to bring the church down.  Just say that not everyone engages like that.  If you connect in church, awesome.  I connect while trail running, mountain biking, playing my guitar along to 90's pop punk and spending time in my thoughts.

my kinda church.

That being said...I'm going to mens retreat next weekend and it's triggering all kinds of weird feelings about what church retreats are like and that I want nothing to do with them.  So we'll see how it goes. I'm very good at creating my own experiences and making them into something spiritual.  But it was really just me creating a spiritual experience.  Does that mean it's not valid?  Or valid?  See the gymnastics.   I guess if it came forth during a created worship service...invalid.  But if I drop to my knees in tears in the middle of the woods on a run.....valid.