More and more I see prayer as a thing that may hurt others instead of helping them.
I'm not really feeling the energy to write about this. Because it's why I write. To process and to release these thoughts from the prison cell that is my mind.
Prayer is a complicated subject. No one knows how it works, if it works, why it works etc. But I don't think we shouldn't talk about it or think about it. Even question it. Does prayer help the person or thing you are praying for? Or is it just designed to help you feel better? I don't know. I'm just going to off for a bit about prayer.
A few days ago a had a friend who was in a rough place in life. So many people had said they were praying for him. As someone, me, who has been in a period of deep depression. Prayers don't do shit. You know what did do something? Honesty. I offered up a prayer. I said "Fuck you God. You are such an asshole. If you are there, why the torture?" And after that, I felt a lot better. Did God answer with a "Thanks for being honest" like I thought? Maybe. Or is that just me realizing that God doesn't have that much involvement in the ups and downs of my depression and that I can't rely on God to help me through it. That I need to stop playing the mind games of what God's trying to teach me through this mess. Maybe God has nothing to do with how I'm feeling. You know what people need when they are depressed? Medication. Therapy. Friends that won't try to "fix" them. But let them know you are there. I don't know. But when you say "i'll be praying" (if you actually do), it almost makes things worse. You're praying for me and I still feel this way. Or you do get spiritual and wonder how bad it could be if people weren't praying for me. Then the guilt and shame set in.
I had heard about someones friend who had lost their child to cancer many years ago. Often times people would tell them that they were praying for them. This person didn't actually believe in God. They just lost their child to cancer. These offerings of prayer let this person feeling worse.
Do you just default to "I'm praying for you" because you have no idea what to do or say? Do you know that you don't actually have to say anything. Maybe just offer a hug or say sorry that life sucks right now. Ask if there is anything you can do to help. Don't let your prayer offering take the place of actually being there for someone.
I don't believe that if I pray for someone or something that my prayer will impact their life in a supernatural way at all. If anything, it just settles my own mind and their's if they asked for prayer. And I don't want to take that route anymore. There...I prayed for them. I did my part. Why do you feel like you have a part? Maybe you don't. Maybe you do. But if you do, I bet it requires you to get your hands a little dirty.
I hear of people teaching their kids to pray for a parking space. Seriously???? How about just parking far away and teaching them that the time we spend looking for a spot you could just walk and probably be in the store to buy our whatever faster.
Lets look at a passage in the bible...Phillipians 4;6,7 Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.
The writer seems to be saying that it's a peace that comes over you, not that there will be a remedy to any of the prayers you offered.
I've been praying for wisdom for years because I can't learn out of books. I try really hard. But I can't. And I feel at a tremendous disadvantage because of it. I can learn head stuff, remember things I read about how the mind works. But only if I listen to it, not if I read it. But when it comes to transferring what I read to my hands and actually doing or building something, I can't. I need pictures. I've been praying that God would be revealed to me in a way I would definitely know it's God. I've had others praying for me very recently about the direction my life is headed. And here I am. What does that tell you? It tells me I'm in the right spot. At least for right now. Maybe. I have no idea.
Several years ago a double blind study was done on intercessory prayer. Three groups of heart patients were formed. One group knew they were being prayed for, the other two were told they may or may not be prayed for. The study cost 2.4 million dollars. It was big one with over 1800 patients and spanned ten years. At the end, the group that was prayed for did worse. The group that was prayed for even though they didn't know if they were prayed for or not didn't do as well wither. The group that fared the best was the group that wasn't prayed for at all but thought they might be prayed for. This is an interesting study. On different levels.
Ten minutes ago I wasn't even going to write anything. I guess I needed to get that out. I could be totally wrong. I don't know. Do you have something to add or a question on why I feel a certain way? Ask.
That's all for now. If you find peace in prayer, please continue to do so. But I urge you, when you hear of bad news from a friend, don't let the default be to just pray for them. Just love them. Give them a hug. Empathize with how they are feeling. And then go home and pray about it without telling anyone. Why do people have to know? Why pray on the street corners? Oh....and sending good vibes? Cut that crap out too.
The past couple days I've not written about this spiritual stuff that's so close to people. I'll do that on occasion. But these spiritual things keep piling up in my head and I forgot the real reason why I started to write was. To get them out. So that's what I'll do.
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