I got a breadcrumb yesterday. But the hardest part...is trying not to create a false god experience. It's easy if you are looking for God to find something that looks like God. Now, you might be saying, "IT IS!!!!!" Well, it might be. But those are all things I used to think was God. I need something new. And the areas where I used to think God never was? Those look more and more like God. And that makes it even harder and confusing.
I'm a 5 on the Enneagram scale. It's pretty spot on. Take the test here.
Here is the type 5 overview. We have named personality type Five The Investigator because, more than any other type, Fives want to find out why things are the way they are. They want to understand how the world works, whether it is the cosmos, the microscopic world, the animal, vegetable, or mineral kingdoms—or the inner world of their imaginations. They are always searching, asking questions, and delving into things in depth. They do not accept received opinions and doctrines, feeling a strong need to test the truth of most assumptions for themselves.
Rob Bell used to be the biggest heretic I've ever heard of. When his book came out "Love Wins" I couldn't believe it. He used to be so good. I listened to all his sermons. But apparently this book says that all people go to heaven. That love will win. I dropped Rob Bell. He was dead to me. And you know what? I never even read the book. I didn't know if the rumors were true. This was about 5 years ago, When the construct of God/Christianity that I was handed as a child still fit my life dynamic pretty well.
Flash forward 5 years. I have two kids and a whole bunch of mental and psychological stuff to figure out. That construct of God/Christianity doesn't fit so well anymore. I'm not saying the time lapse and kids really played into it. But I think it did, I'll divulge that at a later time.
Flash forward to two days ago. I was about to drop God like I dropped Rob Bell. But I was ok in the not knowing. I just wasn't going to have any faith in the God I knew. But maybe the God I knew wasn't for me anymore. About a year ago, Rob Bell started a podcast. Called the RobCast. What a stupid title. But I listened to a few of them. They were out there. Not what I was used to when talking about Christianity. But they made sense. And then yesterday I had seen he interviewed Richard Rohr. Rohr is some kind of spiritual. A will known local pastor recommended a Richard Rohr book to me a few months ago. This podcast blew my mind. It kept that door open to possibility of God.
This podcast was in my head. It was all the thoughts I had about God but thought were bogus and when I started talking that mess, people looked at me like I was crazy. I'm not crazy. Well...not that crazy. And it was enough for me to believe that I'm on the right track.
It's the only podcast I will listen to again. and again. and again. The God I grew up with worked for me. As I got older my life changed, but God never changed with me. I had kept God in that box and tried to fit my life in that box.
God is not meant to stay in the box. What's funny is that EVERY SINGLE PERSON that says to stop keeping God in a box has their God in the smallest box possible. And they are blind to see that. Is God not bigger than that? The bible says we'll never understand how big God is, yet you are telling me that the concept I have of God isn't right? Bullshit. The God that you keep in your box, if it works for you, great. I'm serious. I know people that have a tiny view of God and it works for them. But I also know people where the overwhelmingness of life is winning. And their tiny God isn't helping them anymore. And they are trying so hard. Open up the flaps. Those flaps are wings. Remember when we were kids and we'd sit inside the box? The flaps could make us fly. But it doesn't work if the box is closed. Deploy the wings. Those wings like eagles. Remember those?
Did you know that negative thoughts and feelings are like velcro? Literally. When you see or think about a negative thought, it implants in your brain immediately. Positive thoughts are like teflon. They slide right off. It takes at least 15 seconds to experience to good feels of that beauty. This has been tested by neuroscientists. And it makes sense too. Ever look for an item on amazon and start reading reviews? There could be 100 great reviews but the only ones you see are the 3 bad ones. A quick hug never really gives you the feels. But hold that puppy for 15 seconds....it's like fireworks.
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