Racetracks and Comebacks

Yesterday was a rough day.  Not just for me, but for many people.  Especially a friend of mine.  You know how you are.

As I was mowing my neighbors yard yesterday, his widow came outside.  I wasn't expecting her, she no longer lives there as her and her family are in the process of cleaning up the house.  She thanked me for mowing and gave me some money.  I didn't want it, but I realized that I couldn't refuse it.  To her, giving it filled a need in her life.  And me accepting was an honoring her wishes.  I will make sure that whatever she gave me goes to good use.

I then transitioned over to our yard and as I was mowing the front yard, Josiah stopped me and asked to race around his "track" in the driveway made out of sidewalk chalk.  I could have told him I was busy and had the yard to mow, but I stopped.  We ran around his track about 18 times.  It was fairly exhausting.  When we finished he told me I could go mow again.  It was the highlight of my day.  Especially knowing how excited he was when he went back inside that I actually stopped and played for a bit.  I need to do this more.

And trying to find god in all of this.  Is hard.  My views on god probably clash with the views of god that the people I grew up with hold.  But isn't god big enough to fit both of our views? If we'll never truly understand god, how is this not possible?   Even if god doesn't exist for me, god can still exist for you.  And be just as real.  You just have to trust your god.  And let him do his thing.  Your job according to Jesus? Love God and love people.  What is Love?  That's probably just as complex of a discussion as who is God.

"If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. (it almost seems as though love trumps even belief)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.

Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled."

Right now, I'm trying to flush all preconceived notions about who or what God is.  It's really hard to do, because what is written above, is from the bible.   I still believe in a God big enough to handle my tough questions and doubts.  And a God that cares enough about me to do so.  A God that will meet me where I am.  Even with the man from Mark 9, he said to Jesus, "IF you can do anything for my son, have a heart and help us."

Jesus said there are no "ifs" among believer, anything can happen.  And he healed the boy.

So God....I believe.  Have a heart and help me.  I'll be waiting for the complete.  In the meantime, I'll keep trying to love.