OMW

Not sure where I'm at this morning.  You'd think after ten or so trips to Haiti you'd have this transition thing nailed down.  It's easier, but there's always something new.  I can't quite put a finger on it this time.  It's as though there is a dissatisfaction with American life.  But...I can't fool myself.  These thoughts have been around whether I've just returned from Haiti or not.

I often wonder if it would have been easier having never seen other parts of the world.

Or maybe this time I've come back having learned a little bit more about Haiti than I typically would have and it saddens me the things I've found.  Things I've known, but just to naive to see the truth.

Maybe it's having seen a glimpse of reality.

Maybe it has nothing to do with Haiti at all.  Maybe it's just me really coming to terms that there are shitty ass mother fuckers out there in this world that are only in it for themselves and solely exist to cause harm to otherwise innocent people.  Sometimes these people know they are doing it, sometimes they don't.  Sometimes the victims don't even know they are a victim.  Sometimes people are trapped inside a cell realizing they are the ones holding the key.

Maybe it's because my kids are american.  They don't know anything other than having two sets of parents, a roof, their own room, food, all the toys they want, climate control, several pairs of clothes, and entertainment as far as the eye can see.  

Maybe it's knowing that if affluent America could do so much good around the world for those that have little but keeping it all for themselves.

Maybe it's just depression.  I don't take my meds when I'm gone.  Any of them.  I don't need to.  And when I get home the levels are low.

Sometimes I get sales calls from people wanted me to set up a retirement account.  Sometimes our bank calls and asks about the same thing.  It's always fun to tell them I don't need it.   And them trying to sell it to me by telling me how useful it will be when I'm older.  And then I tell them I plan on dying before I'd get a chance to use it and my retirement is my life insurance policy.  I guess they aren't really trained to handle a response like that.

Is that the point? To get all you can and then die?  OR give all you can and then die?  A mix?  So many people have so many theories.  We all die.  Every. One. Of. Us.

I just don't get it.  Everyone has their own sack of shit they are carrying around.  This is my place to open it up and unload it.  Sorry for the smells.  You clicked the link.

Something plagues me.

But then I remember.  I'm holding the key to the cell that I'm in.  It saddens me when I see others trapped in a cell but they fail to see the key in their hands that unlocks the door.  And I can only hope that me opening up the door inspires them to open theirs as well.  But who am I?  I'm just a dude that wakes up early and transfers his thoughts to his fingers.  The fingers push the keys and letters and words appear on a window.  A window on a computer screen that is connected to billions of other computers at the same time and at the click of a button, those thoughts are shared with them all.

NEVER underestimate the power you have to inspire and uplift.  But just as something can be used for good, it can be used for bad.  Can't a guy catch a break?

What if I'm wrong about everything?

I guess I just need to make a choice.  Choose what to believe.  Right or wrong.  I tell people to pick a color and be happy with it.  The more choices you have the harder it gets to make a decision.

Don't let the darkness blind you.  What makes you come alive and light up?  Do that.  Believe that.

Did you know that darkness can never overpower light.  Even the tiniest of candles can be seen from miles away in complete darkness.