Put it in the Archive

I'm getting better.

Mental Illness is a pain in the ass. Well...actually it's not painful at all.  Not painful as we would experience having a knife in our thigh.

I just wrote a blog and while I was 99% right in everything I wrote, I knew it might create some tension in others.  OR maybe it's my fucked up brain talking.  So I saved it in the archive for another day.

But I didn't post it because I thought it would be hurtful to others.  I don't ever do anything that I thought would potentially hurt someone.  I might unintentionally do that.  And I hate when I do.  So much so I'd rather hurt myself as well.  And sometimes I do.

I didn't post it because I don't think I would have been able to handle any commentary that may have happened.  Not because they'd be upset...but other reasons I can't quite describe.   Probably because I wouldn't be able to defend my stance.  Not because I couldn't, but because others might not be able to accept it as a viable option because it goes against everything they've been told.

And that's not uncommon.  If you have been around for awhile, you have a way of doing things.  You have a rhythm to your life.  You may even have a code.  And it may work.  Until it doesn't.  And that change is hard.  When your body and mind starts doing things it's never done.  And you don't want to take a drug, but you refuse to think that there may be other options.  You don't believe that what you've been doing that's worked so well for you could possibly be causing this unwanted change.

I'm done.  Have a nice day.